A/N: yeah… yeah… I decided to give Free! a try, by which I mean Miss Murdered lured me into watching it and I fell in love. This is my first Free! fic so… we shall see how it goes. Sorry in advance, because I'm obviously brand new to the fandom and have… no idea what I'm doing.

Warnings: language, angst

Pairing(s): Sousuke/Haruka

First Time

He shouldn't have come. He had schoolwork to catch up on, physical therapy to focus on - and since he had precious little time to himself, away from the adoring, read prying, eyes of his teammates, he should have stayed at Samezuka and done something productive with his time.

But he hadn't. As soon as Rin walked into their dorm room and announced that he was taking the train down to Iwatobi, to help his sister with some event at the ITSC, Sousuke had pulled on a sweater and agreed to go with him.

Rin had arched an eyebrow in question and Sousuke had answered him honestly - he would go with Rin because he didn't want Nanase to mess with his head again.

Rin had rolled his eyes, muttered something about Sousuke needing to move on and get over it, but Sousuke had ignored his mutterings.

It wasn't until they were actually on the train that Rin said Nanase wouldn't even be there - apparently he was taking advantage of the warm weather and had ditched his Iwatobi teammates to swim in the ocean.

Sousuke wasn't even surprised - you couldn't really on Nanase for anything, not even for disappointment.

All the same, he could have simply changed trains and gone back to Samezuka. Could have gone to the gym or the pool or the library. But instead he watched Rin meet up with Gou and Makoto, saw the way Rin's lips barely curved into a smile when Nagasi and Rei joined them and Sousuke fought down his irritation.

Rin was happy - and Nanase was nowhere to be seen. That should be enough.

Instead of joining them at the ITSC, Sousuke walked down to the beach and sat down on the sand, enjoying the warmth of the setting sun and the serenity of the ocean.

It wasn't until he was walking out of the ocean, rising from the waves like some kind of mythical creature, that Sousuke put two and two together.

Nanase had abandoned his team to go swimming in the ocean. Sousuke had decided to sit on the beach.

Of course they would meet. Of course, out of all of the coastline that Nanase could have used, it was this patch of sand.

Nanase walked past him, water dripping down his golden body, sand crusted around his toes, and his blue gaze flicked towards Sousuke momentarily before moving on.

Sousuke resisted the childish urge to kick sand at him - what good would it do? One moment of pettiness wouldn't even begin to express his feelings toward Nanase.

He thought he was alone again, had listened to the retreating sounds of Nanase's footsteps, but then a shadow fell across him.

"How is your shoulder?"

The question startled Sousuke into turning around and Nanase regarded him evenly, a towel around his shoulders and a cold, neutral expression on his face.

Always so cold. Maybe that's why Rin was drawn to him - Rin, so full of fire and passion - maybe he felt balanced by Nanase's distance? By his cold detachment?

"My shoulder?" He repeatedly stupidly.

Nanase nodded and it was then that Sousuke realized.

He knew.

Sousuke jumped to his feet, a rush of anger - at Nanase, at himself, at the world - fueling him.

"Why do you care?" He growled.

Nanase frowned and wiped at a drop of water on his nose.

"You haven't told Rin."

"No," Sousuke felt his anger leave him in a rush. Of course he hadn't told Rin. Rin - talented, driven, with the ability to become an Olympic swimmer. How could he tell Rin that his own career, his own dream - how could he tell Rin it was over before it had even begun?

"I'm sorry," Nanase said, his voice soft.

All of Sousuke's anger came back to him.

"Fuck you," he ground out. "Fuck you."

Nanase looked shocked.

"You have everything," Sousuke advanced on him. "You have perfect form - you have amazing strength - you could be an Olympic swimmer. You could swim with Rin, every day. And you don't even care."

Nanase looked away, but Sousuke reached out and grabbed the ends of his towel and pulled him close, forced him to meet his eyes.

"Why don't you care?" Sousuke was so tired of hearing it - of hearing Nanase say he didn't care about winning or improving his times. So tired of hearing that Nanase had been scouted and didn't care about his future. So tired of hearing Rin say Haru in that tone of voice, with that too rare smile on his lips.

Sousuke shook him, trying to channel his rage, trying to show Nanase, trying to get Nanase to feel something.

Nanase reached up and took hold of Sousuke's wrists, held him still.

"Every time I care, it goes wrong."

"Huh?"

Nanase closed his eyes.

"Rin made me care - and then he left me, and then I almost broke him - twice. Every time I care, it goes wrong." Nanase shook his head and opened his eyes and met Sousuke's gaze. "Everyone leaves. Everyone has dreams." His eyes wavered, glancing towards the ITSC before focusing back on Sousuke. "All I have is the water, and the water has no expectations for me."

Sousuke suddenly realized that Nanase was lonely. He knew he lived alone - knew his parents had moved away and left him to fend for himself - he knew how much he cared for Rin, but Rin was at Samezuka. Rin trained hard every day and barely spared time for his friends at school, let alone his former swim club teammates.

"I have expectations for you," Sousuke informed him and Nanase's eyes widened.

"I don't want your expectations," Nanase said, his voice quiet and cold.

Just once Sousuke wanted to hear him speak with passion - to hear him care.

He pushed against him, against his chest and the hands holding him. Nanase's grip flexed, but he didn't let go.

Sousuke kissed him.

Nanase's eyes widened, his fingers tightened on Sousuke's hands and his lips parted.

Sousuke hadn't meant to - hadn't even really wanted to - but it was done now. He was kissing Nanase and… and he wasn't cold. He wasn't detached. His lips were warm and smooth and Sousuke flicked his tongue out, testing the part between his lips and Nanase's eyes fluttered closed.

Sousuke kissed him until Nanase pressed back, his wet chest straining against Sousuke's and his tongue hesitantly brushing against Sousuke's.

When they pulled apart, Nanase was breathing heavily, as though he had just finished a race, and his lips were swollen.

Sousuke tugged on his hands and Nanase released him.

"I want you to care," Sousuke told him, his voice harsh in the aftermath of that intimate moment. "I need you to care about something."

Nanase didn't seem to be listening to him. He lifted a hand to his lips.

Sousuke felt his anger return.

"I care," Nanase said, his voice soft, but no longer cold. There was something there, some warmth, some feeling, and Sousuke felt a surge of triumph.