The Phantom of the Opera

By Gaston Leroux

Erik: Muahahahahaha! (makes demands, skulks around the Paris Opera House, writes notes, kills a guy, falls fatally in love with young soprano Christine Daae, tutors her in voice, writes more notes, screws up the voice of resident diva La Carlotta, crashes a chandelier (killing a guy), angst-o-rama, kidnaps Christine)

Raoul: We've got to save Christine! I LOOOVE her! Plus, being her young and handsome childhood sweetheart, I have a better chance at her.

Daroga: OK. I'll tag along for some reason and tell many, many chapters from my point of view. I don't know why this is necessary, because most people don't know who I am or why I'm here. But I'm going to do it anyway. Here I go!

(He does that.)

Erik: (tortures Christine a little, but finally relents and lets her go. Tells Daroga how much he loves her. Dies.)

Reader: Wow. Erik truly had a beautiful soul, in contrast to his deformedface. (Cries at the unfairness of it all…)

THE END