The day they found out about Bruce Wayne was the day that Batman calmly removed his cowl, while the rest of the Justice League gaped at him in shock (purely for the fact that he had removed the fucking cowl), and then accepted that Batman was still Batman, just with a shit-ton of cash, and some mansion with the Batcave shoved under it. Fine. They could accept that. In the end, he was the same old emotionless, terrifying Bats they knew and loved; the only difference was that they now knew his first and last name.
And then, well, there was the day they found out about Brucie Wayne.
It started when Wally burst into the room, his eyes wide, his body vibrating in excitement. The occupants of the room — John, Shayera, and Diana — turned to stare at him in surprise.
"Wally?" Diana asked, cautiously.
Wally grinned. "So I saw this newspaper article, right?" he rambled, unable to stand still. The three noticed that his hands clutched desperately at a clump of crumpled papers. "And I mean, I couldn't believe what I saw, because, DUDE, it's Batman, and — and then I looked it up some more, and wow, you would not believe — "
"Wally!" Diana yelled. "Slow down! What's going on?"
Wally paused, struggling to compose himself (he failed, obviously). "So you know how Bats is Bruce Wayne?" He paused for dramatic effect; at the sight of Diana's warning stare, he hurried on. "Well…what do you reckon he does in his spare time, huh?"
John shrugged. "Holes himself up in the Batcave all day?"
"He's a billionaire," Wally pointed out.
John rolled his eyes. "Alright — he holes himself up in his huge-arse billion dollar Batcave all day."
Shayera snorted in amusement. She raised at eyebrow at Wally. "Alright, Wally, what's this about?" she questioned.
Wally's response was to toss the crumpled papers at them.
John caught them with ease. He glanced down, and his eyes widened in surprise.
"No way!" he exclaimed, letting out a snort of amusement. "You're making this up!" Seeing Diana and Shayera's inquisitive stares, he read aloud.
"Billionaire Bruce Wayne caught in the middle of a steamy threesome." Diana's eyes widened, and Shayera's jaw dropped open.
"Nope," John said, shaking his head. "Batman would never do that. Mr. Emotionless, "I am the night!", would not have a threesome…" His eyes scanned the rest of the article, and his jaw dropped open. "In a fucking FOUNTAIN?!"
"A fountain? Really?" Shayera shook her head in disgust. "Unhygienic."
"That's what you get out of it?" Wally demanded, incredulous. "I'm focused on the part where Batman was having a threesome!"
"What?!"
Oliver, who had just arrived, stood in the open-doorway, staring at them in shock.
"What the hell are you talking about?" he spluttered incredulously.
John waved the article. "Batman had a threesome in a fountain." There was still an undertone of amazement in his voice, along with a hint of 'what the fuck is happening right now?!'
"Wha — in costume?!" Oliver squinted at the article, trying to get a better look at what was written.
"What?" Wally blinked. "No…"
"How the fuck does he even have time for that?" the archer muttered, shaking his head in bewilderment. "What, he's chasing down some villains and then, oh wait, the urge is too strong, I'm just going to hop in a fountain — and I know you can't se my erection through all this kevlar, but trust me, it's there."
"As Bruce Wayne you moron," Shayera snorted.
Oliver blinked. "Oh," he said, his shoulders slumping. "Well, that's not weird at all."
Diana stared at him in shock. "How?" she demanded. "This is completely out of character! Batman wouldn't — "
"You haven't read the other articles," Wally interrupted gleefully.
The other four gathered around the articles, their eyes growing steadily wider as excerpts jumped out at them.
"A drunken Bruce Wayne caught urinating in public!"
"Photos of Bruce Wayne in the backseat of his limo with a yet-to-be-identified woman…"
"…a drunken Bruce Wayne tumbles off his own balcony, before being saved by a cluster of bushes…"
"A party hosted by Oliver Queen turned raunchy last night when Bruce Wayne was caught in a compromising position with an unknown woman in Queen's bedroom…"
"I'm going to find some way to get him back for the last one," Oliver muttered, shuddering. "Fuck, I'd almost forgotten about it…"
"How though?!" John asked, almost desperately. "This is Batman for crying out loud!"
"I suppose he does what he can to build up an image for Bruce Wayne, that is completely separate from the one he creates for Batman," Diana murmured, thoughtfully.
"Still though, whether he's doing this on purpose or not, it's weird," Wally exclaimed. "I mean, I didn't think Bats would act this way if someone threatened him with death, now now…" He gestured towards the articles, shaking his head.
John raised at eyebrow at Oliver. "You're not surprised?"
Oliver shrugged. "By the fact that Batman is Bruce Wayne? Fuck yes."
For a moment everyone paused, remembering Oliver's reaction to Batman's revelation — while the other's had accepted it with relative ease, Oliver had stood stock-still, gaping at Batman, his eye twitching slightly.
(Although, it might have been because of the memory of that horrific party the article had mentioned…).
"But you know, we billionaires tend to hang around the same circles," Oliver continued, "and I've seen enough of dear old Brucie to know what he's like."
There was a brief pause. And then…
"Brucie?!"
Oliver snorted. "It's what he calls himself."
"Nope!" John said firmly, shaking his head. "That's where I draw the line. Batman would never — "
Oliver pointed at one of the articles.
"Through the interview, Mr. Wayne repeatedly interrupted, insisting on the use of his favoured nickname "Brucie"…"
Diana stared.
Shayera let out a small choking noise.
Wally stared blankly into the distance, silently mouthing the word "Brucie" over and over.
"What are you doing?" demanded a horrifically familiar, rasping voice. Batman stood in the doorway, glaring at the room's occupants. "You were supposed to be in the meeting room ten minutes ago!"
Everyone stared at him, their eyes wide.
"Brucie," Wally choked.
Batman spun around, his eyes narrowed. "What?!"
…
AN:
Just a random idea I had when I was thinking about how the Justice League might react if they learnt about "Brucie" for the first time, without having any prior knowledge of how Bruce Wayne acted in public.
I'm going to have one more chapter after this, focused on Superman.
Hope you enjoyed this! Also, this is my first Justice League fanfic, so I hope to hell that my characterisation wasn't completely off.