She didn't know what else to do.
What was she supposed to do? Cope with this life, this never-ending hell? When her mother died, her father and brother had turned on her, abusive and brutal in their "lessons". She was tainted, broken beyond repair, so why should she keep living? What was there to live for?
Her mother had been the light at the end of the tunnel, singing and full of joy every moment, as beautiful as an angel to her. Now, she was plunged into darkness with no way of knowing which way to go. People made fun of her and her mum, saying she would follow in her mum's footsteps to hell as well. She often thought of hell, if it could possibly be any worse than this. What could be?
Her dad had turned on her because of how much she reminded him of her mum, and the grief and rage overcame him into hurting her in every possible way. Her brother did it because of his own sick pleasure in tormenting her, relishing every second of it, lips stretching into a sadistic grin. She shuddered just of thinking of home, of what would happen to her if she dared to walk through the front door after running away.
There was no other outcome: she'd be as good as dead. Wishing for death, even. But it would never come, because her dad and brother would make sure she would survive through the torture, just to make it worse.
So that was why she kept on walking, head held down, hood pulled tight over her head to cover up her flaming, red head. Her brother had probably been sent to bring her back, and he would recognise her bright curls instantly. It was one of things that she was known for. Bullied for.
With shaking hands, she fished out her phone and dialled the taxi number, clearing her throat to prepare for speaking.
"Hello? Aqua Taxis." It was a woman, and that made her feel slightly better.
"Um..." She looked around to see the name of the road she was on, "Brooklyn, Stratton Avenue."
"Name?"
She swallowed, "Clary, Clary Morgenstern."
"Okay, hon. We'll be sending one around any minute now." Then the call ended. She shoved her phone back in her pocket, trying to calm down her breathing. She had to do this. She had to.
She waited half in shadows, feeling the sweat running down her neck. Some part of her wasn't ready for this, would probably never be ready for this. But she'd already called the car, made the decision. Everything was fine now, she could finally be at peace and embrace the flames of hell when she got there. Anything had to better than this life.
Minutes dragged by, and she grew anxious, turning around when she heard any sort of sound. Goosebumps broke across her skin, her heart raced...
Then the car pulled up.
A blonde guy wearing shades rolled down the window, and called out, "Clary Morgenstern?"
She nodded frantically, rushing over and yanking open the car door.
"Where to?" the guy drummed his fingers on the steering wheel.
"St. Edmund's Bridge, please." He took off his shades, balancing them on the passenger seat. He met her gaze in the rear-view mirror and she found she couldn't look away, not when those golden eyes were staring at her so intently.
"St. Edmund's? What would you want going over there?" She finally severed their shared gaze, staring into her lap, biting her lip.
"I'm... meeting a friend." The driver pursed his lips and she could tell he didn't believe her. However, he started up the car and they drove off. The journey was a good twenty minutes from here, and she knew it was going to be horrible if the driver kept asking questions. She knew that if did, her choice would waver, she would try and think it over. She couldn't do that, this was she had to do. She had to.
"So," the driver said, "Since I know your name, I thought I might as well tell you mine. It's Jace." She nodded, distracted, peering out of the window.
"That's a nice name." She heard him chuckle, though she didn't know what was so funny.
"I know." Jace replied cockily, and she looked up to see his grinning face in the rear-view mirror. "Everything about me is rather perfect, to be frank."
She rolled her eyes, "Because that's not self-obsessed at all." But she had to admit, he had a point. Jace was rather... beautiful for a regular guy driving taxis around. He was gold all over: gold hair, gold eyes and skin tanned gold in the sun.
"See, you're realising I'm right, aren't you?" She had to crack a smile because that was exactly what she'd been thinking. Then the reminder of what she was going to do came crashing down and the smile slipped off her face. "Do you mind if I put on some music?"
"Oh, er, that's alright, I guess." She saw Jace reach out a hand to fiddle with some buttons and then a song came on, one of her favourites actually. Demons by Imagine Dragons, one she felt like she could relate to. Inner fears inside, demons out to destroy everything you love. She let herself get lost in the song...
When the days are cold, when the cards fold...
"Clary?"
"Hmm?"
And when the saints we see are all made of gold...
"How's life at home?" The question sent ice through her veins, freezing her over in a state of shock.
"Um... why'd you ask?" Jace slowed down the acceleration as they neared a set of traffic lights.
"I'm trying to figure you out, that's all. So?"
This is my kingdom come, this is my kingdom come...
She swallowed, "Fine, I guess." Her heart thumped harder when Jace met her eyes again.
When you feel my heat, look into my eyes. It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide...
"Anything bothered you lately?" She tapped the seat next to her agitatedly, nervous at Jace's direction of questions. Was it that obvious what she was about to do?
Don't get too close, it's dark inside. It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide...
"No, nothing." She said quickly, averting her gaze to the window, looking at the passing trees and woodland. They were close to the Bridge, closer to never going back. Five minutes tops.
"Why is it that I don't believe you, Clary?" She bit her lip harder, feeling a small trickle of blood gathering in the cut.
Your eyes, they shine so bright, I want to save that light.
She searched for an answer, a comeback, but found nothing. I can't escape this now, unless you show me how.
"I... I don't know." Desperately she checked to see how far they had to go. 2 miles. Not that much longer, than she could finally be free.
Don't want to let you down. I am hellbound. Though this is all for you, don't want to hide the truth.
"You know, sometimes in life, things may seem like the worst thing ever, but it gets better-"
"No, it really doesn't Jace." He went quiet then there was a click, and the car pulled to a halt. She turned around to see they'd drove into a little ditch and parked there. "Jace, you can't stop me! I've decided!"
Tears were rolling down her cheeks now, anguish and upset all bundled into one as Jace turned around, "You haven't Clary. You're just trying to persuade yourself that this is the right thing to do, but it isn't. Can't you see that? Can't you see you need to live?"
When you feel my heat, look into my eyes. It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide...
She shook her head: why would he, a total stranger more or less, possibly understand her situation. Couldn't he see that she didn't have a choice? This was the right thing to do. She had to.
"My life isn't worth living." She made a grab for the door and let out a cry of frustration when she realised they were locked, "Unlock the door, Jace. Now." He sucked in a breath, golden eyes glinting.
Don't get too close, it's dark inside. It's where my demons hide, it's where my demons hide...
"Not a chance. I'm not letting you go and jump off that goddamned bridge if it's the last thing I do!" He was breathing hard, cheeks flushed red and she fell silent for a moment.
"But you don't even know me," she whispered, letting go of the door, "Why would you care?"
Jace turned to her, "Because I believe everyone deserves a chance, a new beginning if that's what it takes. Dying is just taking the easy route, and it's doing nothing good for anyone. Live on, and be you."
She exhaled, realising she'd been holding her breath. "But, what would I do? I definitely can't go back home... There's nothing..."
Jace took hold of her hands, and the warmth of them thawed the coldness in her skin, her heart, "There's always something, Clary. Don't worry, I promise I'll help you get through this. Okay?" She swallowed, fingers trembling in Jace's gentle hold. Was there really something, a different choice? Something else to do rather than give in to hell? There was only one way to find out.
"... okay." she whispered, and gasped when Jace leaned down and kissed her pale knuckles, causing them to stop shaking and her heart to flutter. When he pulled away, he was smiling and she couldn't help smiling back, if a little tentatively. She would get through this, she would. Hope blossomed in her heart, something that she'd thought had died along with her mum. But it was back, and she felt more alive than she'd ever felt before.
"Are you ready to go?" he asked her, and when she nodded, he started up the car, pulling out of the ditch and back onto the road. The whole time he managed to drive with one hand, his other holding hers softly and she lost herself in the moment.
This was what she'd needed ever since her mum had died, ever since a part of her had died too.
Something to live for.
Not open to continuation. Hope you enjoyed the read ;)
~InfernoAlive