New story new adventure. Dedicated to those who need to travel a long way right now but are stuck away from love ones and home due to the Volcano duct of April 2010.
Additional : Cardinal sin as I got a key Red Dwarf Rimmer fact wrong. As pointed out to me by Caz, Rimmer was born on Io not Titan. How I will live this mistake I will never know (seconds pass) Forgotten! :)
Chapter 1 – The Derelict
Kryten swept the psi-scanner in front of him as he, Lister and Rimmer slowly walked down the cold corridor. Bits of cable hung from the ceiling while a damp mist flowed around their ankles.
Rimmer lent forward and whispered. "Anything?"
Kryten shook his head and the three continued on into the gloom.
It had been three weeks since they had first spotted the Delta-seven craft on long range scanners and since that first day they had made every effort to determine if she was stable and safe to board. Early scans and hails had produced very little, it seemed the ship was held in some sort of orbit around a giant planet that was blocking any attempts they made to discover what or who owned the ship or indeed if anyone was still alive down there and so here they where deep in the unknown.
The small scanner started to beep, in the silence of the ship it seemed impossibly loud.
"Why is it making that noise?" asked Rimmer nervously.
Kryten looked down at the small screen. "It seems there is a power surge operating in this area."
"Power surge, I knew it, I knew I should of not come, didn't I say that I had my monthly button audit to do. Lister you gimboid, why did you make me come."
Lister turned to see Rimmer wide eyed with fear. "Listen man, nobody made anybody come, you know the deal it was your turn, clam down and let's see what's going on."
Kryten had stopped sweeping the device he was holding. "Well, whatever it is, it's behind that door." He said pointing it towards a nearby door.
"OK guys you know the drill, I'll go first and you follow, and for smeg sake nobody make any sudden moves, the last time we tried this I ripped a smegging hole in the side of the ship." Said Lister holding the basokiod.
Rimmer gulped and watched as Lister placed his hand on the door release and pressed down.
Wooosh! Went the door as a release of air escaped from the room sending Listers dread locks flying backwards.
Lister stepped gingerly into the dimly lit room. "Hello?" he said.
No reply.
He tried again. "Any one home?"
Still nothing.
"Kryten man, can I have some light on the subject man?" asked Lister.
Kryten clicked his right index finger and flipped down the end segment. A small light shone out from the end of his finger.
"Cheers. Point it over here man." Said Lister who had walked over to an array of terminals.
Rimmer still stood at the door and waited nervously as the two others inspected the room. He nearly jumped out of his skin when the door whooshed closed behind him. He decided it was safer to sick closer to the others and joined Lister.
"What you reckon they are Kryten, looks pretty nifty to me." Said Lister eyeing up the computers.
"Indeed it does, these are far beyond any computer technology I have ever seen sir. I suspect this craft is very advanced indeed." Said Kryten.
"Well fantastic, more computers, only not just any computers but nice future shiny ones. What about the supplies we very much need, huh?." Said Rimmer.
Lister turned to Rimmer. "Listen, these might be important there might be tech here that can get us back to earth, or even make you human again. Actually scrub that, I don't thing anything could make you human again Rimmer."
"Oh ha bloody ha Lister, some of us have more important things to be doing today thank you." Said Rimmer folding his arms.
"What counting buttons, Rimmer you smeghead."
Kryten had actived one of the terminals and was reading the onscreen text. "Most fascinating."
"Wait don't tell me it's got a super socket interface and you are compatible, I'm so happy for you Kryten, I am sure you both will be very happy." Said Rimmer sarcastically.
"Ignore him man, what you found?" asked Lister.
"Well according to this, we are in the mail room." Began Kryten.
"Oh just fantastic, I needed to update my subscription to telegraph monthly." Butted in Rimmer.
"Rimmer!" glared Lister.
"Well it seems who ever owned this ship had a communication system far in advance of our own. They developed a way of transmitting light beyond the speeds of the known universes. In effect being able to send messages back to earth in an instant even when deep in outer space." Finished Kryten.
"What, so they could send video messages back and like." Asked Lister.
"Far better than that sir. The system was capable of transmitting the light from a hologram from one spot to another. In effect any crew member could use a hologram projection of themselves and in one flick of the switch they could be standing back on earth." Said Kryten sounding impressed.
"What so we can't use it to get us back to earth then?" questioned Lister.
"Not unless we all want to be like Mr Rimmer sir." Said Kryten looking at Rimmer.
"Hang on a sec." said Rimmer looking worried.
"I know where your going with this and you can forget it, I am not using some wiz bang device to send my light across the universe."
"But sir, the records show it is quite safe and it would allow us to determine if there was even an earth to return to. Just think you could meet the human race and find out if they evolved into some fantastic race." Said Kryten.
"If Lister here is anything to go by I don't hold out much hope Kryten, and anyway how would I get back?"
Kryten returned to the screen. "Well let's see, arrhh yes here it is. It seems the system is fitted with an automatic recall feature, we simple set the time and bingo bobs your auntie and you return."
Lister looked hopefully at Rimmer. "Come on man, you could find out what happened to Earth."
Rimmer shook his head. "No way, sorry but this hologram is not going anywhere. Now let's get some loot and skedaddle."
"Come on man, this is a chance for one of us to travel home." Said Lister.
"It's not my home Lister, remember I was born on Io." Said Rimmer.
Lister held up his hands. "OK, OK you're right it's far too dangerous, let's go."
Back on Red Dwarf Lister could not help but wonder what if. What if they could find out what had happened to Earth, to his home, didn't he have a right to know. He lent over the bunk and looked at the still figure of Rimmer lying on the bunk below and made a choice.
He jumped down, and cursed his heavy boots had they made contact with the hard floor, but Rimmer didn't stir. He made his way to the drive room, and once inside he called Holly.
"Holly man I need to know what happened to Earth." Said Lister sitting at one of the consoles hit boots resting on the table top.
"From what Kryten tells me it seems your knackered mate. If Rimmer won't go then you will just have to go back to the old and trusted method of finding these things out." Said Holly.
"Which is?" asked Lister
"I always read the stars in the back of the paper, that tend to work for me." Said Holly.
"You what? There a load of nonsense Holly, they never come true, do they?." Asked Lister sound sceptical.
"Oh no, never, but it makes me feel better that one day I will meet a tall handsome stranger and find a surprising twist to my day." Said Holly looking distant.
"Oh right, well I want to know, so can you give me access to Rimmers light bee please Hol."
"Sure, but why?" asked Holly.
Lister grinned. "I'm going to send Rimmer on a little mission."
Kryten looked over at Lister. "Sir are you absolutely sure you want to do this?"
Lister held Rimmers small light bee in his right hand. He and Kryten had collected it from his quarters and returned to the derelict ship and the communications room.
"Yeah, I need to know Kryten and Rimmer here is going to be my carrier pigeon." Said Lister plugging the small light bee into the devices interface.
"OK, but when he gets back I am going on an extended broom cupboard holiday." Said Kryten firing up the post program.
"OK, destination Earth, time to receipt estimated at 12 minutes and auto recall set at 30 minutes, that should be enough time for Mr Rimmer to gather info and return." Said Kryten hitting the enter key. Just as he did so, a small squeaky voice emitted from the light bee.
"Hey, what's going on, where am I." said Rimmer.
"Look I'm sorry man, I need to know, Kryten if you would do the honours." Said Lister holding his hands to his lips in mock prey.
"What! Lister what are you talking about?" Said Rimmer more urgently.
"Here goes, good luck Mr Rimmer." Said Kryten before hitting the transmit key.
Rimmers world changed. One minute he felt small and round but now he was aghast at what he saw. Worlds, stars galaxies streamed by and then he knew, he knew what Lister had done and inside the light be his voice screamed.
'LISTER YOU TOTAL AND UTTER GIT!!'