Disclaimer: I don't own CSI: NY, if I did season 4 would have had a major rewrite. I also don't own the song More Like Her, that belongs to Miranda Lambert
A/N: I actually had this written a few days ago but had a hiccup and wouldn't let me log in, it was really annoying.
This story came to be because I was lurking some CSI: NY forums and I noticed that there were some fans (not too many but they sure were persistent) who were constantly bashing Lindsay's character. This wouldn't have bothered me except they kept referring to Lindsay's behavior towards Danny, how she was so cruel to him during the whole Ruben fiasco. They never wrote a single word about Danny's actions towards Lindsay, things like pushing her away, forgetting her birthday, and cheating on her! It really irked me that people would actually accuse Lindsay of treating Danny like dirt when he was obviously the one at fault, especially since she was the one who was trying to help him, she was the one who took him back when most people wouldn't have. If anything people should be commending her character. So this fic is pro-Lindsay all the way and highlights to good qualities she has.
On the flip side there is another character I've seen abused, Rikki. I fully believe D/L fans have the right to be angry over the plotline in Season 4 but I have seen some vehement hatred for Rikki as well, granted I do believe there is more reason for this hatred but personally I always found her more sympathetic. I'm not condoning what she did, but losing a son probably the most painful thing a person can face and I can't blame her for taking comfort in someone, it was wrong and she knew it but that doesn't mean she's inherently evil like some fans seem to think. So this fic will try to show Rikki in a sympathetic light.
The song in this fic is More Like Her by Miranda Lambert, I was driving when this song came on the radio. As soon as I heard it I immediately thought of Danny and Lindsay, I think it perfectly describes how Rikki would feel if she saw them now. If anyone who reads this fic has any video capabilities I personally would love to see a video to this song. I think it would be really perfect.
Enjoy
More Like Her
Rikki Sandoval hesitated in the doorway for a moment, watching as Danny Messer signed some paper work on his desk, his simple fluid motions and relaxed manner were something she admired. Her heart beat faster with fear and anticipation; she was putting everything on the line to speak with him. It'd been over a year since she'd moved away but if he had thought about their time together even a tenth as much as she had then there was hope.
With shaking hands she knocked quietly on the open doorway, "The super said you weren't home, I had a feeling you might be here."
Danny looked up quickly, he smiled softly. Was it hesitation, awkwardness or nerves? She didn't know, but he did stand up to greet her, "Rikki, I didn't think I'd see you again."
She smiled brightly, "I'm just passing through…to see you actually."
He looked a little saddened by her words, "Why would you do that?"
Rikki noticed his discomfort, but she'd come to say what she'd been wishing for and a little anxiety on his part wasn't going to stop her, "I've been thinking…a lot. You think moving away would help me forget about Ruben, but it doesn't." Now she looked up to meet his eyes, "I've been thinking about you too, how good you were with him, how you helped me out so much afterwards…and the things that happened between us."
She looked down to the floor, "I didn't realize how much it meant to me…how much you meant to me until I was gone. I thought staying away would be best but now…" she looked up at him again with pleading eyes, "I was kind of hoping that maybe you and I could…try to work something out."
There it was said, now it was his turn. His turn to say he'd been thinking about her too. His turn to pour his heart out and his turn to agree to give things a try.
Danny sighed and rubbed his eyes with his thumb and forefinger, he shook his head, "Rikki…that's not going to happen…
…I'm married."
Those two words caused Rikki to gasp, her heart plummeted down to her toes, "Married." She repeated. She'd never considered that option, not in any of her scenarios over the past year. It just had not seemed possible.
"Yeah," Danny repeated, "Lindsay and I got married a few months ago."
For the first time Rikki noticed the pictures on Danny's desk, pictures of the young woman she vaguely remember with short brown hair and innocent brown eyes. A wholesome girl with a simple look that was both breathtaking and comfortable.
She's beautiful in her simple little way
"She was the one you were seeing when we…" Rikki trailed off, her eyes still glued to the picture of…Danny's wife.
Danny nodded, "We went through a rough time there…and afterwards but we worked through it."
She don't have too much to say when she gets mad
She understands she don't let go of anything
Even when the pain gets really bad
"She didn't walk away," Rikki inferred, "unlike me."
I guess I should have been more like that
Danny didn't reply to her accusations about herself, he sighed before he tried to explain the complications of their relationship. "I was with her for a while and things were great, but after Ruben died, I wasn't in a good place…"
You had it all for a pretty little while
"…She didn't know what to do, but she tried. I just gave up…and you were there, you were in the same place I was and I felt responsible for that. I wanted to make you feel better…I wanted to make me feel better, but I tried all the wrong things."
And somehow you made me smile when I was sad
You took a chance on a bruised and beaten heart
"I never thought about what I was doing to Lindsay…until she said she loved me. It wasn't until then that I felt guilty, it wasn't until then that I knew what we were doing was wrong, that I was only messing up my life and throwing away the only thing I ever wanted…"
And then you realized you wanted what you had
I guess I should have been more like that
Rikki understood what he was saying; she remembered when she stood in his doorway with the cup of sugar, the grief in his eyes. It hadn't just been for Ruben but for the wrong he'd done to Lindsay. "And then I left," Rikki finished for him, "and you had the opportunity to make things right."
Would he have taken that chance if she'd stayed? Would he have continued to try to heal her pain? If she could have stayed, if she could have tried to help him like Lindsay had would she be the one with him now?
I should have held on to my pride
I should have never let you lie
I guess you got what you deserve
I guess I should have been more like her
"Does she know?" Rikki couldn't help but ask, "does she know about us?"
Danny nodded, "I think she always knew. Probably since the first time she saw me after that first night…she never said anything about it though…she forgave me."
Forgiving you well she's stronger than I am
You don't look much like a man from where I'm at
It was hard for Rikki to believe. Lindsay understood, she'd forgiven him, she'd taken him back and helped to sooth his guilty conscience. Why? What made her do such a thing? He'd cheated on her, taken to another woman's bed, he'd lied and hurt her more than any other person could. Either she was an incredibly strong woman…or she loved him more than pain could break.
Or both.
It's plain to see desperation showed it's truth
You love her as she loves you with all she has
"It made us stronger," Danny explained, "we started over because we knew that we were better together than we ever would be apart." He smiled now, "then she found out she was pregnant."
Pregnant?! "You have a baby?!" She repeated like a fool.
Danny's smile grew wider, obviously a very proud father, and pointed to another cluster of pictures on his desk. "A daughter, she was born a couple months ago," he explained.
There it was; the proof of their love. A tiny little girl wrapped in a pink blanket, Danny and Lindsay smiling at the hospital, obviously only a few hours after her birth. Another had Lindsay holding the baby in a park, a close up showing her adoration for the little life.
She'd taken him back.
She'd married him.
She'd given him a child.
But most of all she'd loved him enough to not give up. She hadn't walked away when
she'd had every right to and for her faith in her love she'd reaped the rewards.
I guess I should have been more like that
Rikki knew she'd been too late, not that she'd had any chance at all. So she smiled at Danny even if she truly didn't mean it, "You seem really happy."
"I am," he told her.
She looked once more at the collage of photographs, "I guess there wasn't really any reason for me to come."
I should have held on to my pride
I should have never let you lie
Danny sighed; he looked down at the ground for a moment before looking back up at Rikki, "I'm sorry."
She shook her head, "No you're not, you're not sorry that you have a wife and a child, you're not sorry that you love her."
"No I'm not," He agreed after a moment, "but I don't deserve her, for the rest of my life I'm never going to understand why she stayed, why she fought for us."
Rikki smiled, "Because you're worth it," she told him, "and it looks like the best woman won."
I guess you got what you deserve
She smiled at him one last time and walked away with the pieces of her broken dreams. She wasn't really paying attention to the people around her. Instead she was thinking about the pictures on Danny's desk, the opportunity's lost and the woman who'd won his heart.
I guess I should have been more like her
Which is why it surprised her to see Lindsay walking her way.
Rikki ducked behind a corner and watched as Lindsay Messer headed towards Danny's office, a smile on her lips and a bassinet in her arms. Her smile broke into a full grin when Danny caught sight of his family; he pulled his daughter from the bassinet and hugged her close. He talked playfully to the baby making Lindsay laughed.
Then he pulled Lindsay close and kissed her tenderly showing love and affection that Rikki had never seen. Against her will a tear rolled down her cheek.
She's beautiful in her simple little way
A/N: I really felt sorry for Rikki when I wrote the last line, I hope I'm not alone in that. For all those who read this I challenge you to listen to the song More Like Her, it really makes the fic come to life and again if anyone would like to make a video (I would if I could but my abilities in that area are nill) please do so and let me know, I would really love to see it.