Now That I Know What I Want
Chapter 1
"Hey, Lucy Q." Santana stormed in through the door with her infamous smirk.
I loudly puffed, rolling my eyes like I always did when she said my first name. I hate it, I really hate that name. It actually sounded lame. Lucy… It made me grimace and I almost needed to physically shake myself out from that thought.
I always insisted that she would call me by my second name, but she said that Lucy suits me better.
Yeah, right.
"Hi," I said, looking behind my shoulder and adjusting my glasses with my fingers. My teeth found my bottom lip. She looked good today, she always managed to look good. Raven hair flowing like a waterfall around her face, a smirk on her mouth (it always started from the left corner of her lips), a welcoming twinkle in her eyes- they looked bottomless and I wanted to dive into the obscurity.
She hoped over the couch's back, landing next to me. "How's my favorite girl doing?"
Her shoulder brushed against mine and I could feel the quick thump of my heart.
God, I was such a fool.
But then she ruined the moment when her fingers found their way into my hair. I scowled when she ruffled my blonde locks. Slapping the offensive hand away I didn't answer her, just continued to watch The Pretty Little Liars.
It was a dream of mine to look like those girls- prefect and flawless, and I almost laughed loudly when I ran my tongue over the braces on my teeth and scrunched my nose when I felt my glasses dip down a little. A dream that was impossible to reach it seemed.
I would never have the skin like those girls. I would never have the figure like them.
I was startled when Santana put her arm around my shoulders, and blushed like crazy from the close proximity. My stomach tingled and I had to fight the smile, threatening to jump on my lips.
She was… She was perfect.
Perfect olive skin, perfect smile and hair, perfect body (especially breasts- not that I always look at them, but… anyway).
I always thought that her attractive appearance made me feel that way: my skin itched, almost begging to be touched by hers, and my face was always relaxed when I saw her goofing around. But after a while of thinking and finally coming to a conclusion I could say that yes, I had a crush on her.
I'm an idiot for sure. I would be okay with having feeling if not the problem that she's a little bit older than me and that she's my older sister's friend, well, best friend. I feel like I'm breaking some sort of sisters' code.
Even if she was an arrogant bitch, there were moments when she could be really sweet and caring. She reminded me of a cat- it was her rules: she decided when to be petted, when to give her love and when she had enough.
As I stared at her, I saw a worried frown creasing her smooth forehead.
"Hey, Lucy Q, what's wrong," she asked, slightly cocking her head to side.
"Nothing, San," I said, while pinching her cheek.
She glared at me and I rolled my eyes.
Must all women be so dramatic?
My muscles trembled ready to move when I saw her eyes beam with mirth. But I wasn't fast, I never was. She snaked her delicate fingers under my blouse, wriggling them on my bare skin.
I cried and screamed; I begged and threatened, but nothing helped me. Then, I mustered all the energy still left inside me and tried to push her away.
It was good for me because I could finally breath, but she wasn't lucky, dropping from the couch on the hard surface with a loud thud.
She tried to bring me with her, but I stayed safe.
Thank god for that.
"That's karma, my dear," I said, grinning like a fool as she rolled her eyes. She let out a loud laugh and soon I followed. We were still laughing hard when Charlie appeared next to us.
Charlie let out a loud sigh. "Leave you kids for few minutes and you will go crazy." Charlie pushed my legs away, but I put them in her lap.
Santana occasionally let out a laugh, getting on Charlie's nerves. "Oh, c'mon, can you stop it?" Charlie whined, her foot finding Santana's backside.
"O-Okay." Santana took a big breath, trying to calm down. We looked at each other and suddenly filled room with sound. With aching sides and cheeks, we finally calmed down.
A silence enveloped us, but soon Santana broke it with a question directed to Charlie. "Have you packed everything?"
"Yes. Tomorrow we will be on time, don't worry." A quick eye roll came from Charlie.
"You always say that." Santana grumped. "We're always late because you always forget your things."
"Whatever." Charlie puffed.
I only felt like smiling, amused from their bickering.
Tomorrow my sister and Santana are going to my Grandpa Adolf's ranch. Almost every summer we go there, and I go with them, but this time, I decided to stay home with my parents.
I feel like I made a bad decision, but I will be strong. I wanted changes and I wanted them when I had time. I wanted to work out because Santana always said I'm too weak and I really want for once not to be tickled to death. Also, I wanted to get rid of those glasses and after few weeks my braces will go off.
I just wanted to be more like my sister; Charlie was like one of those girls on a television.
A perfect body, a perfect face, perfect eyes. Her eyes were bright, full of live and mirth, they were green like grass in the spring, while mine had hazel color with little green and brown dots.
She had light blonde hair, while mine were darker, close to be light brown, but had the shade of yellow.
My sister was popular in school, always in the middle of the crowd, joking around and laughing.
Not only she was beautiful, but smart and she played sports. With Santana she played soccer in school. They were best, definitely best- our school stars. I liked to see the disappointed look football players had on their face with every win soccer team brought home.
My sister was good in the field, very good, she knew how to move, how to control her body and she was a smart player, but she was not Santana. Santana was like Messi or Ronaldo, or them both mixed together.
She was the best and she knew it. Well, the squad calling her captain was a good proof.
"Hey, Lucy, don't you have to meet your Tumblr nerds," Charlie asked me.
The only answer I gave her was the roll of my eyes.
Oh, god, I really needed to shake of the habit of rolling my eyes.
"Maybe she wants to stay with us, well me. Cause I'm charming as fuck and, you know, nobody can resist my charm. Hell, I would even marry myself if I could." Santana winked at me, the corner of her lips already raised.
"We know you would. You remind us every day." Charlie kicked her again.
"Ouch, that's abuse. I insist divorce- house and all the cars will be mine," Santana said, while standing up and waving her hand dramatically.
"No, I'm objecting. All property stays mine. You can have DVD collection and Lucy. Everything else stays mine."
"Bitch. Lucy Q, let's make her beg for our forgiveness." Santana lunged at Charlie, pinning her to the couch. I got up on my knees and started to tickle her.
"O-Okay... T-T-That's enough," Charlie tried to say.
"Nah-ha you got to say sorry first," Santana said.
"Okay... W-White flag ... I-I-I'm s-sorry," Charlie screamed breathless.
Santana fist pumped in the air. "I've waited years for your apology. Damn it, why didn't I record this?" She dumped her head down, looking like a wounded puppy, and all I wanted was to cradle her in my arms.
Quickly Charlie slapped Santana's face. It wasn't a slap to hurt, more like a tap with a sound. "Oh... you're so going down," Santana said, ready to attack and kick her ass.
Charlie pushed Santana away and jumped over the couch's back.
They were like monkeys chasing each other around. I could start to count and after a half of minute something will happen.
I was right. Soon, a breaking glass sound echoed through the house, making me cringe as Charlie loudly cursed.
I turned my head to look at them.
Santana slowly curled into a ball and slowly tried to escape on her toes. While Charlie's face was painted into a grimace, pity burned inside her eyes as she looked at the broken vase.
"Ouch," I said, chuckling.
"No word to Mom." Charlie snarled. "Hey! Come back here. Don't you fucking leave. Help me." Charlie actually growled at her and tugged Santana closer by her jacket's collar.
"Can't we just say that a dog did this?"
"Santana, we don't have a dog." Charlie deadpanned, in which return Santana sighed. "I don't care how, but fix it."
"But…"
"Fix it."
Few minutes later…
"Wanna watch a movie?" Santana said, rubbing her sore arm. However, she wasn't the only one wounded that day. Charlie had a deep mark of teeth on her forearm.
Charlie shrugged. "Sure. Whatever. Lucy, you in?"
"Do I have a choice," I asked.
Santana puffed. "Of course not." Santana answered, looking through movies.
"Boring. Boring. Sappy. Ewww. Boring." Santana eyes glisten as she looked at Charlie. "Charlotte, look, it's your movie- girls getting on with girls."
The patched of Charlie's cheeks turned rosy. "How the fuck?"
Santana looked at her with adoration sparking in her obsidian eyes. She almost looked like a proud parent, but then, an idly smirk tugged at the corners of her mouth.
"No." I and Charlie shouted.
For a moment, she looked wounded but then quickly found another one. And of course, it had to be a horror film.
"Hey, Lucy Q, are you scared," Santana asked me, after I jumped in a scary part.
I wasn't. I was just cold and sensitive to air and sound... and those creepy parts.
"No... I'm just cold, so I better go, grab a blanket." I quickly looked at Charlie. She was already snoring. Asshole. Leaving me alone to suffer this nightmare.
"Really? You'll be alright," Santana asked, and I could detect a hint of mock in her voice.
"Yes I will." I rolled my eyes and got up. Walking up the stairs was scary. Every shadow remained me of the movie, every mirror made me swallow an invisible knob that was in my throat.
I picked up a blanket from my bed and started to go back. When I walked through my door, I felt hands on my shoulder, turning me to side, startling me.
Out of the reflex I tried to kick this person, whom yelped, when my foot connected to this person crotch.
A familiar whine reached my ears and I almost felt sorry for her. Turning on the lights I saw Santana on the ground, kneeling like a character from an action movie, but it wasn't a moment of power and grace. Her red face was on her knee, her hand covering her private parts.
"Oh my gosh... I-I-I'm so sorry," I said, quickly crouching beside her and patting her head.
She looked at me with her teary eyes, nodded her head and held her thumb up before releasing a painful breath and returning back to her pose.
It wasn't the first time I did this to her. Maybe it was a fifth time or sixth. While I always knew that she has an extra appendage, I wasn't always careful. It wasn't my fault that she liked to scare me and that would lead into my knee appearing between her legs.
"Damn it, Lucy Q. You really don't want me to have kids, don't you?" She breathed out.
I patted her head one more time and then picked her hand and tried to pull her on her feet.
We were standing so close and I could feel my cheeks getting warmer. Before I could embarrass myself I said. "Let's go finish that movie."
She didn't say a word so I dragged a blanket with one hand and Santana with the other.