The Joker was drawing up plans to catch Batman when Harley Quinn walked in, clearing her throat with a seductive smirk. The Joker glanced up at her then let out a heavy, annoyed sigh, shaking his head as he continued plotting Batman's demise.
"How's my handsome, charmin' man doin'?" Harley asked before saying, "I betcher next plan to kill Batsy is brilliant. You're so smart, clever and wise."
"What do you want?" The Joker asked, not taking his hazel eyes off of the blueprints sprawled out across the desk in front of him.
"What makes ya think I want somethin'?" Harley asked innocently.
"I can just tell..." He replied, eyes glued to the plans.
"Well, I was hopin'; ya know? Since we're so close and our relationship is growin' so fast and we really love each other..."
"Darling, you're rambling again..." The Joker cute her off.
"Sorry, sorry...Puddin'? Can we have a baby?" Harley asked, causing the Joker to spit his coffee out onto the desk then cough and gag as he choked on it. Harley couldn't help but giggle at this as The Joker grinned, trying to contain his anger.
"Harley...Do you remember what happened the last time you asked me that?" The Joker asked, pulling out a switchblade.
"Ya stole hyenas from The Zoo for me?" Harley remembered.
"Yes...Aren't Bud and Lou enough?" The Joker questioned.
"Well yeah but I want us to have a baby; ya know? Go through the miracles of childbirth. Please Mistah. J?" Harley begged.
"NO!" The Joker snapped, making Harley cry.
"Oh no; stop...Please stop..." The Joker pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration as he tried to tune out Harley's loud sobs.
"Okay..." He began as Harley cried harder and louder.
"ALRIGHT! TELL YA WHAT!" He shouted, earning Harley's attention and silencing her loud sobbing.
"I will have a baby with you..." He agreed, making Harley squeal in delight.
"On one condition..." He added, making Harley's excitement drop.
"We babysit somebody else's snot-nosed brat and if you still want a child of your own after that challenge, then we'll have one..." The Joker agreed, holding his hand out to shake on it.
"Deal!" Harley agreed before shaking The Joker's hand only to be electrocuted at high voltage.
"Oopsy Daisies! Sorry pooh." The Joker apologized before removing the joy buzzer from his hand as Harley curled up on the floor like a dead spider and twitched.
~The Next Day.~
The Joker and Harley Quinn went to a family's house to babysit.
"Thank you so much for babysitting Mr. and Mrs. ...Um..." The Mother tried to say.
"You can call me Mr. J...and her Mrs. J" The Joker introduced them with a grin as Harley squealed and blushed, appearing love-struck.
"And you're quite welcome darling..." He added.
"Cameron?! Cory?! Chance?! Tes?! The babysitters are here!" The Mother called the names of her kids from oldest to youngest as two boys and two girls walked out. Both girls had dark brown hair while the boys had blonde hair. They all seemed to be around the age range of 10-6 and the oldest boy was overweight and the oldest girl had curly hair.
"Mom! You're gonna wake up Charlie!" Tes, the youngest girl growled.
"We just got him to sleep!" Cory, the oldest girl whined.
"Sorry..." The Mother apologized before leaving her children alone with The Clown Prince of Crime and his girlfriend, The Cupid of Crime.
It was then, The Joker noticed Cameron, the oldest boy was glaring at him.
"What?" The Joker asked when he noticed the heavy-weighted boy was wearing a Batman T-shirt.
"Of course..." He muttered upon realizing the boy he was babysitting was a Batman fan. He was unaware that Tes had stuck her hand behind the jukebox in the living room which was mostly used for decoration and turned the volume all the way up to prank her new babysitters.
"Oo! Can I play a song?" Harley asked with a squeal of excitement upon noticing the jukebox.
"Yeah, just play a quiet one..." Chance, the youngest boy replied as Harley stuck a quarter in the old machine and selected a song from the Beasty Boys. The record could be heard turning within the machine along with the gears turning before, "KICK IT!" Erupted from the speakers along with the loud, electric guitar music from Fight for Our Right to Party. The booming noise was enough to shatter the windows and rattle the whole house as the kids, Harley and Joker were sent into a panic. In an overly-dramatic yet heroic manner, The Joker hopped over the kitchen counter, sliding across it and then quickly dashing over to the jukebox and in a swift movement turned the volume all the way down but his attempts to keep the noise from waking Charlie, the infant were futile as the baby's crying now filled the house, replacing the music.
"What'd you wake him up for?!" Cameron complained as he and all of the kids tackled the unsuspecting and currently unarmed Joker to the ground.
"Harley! Help me!" The Joker cried out as Harley whacked all of the kids off of him with her mallet. The kids all got up and ran outside as Harley and The Joker chased after them. Harley chased Chance and Cameron, swinging her mallet at them but missing as The Joker chased Tes and Cory, barely able to keep up. She finally managed to smack Chance in the side of the head, knocking him down before saying, "Gotcha! Now ya have to help me catch your brother."
Harley ran at Cameron with her mallet but he dodged her swings by doing some rather impressive Michael Jackson dance moves. It was then, Chance tackled him to the ground, applying to the rules of Harley's game as he forcefully pulled off his Batman T-shirt and threw it to Harley.
"Keep away!" Harley cheered as she caught the shirt and ran back inside with both boys chasing her. She ran upstairs and threw Cameron's Batman t-shirt out of the open window and into the outside trashcan.
"That was my favorite shirt!" Cameron jumped onto Harley's back in an attempt to make her fall out of the window as well but she grabbed him, yanking him off of her and flipping him over and sending him slamming up against the closet door but Chance grabbed her leg in an attempt to defend his brother.
"Get off!" Harley yelled before kicking Chance against the wall as The Joker busted in, dragging Cory and Tes in by their hair before trowing them both through the sheetrock wall. He then smacked Charlie across the face with all his strength, silencing his wailing before yelling, "ALRIGHT, LISTEN UP! YOU KIDS BETTER STOP DONKING AROUND! YOU'RE GOING TO MESS UP OUR PLANS" He then made a barking noise similar to a rabid, deranged dog as the kids stayed silent with fear.
"IT'S MY WAY OR THE HIGHWAY! I'M DON WON CHERRY TEMPO! NOW GET TO BED GLIP GLOP IT!" He ordered as all of the kids piled up into Chance's bed out of fear.
"You're a good father Mistah. J." Harley kissed The Joker's burning, red cheek as he seethed angrily.
"I'll take it from here puddin'." She ruffled his green hair before he descended downstairs.
Harley grabbed a story book from the shelf before squeezing herself into the cramped bed with the kids to read them a bedtime story.
"Quinn..." Cameron grunted, earning a confused glance from Harley.
"Hm? Call me Harley; everyone does." Harley insisted with a sweet smile.
"Why is The Joker making you babysit us?" The young hero wannabe questioned.
"To prove I could take care of a baby if we had one." Harley replied happily.
"You and The Joker have a baby? You'd be the worst parents ever!" Cameron laughed.
"No we wouldn't!" Harley defended.
"Yeah you would; you would get the Worst Mother of The Year award." He laughed as the ears of Harley's hat flattened a bit.
"Can we hear a story now?" Chance begged innocently.
"Yeah sure kid; just gimme a minute..." Harley sighed sadly before getting out of bed and locking herself in the bathroom. She leaned her back against the door as she slowly slid down into a sitting position then began to cry softly.
~Meanwhile.~
The Joker was downstairs, in the living room, on his laptop, posting pictures of hyenas on the internet when he got a FaceTime call. He answered the call to an overweight man with blonde hair and glasses that went by the name Conner, The Joker's only normal, human friend.
"Conner! What a pleasant surprise!" The Joker greeted with a large grin.
"Hey man. How are things?" Conner greeted with a smile.
"Not good; Harley wants to have a baby..." The Joker sighed with a frown.
"And..." Conner encouraged him to go on, not finding that a bad enough reason.
"What if my own child likes Batman more than me?" The Joker worriedly admitted. While Conner and The Joker talked it out, Harley stopped crying and exited the bathroom to find that the kids were asleep, all except for Charlie, who wasn't in his crib.
"Oh snap..." Harley panicked before running downstairs to look for him.
"Mistah. J; have you seen Charlie?" She asked worriedly.
"Yeah; he crawled out the front door." The Joker replied nonchalantly.
"You mean to tell me you let a helpless baby crawl out the front door while you were watchin' Gene-Gene THE DANCIN' MACHINE?!" Harley began accusing him which she rarely did. What if he had done this with their real child?
"Calm down Harl'...Calm down..." The Joker warned, returning Harley to her normal self once she remembered what her boyfriend was capable of.
"Y-Yes sir...Sorry..." She squeaked before rushing out to find Charlie but she was too late; Charlie had been run over by a car.
"Oh my gosh; no...Not tonight..." She dropped to her knees, beginning to cry. She was unaware that Cameron was standing right behind her.
"You killed my baby brother!" He growled before shining a large flashlight on a paper bat, shining a Bat-Signal into the sky.
Harley ran back inside, thinking if she got Cameron in trouble with The Joker, she could get off of the hook for baby Charlie's death.
"Mistah. J! Mistah. J!" She cried, running over to him.
"Wait a minute..." The Joker politely put Conner on hold before rudely yelling, "WHAT?!" At Harley.
"Cameron's shinin' a Bat-Signal in the sky!" She tattled, making The Joker's eyes widen.
"I'll be right back!" He panicked as he ran outside and snatched the flashlight from Cameron.
"Give that back!" Cameron demanded as he followed The Joker back inside.
"You are not signaling that over-grown bat over here!" The Joker growled as he entered the kitchen.
"But Harley just..." Cameron began when he was cut off by The Joker smashing his flashlight out of rage and slight jealousy.
"Here! Give your best friend Batman some dinner!" He yanked open the door to the refrigerator and threw handfuls of the family's Thanks Giving Dinner onto the floor.
"Hey!" Cameron ran to stop him but he slipped in the stuffing and fell down.
"Ha-ha! He fell!" Harley pointed and laughed at him immaturely.
"He slipped in the bat-food..." The Joker nodded in agreement though he wasn't laughing.
"It's not BAT-FOOD! It's stuffing..." Cameron stood back up.
"Is that person still on FaceTime?!" Harley realized.
"Oh snap...Hey there; I'm sorry...You had to hear that didn't you?" The Joker apologized to Conner, who just found the whole situation funny when the phone rang.
"Hello?" Harley answered the phone in her Harleen Quinnzel voice to avoid suspicion. It was Batman; he had called the house to make sure Cameron wasn't calling him over for yet another false alarm as he did frequently.
"No Batman; there's no emergency..." She replied when The Joker suddenly yelled, "LAUGH IT UP!" He was angry enough to almost cry. Harley shushed him, covering his mouth gently before continuing to answer Batman's questions, "That's the T.V" She lied.
"Hey! There's turkey all over the floor; clean it up!" The Joker yelled, hanging up on Conner as Harley hung up on Batman. It was then, they heard a loud shriek from outside.
"Uh oh..." Harley whimpered, knowing that the Mother had returned to see the mutilated mess that was once her precious, infant son.
"Jeez Louise..." The Joker complained, cleaning his ear out as the angry Mother bursted in through the front door.
"YOU!" She pointed to Harley before yelling, "YOU KILLED MY BABY! YOU DON'T DESERVE TO BABYSIT! YOU DON'T EVEN DESERVE TO HAVE A BABY OF YOUR OWN! YOU'RE A TERRIBLE MOTHER AND A TERRIBLE PERSON!"
Poor Harley burst into tears and ran outside as the Mother turned to yell at The Joker next, "And you!" She began.
"Don't even think about it sister!" The Joker growled protectively as he pulled out a razor blade, designed to look like an Ace card.
"That's a good way to get your fat Ace slapped, saying stuff like that to my girl." He snarled before slitting her throat with the card/blade then running outside to check on his girlfriend.
"Mom!" Cameron cried as his Mother fell to the floor.
Luckily, Harley Quinn hadn't gotten far; she was standing in the front yard crying hysterically as The Joker worriedly ran over to her.
"Are you okay dear?" He asked, placing a hand on her shaky shoulder as the very small part of him that actually cared about things kicked in.
"Oh puddin'!" Harley sobbed as she clung to him and buried her face into his chest.
"There, there...Everything's going to be okay...Okay?" He wrapped his strong arms around her shaking frame, holding her close to him as he comforted her. It was then, he noticed something about baby Charlie's shredded remains.
"Wait a minute..." He rather hesitantly picked up the corpse, examining it closely.
"This isn't Charlie...It's a dead opossum!" He exclaimed as Harley heard a baby's laughter coming from behind her. They both turned to see Charlie unharmed and giggling.
"Naughty boy." Harley scolded, picking him up. She was just happy that he wasn't dead and that she didn't fail as a mother.
"Shame on you; scaring you're new Mother like that." The Joker grinned.
"Mother?" Harley asked, perking up a bit.
"A deal's a deal doll-face." He replied and why not? A trio would work better than a duo when the baby was old enough to fight Batman and the baby was a lot like them seeing as how he himself pulled a joke on them.
"Oh, tank you so much Mistah. J!" Harley cheered as they took their newly kidnapped baby, Charlie with them.
CHAPTER 1 OF 4.