A/N: This is my first Royal Pains fanfiction… so I apologize in advance for any errors.
It was happening slowly. She wasn't quite sure how it started but she knew that it wasn't good. Her heart had been fluttery all day. It had only taken the small, insignificant thing to trigger her. Before she knew it, she was in hysterics, unable to breathe properly.
"Divya, calm down," a voice said softly. She felt a hand on her shoulder and she sobbed loudly. She felt her heart beat uncontrollably in her chest, making her situation worse. She wasn't crying so much as tearing up from the fear that her lungs wouldn't be able to suck in the precious oxygen around her. Her breathing became shallow and she struggled to inhale a few gasps of air. "Divs," the voice said again. She could hear the concern in the voice but she couldn't focus on anything other than the panic that was overwhelming her.
Logically, she knew that she could breathe. There was nothing wrong with her lungs and her heart was fine. It was purely an emotional thing that made her feel like she was about to die. But, despite her medical knowledge, she couldn't fight the panic at not being able to breathe. She felt like she couldn't take more than a gulp of air at a time. By this time, tears of fear were streaming down her face. She covered her mouth with her hands, desperately trying to slow her breathing to a more normal pace.
Her lungs heaved in an effort to provide her with air but she wasn't able to breathe normally. "Divsy," the voice called. A hand was placed on her other shoulder and she was given a gentle shake. "Look at me," the voice ordered. She complied, opening her tearful eyes to look into a set of worried blue ones. "It's okay," Evan promised.
"Can't… breathe," she gasped between gulps of air.
"Yes you can. It's going to be okay. Just try to take big breaths. You can do it."
She nodded and took a shuddery breath. She exhaled the same way, gasping as more sobs choked out, hindering her breathing again. "Can't," she sobbed. The original panic over the broken key chain had turned into a full-fledged panic attack over the fear of dying from the lack of oxygen.
He pulled her to him, engulfing her in his warm arms. She clung to him desperately, holding on for dear life. She still pulled in gasping breaths that didn't provide her body with the necessary oxygen. And the fact that she knew that she needed new air made her situation worse. She knew the importance of the respiratory system and what happened when it went awry. And the fact that she wasn't getting enough air was terrifying. Suffocating was a very long death.
"E….Eva…an…" she said desperately. "He….elp," she begged. She could barely breathe now. She felt as though her lungs had significantly decreased in size and she could only pull in a few milliliters of air at a time.
"It's okay, Divs. Hank's on his way," he whispered comfortingly. "Just keep breathing."
She nodded and did her best to breathe as normally as possible. But she couldn't. She felt her head go fuzzy and she saw black at the edges of her vision. She let out a terrified cry at this, horrified at the thought of death. "Evan!" she sobbed. She needed help. She couldn't breathe. Her heart was pumping so fast that she thought it would wear itself out.
He said nothing but simply stroked her hair, making shushing noises that she could barely hear over her gasping breath. She made out the sound of a door flinging open and she heard footsteps approach.
"Evan!" she heard.
"In here!" Evan replied.
She felt a pair of arms on her shoulders, pulling her away from Evan. "No!" she screamed, grabbing fistfuls of Evan's shirt. He was her lifeline. The only thing that kept her from death in that moment.
"Divya, it's me. Hank." Evan relinquished his hold on her, taking a hold of her hands instead. He gently lowered her to the floor from where she had been kneeling earlier. She looked around, terror in her eyes as she gasped for the precious air that the Lawsons so easily breathed. Hank crouched next to her, digging through his bag. She looked to Evan, her eyes begging for him to make it better. To give her air.
"Evan," she sobbed, clutching the hem of his shirt tightly in one hand while the other clung to his hand.
"It's going to be fine, Divs," he promised as he stroked her hair. She nodded, unable to speak.
She felt something press against her face and she struggled mindlessly against it before she felt Evan's comforting hand stilling her flailing. She recognized the thing as a breathing mask in the back of her mind as she trained her watery brown eyes on Evan. He looked scared. As scared as she felt, really.
She felt something prick her arm and she moved her gaze to Hank. He held an empty needle and he spoke to her. "I gave you a mild sedative. You should be able to breathe properly in a moment."
She only nodded tearfully and continued her panicky gasps for air. Soon, she felt her breaths lengthen and her eyes droop shut. She pulled Evan closer as she felt herself fall into a peaceful darkness.
ROYAL PAINS
She took a breath and cringed. Her diaphragm literally ached each time she took a deep breath. She focused on her breathing for a while, savoring the air that entered and exited her lungs as she slowly felt the heavy weight of sleep being lifted. Her eyes fluttered open and she realized she was in a room that wasn't hers. She bolted upright, her heart racing again. She looked around, terrified, for a moment before spotting a familiar HankMed bag on a chair.
She shifted in the bed, standing up and taking stock of the room. She had never been upstairs in the Lawson house and she felt safe to assume that this was Evan's room. She tentatively opened the door and walked down the dark staircase. "Divya!" Evan cried from his place on the sofa. He stood quickly and raced over to her. "Are you okay?" he asked.
"I…yes," she answered softly. "Thank you…"
"For what?" he asked, clearly confused.
"For… helping me," her voice was quieter than usual and she was feeling emotionally drained.
"You know I would do anything to help you, right?" he was quite serious. She nodded tearfully, lowering her head as tears leaked out of the corner of her eyes. "Hey, shh," he told her softly. He pulled her to his chest, wrapping her in a comforting hug. She snaked her arms around his back, clinging to him as she tried to stop the tears that fell. "You're fine now, Divs. I swear." She didn't answer but simply nodded into his shirt. "Hank's in the kitchen… He wants to make sure you're doing okay. Is that alright?" She nodded again. "Can you let go?" This time she shook her head. "Okay."
They stood there for a few minutes while Divya composed herself from the safety of Evan's arms. Finally, reluctantly, she pulled away. She wiped her tears away and let Evan lead her to the kitchen.
"Hey, Divya," Hank said. He slid off his chair and walked over to her. "How do you feel?"
"I'm okay," she answered softly. She stood very close to Evan as if unsure that she would be fine without his presence.
"I'm going to check your lungs to make sure that they're alright. If you'd sit at the counter, I can check them right now." She nodded and did as she was told. She cast a fearful look at Evan who quickly sat next to her. Hank pulled out his stethoscope and made her inhale a few times while listening to her lungs. "Everything sounds good. Now, Divya, can you tell me how this happened? It's not often that I see you lose your cool and you were in a full blown panic attack a few hours ago."
"I… I broke the keychain Raj gave me," she told him.
"I find that hard to believe. It must've been more than that."
She glanced at Evan as if drawing strength from him. "It's just… I guess it just hit me yesterday morning that I was really… getting married… And moving to London… I've been happy these past few months… Working with you and Evan has been my dream job. And I have to give it all up… just because my parents expect it." She angrily wiped a stray tear off her face, annoyed that she was crying again.
"And the keychain was the last straw?" Hank prompted.
She nodded, tears flowing steadily now. "First my dress didn't fit, then my wedding ring got eaten… My mother says that they're bad omens and I don't want bad omens! I want omens saying that I'll be happy. Not omens saying that I'm going to suffer for the rest of my life in a city I detest with a man I care about as more of a brother than a husband," she said tearfully.
Evan wrapped his arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer to him. She hid her face in his shoulder as he spoke. "I think that's all for now, Hank," he said pointedly. "I'll put Divya back to bed." He stood up, gently leading her by the hand. Hank nodded and watched his brother lead his PA up the stairs and into his room.
Evan put her in his bed carefully. He tucked her in, placing a chaste kiss on her forehead. "I'll be downstairs if you need anything. Anything at all," he told her before leaving the room.
Divya fell asleep quickly, exhausted both physically and emotionally. She knew that this was where she belonged. She belonged in the Hamptons with Evan. And Hank. She was happy and free. But that was all about to change. So she pulled the covers closer and hid her face from the world. She belonged right here. And she never wanted to leave.
A/N: Though I've never had a true panic attack, I've had things that lead to what I think are panic attacks. And they are not fun. It's hard to calm down when you begin to feel like you can't breathe and begin to panic because you can't draw enough air to fill your lungs. Anyways, please review and maybe I'll write more stuff for Royal Pains.