*Here it is folks! Another one of my overly cliche stories of regret and sorrow...and this time it's featuring Draco Malfoy (following the movie's plot) looking back at what he's done to the school and man who had been part of his life for such a long time. Thanks for reading, sorry for the angst!!!!*
Love Me...
Dumbledore's body fell off the tower, but the shock of it happening had not quite set in yet. I stood there, for only a second, realizing that I had failed...that Severus had to do it for me. But before I could even begin to cry (something I had been doing a lot of this year) I was being nudged down the steps and out of the tower; we were leaving.
Snape took the lead and for the first time in my life, I was grateful that he had been there for me. Not because he made Potter's life hell, not because I had been his favorite, but because he had killed Dumbledore, he had carried out my mission for me when I could not do it myself. ...The tears wouldn't come, I couldn't seem to do it, now, when it hurt so bad...
The hours in the Room of Requirement, days up on multiple towers bawling my eyes out over my failure, my eagerness to do something that deep down inside me, I knew I would never be able to do. Dumbledore was right, I'm not an assassin, I just wanted to prove myself, to show the Dark Lord that not all Malfoy's are worthless, to avenge my father and then move on with my life...somewhere far away...or was that what I wanted? Well, whatever it was, I fooled myself into thinking that this would be the answer to all my questions.
So I had a bit of a tat on my arm, had to do some sneaking around; did it help? No! It did not. I spent more time crying then I did succeeding and in the end, it didn't really matter. I am the failure my father was before me, and now I have to run from the one place I have called home...despite it not being such. It lay in tatters now, sheep with no shepard...Dumbledore is blind, so everyone else will stuble blindly. Harry Potter will come out as "captain amazing" and yet again, we will have to fight.
So the only thing that we gain from this entire situation is that Dumbledore is no longer capable of helping.
But where does all of this leave me?
I looked up at Snape, watched him stride through Hogwarts, willing to leave it, willing to run. I turned around...Auntie Bella? I watched my aunt destroy Hogwarts, shatter the glass of the windows in the great hall. Now the tears were coming. My home since I was eleven, and I had brought it to its knees in one single night. I single handedly brought deatheaters into the castle, and cornered Dumbledore, just so I could kill him, which Snape had to do.
What does that tell you about me? Am I pathetic? Do I strive to be excepted, only to do so for the wrong kind of people? Understand this; this is what I grew up with, and this is what I will die with. There's a mark on my arm to show who I am, who I always wanted to be. Now I'm not sure where I'm going....
Don't they realize that what they are, my father, my aunt... is what I can never be. I'm a coward, a dog with its tail between its legs....
And all I really need is to be loved.