The Danger of Letting Cloud Read Joke Books
The inspiration for this fic came from my friend Yami-D(so go and read her fics ya hear!) and a rather perverted joke book that lives in her house.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the stuff I do.
Cloud Strife, saviour of the world and three times winner of The Daily Lemmings "Stupidest Blond" award sat in his cupboard. He was sitting in a cupboard, because there was no room to sleep anywhere else. He lived with his adoptive mother's sister's cousin's grandmother's boyfriend's daughter, whose name was Beatrice. Beatrice was 24 years old and lived by herself, because she didn't like her grandmother's boyfriend. She also didn't like Cloud. In fact, she hated the spiky haired idiot and the way he took three hours in the bathroom every morning and his inability to even boil water. So she made him sleep in the cupboard. Cloud woke up that morning to find a coat hanger in his back and a pair of jeans on his head. There was also, to his great surprise, a chocobo sitting in the closet.
"Bwarrrk"
"Oh, hello, I'm Cloud, I saved the world you know" The chocobo pecked him in the head.
"BWAAAAAARRRRRRRRK!!" Cloud gripped his head in pain when the cupboard door swung open.
"Cloud!" Yelled Beatrice "Don't upset the chocobo!" She hugged the big yellow bird "It's ok Beaky, the stupid nasty man won't annoy you anymore"
"Um, Miss Beatrice?" asked Cloud. She gave him an annoyed look.
"*Sigh* Yes Cloud?"
"Could I come out now?" Beatrice nodded. Cloud crawled out of the cupboard and started to make his way to the bathroom. A flash of yellow and a patter of claws signified that the chocobo wanted the bathroom first. Cloud banged his fist on the door.
"Bwaaak!" The noise sounded like the Chocobo had stuck its tongue out at Cloud.
"Let me in you stupid bird! I saved this whole bloody world and the least you can do is let me in the bathroom!!" He heard the shower turn on and something that sounded like whistling. Cloud sat down outside the door. He was feeling really depressed and needed to fix his hair. Then, something caught his blue eye. It was a book. A brightly coloured book with a picture of a blond girl on the front. The title read "Dumb Blond Jokes". Cloud picked it up and read the first page. It said:
Q. What is the difference between a blond and a brick?
A. If you lay a brick, it won't follow you around for weeks afterwards whining.
"Huh? I don't get it" Cloud said.
"What don't you get?" asked Beatrice who was carting a basket full of laundry. Cloud looked at her.
"Miss Beatrice?"
"Yes Cloud?"
"You're blond, right?"
"Yes Cloud"
"So, if I laid you, would you follow me around for weeks afterwards?" In Clouds mind, it was an innocent question but to someone with more IQ than a pickle, it was very dirty. Beatrice dropped the basket on his toe and slapped him round the face.
"You pervert!" She yelled and stalked off. Cloud followed.
"Well, I'm blond, how about if you laid me?" Beatrice turned beetroot with rage.
"Cloud Strife! There will be no laying of ANYONE in this house! You are a sick, perverted man and if you make one more comment like that…" She raised her fists "You'll be out of this house faster than you can say Red Thirteen!"
"But miss, I only want to lay someone to see if they follow me…."
"Ok, GET OUT!!!"
Cloud found himself outside on the curb. He rubbed his arm and ducked as his Buster sword flew over his head.
"And don't come back 'till you're less sick!!" Yelled Beatrice and slammed the door of her house. Cloud sat on the dusty street for a while, looking confused. The, he made up his small, gel filled mind. He would ask the joke to every blond in the world until he found the logic behind it.
And so the madness begins.
The inspiration for this fic came from my friend Yami-D(so go and read her fics ya hear!) and a rather perverted joke book that lives in her house.
Disclaimer: I own nothing but the stuff I do.
Cloud Strife, saviour of the world and three times winner of The Daily Lemmings "Stupidest Blond" award sat in his cupboard. He was sitting in a cupboard, because there was no room to sleep anywhere else. He lived with his adoptive mother's sister's cousin's grandmother's boyfriend's daughter, whose name was Beatrice. Beatrice was 24 years old and lived by herself, because she didn't like her grandmother's boyfriend. She also didn't like Cloud. In fact, she hated the spiky haired idiot and the way he took three hours in the bathroom every morning and his inability to even boil water. So she made him sleep in the cupboard. Cloud woke up that morning to find a coat hanger in his back and a pair of jeans on his head. There was also, to his great surprise, a chocobo sitting in the closet.
"Bwarrrk"
"Oh, hello, I'm Cloud, I saved the world you know" The chocobo pecked him in the head.
"BWAAAAAARRRRRRRRK!!" Cloud gripped his head in pain when the cupboard door swung open.
"Cloud!" Yelled Beatrice "Don't upset the chocobo!" She hugged the big yellow bird "It's ok Beaky, the stupid nasty man won't annoy you anymore"
"Um, Miss Beatrice?" asked Cloud. She gave him an annoyed look.
"*Sigh* Yes Cloud?"
"Could I come out now?" Beatrice nodded. Cloud crawled out of the cupboard and started to make his way to the bathroom. A flash of yellow and a patter of claws signified that the chocobo wanted the bathroom first. Cloud banged his fist on the door.
"Bwaaak!" The noise sounded like the Chocobo had stuck its tongue out at Cloud.
"Let me in you stupid bird! I saved this whole bloody world and the least you can do is let me in the bathroom!!" He heard the shower turn on and something that sounded like whistling. Cloud sat down outside the door. He was feeling really depressed and needed to fix his hair. Then, something caught his blue eye. It was a book. A brightly coloured book with a picture of a blond girl on the front. The title read "Dumb Blond Jokes". Cloud picked it up and read the first page. It said:
Q. What is the difference between a blond and a brick?
A. If you lay a brick, it won't follow you around for weeks afterwards whining.
"Huh? I don't get it" Cloud said.
"What don't you get?" asked Beatrice who was carting a basket full of laundry. Cloud looked at her.
"Miss Beatrice?"
"Yes Cloud?"
"You're blond, right?"
"Yes Cloud"
"So, if I laid you, would you follow me around for weeks afterwards?" In Clouds mind, it was an innocent question but to someone with more IQ than a pickle, it was very dirty. Beatrice dropped the basket on his toe and slapped him round the face.
"You pervert!" She yelled and stalked off. Cloud followed.
"Well, I'm blond, how about if you laid me?" Beatrice turned beetroot with rage.
"Cloud Strife! There will be no laying of ANYONE in this house! You are a sick, perverted man and if you make one more comment like that…" She raised her fists "You'll be out of this house faster than you can say Red Thirteen!"
"But miss, I only want to lay someone to see if they follow me…."
"Ok, GET OUT!!!"
Cloud found himself outside on the curb. He rubbed his arm and ducked as his Buster sword flew over his head.
"And don't come back 'till you're less sick!!" Yelled Beatrice and slammed the door of her house. Cloud sat on the dusty street for a while, looking confused. The, he made up his small, gel filled mind. He would ask the joke to every blond in the world until he found the logic behind it.
And so the madness begins.