Disclaimer: I don't own them, they're Shonda's

A/N: This is an AU fic, a 'what if' fic and is very, very angsty once you stop to consider it... it's me wondering what may've happened if events at the end of series three had turned out differently.

And it's definitely Reddie (:

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He looked for her that day, eager and excited to catch a glimpse after a long, Rachel-less age. He didn't know where she'd gone, he didn't know why but he knew she'd be here today - at school - as this was the place she felt most at home.

People threw him sympathetic glances in the staff room, in the corridors – they knew who he was looking for and they knew how elusive she really was. If only they understood though he thought wonderingly, if only they understood the swirling emotions, the swooping sensation in the pit of his stomach, the butterfly kisses he felt tickling his neck… he'd always turn to try and return the favour but she was never there, just a tingling where she'd touched and a whisper of her tinkling laugh, a promise of "later," a chance to be alone.

He smiled when he finally saw her after second period, leaning against a wall and watching over the children who passed by with pride, casting a disapproving eye over one Paul Langley as he minced down the corridor, his tie about his head and sprouting garbled nonsense about some girl or other. Eddie stepped up, berating the pupil for his misconduct and insisting that he wear the school uniform properly. She winked at him and he grinned. "Later." And then she was gone.

He saw her twice again after that, lingering in the corridors, always watching. He didn't try to talk to her, knowing that it would be useless in attempting. When she was ready she would come to him and he let her have her way – one of the liberties he allowed now and one that he could afford to. Whether this was out of remorse or just the labours of his unconditional heart he didn't know. Whatever it was though this day would always be simply and irrevocably hers and however much he wanted (needed) for it to be his it could never be.

When he looked up from Pythagoras and identity in the middle of the afternoon to find her cross-legged on a table at the back of his classroom he dismissed the class five minutes early, unable to resist the hint of the grin that was playing across her lips.
"You sure you're ready to leave? You've done everything you wanted to do?"
"Yes."
"Okay, I just-"
"-need to see Tom."
"Yes." It was their routine and they knew it inside out. It was safer that way.

Eddie didn't knock before he entered, there was no necessity. He was expected.
Tom smiled when he saw the eager, excitable man walk through his door.
"You're early," he chided.
"No," Eddie said shortly after considering the remark. "I'm right on time."
"I know you are." The response was gentle, caring; empathetic. "It's her time, I know. Always is when you're trying to please a girl. It was the same with Izzie." Only a hint of a shadow passed across his face before he smiled - he would always remember but he would celebrate her life, not dwell on anything else.
"Well then you understand Tom that this is something I have to do, the anniversary that I don't will be the one I cease to exist. Can you hold the fort?"
"Of course."
"Thank you." He turned to go before his friend spoke up.
"Forgotten anything? Every year Eddie, nothing changes," he laughed as he was met with a bewildered expression. "Here," he said, offering his hand. "Money for the flowers."

The bunch of roses hung from his hand as he followed her path through the reeds near the lake's edge, listening for snapshots of her giggle as she danced on ahead, daring him to go with her.
"Come on, you big softy," she sang, teasing him as he tried to work out where her music was coming from. He glanced around him, scouring the field as he looked for any sign of her.
"Not there silly, over here." She stepped out from behind an oak with her hands behind her back, trying to look innocently appealing.
"You're anything but innocent, Rachel Mason." She laughed and held her hand out to him, inviting him to walk with her.
"I do say however, you are incredibly appealing," he whispered as he caught up and laced his fingers through hers, asking her to take him there once again.

She obliged and led him through their grove, running her free hand through the grasses and flowers that grew there, marvelling at their beauty and how much they'd truly bloomed since she'd last seen them. He reminded her that a whole year had passed to which she mutely nodded, not wanting to draw too much attention to the gravity of the remark. They agreed silently to let it pass and walked on in quietness, just enjoying one another's company.

They each unconsciously took a deep breath as the green curtain came into view, its strands swaying effortlessly in the soft wind. She looked to him for acceptance before reaching out to part the fronds and slowly entering the magical place they knew so well. The willow was their sanctuary, and as the doorway melded together behind them they were lost to the world, the entrance seamlessly shutting them in until they felt their time was up.

She moved to sit at the trunk and Eddie followed, offering his embrace which she sank into familiarly, gratefully. They knew these moments were precious and they wanted to spend every second of them memorising each other's scent, their freckles, the way their touch felt.

"I think- I think it's time for me to go now."
"Don't."
"Eddie, the sun's going down, you know I have to."
"Yeah." He sighed. "I just can't bear it though." She snuggled to him, feathering kisses all over his palms.
"I'll be back," she said softly, comforting him.
"I know, but a year's a long time."
"Maybe. It depends how long you spend living it." Eddie laughed.
"You've become so philosophical, but I kinda like it. It's very… you." She grinned, but then stroked his cheek and disentangled herself from him, standing up.
"Come on." She pulled her to him and crashed her lips onto his, making sure that their farewell was one that would get them through the next twelve months. They broke apart only when breathing became an issue and rested their foreheads together.
"I love you so, so much Rach. I love you. I really, really love you."
"And I love you Eddie. I irrevocably, inexpressively, love you."

Then she was gone.

He laid her roses by the little headstone, letting his fingers feel her name as they traced across it. After today he'd store his love up for another year, put his memories aside until they were needed once more. But for now he'd sit here and remember her in his own way, he'd wallow in his emotions until he saw fit to resurface again into his other life, the one he spent single but happy with loving friends and a beautiful son who was all too quickly growing into a man.

And then he'd count down the days until she visited his thoughts again.

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A/N: I don't know whether you've met my good friend Blue Review Button Bob but I know he'd love to become aquainted with you *pats Bob* (:

Thank you for reading, thank you awfully :D This beats GCSE revision anyway; I may have to write all day...