Dwalin carefully examined the knife he had made for Thorin for any mistakes he might have missed the first twenty times he had checked it. Dwalin had made plenty of knives in his life but he was especially proud of this one. It was a small but sturdy knife, easy to conceal in boots and perfect for self-defence.

And it hadn't been easy to make, not because it was a particularly difficult piece or the ornaments were especially intricate (though they were), but because it had been hard to find a time when Thorin wasn't in the forge. Dwalin had wanted to keep his gift for Thorin to celebrate their first anniversary a secret. After all, giving a lover the perfect surprise was considered the best measure of a good relationship.

Finding everything to his satisfaction just as he had expected, Dwalin slid the knife into its sheath and wrapped it in a piece of cloth. Then, he put it all into the box and tied the box closed with a beautiful deep blue ribbon.

There. Everything was perfect. Satisfied, Dwalin slid the box under his side of the bed so that he could give it to Thorin first thing the next morning.

...

As usual, Dwalin was awake before Thorin, but this morning, he lay in anticipation of giving Thorin his gift. He listened to Thorin's breathing and when he heard his breathing pattern change and knew Thorin was awake, he ducked his head under the bed to pull out the box with the gift. He halted for a moment. There was a second box under the bed. Then he grinned. Thorin must have had the same idea he had.

Making sure he had the correct box, he pulled it out and righted himself.

"Happy anniversary, my heartjewel," Dwalin said, giving Thorin the box and kissing him on the nose.

Suddenly wide awake, Thorin smiled at him and began unwrapping the gift.

"Oh." Thorin stared at the knife and Dwalin's heart sank. Thorin didn't like it, or he would have reacted differently.

"If you don't like it, I could..."

"No, no, no! I do like it, it's just that... wait a moment."

Thorin leaned over the side of the bed for a moment, presenting Dwalin with such a view that, for a split second, he almost forgot something was wrong.

Thorin re-emerged holding the other box.

"Unwrap it," Thorin said with a wry smile.

Dwalin did. "Oh."

"Exactly."

In the box, neatly wrapped, lay a knife. A small knife, perfect for putting in a boot to use as self-defence.

It was shaped slightly differently from the one Dwalin had made Thorin and Thorin had used another set of ornaments, but otherwise, the knives were very similar.

"It is wonderful," Dwalin said, twirling it around.

"I really like what you did with the ornaments here," Thorin said, closely looking at the one Dwalin had given him.

"This is slightly awkward," Dwalin concluded.

"Well, at least we both agree that knives make good gifts," Thorin said, laughing. "Thank you for this."

"I just wish I could have managed to get you something surprising," Dwalin said. "You deserve it."

"I'd say this was a rather surprising coincidence," Thorin pointed out.

"Yes, but not in the way that I'd like it to be," Dwalin said.

"Don't worry, we'll get it right next time," Thorin said. "And we do have wonderfully matching knives.

...

"So how was your anniversary?" Víli asked. "Did you manage to surprise each other? You fit together so well, I'm sure you did."

"Yes, we did, actually," Thorin said grinning. "By making each other near-identical knives."

"Oh. Well, I'm sure you'll manage to get it right next time," Víli said.

"Hey," Dís gave him a light smack. "I think that's pretty romantic, giving each other the same gift."

"It's not quite what you aim for, is it?" Dwalin said. "But at least we laughed about it after the initial shock and the knife Thorin gave me is as perfect as it gets."

...

When their next anniversary rolled around, Dwalin decided to give Thorin something that was rather less traditional to avoid a repetition of the previous year. After all, not all dwarves had seen him as a fitting partner for Thorin and he felt this would be the perfect way to prove them wrong.

"Hello Dwalin!" Lilja greeted him as he entered her tattoo parlour. "Would you like to have another tattoo done?"

"Actually, this one isn't for me but for Thorin. I want to get him something unusual to surprise him for our anniversary."

"Hm, are you even sure he wants one? And how do you know which one he'll want?"

"He mentioned something about wanting another one a while back and I have a fairly good idea of what he'd like. Of course, the design would only be tentative and we'd discuss it and make changes before he gets it done."

"Still, there are people who say giving somebody a tattoo as a gift is a bad omen."

"Pah, I don't listen to these modern superstitions!" Dwalin grumbled.

"You prefer the old ones, don't you?" Lilja asked teasingly. "I've heard about your previous anniversary gift and how you want to find the perfect surprise. Personally, I think that way of supposedly proving a couple is perfect together is a bit silly."

"Well, I say I want to give Thorin a tattoo as a gift and that's that," Dwalin said.

"Alright, if you are so set on it, that's your choice. What design did you have in mind so far?" She asked and they began discussing the best tattoo design for Thorin.

...

Utterly sure that he would succeed this time, Dwalin carried the tray with breakfast and the envelope containing the design for Thorin's tattoo into their bedroom.

"Good morning, my heartjewel! Happy anniversary!"

Thorin sat up. "Oh, there you are! I was wondering why your half of the bed was empty. Happy anniversary to you too!"

"I made us breakfast," Dwalin announced unnecessarily, setting the tray down on the bed.

"What's this?" Thorin asked, setting eyes on the envelope.

"That's your gift. Go ahead and open it."

"Wait a moment, I have something for you too," Thorin said, opening the drawer of his nightstand and taking out a small box. "Shall we open them at the same time?"

Dwalin nodded, and they both opened their gifts. Dwalin stared in disbelief at one of the most beautiful tattoo designs he had ever seen while Thorin burst into laughter.

"Please don't take this the wrong way," Thorin managed through his laughter. "I absolutely love the design! But I can't believe we managed to do this again!"

"This isn't possible. Nobody will believe us when we tell them."

"Look, Lilja even gave us the same appointment to discuss the last changes to the design! She at least could have warned us!" Thorin said, still laughing.

"Actually, I think she did. She went on and on about how tattoos aren't a good gift and at the same time insisted the superstitions about needing to surprise someone are ridiculous," Dwalin said. "I just didn't understand her hints."

"You really had your mind set on it, didn't you?" Thorin asked.

"Yes, I thought it would be the perfect gift and that there was no chance you'd expect that or come up with the same idea."

"Looks like we just think in the same ways and know each other too well," Thorin said. "Not that that's a bad thing. This belief about needing to surprise the person you love is a bit overrated."

Dwalin nodded, not in the least convinced. But at least, the thought of getting the amazing tattoo that Thorin had designed for him and Thorin getting his design was quite appealing.

...

"This is wonderful!" Thorin exclaimed, looking at his brand new desk. "What a perfect surprise!"

Dwalin watched him and narrowed his eyes.

"What's wrong?" Thorin asked seeing his reaction.

"Has anyone ever told you that you are a terrible liar?" Dwalin asked.

"I'm sorry," Thorin replied. "I love the desk and it really is wonderful. It is exactly what I wanted, which unfortunately, doesn't make it terribly surprising that you would figure that out and give it to me for my birthday. And it doesn't have to be surprising. Honestly, it doesn't. I just know how much you want to surprise me, so I thought... I really am sorry, I shouldn't have lied to you."

"It's alright, I understand why you did it. I still wish I could have surprised you."

"Look," Thorin said, seeing the disappointment in Dwalin's face, "let's just stop giving each other gifts for special occasions like this. It doesn't look like we'll be able to surprise each other, which really doesn't have to mean we aren't compatible. So let's just spare ourselves the disappointment. It is a ridiculous superstition anyway."

"Alright," Dwalin agreed. The need to surprise Thorin had been putting him under more pressure than he liked to admit and living without that would be rather nice.

...

Except that it turned out that this decision definitely didn't make it any easier to plan for their upcoming anniversary. Because while Thorin may have thought Dwalin didn't see him sneaking into the forge and holding something against the front of Dwalin's cloak when he wasn't wearing it, Dwalin noticed.

Dwalin understood that Thorin had been trying to get him to relax about the whole thing and then surprise him by having a gift after all, but that was not going to work now. The pressure was back on Dwalin's shoulders, except that if he did get Thorin something, he would be going back on his word.

He debated the issue in his mind, until on the day before the anniversary, he looked at the stand of one of the travelling salesdwarves and saw the perfect gift: a book on the battle techniques of the Orocarni dwarves that Thorin always talked about having read in Erebor. Dwalin had no choice but to buy it.

He waited until the afternoon of their anniversary to take out the neatly wrapped book.

"I know we said we wouldn't get each other anything, but I saw this and I couldn't resist," Dwalin said, giving Thorin the book.

"Is this... you got me that wonderful book, didn't you? I saw it on the market the other day and I only didn't buy it because I thought you might see it too!"

"I'm glad you like it," Dwalin said wryly. "Even though I once again seem to be unable to surprise you."

"Well, I do have a surprise for you," Thorin said. "Because I have a gift for you too!"

"I know," Dwalin said, "which doesn't exactly make it a surprise either. Let me guess: it is a pin for the front of my cloak, isn't it?"

It was Thorin's turn to be torn between disappointment and amusement. "How did you know?"

"You aren't exactly subtle, at least to those who know you well," Dwalin said, pulling Thorin close to kiss him.

...

This called for new measures, Dwalin decided. Nothing stated that the gift to surprise his partner had to be on the actual day of a birthday or anniversary or that the gifts had to be something they would tell their friends and family about.

"Happy half-anniversary," Dwalin said one evening, handing Thorin a parcel. If the date or the content didn't surprise Thorin, then nothing would.

Thorin opened the parcel and took out the book. With a slight crease in his forehead at the title-less cover, he flipped the book open.

Thorin blushed to the very roots of his hair and Dwalin thought he had finally managed to surprise him. Instead, Thorin only reached into his pocket and pulled out a small, book shaped parcel.

"I think we will have quite a bit to try out," Thorin said. "That is, if the books don't just have different formats but exactly the same um... contents."

And though his plans had once again failed, Dwalin was quite unable to feel the least bit of disappointment as they made their way to the bedroom.

...

Eventually, Dwalin accepted that it was unlikely that he would be able to surprise Thorin with a gift. Instead, they made a bit of a game of it, trying to come up with the most ridiculous dates to turn into anniversaries of sorts and guessing what gift the other had come up with.

...

"The pliers are in the second drawer from the top," Thorin said.

"And you want me to get them? You are standing right next to it and I am all the way over here," Dwalin replied, before breaking into a cold sweat half a second later, remembering that drawer was where he had hidden the gift for Thorin's three-quarter-year birthday.

"Are you sure you want me to get it?" Thorin asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Wait… you already saw it, didn't you?" Dwalin asked.

"No! You know I don't do that! I just had a feeling you had something hidden in there."

Dwalin sighed. "We just managed to do the thing again, didn't we? I'm pretty sure you know what it is too, don't you?"

"That silver wire we saw at the market the other day?" Thorin asked wryly.

Dwalin nodded in defeat and strode over to the drawer. "I might as well give it to you now. Happy three-quarter-year birthday minus three days."

He handed Thorin the little parcel, perfectly wrapped and untouched, just as he had known it would be.

Thorin grinned as he opened the parcel. "You know, this is perfect and just what I wanted. Thank you!"

"I know. I just wish it had been a surprise for once," Dwalin said.

Thorin laughed and pulled Dwalin closer to kiss him. "You know, by now I think I would be worried if we actually managed to surprise each other," he whispered.

...

Dwalin waited. He had already wished Thorin a happy 150th birthday that morning, but he had a, well, not a surprise since that never worked out, but a little something for him.

When he heard the door of their house open, Dwalin stood up from where he had been trying to design a new door knob for Dís and the boys and hurried to the door.

He pulled Thorin into his arms and kissed him.

"Happy birthday, my heartjewel! I have something for you, since it is such a round birthday!"

Thorin laughed. "I wasn't really expecting to get anything on my birthday itself from you. I thought it would either be several weeks early or late. So, do you want me to feign surprise or be honest?"

Dwalin grinned and led Thorin to the sitting room. "I want you to guess. I got you three things."

"Alright. I say it's a silver belt buckle, probably with a raven design."

Dwalin nodded, pulling a small box from a drawer and gave it to Thorin. "Very good, not that I would have expected any differently. What else?"

"Is it a new hunting knife?"

"Exactly," Dwalin said. "Your old one has been sharpened so often it is almost falling apart," he handed Thorin the gift and grinned. "So what about the third gift?"

"It's one of those new things Dís invented for the hobbits, one of those umberbelly things that chase away the rain from over your head," Thorin decided, but Dwalin shook his head.

"A pin to go along with the belt buckle then?"

Again, Dwalin shook his head, his grin widening.

"A new chair, a belt or a hammer for the forge?"

"No, I'm afraid not," Dwalin replied, his grin now wide enough to almost reach his ears.

Thorin stood there thinking and Dwalin began thinking his plan to surprise Thorin might actually work.

"Clothes of some kind?" Thorin tried again. "Or maybe a new lamp?"

Dwalin just kept shaking his head.

"Please tell me it's not a pet," Thorin said. "You know I'm not comfortable about having animals inside the house."

"I know, which is why I would never do that," Dwalin said.

Thorin breathed a sigh of relief, then wrinkled his forehead in thought again. Finally, he shook his head.

"I have absolutely no idea what it could be," he admitted.

"Are you absolutely sure?" Dwalin asked, unable to resist enjoying the moment of his triumph to the fullest.

"Absolutely sure."

Dwalin took a last box out of the drawer. "Open it and find out."

Thorin removed the bow and opened the box. There was another box inside. Raising his eyebrows, he lifted it out and opened it, only to find yet another box inside.

"There's nothing inside here, is there?" Thorin asked.

"Keep going."

Thorin did and, after several more boxes, finally found something inside that wasn't a box. He stared at it.

"What is this?" Thorin asked, perplexed.

"What does it look like to you?" Dwalin asked, enjoying every moment.

"A sausage. With a bright green bow tied around it."

"Well, what makes you think it isn't just that?" Dwalin asked, grinning.

"Is it... is this some kind of metaphor for something we'll be doing in bed tonight?" Thorin whispered, blushing brightly.

Dwalin burst into great guffaws that left him gasping for breath. "No, it's a sausage, and just a sausage."

Thorin had to laugh too. "You just couldn't leave it, could you? You just had to find something that would surprise me."

"Of course I did. Don't tell me you don't like it."

Thorin inspected the sausage more closely. "No, it's perfect. It's my favourite type. It is firm, just the right size and colour and it smells delicious. And the shade of the bow matches perfectly. The only problem with it is that I don't know whether I want to eat it or get it framed."

They both burst into laughter again, doubling over and tears running down their faces.

When they finally calmed down again, Thorin took Dwalin's head in his hands and pressed their foreheads together.

"Thank you, that was absolutely wonderful. You are such a ridiculous dwarf."

"You love me for it," Dwalin retorted.