" I'm sorry.. " he started, his voice cracking under his breathe " I know I shouldn't be doing this to you, and yet I can't resolve myself to stop. At the very least I want you again, one time isn't enough after all.. , so please.. Please forgive me for ... " His voice was a murmur and the last part of his sentence wasn't really clear. But I heard it, and just after that I understood what he was saying.
" Iwa-chan ! " shouted Oikawa as always, but there was something, I don't really know how to say it but I can feel it, something is wrong. Was he sick ? Or was it just a lake of sleep ? At that time I didn't know, but now that I think of it, I wish I could go back at that time and just ask him.
Months later
There is really something. Oikawa is not his real self.
Maybe inside of me, deep inside, I knew what was going on with him but I just ignored it. Why ? Afraid or just stupid ? I can't tell, I don't remember.
" ... Oikawa " I said, not really sure what I was going to say.
" Whats wrong Iwa-chan ? " he asked as if he didn't know.
" No, nothing.. I forgot. "
" Well... Are you sure ? " he looked at me, and it was like he was seeing through me, I didn't like it at all, but it was not that feeling who was bothering me, it was the look on his face, like he was about to cry or he just wanted me to finally say it, say that fucking thing who was almost killing us.
At that moment, he knew. I am sure he knew that I was worried, I am so sure of it now that it makes me so freaking angry.
Why didn't I say it ? Why didn't he insist for talking about it ? Why didn't he just told me it wasn't alright at all ? At the very least why ... ?
" I love you " Oikawa said, without even looking at me. He just walked normally to his house.
" What did you say ? " I answered.
" I said I love you, Iwa-chan "
" I love you too "
Oikawa finally face me, with an incredibly sad looking face. I also thought he was heartbreaking at that time. Why did it broke his heart to hear me say « I love you » ? Can't you guess ?
I got it, I understood it, but I haven't said a thing. I ignored it, I didn't wanted to think about it right away. No, I just really didn't to think about that.
" Iwa-chan.. Is that true ? " his voice was trembling. " Yes it is, I really do love you " my voice was also like his'.
Maybe at this time we just knew, without even telling anything, we just understood. We didn't have to say a thing, not even a word.
But in the end he said it. And I faded while he was talking. He just vanished with my heart in his hands.
We, the two of us, went to his room, knowing what will happen. He started to take off his clothes, so I did the same. We were both naked and facing each other. He looked at my body with an amazing tenderness, was softly smiling, like it was the best day of his life. He lovely touched me, with his cold fingers. Kissed my forehead, my nose, my cheeks, my lips. He then kissed my jaw, my neck and he started to just hug me in his arms. His beautiful porcelain skin was so... So pure.
He bite me, on my neck, I moaned and he just smiled. He then started to suck my skin and he left a red mark on it.
We kissed, again and again, hugging one another with all the love we could give. And it just happened, we had sex, for the first and the last time.
The following morning I got up first. I kissed him softly after happily smiling at his sleeping face. It was the first time in a while he was this relaxed.
He opened his eyes and he looked at me with a sad gaze.
The next night, we had sex, or at least it was what we thought but something was stopping us. He said it, after all.
He was kissing me, all over the place, but I felt lonely. Something was off. And again, we both knew.
" Iwa-chan.." He was calling my name with such love that it broke me deep inside.
Don't.
" I .. "
I'm begging you, Oikawa.
" Iwa-chan I have .. "
Don't say it ! Don't break our happiness !!
" Iwaizumi, I have cancer "
My world went black. I started crying and I realised that my thoughts were right after all. There was really something who wasn't all right.
Why, why does it have to like this ? Why are you doing this to us ? Is it because we are both guys ? God. You don't want to save us, right ? Why this world is this cruel ?
Why do you have to break it ? Why can't we just be like always, laughing and smiling ? Why can't we be happy ?
Why can't we just be together ?
" I'm sorry.. " he started, his voice cracking under his breathe " I know I shouldn't be doing this to you, and yet I can't resolve myself to stop. At the very least I want you again, one time isn't enough after all.. , so please.. Please forgive me for leaving you."
Several years later I'm still here, in front of your grave. Telling you how much I miss you, how much I love you, how much living his difficult without you here by my side, how much my life has changed since you're not here.
Are you missing me, too ?
Forever and ever, I love, and will always, love you.
" Just wait for me, Oikawa ".
Omg I am so sorry. When Im sick I just idk I become extremely sad for some reason and this story just popped in my mind. English is not my first language so if I made mistakes I am really sorry tbh my head is not really clear atm but I hope you liked it.