STAR WARS
An Odd Spice Run
(Okay, so I invented that title after the fact, but it's a lot cooler than just "Star Wars Meets MTV.")
(We see the MTV logo, and then the Spice Girls' music video "Wannabe" starts. Just as Melanie C. is doing her backflip on the banquet table, a well-aimed blaster bolt hits her, knocking her unconscious to the floor. The other four Spice Girls stop singing abruptly and look around, confused. After a minute, Geri looks to the left and screams. Pan left to see Boba Fett, standing in the doorway. Dengar and Iggy stand behind him.)
Boba Fett: (to Dengar and Iggy) Stun the rest of them and take them back to the ship.
(The girls panic and run around, but the hunters get them all stunned. They collect them and carry them outside. Shot: the Flying Iron, in a parking lot. The bounty hunters carry the girls into the ship. In the next shot, they're all in the cockpit. The girls begin to wake up)
Emma: What's going on . . . ?
Boba Fett: Just relax, Earthlings. We're taking you to do a new . . . uhm . . . what's your word for "engagement?"
Emma: "Gig?"
Boba Fett: Yes, to do a new gig for someone famous.
(He makes the jump to hyperspace. The girls get thrown around)
Geri: That wasn't very nice!
Dengar: Bounty hunters are never very nice.
(She turns to her comrades)
Geri: Great. We've been abducted by aliens to do a gig on another planet for a famous person.
Emma: Who is probably also an alien.
Iggy: That is correct, Earthling. You are being taken to entertain Jabba the Hutt.
(The Spice Girls exchange worried looks)
(Shot: the Flying Iron lands in Mos Eisley. The Spice Girls are marched into a rented landspeeder, which the bounty hunters drive to Jabba's palace.)
(Shot: Jabba's main audience chamber)
Jabba: (says something in Huttese)
C-3PO: The mighty Jabba the Hutt has decreed that you are to audition by performing your talents. If he approves, you may be kept here longer.
Mel B.: Well, I guess we're stuck. Let's do it.
(They begin to perform "Spice Up Your Life.")
(Shot: During one of the brief nights on Tatooine. Jabba is asleep on his throne. The exhausted Spice Girls are seated near Jabba's throne, whispering to each other.)
Emma: Oh, I'm so tired.
Mel B.: We all are!
Victoria: What a concert!
Mel C.: They're all like that.
Victoria: Yes, but this time, if the audience didn't like us we'd be killed!
Geri: We've got to get out of here!
Leia: No you don't.
Geri: We don't?
Leia: No. My friend Luke is coming to rescue Han tomorrow. (points to Han) With any luck he'll rescue me, too, and I'll convince him to take you home.
Geri: Great!
(From then on we see all the same Tatooine scenes that are in ROTJ, only the Spice Girls are in them. After they blow up the sail barge, we see Luke, Han, Leia, Chewie, and the Spice Girls in the Millennium Falcon)
Han: All right, hang on.
(They go into hyperspace.)
(Shot: The Falcon lands in the same parking lot where the Flying Iron picked the Spice Girls up. The girls walk out.)
Spice Girls: Bye! Thanks for the ride!
(The Falcon takes off. The girls walk back onto the set of their video.)
Emma: (to cameramen) Sorry for the delay. Now where were we?
Mel C.: I was in the middle of my backflip.
Cameraman: Okay, let's get back to it then.
(They get back to it and finish the video.)
Disclaimer: The Spice Girls belong to themselves, and of course their songs are theirs. Star Wars and all related characters belong to Lucasfilm Ltd. No copyright infringement is intended; I write because it's fun. :-)
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