Sun, Surf, and One Really Tan Guy
By: Xenos Kadmia
Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam SEED, Gundam SEED Destiny, or any of the characters or scenes mentioned here.
Two shiny convertibles that looked extremely out of place were parked side by side on the sandy parking lot. The both of them had endured a long journey, and not entirely a pleasant one at that. The red one would say to the black one that its owner only drove at speeds of 150 miles an hour or more. Then, the black one would say to the red one, Yeah, well, I had a passenger who was car sick even before we left the gates. Then, they would be friends and share human jokes until the golden sun dipped low in the horizon.
Then, this would be an extremely boring story about two cars with some sense of humor.
But no, this is a certain Dearka Elsman's musings on the beach.
First things first, he hated the beach, and he was surrounded by it. Not a very good combination.
Luckily for him, though, he had the foresight to bring his trusted laptop, which had Internet access anywhere in the globe, not to mention top-notch security so he could go about his business without being traced. Not like he did any business. Just YouTube.
He lay on a chair, under an umbrella, keeping well away from the sun's rays. He brought up his blog, and started typing.
Sun and Surf?! I don't think so.
Alright, anyone out there reading my blog, get this. I'm in the beach, getting pelted by UV rays, held totally against my will. So not cool.
Sometimes, I have no idea how I can get myself into these messes. I was happily playing Madden NFL on my Xbox 360 Live, when Kira came up with this brilliant idea to go to beach. What was worse was that I lost 8-1 on the vote. Talk about democracy.
I hate the beach. Every time someone asks me if I go to the beach often, I tell them I avoid it like the plaque, or however that saying went. Then they say, No kidding, how'd you get such a nice tan, then? So I say, Well, lady, this is natural beauty right here. Sometimes my angst is society's fault too, not just a bunch of blockheads with no lives. I hate it when people stereotype my interests with my looks. I mean, just because I'm hot doesn't mean I like the heat, you know what I'm saying?
One of the things I don't get is the whole sand-between-your-toes feeling. Why do people like that? If you wear socks long enough, you can have your own homemade sand, no need to drive out and get it. Besides, it's all yucky and sticky. Who knows where that sand's been?
Speaking of sand, there's a whole crapload of garbage in one mile of beach alone. Someone can get stabbed in the eye while surfing or something, all because a couple of nimrods decided to get drunk on the beach one night. And don't get me going on what else you can find here, like tennis balls, deflated volleyballs, some condoms both used and unused, a couple pregnancy tests.
Yeah, some people DO live in the beach.
Let me share, however, the one fun moment I had in the beach. I think this was a couple of summers ago, when I was a young, carefree, and foolish man. Oh wait, no, that's me now.
Anyway, on with the story.
I was on the beach with Yzak, Nicol, may he rest in peace, and Athrun. Nicol and Athrun were out getting drinks and it was just me and Yzak, who had to go REAL BAD. It went a little something like this.
"Dearka, I need to go take a leak. Where's the bathroom?"
"We're in one giant bathroom. Just take a leak anywhere."
"What if the fish die?"
Stupid Yzak. Fish didn't die that easily, but he didn't know that.
"They'll only die if YOU take a poo in their ocean. They're good with everyone else."
"I don't know why I shouldn't just piss on you right now."
For some reason, what he said just stroke some inspiration in me.
"Hey Yzak. I dare you to spell out your name in the sand with your pee."
"What?! Fine, but only because I have to go real bad."
When he was done, it looked something like:
YAK
"Yak?!" I said. "Lemme give it a shot."
My try looked something like:
DEAR
That was partly because I was laughing too much and partly because I didn't have any pee left and my name is too long. Side by side on the beach, it looked like:
DEAR YAK
"Dear yak?" Yzak said.
"Yeah."
"I need to go wipe."
Ahh...good times.
In all fairness, the beach does evoke some emotion. I guess that's why there are so many TV shows with beach scenes wherein a boy and a girl are running toward each other then start making out.
Or was that a cornfield?
Whatever.
So, case in point, some people like the beach. Some people don't. I belong to the latter group, even if there is only one member in there. So, let me get my point across.
I.
HATE.
THE.
When Dearka looked up from his laptop to do his routine reality check (he had a tendency to be so immersed in his work that he wouldn't notice if there was say, a fire, or a tear in the dimension between space and time). He noticed Miriallia walking across the beach in her bikini.
"Dearka, come over here!" she called out.
Hurriedly, he typed one last sentence into his blog.
I take it all back. I love the beach.
Then he closed his laptop and ran to his girlfriend, cornfield style.
Author's Note: Hey guys, sorry for the hiatus. I know it's been a really long time since I updated any of my stories, but I hope this satisfies. Read and review, anything accepted. And if anyone's asking when am I going to update my other stories, the answer is maybe when inspiration strikes.