Summary

Calloused hands grasped around my arms causing my breath to become heavy and weak, his eyes emitting so much anger that it chilled me to the bone. He lowered his head slightly but in such a slow manner that it only intimidated me further. "I hate you," each word he uttered dripped with coldness, battering my heart.

When you try your best, but you don't succeed
When you get what you want, but not what you need
When you feel so tired, but you can't sleep
Stuck in reverse
And the tears come streaming down your face
When you lose something you can't replace
When you love someone, but it goes to waste
Could it be worse?

Chapter 1

November 13th, 2 months since he stopped all communication with me. Everyday it had hurt more, each day making the reality of what he said more true. He hated me. Thinking the words made me flinch.

"Lydia!"

I was snapped out of my reverie at Scott's voice, the only person I felt I really had. I had never grown close with Kira or Malia. Allison and Aiden's death only created my days to be spent in further isolation as the voices grew and the corpses found me, I felt utterly alone.

"Yeah," my voice faded out, drifting with my thoughts.

"Class was over 5 minutes ago, I've been calling your name," his voice went softer, sympathy coating his eyes, although he didn't know the details, he was aware something had occurred, to cause a rift between Stiles and I.

I nodded simply, collecting my things. I tied my hair into a ponytail and tightened the waist band on my sweats, my appearance no longer a concern for me.

"Come sit with us, we miss you and your Lydia-ness," Scott joked, a smile bared on his face.

I forced a smile back, maybe that's what I needed. I followed him out of class, my flats padding against the cream hallways. I caught sight of my reflection in the cabinet mirror, I looked terrible. My skin had a green hue and my eyes had dark violet bruises under my eyes, I no longer looked like a vibrant high school student, but still even my dreadful demeanour still didn't bring me to care and somewhere deep in my mind that scared me.

We walked to the outdoor lunch table, the sight of what was before me confused me deeply. The whole group was laughing, Stiles' hand was toying with Malia, their thighs uncomfortably close, Scott walking to Kira giving her a passionate kiss and Liam's jaw open as a group of girls walked pass. They didn't need me.

I spun around ready to leave, muttering, "Please don't see me. Please don't see me." quietly under my breath.

"Lydia, stay!"

Dammit Scott.

I stopped in my tracks, twisting back towards them. They all went quiet, all looking at me intently, like an alien like being, except for Stiles his gaze simply flickered to the trees.

"You can't sit in the bathroom everyday Lydia," Malia spoke, condescendence and arrogance whirling around her.

Something clicked within me, I finally felt it. It was like a bundle of broken sparks had finally erupted within me. My melancholy attitude replaced with annoyance, anger and jealousy, the most positive emotions I had ever felt the last few months, but I knew I couldn't ruin it by letting it out.

"Okay," I said through gritted teeth.

I watched as Scott and Kira moved down the bench, I sat on top of the icy bench, my skin recognising the November air, I was not dressed for the weather. The cold made my teeth chatter, I could feel myself turn numb.

"So..."Liam tried, attempting to break the awkward tension between us all.

Maybe this was my chance to make everything normal.

"I heard about this great diner 60's style, we should go. Tomorrow maybe?" I said, the excitement in my voice genuine and foreign to my ears.

Looking around I saw glances being exchanged, Stiles however just took off his jacket, an action I found odd.

"Lydia... The thing is we're going to see Stiles' cousin live in Rumford county," Kira explained. The smile that was once on my face faded away.

"Stiles are you sure you can't get another person in?" Scott asked. Stiles kept his face pointed in the other direction.

"I'm sure. There is no room in the car anyway."

Flashback

Tears poured down my cheeks, Stiles' comforting hand on the small of my back as I wept from stress into his shoulders. He tightened his arms around me, my tears wetting his shirt.

"Lyds, I know what will cheer you up."

I squeaked into his chest, he took this as a 'go on', although I hadn't meant it in that way.

"My cousin's opening for the Drifters in November, I got tickets for the 2 of us, I don't have enough for us all, so I thought it could just be us two. Unless of course you want to bring someone else. Like I don't mind but I don't want anyone else to feel left out, do you get me? But if it is someone completely different, or you don't want me to come, would be fine too. But I wouldn't feel safe if you were by yourself, so I think I should come, but if you don't want me to be around is fine, unless you do, it could be like a date, I don't know what I'm saying."

"Stop talking!" I snapped at him, I had barely caught any of what he had said.

"Okay," he replied in ever calm fashion, not a tinge of annoyance, but rather disappointed.

"I don't want to go see your cousin, okay? I have heard enough noises in my life."

"Fine."

He stopped. What I hadn't realised was how I had hurt his feelings, something I often forgot.

"No, you know what guys, its fine," I said to them, I wasn't going to let this put me into the depression I had been in as of recent.

I could see the surprise on their faces from my different persona.

I was startled when I felt the table jerk upwards, causing my elbows to jump. Stiles had gotten up avoiding us all as he did so. There was an angered expression on his face, he stormed away with his fists clenched, it was like deja vu.

Everyone looked around uneasily just as Malia decided to go after him. I heaved a sigh, he still hadn't cooled off, perhaps he was really never going to forgive me. Scott and Kira filed out next, their eyes watching me as they exited, that left me and Liam. I saw Liam's body shift, I assumed he was about to go as well, but he just looked at me with intensity.

"Am I missing something?" he asked.

"No," I answered shortly.

"I've sensed something between you and Stiles when I first saw you guys, I didn't know what it was because Malia was always around, but I could see it, he really liked you, and then in September something happened. He avoided you at all costs, you completely switched off. What happened?"

I didn't give Liam enough credit, although he is younger he wasn't all too dumb. That then posed the question, what did happen that day? I completely ignored the cause, the reason as to my current state, the initial domino that had fallen. And I wasn't ready to think about it now.

I shook my head at Liam, not ready to give up any answers, I wasn't ready to admit it to myself yet. Liam joined his other friends, going to his own classes, I probably should have gone too, however something else had caught my eye. Stiles' jacket, it was neatly folded on the side, where he had sat. Had he had left the jacket for me?

As much as I tried to convince myself it was the heartbroken girl speaking, I couldn't shake the feeling he had left it for me. Stiles never wore a t-shirt on its own without something else covering it, and in this weather I couldn't think as to why he would leave it. Nor was Stiles the type to forget, he remembered everything, was this a sign or not?

The question played in my mind as I took hold of the jacket, placing the soft fabric between my fingers, the warm cotton was dosed in his scent, something I hadn't known I was accustom to before. I placed the jacket to my nose, inhaling 'him' as deeply as I could, I probably wouldn't get the chance to have it again.

I pocketed my arms in the sleeves of his jacket, the mellow heat being welcomed by my skin. My body was consumed by the jacket, its size draping around my small frame. I let the feeling succumb me for a moment, I let myself smile.

Their bodies were cloaked in a thin black sheet, outlining skeletons, their spines curved and the sound of movement brittle as they surrounded me. Where was I? My voice tried a scream, but came out hoarse, just louder than the sound of a pin drop. My body thrashed, my arms and legs flailing about, only hitting each other with chains suffocating my flesh, angry red marks painting my arms.

The first creature turned, his face inching closer, so much closer, a creak coming from its body as it turned. My face inched closer to see it, but as I did the action it snapped it's head back, but its body proceeded to come closer.

The room felt like an enclosed chamber of sorts, green velvet walls and silvery thin material pleating its way through the refurbishment, it was as if I was trapped in Voldemort's bathroom.

My heart pulsated within my chest, the beats coming so fast it hurt.

'12 5 15 ' '12 5 15' '12 5 15 ' '12 5 15' They began to chant.

The sounds were desperate, suffocated.

'12 5 15 '

"Wh-"

My breathing went ragged as I awoke from my dream, a nightmare rather. I blinked a couple of times, my senses regaining itself. I felt raw ice under the palms of my hand, the texture under me turning into wet string. Looking down I found grass, though it was hard to make out from the dimly lit nightlights out on the road.

Had I slept walked?

My mind felt hazy as I recalled my dream, memories of what I had just seen chipping away. '12 5 15 ' I told myself the numbers out loud, saying it as I stood up, air sticking to my damp skin. I pulled the sleeves of his sweater harder, walking crookedly.

I squinted in the darkness, my head spinning from befuddlement. I crept forward, recognising the logo, I was in the school field. My knees felt weak as I trudged through the patches of dark green, making my way to the parking lot.

I got my car keys out and clambered into the driving seat, closing the door I looked at my phone and read the times. It was 01:31, my eyes nearly popped out. I rubbed my face to wake me up slightly before starting the engine and driving. I didn't think about where I was driving, I just pressed the pedal and went, the voices controlling my hands and feet. I just needed to be safe, awake, that was all I thought.

But when I had finally arrived, I realised I wasn't home, I was at Scott's house. I couldn't pin point as to why I had come here, but my head guided me to his front door. The door rattled for a minute then 2 faces appeared in my vision, one with a baseball bat and the other with insipid yellow eyes.

For the first time since Allison and Aiden's death, I laughed, but not just a giggled, it was a laugh that made me double over, one that cut through the wind's silence.

Eventually Scott joined in, his fangs reclining and his eyes returning back to their normal state, and for a second I thought the corner of Stiles' lips turned up a little bit, but he had turned away so fast I wasn't sure I had seen it.

Scott ushered me in, both being in a fit of laughter.

"Why are you here?" Scott asked, making me sober up instantly.

"I-I don't know, I had a nightmare and woke up on the school field and then the next thing I know I'm here," I explained to him in a hush voice.

"Don't worry my mom's working a double shift at the hospital, you don't have to whisper."

I nodded and followed him into his bedroom where I saw Stiles was already in, seemingly animated in a book, his eyebrows furrowed and his hair messed up.

From the corner of my eye I saw Scott look in between us, shaking his head as he watched me stare at him, my expression sombre.

"I'm gonna get a snack, do you want some Lyd's?" he asked.

I shook my head at him, taking a seat on his chair, my eyes trained on Stiles who was laying on the bed.

"Stiles?" I asked.

He didn't reply, but the slight twitch of his pinky finger told me he had heard me.

"Thanks for your jacket, I was really cold," I told him knowing I wouldn't get a response.

I unzipped his hoodie and pulled my sleeves out, I handed him his grey jacket, but again, he didn't do anything but turn the page of his book as I held my hand out. I heaved a sigh, getting up and tucking the grey jacket in between the arm that was lifted to read and his body, I could see him stop breathing.

I missed his voice comforting me, I wanted it. I wanted him to care about what just happened, about the nightmare I would've told him about 5 minutes prior to me coming in, on the phone. I didn't just want it or crave it, I needed it.

Before I even knew what I was doing I snatched the book out of his hands and chucked it to the other end of the room, but he still didn't spare a glance my way.

I placed my small hands on his pasty white cheeks, not in a harmful way, but in a passionate force. He closed his eyes, his breaths coming heavily.

"Please, stop," he whispered, I let go of his face, but the pain in his voice broke me.

I couldn't give up just yet.

"I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry," I repeated, tears falling down my cheeks, liquid blurring my vision.

"Lydia, don't do this to me," his voice quivered as he said it, he squeezed his eyes tighter.

He shook his head at me.

"How many times do I have to say it to you? I didn't mean any of it, you don't get it do you? I'm in love with you! I always have been. I just never showed you. I love how your the bravest of us all even without supernatural powers. I love how you never let anything get in your way to stop you from solving a mystery. I love how you told me I was beautiful when I cried. I love how you always showed me who I truly was. I loved dancing with you. I loved it when you held me close to your chest. I love how you always wanted to make sure I was alright. I love how you always were there for me. I love you Stiles Stilinski, more than you could ever know!"

I was almost out of breath, I wanted to keep going until I saw his hazel eyes open.

"Lydia, I waited every day for you but it was you who told me we never had a chance to be together, it was you who told me we didn't belong together. It was you who told me we came from different worlds. It was you who ignored me every day of Middle and High school. It was you who ruined a chance of us ever being together. It was you Lydia Martin, its too late now. I'm with Malia now."

His gaze didn't intimidate me any longer, neither did his speech, it only stung, but it didn't tear what I felt in the slightest way.

I leaned in and kissed him.

That was how I imagined it went, but here I was staring at him, his face still immersed in the book, with no twitch of his pinky finger. My fantasised bravery stopped short in reality. I took off his jacket and placed it on the chair, rushing past Scott as he came adorned with potato chips and a cola.

'Stupid, stupid, stupid, stupid,' I scolded myself mentally.

Author's note

How awesome was Stydia last night? #Stilesstilllikesher :) I love them so much if you can't tell already. I haven't watched all the seasons of teen wolf, but have seen clips of Stydia, I watched the pilot and season 5, it is so good, I'm hooked. This has been playing in my mind since 2 days ago. I just want Stydia to be canon and for Derek to come back and complete my brotp which was Sterek (I saw clips of them too). Can you review and stuff, so I know people like what I am writing? It would be much appreciated. Love you all.

YAYAY

Sofia

xx