Pathos
Written by acacia dyre
Warnings: Short, current season.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns Spike and all that is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I own a fat barn cat, and lots of used books.
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It was the violence that defined him. It had been the driving force behind his identity for more than a century, and it pleased him that he was feared and respected by the others that lived in the darkness. He was Spike; he was a murderer, a fine-tuned killer. It was a glorious reputation and he had more stories to tell at the pubs than many of his contemporaries.
And then she happened and suddenly he was Spike-the-whipped, and they were all laughing at him for how pathetic it was for a vampire to be caught up on a slayer. They hadn't any idea what it was like to look at her and desire the beating she could dish out on a regular basis. They had no idea how much he enjoyed it when she bested him in a fight. Pain was so close to pleasure, or so the song said, and Spike knew that the one could easily replace the other.
When he was getting both from Buffy the world seemed somehow better, and yet there was something missing that he knew enough not to ask for. He could see it in her. There was no way that she would give him what he desired, she hated herself far too much for that ever happen. She was ashamed of what they were doing together. If he could admit to being hurt by a feeling, Spike would be singing like a canary about it. Buffy had a reputation for vampire lovers, what with Angel and all. It was unlikely that she hated herself for being with a vampire. It was just Spike in particular that she couldn't stand to be attracted to.
And he admitted that he loved her. That was a bloody stupid thing to say, even if she needed to hear it at the time. It was that part of him that was pathetic, that drove him to stand outside her house and wait for a chance to see her. He had been stalking a slayer like a lovesick puppy for almost a year. And she didn't care about him. She hadn't killed him yet, but there were times when he could see the desire to do so in her eyes. It shone more clearly now that he could hurt her again.
But she was so confused. She ended up in his arms more often than kicking his butt, and then departing as if burned from the sun. Dru was never like this. She was confusing, but rarely confused. Dru ended things and it was done, over forever. Buffy would be back, he knew it and he wouldn't leave Sunnydale until it was on his terms. It wouldn't hurt to try to influence her to coming back a little sooner though, maybe with one of the other girls in Sunnydale.
There were plenty of other girls in this town that wanted him, and he would have his way with a couple of them. Buffy would see what she was missing out on then and come running back to be with him, or maybe not. Spike was scaring himself with how pathetic he was becoming. Maybe it was time for a real change, and now that he could hurt Buffy again maybe the way to cleanse her from his system was to off her as he had those other two slayers. He would just wait for the best chance to do that. Not anytime soon, she might come back and they could have a fun time of it again, but some day he was going to get serious about it and kill that slayer.
Written by acacia dyre
Warnings: Short, current season.
Disclaimer: Joss Whedon owns Spike and all that is Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I own a fat barn cat, and lots of used books.
+
It was the violence that defined him. It had been the driving force behind his identity for more than a century, and it pleased him that he was feared and respected by the others that lived in the darkness. He was Spike; he was a murderer, a fine-tuned killer. It was a glorious reputation and he had more stories to tell at the pubs than many of his contemporaries.
And then she happened and suddenly he was Spike-the-whipped, and they were all laughing at him for how pathetic it was for a vampire to be caught up on a slayer. They hadn't any idea what it was like to look at her and desire the beating she could dish out on a regular basis. They had no idea how much he enjoyed it when she bested him in a fight. Pain was so close to pleasure, or so the song said, and Spike knew that the one could easily replace the other.
When he was getting both from Buffy the world seemed somehow better, and yet there was something missing that he knew enough not to ask for. He could see it in her. There was no way that she would give him what he desired, she hated herself far too much for that ever happen. She was ashamed of what they were doing together. If he could admit to being hurt by a feeling, Spike would be singing like a canary about it. Buffy had a reputation for vampire lovers, what with Angel and all. It was unlikely that she hated herself for being with a vampire. It was just Spike in particular that she couldn't stand to be attracted to.
And he admitted that he loved her. That was a bloody stupid thing to say, even if she needed to hear it at the time. It was that part of him that was pathetic, that drove him to stand outside her house and wait for a chance to see her. He had been stalking a slayer like a lovesick puppy for almost a year. And she didn't care about him. She hadn't killed him yet, but there were times when he could see the desire to do so in her eyes. It shone more clearly now that he could hurt her again.
But she was so confused. She ended up in his arms more often than kicking his butt, and then departing as if burned from the sun. Dru was never like this. She was confusing, but rarely confused. Dru ended things and it was done, over forever. Buffy would be back, he knew it and he wouldn't leave Sunnydale until it was on his terms. It wouldn't hurt to try to influence her to coming back a little sooner though, maybe with one of the other girls in Sunnydale.
There were plenty of other girls in this town that wanted him, and he would have his way with a couple of them. Buffy would see what she was missing out on then and come running back to be with him, or maybe not. Spike was scaring himself with how pathetic he was becoming. Maybe it was time for a real change, and now that he could hurt Buffy again maybe the way to cleanse her from his system was to off her as he had those other two slayers. He would just wait for the best chance to do that. Not anytime soon, she might come back and they could have a fun time of it again, but some day he was going to get serious about it and kill that slayer.