In the world there are some absolutes. Things that that are always accepted to be true no matter what. The sky being blue, good triumphing over evil, Cyborg destroying any all you can eat buffet with the exception of a tofu one in which case the task is completed by Beast Boy. Thus when something that is an absolute isn't people usually tend to notice.
Such was the case with Starfire and the fact that she wasn't her usual bright and happy self.
"It is strange. Robin and I are now the boyfriend and girlfriend. Truly it has been a time filled with much glorious fun and happiness. Robin has done so much for me" The Tamaranean let out a sigh as she continued to think out loud, "However, I do not feel that I have been a good enough girlfriend. I keep trying to do things that a girlfriend should do but each time it ends up not working so well. We did the hanging of the out"
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"Oh Robin, was not that movie truly heartwarming?" Starfire asked Robin.
The two were alone in the main room of Titan's tower. A combination action and romance film had just finished and Starfire was currently leaning on Robin's shoulder as the two relaxed on the couch.
"Yeah Star, it was really good" Robin said. Suddenly his eye mask squinted as he looked over the credits. "Wait a minute. The actor listed as stuntman number four has the same name as an escaped Brazilian drug trafficker!"
Robin jumped off the couch causing Starfire to fall off him. He immediately pulled out his communicator. "Titans, we have a vague clue to someone that may or may not be a criminal that we need to investigate. Go!"
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"You shouldn't feel bad about that Star" Cyborg commented as he struggled to lift up a large object, "You know that Robin has a twenty-four seven hard on for crime"
"Yes, but then I even threw him a surprise birthday party with all of our friends there"
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Robin stomped into the kitchen not looking to be in a good mood. The remains of the party the night before could still be seen with various bits of confetti and emptying pizza boxes lying around. The Titan leader did nothing but glare as he poured himself some coffee.
"Is something wrong Robin?" Starfire asked tentatively, "Did you not enjoy your birthday celebration last night?"
"No I did not. In fact, as leader of the Titans, I have a new rule. None of the honorary Titans are allowed to hang out here, ever again!"
"Why?"
"Because last night, I saw Kid Flash and Jinx doing it on top of my bed!"
"…Oh"
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"I'm just glad it wasn't my bed" Raven remarked as she flew passed Starfire.
"Understandable. Still I thought for sure I had come with the perfect idea the other day. I prepared for Robin a special elixir from my planet that is supposed to ignite the righteous flames of passion within whoever drinks it. However, Robin had some and I did not even see the slightest hint of a change.
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Last night Robin was in his room, looking over various pieces of evidence across his desk relating to a case.
'Alright, based on where the victim was struck in the head, the time of death, and eye witness testimonies, the murder must have occurred in the grand parlor with the antique vase as the weapon and the killer is none offer then General…hmm Starfire is probably getting ready for bed, getting undressed with that hot naked body of hers'
Robin stopped his train of thought and blinked in confusion. Glancing down he saw that there was a noticeable bulge underneath his tights coming from the area of his crotch.
'Okay, what brought that on? I need to stay focus and not think about Starfire. Remember those meditation exercises you did with Batman and Batgirl…Man Starfire would look so sexy in Batgirl's outfit'
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"I just want to show Robin how I truly care and love him. But as to what I could do or give him to show that, I have no idea" Starfire admitted sadly.
"Umm Star," Beast Boy called out causing the girl to look over at him, "I really feel your pain and all but maybe you should finish your monologue after we defeat the bad guy"
At that moment a giant ten foot white bunny hopped on top of Beast Boy and the elf quickly turned into a grizzly bear trying to wrestle it off.
At that point Starfire remembered where she actually was, the local Jump City jewelry store where the Titans were trying to stop a robbery by Mumbo the magician.
Starfire floated to the side to dodge Cyborg's body as it flew past and went through a nearby wall.
Suffice it to say, things hadn't been going so well.
On the other side of the store, Robin was busy using his bo-staff to knock away an army of giant sized playing cards. "Titans, take him down!" he yelled out.
"Take me down?" the blue skinned magician laughed. "The show can't end yet. Why this is only just the first act. And for my next trick"
Mumbo took off his hat and pointed it at the Titans. He tapped his wand on the side of it a couple of times, before a flock of ravenous flesh eating pigeons flew out heading at the Titans.
"Azarath Metrion Zinthos!"
Raven formed a dome of black telekinesis energy blocking most of the flock, while Starfire took flight and charged forward throwing starbolts and eye blasts at any birds that got in her way.
"How nice. A volunteer" Mumbo said with glee as he saw Starfire getting closer, "Now then I have nothingup my sleeve. Or do I? Ta da!"
Reaching into his left sleeve Mumbo yanked out of all things a pair of pink panties that had a flowery design and were very lacy. The sight of them caused Starfire to blink in surprise. She was pretty sure she had a pair of underwear just like that one. In fact, she was also sure that she had put on said pair just this morning.
Realization dawned on Starfire as she stopped her attack and just floated there. Letting out a scream of shock and embarrassment she grabbed her skirt with both hands trying to keep it pulled down as far as possible.
"Starfire, what is it?" Robin cried out as he ran towards her to help.
As he ran, Robin looked up at Starfire and coincidentally happened to enter the perfect angle to see what was or in this case wasn't under the girl's skirt. The second he did, Robin's bo-staff clattered to the floor as he needed both hands covering his nose to stop the geyser of blood from bursting out.
"Wonderful. Bravo, bravo" Mumbo clapped. He turned and glanced over at Raven. "And now for my other sleeve"
Raven used her powers to flick an empty jewelry case over at the villain. "Don't even think about it!"
Mumbo vanished in a puff of smoke causing the case to miss and instead crash into Cyborg who had just gotten back up.
"Sorry" Raven winced.
"Well, I can see that my magic isn't going to be appreciated here" Mumbo said as he reappeared before the Titans, "So, I guess its time to take this show on the road. But first, I think I will take a few parting gifts"
A snap of the magician's fingers and every piece of jewelry in the store vanished from sight.
"And since every show must end with a bang" Mumbo began to wave his wand around a few times. "Mumbo Jumbo!"
The blast of magic headed out towards Robin who was still distracted by his loss of blood. Starfire saw it and tired to fly down to help but someone else was quicker.
"Noooooooooo" Beast Boy screamed dramatically as he leaped through the air heroically taking the blast meant for their leader.
"Beast Boy!" Robin cried out.
At that moment, Mumbo jumped into his hat after which the head piece began to run away. The Titans were too distracted though as they stared in horror at the fate of their green skinned friend.
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"We lost to a second rate magician and villain. That is unacceptable" Robin complained as he paced back and forth around the main area of the Tower.
"Chill out man. We'll get him next time" Cyborg said as he leaned back on the couch feet propped up on the table.
"Besides none of us really got hurt" Raven added as she flipped another page in her book.
"Speak for yourself Raven" Beast Boy complained from the other side of the couch.
At that moment a door slid open and Starfire floated into the room still keeping her hands on her skirt.
Robin quickly moved part of his cape in front of him to help hide the bulge between his legs.
"Starfire, what are you doing? I thought that you were getting changed"
"I am unable to do so Robin. For it seems all my other clothing has been taken"
"What!?"
"One of our most sick, twisted, evil, fiendish and horrible villains broke into my room and took everything. They even left a note detailing their confession behind" Starfire explained as she lifted one of her hands showing a piece of paper
Robin grabbed the letter and began to read out loud.
"Dear Star slut. I heard that you stole my precious Robin away from me. As such I thought it was only fair that I steal all your clothes. Hugs and kisses, Kitten. PS: Robbie-poo, if you're reading this and are tired of the floozy, then you can reach me by calling 689-"
A quick starbolt turned the note into a pile of ash before anymore could be read.
"Alright, how exactly could someone like Kitten get through our state of the art security system?" Robin asked loudly.
From his position on the couch, Cyborg suddenly snapped his fingers. "Ah man. Fixing the security system is what I forgot to do last week. Sorry Starfire, my bad"
"Cyborg, how could you forget something so important?" Robin asked turning to face him.
The mechanical man shrugged. "I was busy practicing for my rapping career"
"What?" the other four Titans asked together.
Cyborg formed a big grin on his face, "Didn't I tell you guys? Since crime has died down a bit lately, I decided that I should become of a rapper just for kicks. I even got a debut CD ready to be produced and everything! Booyah!"
Cyborg whipped out a CD case which had a cover of himself on it decked out from head to toe in gold bling. There was so much bling that everyone was temporarily blinded by the sheer shininess.
"Dudes, I think we're all forgetting the real situation here. What are we going to do about me?"
"Relax Beast Girl, I haven't forgotten about your problem. Err…I mean boy sorry" Robin said.
"Yeah yeah, laugh it up" Beast Boy grumbled as she crossed her arms over her breasts.
That's right, breasts. For you see when Mumbo's magic had hit the shape shifting Titan, he gained cleavage, had his hair grow to mid length and lost some very important components of manliness. Case in point, Beast Boy was now a girl.
"This is lousy" he or rather she complained as she began feeling up the breasts.
"Would you stop doing that?" Cyborg cried out. "It's really creepy"
"I can't help it. They're so small" Beast Boy protested.
Robin took a moment to look over the Beast Boy's chest. "I'd say your somewhere between an Aerith and Yuffie size. That's pretty good"
"But I want to have Tifa sized boobs" the girl said as she started to cry.
"Look everything is going to be okay little guy" Cyborg said, "I'm sure Raven is figuring out a way to get you back to normal right now"
"Hmm?" Raven muttered as she was completely engrossed in her book, "Yeah, sure"
"Raven!"
The sorceress shut her book shut and looked over at them. "Look, this isn't my usual type of magic. I'm going to pick up a few books for research and some supplies before I can even attempt something like changing Beast Boy back to normal. Not that you were that normal to begin with"
"Hey!"
Raven suddenly found Starfire standing right in front of her with a serious look on her face. "What is it Starfire?"
"You just said that you need to go out and pick up some items, correct?"
"Yes…wait. I mean no" Raven protested suddenly realizing where her teammate was going with this.
"You said yes. Which means you can come with me to the mall of shopping" Starfire explained as a happy smile formed on her face.
A look of fear went on Raven's face. "Please anything but that. Robin, you need me here for something, like in case Mumbo shows up again, right?"
"Have fun you two" Robin said with a big smile while silently being glad that it was Raven and not him that was going.
Beast Boy stopped crying as she picked up on the conversation. "Hey Star, can you do me a favor? Pick me up a copy of the Massacre Princesses video game"
"Hey isn't that the new Disney, first person shooter crossover game?"
"Yeah, it's wicked. Pocahontas has a sniper rifle in it which she uses to protect the forest and all her animal friends"
"That is so cool"
"On second thought, let's go" Raven said getting up off the couch, "The mall can't be as bad as this stimulating conversation"
- 4 hours later -
"I take it back. I rather listen to the idiotic conversation" Raven complained.
"Are you not enjoying yourself Raven?" Starfire asked, her arms filled with several shopping bags.
"No, I'm not. Starfire, we've been here for hours. I got my supplies and you got some replacement clothes. Why can't we just go home now?"
"But I have not found anything to give to Robin yet"
Raven reached out to a random shelf and grabbed the first thing her hand touched. "Here, give him this"
"A banjo playing possum?" Starfire asked looking at the model figurine in confusion.
"Sure, I'm positive I heard Robin say that he always wanted one of those"
"Well it does seem to have a pleasant smile," Starfire said slowly as she looked over the grinning marsupial.
"What do you mean you don't have anymore copies of Massacre Princesses left?" A loud voice screamed.
Starfire, Raven, and several other shoppers looked over to see a fat guy with greasy orange hair and sideburns arguing with a sales clerk.
"I'm very sorry sir; we just sold the last copy to that young lady over there"
"Who has denied me my head sniping goodness?" the man complained. As the man turned and caught sight of the two girls his fight lit up in recognizing the two. "Greetings Titans! It seems that even when I am not committing a crime, you must show up and foil my plans. It just goes to show how much you fear me, your greatest arch-nemesis!"
"…Who are you again?" Raven asked causing the fat guy to face fault.
"I believe that he is the Control Freak" Starfire explained.
"Oh, him"
"That's right Titans" Control Freak said jumping back to his feet. "And now I will defeat with my newest unbeatable secret weapon. Just as soon as I remember where I put it"
Raven moaned as Control Freak began to search his various pockets. "Look, could you just go away please?"
"What? You're not going to fight me?"
"Our apologies but we have other matters we must attend to" Starfire explained.
"And except for being loud and annoying, you haven't actually done anything. So leave now and we won't hurt you" Raven finished.
"No. As your greatest villain, I demand that I get my badass fight scene along with several crowning moments of awesome! So prepare yourself!" Control Freak declared as he pulled two small objects out of his coat pockets.
"Fine" Raven grumbled as she held a hand forward. "Azarath Metrion Zint…"
Just as she was about to finish her chant, Raven's mouth shut tight much to the shock of the Titan herself. She immediately tried to open it again but no avail even going as far to try useing her hands to pry her jaw apart.
"What's the matter Raven? Cat got your tongue?" Control Freak teased.
Starfire eyes flashed dangerously as she held up a charged starbolt. "Tell me what you did to my friend!"
Control Freak said nothing and just made a little motion with his left hand. Suddenly Starfire's arm shifted to the side and her attack was now pointed at innocent shoppers.
"No bad arm. You are not pointing at the bad guy" she cried out.
Starfire desperately tried to make her arm move but it was stuck in the same manner that Raven's mouth was.
"Having some trouble moving your bodies? Of course you are" Control Freak gloated. "After all the two of you are helpless against the awesome might of my Teen Titan Voodoo action figures!"
Shocked gasps came from everyone as Control Freak proudly displayed the objects in his hands: perfectly detailed plastic action figures of Starfire and Raven.
"These are one of a kind limited addition figurine collectibles. Well actually they're two of a kind as one had to be kept in the box for mint condition purposes" Control Freak explained looking over at the nearby clerk and customers who nodded their heads in understanding.
Control Freak moved his hand on the Raven figure a bit and Raven was able to open her mouth again.
"Voodoo action figures? That is the most stupid, unbelievable, impossible thing that…"
Raven suddenly found that her hands were grabbing a tight hold of Starfire's butt while Starfire's hands was doing the same to hers, "…I hate you"
"Please desist in these embarrassing actions" Starfire cried out very worried considering the fact that she still didn't have any underwear on.
Control Freak shed a few fake tears as he walked towards the pair. "You know it really hurt me when you couldn't remember who I was and didn't want to fight me. But don't worry, it's not like I'm going to hold a grudge or anything. Now then ladies, how about we have a little bit of fun?"
Raven and Starfire looked at each other nervously as their heads were forced to nod.
--------------
"So he had control of your bodies with these voodoo doll things, then what happened?" Robin asked despite the fact that he knew he would not like the answer.
Starfire's head lowered in shame. "It was horrible Robin; he made us do all shorts of vile acts. First he made the two of us dance, then we each had to kiss him followed by kissing each other. After that, he used us to help rob the store. Then he took away all of my purchases as well as all my clothes.
Robin nodded in understanding as he could now deduce the reason his girlfriend was wearing a blue shower curtain like a makeshift toga. Sadly it wasn't a very thick curtain so Starfire's entire body shape could be made out and Robin had to keep looking the other way in order to stay focused.
"Oh, Control Freak also kidnapped friend Raven as well" Starfire added on suddenly remembering.
"We're going to become the laughing stock of the teenage superhero community, I just know it" Robin complained, "Well at least things can't possibly get any worse right now"
A few moments of silence passed with neither Robin nor Starfire saying anything.
"Heh, for a second there, I thought something else was going to happen"
Now cue the annoying danger alarm.
"We got some trouble down in the hood man" Cyborg called out coming into the room with Beast Boy right behind him.
"There's a zombie outbreak in France" Beast Boy explained. "They're asking for our help"
"God damn it" Robin swore, "Is the outbreak local or across the country?"
Cyborg produced a holographic display of France from his arm the zombie effected areas marked in red, "The outbreak is local so far, mostly within Paris but it could spread fast enough. Stupid French people, they're too busy with their fancy cheeses and wine to be able to set up proper zombie quarantine systems"
"Stop it Cyborg. The Teen Titans don't discriminate against any type of people. Even if everything you just said is completely true"
"Then we must proceed to their aid" Starfire declared floating up in the air causing her curtain to start sliding down.
Beast Boy stared and a blush appeared on her face. "Umm…I really like your dress Star"
Robin turned and whacked Beast Boy on the side of the head. "Focus people. Cyborg, get the T-jet ready for launch"
"On it man"
"Beast Girl err Boy err Person" Robin finally decided as he looked over at the green elf. "Suit up. I need you to stay here and see if you can pick Raven's scent. Control Freak has her"
"Right" Beast Boy saluted before running off to get ready.
"And Starfire"
"Yes Robin?"
"Please, for the love of all that is holy, go put some clothes on. Just borrow some from Raven's room"
"I do not think Raven would appreciate me…"
"I don't care" Robin snapped harshly, "Just go get changed"
"Yes Robin" Starfire responded with more sadness as she headed off towards Raven's room.
Robin started to exit the room right after her. "Be ready to go in half an hour Cyborg"
"Alright, but what are you going to be doing R-bird?"
"Taking a very long and very cold shower"
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Control Freak grinned as he typed into his computer. His head and face were concealed due to the fact that he was now wearing Raven's cape and hood but from the sounds of it he was quite happy.
"This is perfect. Not only is all of Starfire's clothing selling for a fortune on e-bay but with the one and only Raven as my special captive guest, I'm going to have the most popular blog this side of the northern hemisphere. My genius plan is full proof, full proof I say"
On the other side of the room was Raven sans her cape and hood with her hands shackled to the posts of Control Freak's extra large bed. "As soon, I get free I will rip every piece of blubber out of your body and forcibly feed it back to you!"
"What's that Raven?" Control Freak asked as he put his ear next to the Raven figure that was on his desk posed besides the other Titans. "You want me to dress you up like a slave girl? Well I'll see what I can do sweetie"
"Grr, you won't get away with this!"
"News flash honey, I've already have" he said taking a glance back at the real Raven, "And if any of your Titan chums show up, I'll just control their bodies as well"
"Hey tubby, do you have an action figure for me?"
Control Freak swiveled in his chair to face the doorway staring at the intruder. And then he kept staring.
A small black t-shirt ended a bit too soon and revealing a well built green toned chest. Beneath it was a purple colored skirt, short but not the slutty kind of short. Long dark purple boots with a black trim complemented the legs, the same design found on a fingerless glove on each hand. At the top of the body long green hair was tied into two adorable pigtails already complimenting an adorable face with bright eyes and luscious lips. Yes it was truly a sight to behold: Beast Boy in all of her feminine glory.
Control Freak was so shocked that he didn't even try grabbing the male Beast boy figure to see if it would still work.
"This is so not canon" he complained as a gorilla fist slammed into his head knocking him out.
Beast Boy turned back to normal and began to do a victory dance. "Oh yeah I totally nailed him. Did you see that Raven? Girl power rules!"
Raven gave him a look over. "Please tell me that you didn't waste time getting that new outfit before you came to save me"
"Umm…no"
"Whatever. Just free me and get rid of those voodoo dolls so we can leave"
"No problem sister"
But there was a slight problem. Just as Beast Boy reached the figures a red laser beam slammed into her back. Beast Boy fell to the floor in a smoking heap unconscious. Raven managed to twist her head to the side in order to see who the attack had come from.
"Oh you have to be kidding me"
Brother Blood calmly strolled into the room decked out in his red cybernetic body. "My apologies for the intrusion but I must borrow this young maiden for a little while"
Scooping up Beat Boy into his arms, Brother Blood turned and walked right back out of the door he came from, leaving Raven behind and still shackled to the bed.
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"A gift?" Robin asked in disbelief. "You mean to tell me that Starfire has been acting weird all this time just because she wants to get me something?"
"Yup that's right" Cyborg said as he checked his arm cannon to make sure the battery was fully charged.
The two of them were on an abandoned city street in Paris, prepped for battle as the horde of zombies would be upon them at any moment.
"Starfire doesn't need to get me anything" Robin said as he looked over his utility belt gadgets.
"You may think that but this is Starfire we're talking about. She's been crazy about you since forever and wants to do whatever she can to make sure you're happy"
"So, what should I do?"
Cyborg grinned. "That's easy. Let her give her something and then tell her several times how much you really love it. Even if you don't actually like still say that you do. Hey, I know. Ask her for a copy of my debut rap single, Pimp My T-car"
"…I'll think about it. Thanks for me letting me know Cyborg"
"No problem" Cyborg said as he watched Robin slip a white blindfold on over his eyes, "Hey what's that for?"
"To improve my senses so I will be react quicker and faster when I'm surrounded by zombies on all sides"
"Friends" Starfire's voice yelled out from above as she floated down to the street, "The zombies are around the corner. Based on their slow staggering they will be here in a minute or two"
"Alright then. Are you ready for battle Starfire?"
"Yes although I wish Raven's costume was not so skintight on me" Starfirereplied as she gave a tug on the black material.
"Damn" Cyborg whistled as he got a close look at Starfire in Raven's crime fighting costume. He glanced back at Robin who was making sure his blindfold was still tight. "Are you sure that the zombies are the only reason you have that thing on fearless leader?"
"Of course it is Cyborg. And if you ever suggest otherwise again, I'll have your computer brain replaced with one from a toaster"
"Got yeah man"
"Good. In that case…Titans Go!"
"Robin you are pointing in the opposite direction" Starfire said.
"Right. I meant to do that"
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"Ow, where am I?" Beast Boy moaned as she woke up to find herself strapped to a metal examination table. A single light shined overhead while the rest of the area was shrouded in darkness. Various wires from unseen devices where hooked into her arms and legs while a large metal helmet with flashing lights was stuck on top of his head.
"You are in my secret base about to have your brain reprogrammed so I can use to assassinate the president" Brother Blood announced as he strolled towards her.
"Okay. Wait a second, that's not okay! What are you up to Blood?"
Blood reached over with his metal fingers and gently caressed Beast Boy's cheek. "I want fame, fortune, ruling the world, the usual cliché villainy things my dear. But most importantly, I want revenge on Cyborg and what better way to accomplish that then by using the one he cares about the most. That is you Raven"
"What? I'm not Raven"
"Yes you are"
Beast Boy changed into a bloodhound, sniffed the air and then turned back to normal. "Dude, are you high on drugs or something?"
"Maybe" Brother Blood replied with a coy smile as he casually smoked a joint.
"Okay one doing drugs is bad for you and two I'm Beast Boy not Raven"
Brother Blood chuckled. "I think not. Beast Boy by name alone is clearly a male while you most certainly are not. As well, judging by the fact that you have all your clothing on, you cannot be Starfire. Therefore, by process of elimination, you must be Raven. It's quite elementary my dear"
Beast Boy groaned. "Fine, I'm Raven. So you want me to kill the president of the United States?"
Brother Blood shrugged. "Well, I suppose any president would do. I know. I'll be nice and let your modified brain make the choice"
"Gee thanks, I think"
"Yes now please brace yourself for the pain" he said as he pressed a button on his arm.
"What pain….Aggghhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!"
Meanwhile back in Paris…
"Booyah you pieces of undead shit!" Cyborg cried out as he was using dual sonic cannons to take out a horde of the undead masses. The streets were littered with left over pieces of the bodies he had already vaporized. Finally, after several minutes he stopped, breathing heavily.
"Okay, I think that's all of them" he panted.
Glancing behind him, Cyborg saw a group of French civilians gathered together, most still looking scared and potential ill due to the undead invasion and the stench that was coming from them.
"Yo yo yo. You don't need no fear cause I'm Cyborg yeah hear? I'm a Titan which means I going to smitan these undead freaks more annoying then a gang of geeks. So go find some shelter, you can all take a chiller cause with me around this won't be no thriller! Umm…Booyah! Fight the undead power!"
Silence followed as the French people just looked stared at Cyborg seeming to be very confused.
"Bonjour?" A little girl finally asked.
"Damn. These Frenchies can't understand my words of the hood. Wait, I know" Cyborg flipped open a computer screen on his arm and started typing. "I'll just download myself some Babel fish translation program and…what? A ten minute download wait? Ah man, that's way too long"
At that moment, a nearby manhole cover was knocked up and zombies poured out from beneath the sewers. The distracted Cyborg had no chance to defend himself as he was quickly swallowed by the horde. The citizens realizing that there was nothing they could do to help turned around and began to flee.
"He could have just asked if any of us knew English" one of them remarked as a zombie jumped him from behind and started to eat him.
On the other side of the city Starfire was weaving in and out of the metal frame of the Eiffel Tower, blasting zombies left and right that were climbing over the structure. Still her heroic heart just wasn't in it.
"Do any of you have any idea what I could get Robin?" she asked the zombies.
"Brains" was the unanimous response from all of them.
"I'm afraid that Robin already has one of those"
"Brains, brains, brains" One zombie kept insisting even after Starfire flew straight through the creature's chest.
"Oh you undead villains are really not ones for conversation"
Starfire suddenly screeched to a halt in midair while an earth style light bulb appeared over her head. "That's it. I know what I can get Robin now. It is perfect. Oh thank you smelly fleshless beings of no life. You have helped me a great deal today"
Starfire started to fly off but then felt herself yanked back. Glancing back she found one of the zombies had grabbed a hold of her blue cape and was pulling on it.
"My apologizes but that is not a toy. Please let go of it"
More zombies grabbed a hold of it instead pulling Starfire closer and then reaching for the other parts of her costume once they were in range.
"Please don't touch that…no stop…X-hal! Not again!"
On the streets below Robin continued to fight off zombies on all sides while still wearing his trusty blindfold over his eyes. Had he bothered to take the thing off even at one point, he might have noticed the pair of torn black panties that had landed on top of his gel filled hair.
- The next day -
"Starfire, where are you taking me?" Robin asked as her girlfriend pulled him along.
Robin's eyes were blindfolded once again but from his other senses he could tell that the two of them were moving through a dark and dank tunnel.
"It is a surprise Robin. But do not worry. I am sure that you will like it"
Despite the fact that he couldn't see anything, Robin was keeping his hands firmly over his crotch area. In the last day Starfire's clothing situation had not improved. The alien girl was now down to a black bra belonging to Raven that barely fit her along with Robin's own cape which was serving as a new skirt.
"Starfire, we really don't have time for this. Cyborg is now a zombie and I still haven't figured out a cure…"
- Middle of Europe -
Cyborg marched or rather staggered across the lands, his army undead followers following behind them. His human portions had all become grey decaying flesh while the metal sections were starting to show signs of rust. As he shot off random blasts from his arm cannon causing the populace to run and scream in terror, he loudly shouted out his demands.
"Brains, brains, brains, brains, human meat sandwich, brains, respect yo, Booyah!"
"Control Freak still has Raven held hostage…"
- Las Vegas, Nevada -
"And do you Raven take this Control Freak to be your husband in sickness and in health until death do you part?" A raspy voice asked.
The priest, who just happened to by wearing a Darth Vader outfit, took a few nervous steps as Raven's demonic red eyes shined out from underneath her wedding veil. That was the only she could do as she still had no control over her body. Had she been in control, Control Freak and Vader would already be dead, she would have ripped off this ugly and uncomfortable white wedding dress, and the tacky twenty bucks per marriage wedding chapel would be a pile of rubble while she was flying off towards home.
For his part, Control Freak had been polite enough to wear an extra large t-shirt that had the image of a tux on it. Reaching into his pocket, Control Freak pulled out the Raven action figure, which was also clad in the latest bridal fashion, and pressed a button on the side of it.
Raven's mouth opened up as she screamed lustfully, "You are the greatest lover across all the multiverse Control Freak!"
"Oops, wrong voice phrase" Control Freak muttered as he pressed the button again.
"I do"
"Err then, by the power of the force and the state of Nevada I now pronounce you husband and wife. Here are some casino chips and you may kiss the bride"
'Feel free to rescue me any time now guys' Raven though as Control Freak's potato chip crumb filled lips moved closer to hers
"…and who the hell knows where Beast Boy is goofing off to"
- Murakami High School, Jump City -
Inside the typical high school, there was a typical blond haired student that answered to the name of Terra. The only thing is she might not have been so typical. Or she could have been. It was confusing. Terra was either Terra the former Titan turned villain turned good guy again who was now hiding within the public education system or she was some random girl that suffered from a case of mistaken identity and ended up being stalked by a green elf for a day. Such are the mysteries of life when an ending to a series is left open ended and no real conclusion to things is given.
Although at the moment, Terra didn't care either way which scenario was true as she was too busy cramming for her math test next period. Her lunch was besides her completely untouched. In fact the only time she looked up from her textbook was when the wall behind her exploded.
As the wall collapsed Beast Boy stepped out of the rubble. She still had the same outfit as before but now there was also a long black trench coat and shades added to the mix. In her left hand there was a massive broadsword, while the right one contained a simple yet still deadly laser pistol. Coming from behind Beast Boy were several people screaming.
"Run for your lives, that girl is crazy"
"Please don't kill me, I'm a teacher. Kill my pitiful under achieving students instead"
"Oh my god, that's the fourth wall she's destroyed so far. Think of the insurance costs!"
As everyone tried to escape at the same time, Beast Boy fired a few shots from his pistol into the ceiling causing them all to stop and look back at her.
"I am the BB-3000, a cyborg assassin sent from the future with one mission and that is to kill the president of this organization. Tell me where he or she is and I'll spare all of your mortal lives"
The student council president, a small, nerdy, and very cowardly fellow quickly pointed over at Terra's spot.
"There she is. She's the student council president. She's the one"
Terra growled as the president ducked back out of sight. "You jerk, get back here! I don't agree to go out with you on one date with you and you're going to sick a psychopathic killer after me. Gee thanks a lot!"
Terra probably would have done more protesting only she now had the tip of a large sword pointed at her throat.
"Are you ready to die Miss. President?" Beast Boy asked in a cold emotionless tone.
Terra gulped. "I don't suppose agreeing to make out with you could save my life here?"
"Such a thing is not part of my programming. However, it is possible that I could be persuaded to enjoy such a thing" The female assassin said with a lecherous grin.
Terra nodded as she quickly pulled off her black tie and started fumbling with the buttons of her school uniform shirt.
--------------
"Please Robin," Starfire begged, "I know this is not the best time but I really want to this for you. You have brought me so much happiness and I only wish to return the favor"
"You having no underwear for the last few days helped with that Star" Robin said in a low whisper.
"What was that?"
"Nothing"
"We have arrived Robin"
"Finally" Robin muttered as he started to reach for his blindfold.
"Hello Robin" A new voice called out. One that Robin would always remember for the rest.
"Slade!" Robin ripped off his blindfold and looked around the area. "Holy Cloud and Sephiroth one true pairing slash fic Batman!"
The area looked to be some sort of medieval dungeon judging by the ancient looking floor and brick walls. And inside of it was the last thing Robin expected to find. Slade, his lifelong nemesis, was shackled to the wall. But he wasn't alone.
"Hello there bird boy. It's been far too long"
"Joker!" Robin growled.
The clown prince of crime grinned back at his long time rival and then focused on the boy wonder's crotch. "Robin, I figured you would be excited to see me but not that excited. Hahahahahahahaha"
Robin ignored the laugh as he continued looking down the wall. "Red X! Johnny Rancid! Ding Dong Daddy! Kitten! The pizza delivery guy that is always late!"
Robin's eyes focused on a large fishbowl which had a pink object floating inside. "And the Brain! Starfire, what is all this?"
Starfire smiled brightly at him. "Robin, I went out and captured all of your greatest villains for you. Now you can do whatever you want to them. You can fight them, send them to jail or engage in your thrilling good versus evil debates that you enjoy so much"
"Starfire, I…wait a second. Kitten is one of my greatest villains?"
"Well I may have taken her more for my own purposes"
Kitten was ironically dressed in one of the outfits she had stolen from Starfire and had several stripes of tape over her mouth in order to keep her quiet. As the alien flashed a pair of deadly green eyes at her, Kitten broke down and started to sob.
"I don't believe this" Robin said slowly.
"Is it not a wonderful thing? I even made sure to capture the real Slade and not a robotic counterfeit"
"How did you do that?" Robin asked in disbelief focusing back on the first prisoner.
Slade's single visible eye looked over the two, "By capturing someone very dear to my heart Robin"
"Who? One of your children? A former lover?"
"I captured Mr. Cuddles!" Starfire exclaimed proudly as she held up a Barney the dinosaur doll"
Slade stared desperately at his precious clutched in the hands of an enemy. "You are truly evil beyond your years Starfire. You could have made such a wonderful apprentice"
"Why thank you"
"And people think I'm the one that has issues" Joker complained.
"Starfire" Robin finally said with complete seriousness in his voice.
"Yes Robin?" Starfire smiled back.
"This is completely wrong"
"…What?"
"The Teen Titans just can't go around kidnapping people, let along tossing them into a dungeon. It is against the law and immoral! Also, do you know how much trouble we could get in if even one of these villains escape? They could easily hire a lawyer and sue for everything that we have!"
The villains all nodded in agreement.
"What were you thinking?"
"I guess I was not thinking Robin. I am truly sorry" Starfire lowered her head in shame.
A green glove caught Starfire's chin and lifted it back up causing her to look right into Robin's eye mask. "Don't be"
"What?"
"This maybe completely insane but this also the most loving, generous, and most creative thing anyone has ever done for me. I love it. Thanks a lot Starfire" before delivering a passionate kiss that lasted quite a few minutes.
"Awww" went all the villains except for Kitten who mutely protested.
As Robin let go of Starfire, who immediately swooned from the hot and heavy romance, he turned his attention to the captured criminals. Releasing his bo-staff with one hand and gripping several birdarangs in the other, he formed a confident grin at his potential oppentents "Now then, whose first?"
Author's Note: A very special thank you to all my friends on line and from the SIAW forum who provided me with random suggestions to work into the plot of this story. Your crazy ideas along with my own helped create something quite fun and quite twisted.