A.N/ Because I had to write something tagged to 5x19. Plus- it's Densi Day.
"Wouldn't change a second of it.''
As the red light blinked off and the recording stopped Kensi Blye allowed her head to drop. It wasn't much but it was all she could manage. She knew there was a chance that she wouldn't come back from this, knew the risks. She also knew that he deserved more, but as the tears dripped down her face she knew that while she hadn't made the right choice, it was the only one she was capable of at this moment.
Admittedly none of this was the right choice; she knew that even now. But she also knew that if she didn't do this, those memories, those doubts, those scars, that Jack had left on her heart would continue to affect her, more so now that she had seen him again. All the questions that she had held in her heart since that Christmas day morning had been brought back tenfold the moment she realised it was him in her scope of sniper rifle. She needed answers to those questions or she could never truly let go of her past. The scars on her heart no longer caused the pain that they had when they were fresh, but the ache served as a reminder of her past, of what could happen when she trusted implicitly, when she let her guard down. It was only by confronting the inflictor of these scars that she could finally allow herself to heal completely. It was undeniable that Jacks' abandonment, in fact his actions from the very moment he'd returned to her, had caused her immeasurable pain. Pain that had continued to plague her in every romantic connection she attempted to make. She couldn't allow that to happen with Deeks, she wouldn't survive losing him.
No. This was the only way.
But it didn't make it any easier.
This message was her only goodbye. She knew that Deeks deserved his own farewell, knew that he deserved an explanation for her potentially throwing away their future together. He deserved to know that she was doing this to try to avoid that very thing; he deserved to know she loved him.
But she just couldn't do it.
And so this last line, these last five words of her message to the team, would have to serve as her goodbye to him. Her farewell to the man that had sauntered into her life, and her heart, so easily.
She just hoped he'd realise the greater meaning behind them.
I love you. I'm sorry. Goodbye.
A.N/ HAPPY DENSI DAY! I just had to publish something today so here you go! This was hastily written so I hope it's actually good and you like it! Hopefully I'll be able to update and publish more over the next two weeks now I'm on Easter Break. Life is kinda crazy for me at the moment but I won't bore you with that. Anyway hope you're all having a great Densi day! Remember to follow me on tumblr: iambrightgrey and to favourite and follow me.
Holly xoxo