This is the first story i've ever written sooo lets get right into it

Chapter 1: The Forgotten Code

It was a typical day in the wonderful land of Hyrule with the lush green killer flowers and the beautiful full moon nights filled with raging undead threatening to take the lives of anyone unfortunate enough to cross their path. Our hero Link, had just defeated Ganondorf (again) and was preparing for an all night fuck fest with Zelda. "Dude I can't believe this!" Link said as he equipped himself with condoms in the A button slot and a dildo in the B button slot. As he mounted his horse Epona, Link noticed he forgot something. The trouble was, he couldn't remember what e had forgotten.

"Now I remember!" Link yelled after several minutes staring blindly into space "I forgot the combination to Zelda's chastity belt."

"Hey"

"Hmm maybe I'll just ask her for the combination again."

"Hey!"

"Nah! That'll be too easy, I have to do something that involves a gigantic temple which is really just a giant puzzle that'll piss me off and make me quit."

"HEY!"

"Yea I'll go back in time defeat Ganondorf all over again and Zelda will give me the combina"

Link never finished his sentence. Do to the fact that a giant billy club had smashed in the back of his head.

"Yea how you feelin now?" said the guard who had waiting patiently while Link came up with his dumbass plan. "I've been waiting for you! And when you finally get here you tellin me it's over?"

"What the fuck are you talking about?" Link moaned as he applied pressure to the back of his oozing head "I don't even know you!"

"Wait you're not Johnny." The guard peered at Link "You look nothing like him!"

"Exactly stupid ass!" Link got off the ground his brain practically falling out of the back of his head and slapped the shit out of the guard.

The guard fell to the ground "Johnny, how could you!"

"Dude!" Link said "I thought we just established that I wasn't Johnny!"

"Oh yea." the guard said then suddenly stopped

Link turned to see a tall... it standing behind him

"Freddie I'm here!" the thing called out

"Johnny!" the guard whose name Link now realized was Freddie jumped up like the complete fag he was and ran to the thing that was actually a guy.

"I missed you!" they both said. Next thing you know they were ki-

"HEY WHAT THE FUCK!" Link said "I'M STILL STANDING HERE YOU NASTY ASS FAGS! UGH Y'ALL NIGGAS GAY!"

Link ran over to the closely embraced gay fags dropped a bomb and ran for cover... but nothing happened.

"What the hell?"

He stepped out to check why the bomb hadn't blown the two fags limb from limb. Link bent over to pick up the bomb and

"ooooooo." Link groaned.

The two fags got him from behind.

"Sonova bitch!" Link whined. Then he located the problem with the bomb it wasn't lit.

"This'll fix ya" Link said as he lit the bomb and shoved it down Johnny's pants. "Hit the deck!" he screamed as jumped for cover.

BOOM!

The bomb exploded sending organs and guts flying everywhere bitch slapping Link as they passed.

Link got up and looked around "no fags all clear." he pulled out his ocarina and played the song of time. The portal opened up and he was flying through time again towards another gay ass temple filled Ganondorf killing adventure.

Well what did ya think? Please review, anything is welcome because I wanna get better at writing.