Authors Note: this fic is a response to a challenge I was issued by some friends.
The Challenge: Hermione's reaction to being called 'one of the boys'. It must contain mention of a wizarding expletive, more points given if it mentions women's clothing. Mention of Ginny and the twins enjoying the confrontation.
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Her jaw dropped, and Hermione Granger stared down her friend coldly.
"What did you just say, Harry?" He paused, the obvious confusion leaving her wanting nothing more than to wring his neck.
"I said it'll be a great summer, spending time with the boys."
"Harry, you know I'll be here, don't you?"
"Yeah, of course 'Mione." His tone was one she'd used often, the one that meant explaining something agonisingly simple to someone who just didn't get it.
"Harry, am I one of the boys to you?"
"Yeah…" he clamped his hand over his mouth, finally realising his mistake. She stood, knocking her chair over in her fury, before marching up the stairs and into the room she shared with Ginny. The door slammed.
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"I'll show him!" she muttered darkly, slamming open her trunk and rummaging around for something hidden in its depths. A moment later, she smirked and began to change.
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Harry dropped his bottle of butterbeer when he saw her. Ron, for his part, choked on his own, the liquid spurting from his nose and covering his friend. Harry didn't notice.
Ginny, Fred and George settled in to enjoy the show.
She walked down the stairs, but how she could move in such tight fitting jeans, neither boy could figure out. And her top, Merlin's frilliest knickers, it should be illegal. It was black, tight and lacy, and with a gasp, Harry realised he could see her bright purple bra underneath it. She quirked an eyebrow at their appraisal, but kept moving slowly down the stairs, as though savouring their discomfit.
She spared a glance towards the three onlookers, and winked at Ginny. The girl doubled over, laughing silently. The twins… well, they were staring, but it certainly wasn't at her face. With a grin, she grabbed George by the neck, dragging his face down as she kissed him passionately, her body rubbing against him in a way that left him groaning.
"Harry," she purred, finally moving to stand before her best friends, "See these?" She grasped her breasts and lifted them upwards, somehow making the movement sarcastic.
"These, Harry, are called breasts. The fact that they're noticeable generally means I'm either an overweight man, or I'm a girl. Seeing as how I'm not overweight, you should take it to mean that I'm a girl." He gulped, eyeing her chest as though seeing it for the first time. She rounded on Ron, who appeared to be having a minor seizure.
"Ron, see these jeans? See how there's no bulge in the front of them? If I were one of the boys, there'd be a bulge. Look at George's, as an example. There's not a bulge in my jeans; that means I'm a girl." He fainted, and with a smirk to rival a Malfoy, she spun on her heel, marching back to her room to settle in with a good book, already wondering how many penseives would be abused that night.
With a look towards the rest of the group, George raced up the stairs after her.