I will not let you down

Chapter 1

Something Not to be Tolerated

By Massinissa

She stood by the window, curtains drawn apart, her gaze lost somewhere among the distant lights of the city below. It was dark in her office, lamps were out. Somehow she didn't want to see her ghostly reflection on the night's background.
For a brief moment she thought she was left alone in the room, but no, she would have heard him leave. "Too bad he hadn't left yet, - she thought. Almost an inaudible sigh escaped her lips. – Calm down, - she caught herself on sighing again. – You are tired, - she stated to herself, - you need some rest, you can't find it, you can't shape out that very thing which will bring your inner peace, but you'll find it soon. Very soon, - she assured herself. – Just hold on a bit longer. Just a bit..." Why are you still here? – She addressed her undead servant in an icy tone.
And got no answer.
- I'm talking to you, would you be so kind as to answer me, Arucard? – She won't turn to see where he is or what he is so preoccupied with. He got his orders; it was his duty to obey.
Nothing, not a sound. Was he gone? Arucard?
Annoyance was growing rapidly inside her; she swiftly turned around to throw an insult right in that ugly smirking face of his... "What is going on? – Her pupils widened, she could hardly make out a dark shape on the opposite side of the room. – What?.."
Arucard stepped forward. Stepped into the moonlight spilt over the floor. He kept his head down so as to cover his eyes in the shadow of long black bangs. There was no way Integra could say where shadow ended. Arucard's hair seemed to be woven of the shadow itself. His usual smirk was gone. His features expressed nothing. Nothing at all...
Involuntarily Sir Hellsing took a step back. The vampire was terrifying. It wasn't something she saw, but rather what she felt...
- Arucard, - her tone grew demanding. Oh, it cost her so much strength to make it sound that way! Horrified, she felt her knees slightly trembling... - you heard my orders.
He looked up at her.
"Yes, I will call Walter right this moment... - Integra felt her temperature rising. She was afraid of him. – No! – She mentally yelled at herself. – Don't even dare to chicken out on me. It's only an insane vampire... - She was shivering now. – Insane. That's it." Wa... - she made an attempt to call Walter.
- Hush, - a look of disgust was now clearly visible on Arucard's face. -It is my turn to speak now.
She couldn't move. She was stunned by this... this unimaginable behavior of his... A cigar! She'll light a cigar, now. She desperately needs it, but all her body was trembling now, she saw it, she didn't feel it. She could feel nothing, only terror filling her every cell; she inhaled it from the air around...
Arucard kept looking her straight in the eyes and perhaps for the first time in her life fear was steering there.
- I've had enough of such treatment, - his voice turned to angry whisper, he almost hissed. – I've had my full. I serve and protect the Hellsings and how do they repay me? – Vampire's eyes narrowed. – They lock me in a cell like some beast as soon as they fell like it! - He raged inside, last bits of his self-control were dissolving rapidly. – That's the way you repay me? For everything I've done! You trade me for some additional troops, for some undernourished priests, like I'm some sort of a rag on a flee market!
Integra felt she would faint any minute now. Fear... It overwhelmed her. "No! – She cried out to herself in a last weak effort to fight back. – you are a Hellsing! You are a Hellsing!"
- How dare you, creature! – Unconvincing, her voice trembled.
- How dare you, lowlife! – Vampire's hands tightened into fists. - Dust of the Earth that fancied itself a Master over something it doesn't even understand, over something so great it couldn't fit into its tiny head! – His whisper grew quieter and even more menacing. – I'm no puppet on strings. I obeyed you though I could do whatever I wanted to you. I obeyed you by my mere good will, but you've crossed all lines! You imagined having the right to humiliate me! To bind me and put me in that dungeon with no reason at all! And you didn't even fancy to bid my forgiveness! Oh, no, mortal... You didn't even consider me worthy of explaining why you judged so.
All of a sudden he turned on his heels and stormed for the door. His red coat flapped madly behind him. Integra felt exhausted... She was ready to fall down on the cold floor when Arucard's voice, full strength now, sounded.
- I'm out of here, mortal. Do not expect me to be back. – He paused for a second. – And don't let me see you again. – He paused for a bit longer now. - You wont survive that.
Integra's head dropped. This can't be happening... And at that same moment she felt a cold look fixed on her. She felt ... hatred in that look.
- From now on I have no Master.
Having said that Lord of the vampires disappeared in the shadows, leaving his shivering former master alone in the darkness, for the moon hid itself behind the clouds. Sheer silence that took over the place was broken only by the sound of footsteps fading in the distance and tears hitting the cold floor of Sir Integra Wingates Hellsing's office.

Chapter 2

Peace yet to be Found

By Massinissa

"So, you will stand here and watch as her window glows in the dark. That tall figure must be Walter. Found his mistress finally. Good, he will take care of her. Time to leave... A good time to die, what a pity you cannot. What a pity!"
It has been long since he regretted his immortality.
"You should have obeyed and stayed. You have nowhere to go. You are useless, no one wants your protection, and no one needs it. You have grown old. And unlike all of the others, those you once knew, you will not receive reward for your life. For your unlife. Death is a treasure you will never collect. "
He kept standing in the shade of an ancient tree looking at her window, as if fascinated by the soft yellow glow of the lamps inside.
"You called her a foolish mortal, but she is far wiser than yourself. She will find her piece when time comes. She was wise enough not to except eternal life, eternal lingering in this ugly place... At least you know she is safe. She is safe as long as death is ahead of her. And no more suffering ..."
There must be a way to die. Even for him. And he will find it. He will.

Walter knocked gently at the door. Although no invitation to enter followed, he pushed it lightly and slipped in.

It was quiet and dark inside. His mistress must have already gone to bed. A warm smile lighted his features at that thought. Yes, Lady Integra needed some rest. Good that she finally acknowledged it. He will now switch the lights on, find the teapot he delivered her mistress' tea in and leave for the kitchen.

"Now, and just where that switch is supposed to be?"

- Ah! – Walter eventually found what he was looking for and a flash of bright yellow light pierced the room. The butler turned around to see where the teapot was... but instead his eyes darted to the corner by the window where, her back against the wall, arms round her knees, blonde head resting upon her shoulder, eyes closed, Lady Integra was sitting. Silent tears were pouring down her cheeks.

- My Lady! – In a split second Walter was beside her. – What happened?

Her head turned towards him, her blue eyes were fixed on his face. She sighed heavily and more tears found their way down her chin, falling on her wet sleeve. When she spoke, her voice was quiet, calm and... lifeless. She didn't seem to care about anything any more.

- I betrayed him, Walter. He left. He won't be back. I betrayed him... I betrayed his trust...

Walter said nothing. He didn't know what to say. He could not think of anything comforting to say to her. Somehow he felt nothing would comfort her now. Even if Arucard himself came here and said he had forgiven her. She would not forgive herself. She mistreated the one who cared for her. She showed mistrust; she showed how little Arucard's loyal service meant to her. She made a wrong choice between duty and friendship.

- My Lady, - something had to be done about the situation. Sir Hellsing was about to ruin herself. Even her strength had its limits. – My Lady, - Walter took her hands in his. – Everyone makes mistakes. Only by making them do we learn. You have to move on.

- No, Walter. I'm too tired of this life. I want no more. – Her voice was barely audible.

- My Lady, listen to me, - his grip on her hands tightened. She paid no attention. – You need to keep on going...

- What for! – She was on her feet now looking down at her servant. Her cheeks blushed, her eyes blazed, she was yelling. – I made a wrong choice! I betrayed what my father taught me! Why should I keep on living! Why?!

She breathed hard, her eyes looked desperately at him. The elderly servant of the Hellsings knew all too well his mistress was now reasoning with herself not with him, asking herself that question, seeking for an answer inside her. She tried and failed to prove herself worthy of living.

Slowly Walter rose himself from the floor. He stepped closer to his mistress and embraced her. Integra's arms were helplessly hanging down her sides, her head dropped on Walter's shoulder. She started sobbing.

- I will tell you why, my Lady, - Walter's voice was soft but his tone was strict. – If you give up now, than you've learned nothing from what had happened. It will mean that you both suffered for nothing.

- I lost a friend... - she muttered. – I thought I hated him. Now I see it's the other way around...

Walter sighed. "There's nothing you can do now, my Lady... - he didn't dare to say that aloud. – Just hope for the best... "

- Arucard doesn't hate you, mistress, - Walter ventured.

And the next moment he regretted having said that. Integra was now crying like a hurt baby. It seemed like the pain inside her was sure to tare her apiece.

Chapter 3

When Situation Is Bound to Worsen...

By Massinissa

The night deepened. Milky mist started to creep into the grounds like a giant living veil. The wind died out somewhere far away and its absence lay heavily on the ground.

Arucard was clutching his hat as hard as he only could. His fist ached, but he gave no heed to that.

"Ah, Walter, Walter! – His gaze was fixed on Integra's office window. - Calm her down, you can, you're the only one who can!"

- Master... - Walter turned his head to see a vampire entering through the wall - Master, - the undead called again.

Integra pushed Walter away as quick as she could. She turned her back on Arucard and hastily began wiping her tears with a handkerchief Walter had offered her earlier. She breathed fast attempting to calm down. She couldn't.

- Master, - Arucard called for the third time. – Please forgive me. Or at least try to... I truly regret all I said to you. I am more than willing to suffer the consequences of my ugly behavior.

Integra felt more tears dripping on the floor. It was her who had to beg for forgiveness, and instead he did... She couldn't bear it! Guilt she felt was about to crush her with all its might...

"Oh, what do I do? – She was screaming inside, - This all is so wrong! He asks me to forgive him, when it should be me asking that?!"

- I forgive you, Master, - she heard Arucard's voice from behind her.

She froze at the sound of that. He read her mind! He forgives her... She isn't worth of that. Why does he forgive her?

- Why? - Integra now turned to him, desperate to hear the answer.

The vampire smiled at her. Never before such a warm and reassuring smile was addressed to her. Arucard started walking towards his Master. Walter stepped aside, but not too far. He was tensed and watchful.

- You know, Master, - The undead's right hand now rested upon her shoulder. – You are a fool if you haven't guessed the answer yet.

Clearly, Integra was taken by surprise. She was hopelessly confused. He spoke so gently, yet his words... What did he mean by that?

- As much as I am, - Arucard's smile widened. – We both are fools.

A weak shadow of a smile appeared on Integra's face. That vampire was sure right.

Suddenly she caught herself on jumping at him and hugging him.

- Thank you, - she kept whispering, - Thank you, Arucard...

Integra felt such a long expected peace filling her. She felt as if she'd just completed the most impotent mission in her life and nothing was going to disturb her in the future. She felt that wonderful peace overwhelming her. It was all around her. She inhaled it from the air...

Watching confused impression first on Sir Hellsing's face and than on Arucard's made Walter smile. He sighed in relief.

Walter went to the table where a tea set was placed, collected it and left Integra's office. Walking down to the kitchen he thought of how ugly everything could have been and how wonderful it eventually had turned out.

- Thanks God it did, - he muttered. – Thanks God.