KNEE DEEP IN SOUTH PARK
Hope you like this one!
Chapter One
It was a hot, sunny day in the mountains of Colorado and recess at South Park Elementary was well underway. The kids were playing ball, sat on the grass chatting and just minding their own business. Except none other than Eric Cartman. He just couldn't seem to mind his.
He noticed Stan and Wendy lying in the grass relaxing in the sunshine, Stan's arm around her, Milquetoast by Helmet blasting from Stan's iPod. After Cartman's severe humiliation at the hands of her a few months back, he decided he would try to annoy the couple.
"So, you guys been making out recently?" snidely asked Cartman.
"Go away, Cartman", loudly muttered Stan.
"Oh come on, don't be like that! I'm only asking, is all! You stick your Ace in her Hole?"
"Fuck off, Cartman", said Wendy. "We're only 10, you idiot. The answer is no."
"Aw, come ooon!" Eric whined, "Not even a little Inspect-Her-Gadget?"
"Cartman, go play with Butters' dick in your mouth" the girl spoke.
The fat boy, obviously quite annoyed at this insult, gave one of his own.
"Why don't you go play with the fishes in Stark's Pond?"
"CARTMAN, GET LOST." snapped Stan, jumping to his feet. He didn't want to be reminded of that close call. "You're just irrationally frustrated that you're never going to be with anyone in your life".
"Oh, fine, fine, I'll go bother someone else." Cartman finished, walking away. "Was just trying to talk to you, Spoilsports".
Wendy sat up. "Never mind, Stan, he's just an attention seeking asshole".
Stan sat back down and said "Yeah, you're right. I never understood his need to constantly bother people either."
Just then, Kyle walked by. "Hey guys!"
"Hey, Kyle", Stan and Wendy replied.
Kyle noticed the music Stan had on his Ipod, so he removed his green hat and started headbanging, his Jew Fro waving around, making them laugh.
"When are you ever gonna get a haircut, Kyle?" giggled Wendy.
"I would have a good few years ago, but my Mom likes it like this" said Kyle. "She always said it should stay this way".
"Nice Jew-do!" yelled Cartman from the other end of the schoolyard.
"Shut up, fat ass!", shot back Kyle, sticking his hat back on immediately. "Anyway," he turned to Stan and Wendy. "You free after school, Stan? John Carmack's gonna reveal the new Doom game live for all to see, haven't you heard? I'm begging you to come to my place and watch with me!"
"It sounds awesome" responded Stan. "But as much as I'd love to join you, I have a date with the most wonderful girl in Colorado", turning to kiss Wendy.
"Aw, c'mon man!" protested Kyle. "I've literally got nothing else to do, you've got all the time in the world for her"
"Dude, it'll be all over Youtube afterwards" Stan said. "Let me check it out tomorrow".
Kyle thought for a second, then decided it was no use trying to drag Stan away from who he cared about the most for something he could watch as many times as he liked the day after.
"Oh, OK," sighed Kyle in defeat. "You two have fun tonight. Where you going?"
"Casa Bonita" Wendy replied.
"Sweet, see you guys around" finished Kyle, walking away.
"See you, Kyle" called Stan. He liked the sound of what he heard, but of course, he had other priorities. "Dude, I've got to see this game" he thought. "But not tonight".
Meanwhile, Kenny was over by the climbing frame playing the original 1993 Doom game on his Iphone. Several other boys including Tweek, Butters, Craig and Clyde were sat around him. Kenny was stoked for the new game to be announced the coming evening, so he thought he'd do a run through on Nightmare difficulty on the original, out of anticipation.
"Man, Kenny's really getting into it!" exclaimed Clyde.
"C'mon Kenny, kick their asses!" piped Craig.
Kenny dodged left and right in the game, and with a few well-timed blasts in succession with the BFG, he gunned down the Spiderdemon and beat the game.
"Woo hoo!" muffled Kenny. The other boys cheered and congratulated him, "Kenny rules!" could be heard amidst the cheers.
Cartman strode over to the group.
"What the hell is this all about?" he rudely questioned, snatching the Iphone out of Kenny's hand to inspect what he was playing. Cartman wasn't too thrilled, given his poor taste in gaming and entertainment compared to everyone else.
"Gee, this game looks lame as hell", sneered Cartman, "The graphics are all crappy, you guys are gay."
Kenny wasn't too pleased about what he had just heard. "They still look better than your face, fatass!" he spat angrily, snatching his Iphone back.
"AY! DON'T CALL ME FAT, ASSHOLE!" screeched Cartman. He always, oh-so despised being called that.
"Cartman, Doom is one of the greatest first person shooters ever", explained Token, who was also sat there. "But you'd never understand that. This game is what propelled the genre into the mainstream, it's a game of historical value that defined an entire generation. Without this game, there'd be no Call of Duty, and you love that. You're just a fat, close minded piece of shit who judges every game by graphics and doesn't bother to give the classics a try".
Cartman didn't understand Token's logic. "You guys are a bunch of fuckin' fags", he said, beginning to walk off.
"Yeah, well, your Mom's a whore." spoke an irritated Craig, flipping him the bird.
"You don't think I'm a fucking fag, do you Eric?" asked Butters.
"Butters, seriously, I'm not in the mood!" Cartman replied. "I'm sick of telling you all the time. I'm not fat, I'm big-boned, fuck you all!"
The boys just stood and stared at him walking away.
"Wow, what a jerk." commented Clyde.
"Yeah" agreed Craig.
"I know right?" Token said. "All I did was give him some basic facts and as always, he just shuns them like the ignorant asshole he is."
"He truly does have no decent respect for the arts", Kenny muffled under his hood.
"Yeah," muttered Craig. "If I could be there, live tonight, at the big reveal for the new Doom, I would be soooooo happy".