She let out an excited squeal as I pushed her even higher on the swing.

I could feel the curved arch of her back, and it seemed to sting my hand. Haha, it said, you'll never be what she wants. You'd better cherish this while it lasts, because you're her best friend. Just her best friend.

I ignored the sting, ignored the obvious truth in its 'voice', and chuckled at Alice's obvious glee at being so high.

Out of nowhere, she let go of the chains and flew off the swing. My stomach clenched. She was too high, far too high…

But she landed safely, only stumbling slightly. I let out a slow, inaudible breath.

"Alice, you know it freaks me out when you do that…"

She pouted, her lips something I could not ever get over. When she saw my pained face, her face softened into one of guilt. "I'm sorry…" she said to me, and I knew she meant it.

"It's all right. Hey, how about we go over to the house?"

I didn't mean an actual house, with windows, doors, and walls. I meant the place we went to whenever we needed to be alone. Or each other. I had helped her with tough break ups there, and she had cheered me up when I thought it was impossible. It happened to be the dugout of an abandoned baseball field.

She knew where I meant, and she nodded excitedly, a grin spreading over her face.

The wonderful thing about Alice's smile: it was not only gorgeous, but contagious.

I grinned back, and we ran to 'the house'.

I settled down on the bench and opened my red backpack, pulling out our favorite snack: Fishie Crackers. (Technically, their name is Goldfish Crackers, but don't try telling Alice that.)

While I took a handful, she scurried over to the ancient, yet sturdy, fence that had once stood behind an umpire.

She climbed up nimbly, as though it were the easiest thing in the world; five feet, ten feet, fifteen feet, twenty feet.

My stomach lurched at the sight of the fence swaying in the wind… at Alice sitting on top of the enormous structure without a care.

I walked, as calmly as possible under the circumstances, directly underneath her.

Looking up at her did not help the nausea.

Suddenly I was sitting on the floor and a perfect, lilting voice called to me from miles away. It didn't sound right. It shouldn't be strained with worry.

And then she was next to me, and not up there, and not dead, and her wonderful brain was still inside her wonderful head.

And then she was rubbing my back, saying softly, "This might make you throw up, but after the taste you'll feel better…"

And then I was facing her, and my mouth was open, and I was going to say something very, very important.

And I looked in her honey-gold eyes (which were sparked with concern), and saw what would happen if I told her the truth, and my mouth snapped shut, and her eyebrows came closer together.

"What's wrong?" she asked. I just gestured at my stomach- a lame excuse.

She knew it too. Didn't I tell you her brains were wonderful?

"Isabella Reina Swan. If you do not tell me this instant, I will never forgive you."

I winced at my full name. And my stomach, once more, took out my feelings on myself. It clenched because I knew Cassie had it backwards.

If I told her, she would never forgive me.

"Alice," I began, my voice cracking from it all. "I… I don't need to throw up. You just worried me. You're not freaking allowed to get yourself hurt, particularly in front of me, Missy."

She rolled her eyes ("I think I can manage, Bella."), pulled me up, and helped me dust off my skirt.

I stifled a moan.

It hurt so much to have her so close… and know she was just too far.

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