Sometimes people forgot just how young Alan Tracy was. Sure he was an astronaut and an ace pilot, but by most people's standards (and country's laws), he was still a kid. A kid who had lost his mother as a baby, and had now for all intents and purposes lost his father. He had his brothers of course, they always had his back and made him feel safe. But there was a certain security between a parent and a child that a sibling, no matter what they did, could not replicate. That wouldn't stop them from trying of course, especially Scott, always checking up on Alan, making sure he didn't pull too many 'Alan Tracy crazies' while on missions and in between. There was Grandma, always making sure he kept up with his studies and chores, while providing him with endless supplies of extremely well done cookies, whose atomic structure came close to representing some unearthly element. Hard as they may try, there was still something missing, a gaping hole in his chest cavity that no amount of 'smother hen' moments and burnt cookies could fill.
Alan had had nightmares before; recurring, one offs, he should be used to it by now. He kept telling himself, I'm not a little kid and his brothers weren't showing any signs of underlying fear, anxiety and sleep deprivation, that he could see. He's bigger than this, or at least he should be.
It was a Tuesday evening, Alan was tracing spilled sugar from Grandma's latest baking attempt with his index finger across the kitchen counter. Everyone else was off island or otherwise occupied. Scott was assisting with an evacuation in a small town in Europe which had been hit by a flash flood, Gordon and Virgil had been summoned to help a research submarine which had suffered a major power loss and subsequently run aground on a reef, Kayo was busy with a backlog of deferred maintenance on Thunderbird Shadow, she'd been down there a lot since her last attempt to track the Hood's whereabouts. Brains was in his lab with MAX testing a new upgrade for the holo-coms, and Grandma, exhausted from her latest run in with the Automated Kitchen Module had retired to her room early. It was just Alan and the spilled sugar alone in the vast complex. It was times like this that the gaping hole in his chest cavity felt bigger than ever. Being left out of missions before was slightly more tolerable because he could at least talk about what was going on with his father, checking the progress and how his brothers were faring. Alan worried about his brothers, he really did, and his father knew that and always gave him encouraging updates, how they were 'almost done' and would be 'back soon'. He could always call John up on '5, but with him coordinating two rescues, and no doubt having to assess other potential calls and hazards Alan didn't want to distract him, and besides he didn't want to come across as 'pestering' his brothers.
He could feel his eyelids getting heavier, the sky outside had turned a deep navy, the last fragments of orange now melting past the horizon. There was no sound save the waves softly rolling in on the beach below and a light breeze rustling the palm leaves outside the complex windows. He resigned himself to the fact there was nothing for it, he would have to go to bed. He laboriously performed his nightly ritual; cleaning his teeth and putting on an old pair of pyjamas that were threadbare in places, but he couldn't quite bring himself to get rid of them. He stood looking between the bed and the floor. He had taken to sleeping on the floor, partly out of laziness as it meant he could play Zombie Apocalypse until he literally dropped and partly because he found it strangely comfortable. However, tonight he opted for the bed, sheepishly for the reason of feeling the need to bury himself in something warm and comforting. He must have been more tired than he'd realised as he barely remembered climbing in before his eyelids finally gave under the weight and he fell into a deep sleep.
Virgil guided Thunderbird 2 expertly onto the runway at Tracy Island. He noticed there were very few lights on, which was understandable given that it was 2:45 am and he really hoped their return wouldn't disturb anyone, but there really aren't many ways you can land a four hundred tonne aircraft without making some sort of noise. He turned to Gordon who had curled himself up into the co-pilot's seat and was fast asleep. He'd checked in with John ten minutes earlier to inform him they were almost home, and to receive an update on the progress of Scott's rescue situation, which he had been told was now largely under control and he'd be on his way back within the hour.
'Hey, Gords, wake up, we're home.' He prodded his immediate younger brother gently on the arm and was greeted by some muffled and indeterminable acknowledgment.
With Thunderbirds 2 and 4 returned to their idle states and his aquanaut brother practically dragged up to his room, Virgil made for his own room. He walked as quietly as he could down the corridor but something made him stop suddenly. He was just past Alan's door and was sure he could hear something that sounded like muffled sobbing. He took a couple of steps backwards and pressed his ear as close as he dared up to the door. He heard a couple of gasps and then a shout, which pierced him like ice. It was one of terror and with that Virgil threw subtlety and silence out the window and pushed through the door. Alan was still in the throws of a night terror when Virgil swept to his bedside and sat on the edge, stepping over the bed sheet which was in a tangled mess on the ground. He put his hands on Alan's shoulders, his shirt was damp with sweat. He tried to hold him still, he knew it was risky to wake someone up suddenly when they were in such a state. It wasn't too much of an effort for the strongest of the brothers to hold down the youngest.
'Alan? Alan can you hear me?' Alan suddenly sat up, his eyes met Virgil's with a fear ridden gaze. 'Hey, it's ok, it's just me.' Virgil kept a firm hold on his brother's shoulders, keeping his gaze fixed on his little brother, allowing Alan's mind to catch up with the rest of him. His breathing was rapid and his hair was sticking to his forehead. 'Hey, you with me?' Virgil swept the hair from Alan's forehead, looking intently at him to make sure he was really awake. Alan nodded slowly, he realised he was shaking and he felt light headed from his fast shallow breathing.
'S….Sor….I….I….Just….'
Alan couldn't get his words out between his rapid breaths. He drew his knees up to his chest and tasted saltwater as he realised he was crying. He tried to hide his face from his brother, he hated crying in front of any of them, he was already the baby of the family and he hated the thought of living up to it.
It physically hurt Virgil to see his little brother in such distress. He looked at the blue eyed, freckled face before him, so young in the dim moonlight streaming through the window. Virgil had to fight a lump in his throat as he pulled Alan into a hug, lifting his legs over his own so he was practically in his lap and he just held onto him, tight. Alan buried his face in his brother's shirt as he felt Virgil's arms envelop him. Even though Virgil was often mistaken for being intimidating due to his build and dark eyes, it was those very features that at this moment were the most comforting to the youngest Tracy. Virgil stroked the side of Alan's head as he held him close, rocking him slightly, talking to him in his deep, soothing voice. Alan wasn't really processing the words properly, but just the sound of his big brother's voice was enough to slow his breathing slightly and stem the hiccup-ridden flow of his sobbing. Alan hadn't noticed but as Virgil was trying to calm him, a roar of a jet rumbled through the complex signalling the return of Thunderbird 1 and Scott.
Virgil was half hoping Scott would take a while longer to find his way up to his bed, the last thing Alan needed right now was to be smothered with urgent questioning as to what was wrong. Virgil looked down at his little brother, still clinging to his shirt. His breathing had slowed and had started to return to normal, but Virgil didn't loosen his arms. He'd hold onto his little brother, cradling his fears away, just like when they were small, and Scott used to do the same for him after their mother died. Virgil silently cursed at himself and the remaining three Tracy brothers (maybe semi-excluding John as he was off planet most of the time, but still) for not noticing or paying more attention to Alan and how he was handling all of this. They had tried to carry on as though nothing had happened, carrying on doing their job, but something had happened. Their Dad was gone. They always held out hope that one day he would come back, but right now he wasn't there. Alan always put on a cheeky smile, something he'd no doubt picked up from Gordon over the years, the second youngest seemed to have a knack of concealing deep rooted pain somewhere between the pool and his mischievous amber eyes.
He was distracted from his silent cursing and recollections by the sound of footsteps coming up the stairs at the end of the corridor. He'd left the door to Alan's room open in his urgency to check on his little brother. That was going to be a sure fire signal to Scott that something was up, Alan never left his door open when he was in his room.
Sure enough moments later, the door moved a few inches on its hinges and Scott's head appeared from around it. Scott's eyes turned to confusion and worry when he saw Virgil cradling their brother in his bed. Virgil turned his head as much as he dared towards Scott, Alan was almost asleep and Virgil didn't want to risk waking him suddenly again. He signalled Scott to leave, and gave him a look that told him he'd explain later. Reluctantly Scott retreated from behind the door and Virgil heard him move down the corridor to his own room, although Virgil was sure he'd be pacing the corridor again soon.
Alan's grip on his brother's shirt had lessened and his breathing was slow and steady. Virgil gently lifted him from his lap back into his bed, still talking to him quietly. He pulled the bed sheet from the floor and gently draped it over his little brother, running his hand through his hair one last time as he did so. He backed out of the room and closed the door gently behind him. Sure enough Scott was pacing the corridor outside.
On the other side of the complex, another heart rate had escalated, another set of lungs was struggling to regulate the flow of air rapidly passing through them and another face was being stained with tears. Kayo had also brought her knees up to her chest, sitting in her bed trying to control her breathing and not let the tears get the better of her. She tried to force the images from her mind, that moments earlier had been playing out in front of her as real as the tears now running from her face down her neck. The island was in ruins, ships and technology lay in pieces everywhere. The faces of the five Tracy brothers swimming before her, bloodied and bruised. It's all your fault they kept saying, you betrayed us were the words she kept hearing over and over before they cast from the island. Sinking into the Pacific, unable to move, her uncle's laughter ringing in her ears. Her crying was audible now, she shoved her face further into her knees and the blankets, trying to drown herself and the images out. A stabbing pain of guilt twisted her insides as she brought her knees closer still.
You'll have to tell them someday. Grandma Tracy's words fought their way over the rest of the words still swimming between her conscious and subconscious. The thought filled her with more fear than she'd ever experienced on the most dangerous of missions. How could they continue if they found out it was all her fault? She knew who the Hood was. She could have told them but she hadn't. She couldn't. The looks they had given her in her nightmare, they each cut through her, the scene replaying in her mind over and over. A dim yellow glow had begun to fill the room when she finally lifted her head from her knees. Her head was pounding and her eyelids drooped under the pressure. She allowed her head to fall back onto her pillow, facing the photo frame on her bedside table containing what had always been one of her favourite photos, the five Tracy brothers, their father, Grandma Tracy, herself and her father, all beaming at her through the wooden frame, taken not long after they all came to the island.
No. She repeated to herself over and over. He wasn't going to do this, the man who had taken away so much from the Tracys, from her. No. Enough.
Among the words cascading though her mind, came ones she hadn't heard for a long time. It was her father, something he had always told her when she was small; The bad people of the world do win sometimes, but after that win, they still only have their dark towers and those who fear them to return to. Even in defeat the good have homes and families, friends and comrades no matter what, so even in defeat they are rich beyond the realms of those who seek to destroy them. Kayo had a home and a family, and she was damned if he was going to take that from her.