AN: People seem to like "Decree of Fate" so I thought I would post more of my fic from LJ. This was also written for Brutal Business's Nathan/Charles month.
Disclaimer: I own nothing.
Warning(s): Zombies, boners, ED, and bad jokes
Zombie Boners
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Being dead is not quite the haze of confusion I expected. I remember the moments leading up to my death with perfect clarity. The crossbow bolt, the knife pressed to my face. Nathan and his heroic rescue with a flaming board. But it's too late. I'm already dead. Luckily I have a contingency plan in place.
After the funeral a few handpicked Klokateers come for the body. They deliver me to a well stocked remote lair where they can work in peace. I'm not really aware of any of this, what with being dead and all, but I know it's what must have happened. I've had it planed out for years now. Back up plans for my back up plans.
It takes the Klokateers longer than expected to bring me back. Three months have passed since I died and I can only hope Dethklok is fine without me. Being undead takes some getting used to and it is two more months before I am able to move without a noticeable zombie lurch. A particularly repugnant cocktail of drugs is needed to banish my rotted pallor and return a now artificial flush to my checks. My heart will never beat again. I am pleased to note that I feel no craving for brains. No craving for any food really. No more having to stop in the middle of important paper work for lunch. That will be nice.
Taking advantage of being dead, I devote the last few months to spying on possible threats. When you're dead, no one suspects you. Finally though, word reaches me of Dethklok's financial difficulties. I can no longer put off my coming out.
After my grand entrance the band seems anxious to get on with life and pretend I was never gone. This suits me just fine. They don't really mention my absence but from what I can tell they seem to think I faked my own death and have been hiding from them (and the rest of the world) for nine months. Do they really think I would be so cruel as to leave them if I didn't absolutely have to?
For awhile everything is fine. I fall back into my old patterns. The boys do something mind numbingly stupid and I clean up their mess. No one suspects a thing. Until Nathan.
See, before the accident Nathan and I had kind of a thing going on. It wasn't a very specific thing, we never gave it a name, but it was our thing. And I rather liked it. There are some limitations to being undead. With no circulation there are some parts that just don't work like they used to. Who knew being dead would put such a damper on my sex life. If Nathan and I start our thing back up again he'd know in an instant. But it's hard to stay away. He gives me the saddest look the first time I walk out of the conference room without taking him up on his wordless offer. In all honesty it is the first time I've ever refused him. After the fourth time he seems to get the message. At least he stops coming round my office at odd hours or waiting for me after band meetings.
Just as well, I'm sure there are plenty of live groupies more than happy to warm his bed. I can't warm anything anymore. I put it out of my mind. As far as I know he's completely forgotten about me.
Until now.
"Nathan, what are you doing?!"
It's late and he has surprised me. He moves silently to my side of the desk and spins my chair to face him. His eyes are focused intently on me. Not for the first time I realizes how much I miss being the object of such intense focus. I can see him struggling to find the words.
"You don't eat. Any more. Not once since you've been back."
I'm trapped under his questioning gaze, unable to answer.
"And you know, we haven't....."
He just sort of trails off looking a little hurt. If my heart wasn't already dead it would be breaking.
"Nathan, things happened while I was gone," I try to explain. "Things I can't talk about. Things I can't change."
He looks even more hurt at my half assed explanation.
"So while you were dead you meet someone new. Someone you know, smart and not a fucking idiot. Someone better."
He moves to release me. I grab for his arm without even thinking about it.
"No! Nathan, there's no one else. I thought about you the whole time I was gone. I, uh, missed you. It's just..."
I trail off, unsure of how to continue. How do you tell your lover that you and your love life are now effectively dead?
He leans back in and for the first time since rising from the dead he touches me. There is a look of recognition at the unfamiliar chilling sensation. Regardless he leans into kiss me. For the first time since coming back I am glad my heart no longer beats for it would have burst at the tenderness of this simple act. The kiss is light, nothing more than the briefest press of lips but he knows something is wrong.
"You're cold...?"
But his hands are cupping my checks again and if I could breath his next kiss would have stolen my breath away. After a minute we break apart. He looks down at me, still serious.
"Ah, You're not breathing, are you?" I don't know why I thought I could keep this from him. "You, uh, didn't survive that assassination attempt, did you?"
I shake my head no, unable to speak. There is a foreign wetness to my check. Funny, I didn't think the undead could cry. Then I smell the embalming fluid. Ah, that makes more sense.
"After the funeral some Klokateers collected me and brought me back. I'm, ah, sorry I was gone for so long, it took them awhile to bring me back."
Nathan is shocked. He looks for a place to sit down. He settles for the floor with a loud thud. "You're dead. Again."
I don't really know how to explain it. "Not really dead more like... Undead. Like a zombie."
He looks comically frightened at this. His hands fly up to protect his brain.
"Don't worry, I'm not going to eat your brain." I make a exasperated sigh and I can tell the earlier heaviness is dissipating.
Nathan laughs and stands back up. He moves back to hover over me, nuzzling my cold check.
"Bet that comes in handy in the summer."
We both have a laugh and for a moment everything feels normal.
"Does this mean we're uh, okay."
I have to tell him the other problem.
"There, uh was an... unexpected complication with the procedure."
He looks confused. Normally I try not to use so many big words in front of him.
"As a, uh, side effect, certain things just aren't working."
He's tilted his head like a confused dog. I might as well just show him. It's easier that way. I lean in and give him the sort of kiss that before the accident would have left us both hard and panting. As it is now, only one of us is in such a state. I move his hand to the front of my pants and kiss him again in the same way. The light bulb goes off.
"I thought dead guys were supposed to be, you know, stiff?"
If I could blush I would. As it is I settle for shifty embarrassment.
"Rigor mortis disappears after a few days."
He gives my cock a few more experimental rubs. Nothing. I could die of embarrassment on the spot, except you know, already dead.
"We've got, like, doctors and scientist. I'm stinking rich. Can't they, like, do something?"
"Nathan, there are better ways to spend your money than searching for the zombie alterative to Viagra."
A light bulb goes off.
"I've just had the best idea for a song. All these zombies running around, only with boners. Brutal."
He gets up to leave, anxious to write down the new idea before he forgets. He gives me a parting kiss and I suppose that we shall have to figure this all out later.