Disclaimer: I do not own any Twilight character or song that may or may not be used

Letting Go

Show me the ways to surrender my heart…

I had enough.

I just couldn't do it anymore, take the physical and emotional pain I was going through.

Every day. Non-stop.

So I ran, as fast as my legs could take me.

I went in secret under the cloak of night.

No one knew what I was up to, not even my brothers who knew almost everything about me.

I chose to go in human form just in case a member of the pack happened to phase and figure out what I was up to.

I had to do this for myself and I needed not their pity.

Especially Sam's but what else was I to do?

My love was lost and he was with someone who was not me.

The tears welled up into my eyes and brimmed over my eyelashes.

My long hair followed behind me which I allowed to grow out from a recent cut, when I cut my hair my fur looked more sleek but now I could care less about my appearance.

It seemed a long time ago that the love of my life had complimented me on how much he liked my long hair.

Now it did not matter.

My footsteps were silent against the forest floor as silent as any other creature of the night.

A branch snapped and the trees crackled I heard an animal howl not a mythical animal just a regular one, but I could still understand the pain.

Ah, the pain was unbearable.

I was no longer myself; the strong person I showed everyone it was just a façade.

I was no longer the loveable person everyone remembered I was cold, heartless.

No one could stand to be around me.

All of my dark humor and ever present sarcasm was too much to bear.

So people began to distance themselves away from me.

I hated myself for hurting the people closest to me especially the pack, but that was the only way I knew how to cope.

Sam was always there though never leaving always giving me my space when it was necessary he understood better than anyone how strange and horrible love could be sometimes.

Today was the last straw though I could no longer do this I was giving up.

I saw them together and I saw the love radiating out of his eyes when he looked at her the complete adoration it was just too much.

Besides everything that happened I still wanted what was best for her and I would always want what would make her happy even if it was having him.

We were best friends once upon a time before the awkwardness, pain and new feelings and deep inside underneath the mask I wore I would always love her more than anything.

That's why I was leaving now it was time I grew up and became the bigger person time for a change.

I needed this, my pack needed this.

All of the tension and anger was too much and putting a toll on all of us.

Now that the newborn bloodsuckers were out of the way the pack could afford to do without me for a while.

I stopped, my breathing was heavy I had tried to put a great distance between myself and La push as fast as possible.

I did not know how long I had been running I just hoped by sunrise I would be far enough away that they wouldn't miss me.

I didn't want to worry them I really did love my brothers but I loved me more, at least right now I did.

My heart was pulsing hard against my chest I felt my blood rushing through my veins.

I felt my body heat which was always on the hot side thrashing against my skin.

I'm sure if a human was standing close enough their hair would have singed.

That thought made me smile a little.

I fell to my knees not even noticing the dirt and the leaves smashed against my jeans.

I screamed to the sky but the stars only twinkled beautifully back as if in response.

Even though the world was an ugly place the sky was always fascinating to me it calmed me enough to notice I had stopped next to a stream or river.

The water looked promising enough to take away my pain as long as I stayed under it forever, maybe I would.

I cried my heart out for the fish to witness if only they could hear.

The river seemed to call to me like my mother's arms when I was a child, comforting me whenever I was at my lowest.

I cried some more remembering her, my father, and all of the pain in my life.

I was told the true definition of a man is to never cry….

I took one last look at the beautiful night sky.

The stars smiled down at me, the cold wind kissed my neck and blew my hair one last time.

Well I was not a man so I let loose a final cry letting go of the anger, hate, frustration, depression, bitterness and the remorse.

It rocked my core to the center making my body shake and convulse and I Leah Clearwater embraced the icy depths of the river.

Sup? I had a really cool time writing this chapter and getting inside of Leah's head. I think she's a pretty cool chick. So I don't know if I will ever update because I never get reviews, I mean ever so yeah. It's obvious she didn't completely kill herself or else there wouldn't be another chapter...maybe. It would be really nice if someone out there review, that's all I'm saying...Love, Bria