Based on the LJ Bulma/Vegeta community challenges, this one is Mood Swings Challenge - Curious
Warnings: none, unless you are squicked by a brief mention of periods
A/N: This one takes place during the 130 days post Namek. It is partly inspired by IfLooksCouldKill's Culture Shock and kaotic312's Lost in Translation fics, mainly the fact that Vegeta, as an alien, will know lot less about the Earth and humans, especially Bulma, than fanon would led us to believe.
The place wasn't that bad, Vegeta decided after a week of living on Earth. Sure, the two elder Earthlings were most likely already senile, given how 'friendly' they were to him despite his best efforts to discourage them but he had a comfortable place to sleep, plenty of food to eat - and it was good food at that - and almost no one to bother him. Compared to what his living conditions had been for years beforehand, it was a veritable paradise. It didn't hurt that the Namekians avoided him like a plague, assuring him that even though he might have not killed or maimed anyone since his arrival, he still had what it took to scare people. Yes, life was quite good and once the four months were up, Kakkarot was going to be wished back. What happened then was still vague to Vegeta. They would most likely fight but not before he got to see the Legendary Super Saiyan with his own eyes and find out whether it was truly worthy of being desired.
Entering the kitchen where he usually took his meals, Vegeta's attention was immediately snatched by a permeating scent he was incredibly familiar with. It was a smell of blood, a smell that he had learned to recognize from before he had been able to walk. And it was centered around the blue-haired woman who was slumped at the table, looking quite miserable.
He looked her over curiously, wondering where her wound was. He thought he was familiar with the smell of an Earthling's blood. A lot of it had been spilled upon his first arrival on the planet but this smell was different. There was an unfamiliar aroma to it, something musky and unknown and his curiousity was piqued even more.
He sat down, pulled a plate towards himself and after starting in on the meal, he did something unusual for him and attempted a conversation with the female Earthling.
"where is your wound?" he asked and watched in surprise as she raised her head, a bright blush dusting her cheeks.
"Excuse me?" she asked in a high-pitched voice.
"I asked you where your wound was. You smell of blood so where is it coming from?"
"Are you seriously asking me that? Are you that stupid?" the woman replied irrately and Vegeta frowned. What was the big deal about a little blood? Of course, she was not a warrior but still...
"I asked a simple question. You are the stupid one if you can't answer it."
"I can't believe it," she moaned and let her head drop back to the table. Vegeta debated with himself whether to continue asking or not and in the end decided not to. The matter was of no importance to him, after all. He shrugged and dug into the strange food on his second plate. It was quite tasty. Just as he was finishing it, he noticed the woman looking at him strangely.
"What?" he asked. She should have been already used to the sight of a Saiyan eating, a friend of Kakkarot that she was.
"Is that all?" she demanded. "You're not going to continue asking what's up with me?"
"Why should I?" he replied easily. "You couldn't even answer my first question so why should I keep asking?"
"Because it's a polite thing to do," she lectured. "I'm obviously unwell so the least you can do is to show concern about my health."
Vegeta actually chuckled at that.
"Concern? For you? Do I look like one of your little friends? I could care less if you keel over right now and die. Which is likely with that blood loss of yours."
"You tactless jerk!" she stomped her foot down, the effect spoiled by the fact she was still sitting. "I have my period and that's why I bleed."
"A period?" Vegeta repeated. "Is that an Earthling disease? Is it contagious?" he glared suspiciously at her. She stared at him, her mouth gaping open in incredulity.
"You don't know what a period is?"
"I would think that was obvious," Vegeta huffed, slightly miffed by the fact he looked ignorant. Then again, he would destroy this planet in several months anyway, so why should he be bothered about not knowing what some Earthling disease was? As long as it wasn't contagious, that is.
"The period, Vegeta. The menstruation, monthly flow, female curse? None of it rings any bell?"
The Saiyan Prince registered the word "female" and stopped caring for the rest. Apparently, it was something that only females of the Earth suffered from and as a male, and more importantly a Saiyan, he had nothing to fear. Not that an Earthling disease would ever infect him, of course. His curiousity satisfied for the moment, he went back to his meal, leaving the woman fuming at the other side of the table.
"Vegeta? Vegeta? Are you ignoring me? What the hell is wrong with you? I embarrass myself trying to explain an extremely uncomfortable bodily function to you and then you have the nerve not to listen? Hey! You Saiyan jerk!"
Vegeta ignored her easily, tuning out her yapping as he did his best to enjoy his meal. Maybe he wouldn't destroy the planet. Just kill off most of the populace and leave just enough of them to prepare his food. It was an idea worth considering.
And then one of his plates was snatched away from him.
Vegeta stood up, glaring at the woman who now stood as well, holding the missing plate away from him and glaring right back.
"What do you think you are doing?" he asked in a low, almost pleasant voice, if not for the menacing undercurrent of his tone.
"Getting your attention, you food-obsessed maniac. Seriously, you Saiyans and your food."
"I have killed people for far less than what you just pulled," Vegeta threatened, getting ready to reach across the table and take his plate back. The woman had the nerve to step away.
"Kill me and my mom will never cook for you again," she fired back and Vegeta scowled at her cockiness. As if he could be coerced like that. Faster than the feeble human female could see, he had the plate back in front of his seat, leaving her empty-handed. And then, just to accentuate his point, he formed a ki blast and aimed it at her head.
"Vegeta?" she gulped, looking scared and Vegeta counted a victory to himself.
"Oh, don't worry, I won't kill you, yet. I have other means to punish you. Pull such a stunt again and I'll blast off all of your hair."
He smirked at her look of horror. Anyone who was acquainted with the woman quickly found out how vain she was. He had overheard several tirades from her, complaining about the lack of practically everything on Namek. A spoiled brat, that was what she was.
"Now leave me in peace, human," he ordered imperiously and ignored her as she hurried to obey. That was why he didn't catch the baleful glare promising retribution that she threw him over her shoulder. He had far more important things to do with his time.
Later that evening, Vegeta found a large envelope sitting innocently by the many bowls and plates containing his dinner. He could read the Earth script quite well and saw that the thing was addressed to him. He shrugged, opened the unsealed envelope and took out its contents. It was a stack of several printed pages, with some diagrams and what looked like pictures. Once again letting his curiousity get the better of him, he spread the pages out and looked it all over.
Five minutes later, an unpredecented event happened. Vegeta lost his appetite. There was only one thing he could think to name what he felt. Disgusted. And quite sure he wouldn't go into the vicinity of the woman as long as her ailment lasted.
Several rooms over, Bulma was curled up in her favourite chair, one hot water bottle warming up her pained lower back, another doing the same for her cramping abdomen, a half-eaten chocolate bar in her hand and a smug smile on her face.
"Bon appetite, you Saiyan jerk. That'll teach you to threaten my hair."
My first B/V. Does it show?