The Notebook
Spock looked over at Jim, forcing himself not to smile as he saw the Captain writing in a small notepad with a look of concentration on his face. Jim had always preferred to write things down using paper and pen rather than on a PADD, claiming if it was good enough for Shakespeare than it was good enough for him.
Spock never questioned this, or saw the Captain's obsession with old human playwrights odd because, well if he was going to be honest, Spock found it a rather endearing quality.
Spock had found himself thinking about his Captain more and more and on the rare occasion that Spock actually let his mind wander freely, he found most of his thoughts either revolved around the Captain or were directly about him.
He couldn't put his finger on it but something about James T. Kirk just fascinated the Vulcan. Spock put this down to the simple reason that it is merely logical to be interested in things that one knew little about. James T. Kirk was definitely something that Spock knew little about and for some reason that annoyed Spock.
Sometimes the Vulcan found himself feeling jealous (as much as Spock would deny this to anyone who confronted him about it) of how much Doctor McCoy knew about the Captain.
Spock would instantly chide himself for his illogical behaviour. Spock suddenly realised that he was staring at the Captain and quickly averted his gaze.
"He's a strange one isn't he?" a voice commented.
Spock looked up to see Uhura standing beside the table he was sat at. Spock just nodded slightly as the woman took a seat opposite him.
"He writes about you, you know." Uhura commented.
Spock raised an eyebrow causing the woman to laugh.
"I couldn't make out much of his pigeon scrawl handwriting but I definitely saw your name. Quite a lot as well." She explained.
Spock glanced over at Jim, who was still writing away, oblivious to anything around him.
"As far as I know the Captain has that notebook about his person at all times, how could you have seen what is written in it?" Spock asked, slightly bitterly.
Uhura just smiled knowingly.
"I'm a very competent woman who possesses many skills." She replied simply. Spock just looked at her. Uhura laughed and stood up, straightening out non-existent creases from her dress.
"Be careful Spock. Jim has...a reputation and I wouldn't want you to get hurt." She said softly. Spock glanced at the Captain before back at the woman before him.
"I don't see how the Captain having a 'reputation' as you say would affect me in anyway." Spock said a defensive tinge to his words.
Uhura smiled sadly.
"No you don't, but I do." She said before departing quickly.
Spock watched her leave, confusion hidden from his face but altogether still there.
"Hobgoblin! Not to sound like a cliché but you seem to staring into space." Bones said gruffly as he almost slammed a tray down on the table and grimaced down at the bland looking replicator food.
"I was not 'staring into space' as you put it Doctor, I was merely reflecting on my thoughts." Spock told the man sitting across from him.
Bones rolled his eyes.
"Don't get your knickers in a knot! I was just sayin' that you seem distracted and that ain't like you." He explained. Spock stayed silent for a moment.
"Doctor McCoy, what does the Captain write about in the notebook he carries around?" Spock asked, forcing himself not to look at the blonde haired man sitting at one of the tables to his left.
Bones glanced over at Jim, who was still writing away with a serious expression on his face, his tongue starting to stick out of his lips due to his concentration. Bones shrugged and leant back in his chair before looking back at the Vulcan.
"No idea Spock, it could be bloody anything! The kid won't tell me no matter how many times I ask!" he exclaimed.
Spock raised an eyebrow delicately.
"The Captain has not informed you of what he writes about? That is most illogical. I would have assumed that the intimacy that you share with him would mean that he would confide in you such information." He mused. Bones snorted.
"'The intimacy that you share?' Jesus Spock you make it sound like I'm shagging the kid. Sure he might refer to me as his 'bff', whatever the hell that means, but that doesn't mean that he tells me bloody everything!" Bones retorted.
Spock stayed silent, glancing over at Jim.
"Spock, if you care so goddamn much about whatever the hell Jim is writing why don't you just go and ask him yourself instead of making this whole conversation into a secret gossip like we're at a slumber party! I'm a Doctor dammit, not a sixteen year old girl!" Bones snapped, taking a mouthful of food and making a disgusted face at the taste of it.
Spock looked back at the Doctor before standing.
"If you will excuse me Doctor, I-"
"Yeah, yeah, yeah off you go hobgoblin, wouldn't want Jim to catch you mooning over him would you?" Bones interrupted.
Spock decided not to ask what 'mooning over' the Captain would entail and thus chose to just walk away silently.
Instead of going straight back to his quarters, Spock decided to visit one of the observation decks after his shift.
Entering observation deck two, Spock instantly turned rigid when he noticed Jim sprawled across one of the sofas, notebook in hand looking over at what had disturbed the quiet by opening the door.
Spock found himself looking at the floor.
"My apologise Captain, I did not think anyone would be occupying this room." He said, turning to leave.
"Spock! Wait!" The Captain called. Spock turned and saw the Captain close the notebook and place it on the small table at the edge of the sofa.
"Please, join me. Unless you wanted to be alone? Then feel free to tell me to get lost." Jim said, chuckling slightly as he sat up and patted the space beside him.
Spock walked over and sat beside the other man obediently.
"You don't have to sit with me if you don't want to Spock; I'm not ordering you to or anything like that." Jim said softly.
Spock looked at him and bit back the urge to smile.
"On the contrary Captain, I find your company rather pleasant." He replied. Jim smiled widely.
"Good! Oh and Spock? We're not on the bridge. It's Jim, not Captain, remember?" he said. Spock nodded slightly.
"Yes, I apologise Cap...Jim."
Jim placed down the pen he was holding in his hand on top of the notebook almost delicately; like he was afraid the pen would in some way destroy the books pages if he wasn't careful.
"Jim, if you do not mind my asking, what do you write in that notebook?" Spock asked hesitantly.
Jim looked at the notebook before fixing his gaze on Spock.
"I sense you've wanted to ask me that for a while." Jim replied, evading the question.
Spock nodded.
"Yes, I must admit I have been rather curious as to what you write as you always seem to be very serious when you do so." He explained.
Jim picked up the notebook and held it in his hands.
"I would let you read it if it weren't for my shoddy handwriting. I don't think you'd be able to tell what the hell I'm writing about!" He joked.
Spock raised an eyebrow.
"I believe commenting about your 'shoddy' penmanship is an attempt to evade answering my question." He stated.
Jim looked at him for a few moments before laughing loudly.
"Spock, when did you become so good at reading me?" Jim asked rhetorically before sighing slightly.
Spock raised an eyebrow.
He had not realised that pointing out such an obvious evasive technique would count as being able to 'read' the Captain.
"It's my diary," Jim stated before turning his nose up, "wait that makes me sound like a 12 year old girl!"
Spock waited for Jim to revise his answer patiently.
"It's like...somewhere I write down all my thoughts and feelings.
All those things that I need to get out of my head so I can concentrate on running a starship. You see what I'm getting at?" Jim clarified.
Spock nodded slightly.
"I believe I do understand, yes." He said. Jim smiled.
"And I know for a fact that Uhura has been trying to read over my shoulder while I'm writing! Good thing no one can read my writing." He exclaimed, placing the notebook down.
"Actually, Lieutenant Uhura stated otherwise when I conversed with her earlier." Spock said, not really thinking anything of his comment until Jim looked at him, a shocked expression adorning his features.
"Oh did she now? And what did she say to you?" Jim asked suspiciously.
Spock looked over at Jim and felt himself starting to blush.
"She mentioned that she could make out my name in your handwriting. She also mentioned you write it frequently." Spock told Jim, his voice slightly quieter than usual, as though he was unsure of whether the Captain should know what he was telling him.
Jim stayed silent for a while.
"Jim?" Spock questioned. Jim sighed, looking down at his lap.
"I'm assuming from your silence that Lieutenant Uhura is correct in her observations." Spock said, seeing the Jim's cheeks turn pink with embarrassment.
"Spock, would it be completely inappropriate for me to...kiss you?" Jim suddenly blurted out, his breath hitching near the end of his sentence.
Spock's ears instantly flushed a deep green colour, his cheeks rapidly heating up as well.
When he didn't reply, Jim glanced up at him.
"I...would not find it disagreeable if you did so Jim." Spock finally replied.
Jim smiled timidly before placing a hand lightly on Spock's shoulder.
Spock looked up at him, his face void of emotion but his eyes were shining.
Slowly turning to face the Vulcan, Jim let his hand slide up till it was resting on the back of Spock's neck, his fingers grazing the edge of the Vulcan's hairline.
Spock almost melted as Jim pulled him in and electric sparks flew through his body as their lips connected for the first time.
Spock grabbed Jim's hand and interlaced their fingers shamelessly, the sudden contact making him moan into Jim's mouth.
Jim's pulse increased tenfold as he heard that moan and GOD did that make him want to rip off Spocks clothes and kiss him all over but he wanted to do this right, he needed to explain things.
Reluctantly pulling away, Jim breathed out shakily, opening his eyes to find Spock starting at him, a smile teasing his lips.
"Jim...T'hy'la." Spock whispered.
Jim had no idea what the Vulcan word Spock had just said meant but by the look in Spock's eyes, it was definitely good.
He smiled and chuckled nervously.
"Spock, Uhura was right. I wrote about you all the time. About how much I love you and how much I wanted to be able to hug you and kiss you. Stupid things like just wanting to fall asleep next to you and know that I'd wake up to see your face." He said affectionately.
Spock felt a flutter in his stomach as he used his free hand to stroke over Jim's face, seemingly memorising every contour on the human's skin.
"Jim, why did you not just inform me? Why did you feel it necessary to write your thoughts down instead of notifying me of my involvement in them?" Spock asked.
Jim stood up, pulling Spock up with him, hugging the Vulcan tightly, his arms coiled tightly around Spock's neck.
Spock didn't hesitate to wrap his arms around Jim's slender waist and embrace the young man as if his life depended on it.
Jim was shaking and when he pulled his head back to look at Spock, the Vulcan saw that he had tears in his eyes.
"I was scared Spock." Jim whispered.
Spock was speechless.
Of course he'd seen Jim crying before (losing crew member after crew member on away-missions would make even the strongest person eventually break down) but this time it was different.
Jim wasn't trying to hide his tears or act like he's completely fine; he was openly letting Spock see him with tears slipping down his cheeks.
"That is an illogical reaction Jim, not to mention out of character." Spock pointed out; doing everything he could to slow his heart rate down before Jim noticed.
Jim chuckled softly, looking away.
"I know but you have to understand Spock, I didn't know if you'd...I didn't want to..." he trailed off.
Spock leant over to pick up Jim's notebook, smoothing his hand over it delicately before handing it to the other man.
"My heart is ever at your service." Spock said; his voice just above a whisper. Jim snapped his head up, going from gazing at his notebook to staring intently at Spock.
"Spock? Did you just quote William Shakespeare?" he asked; the delight clear in his voice. Spock allowed the sides of his lips to quirk into a half smile.
"It seemed fitting, do you not agree Jim?" the Vulcan replied lightly.
"What did I do to deserve someone as amazing as you?" Jim mused aloud before kissing Spock tenderly on the cheek.
Spock's whole body buzzed with the new emotion flowing through him from Jim and he never wanted it to stop.
"After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing, after all, as wanting. It is not logical, but it is often true." Spock said suddenly, lowering his head until he was staring at the ground.
Jim slipped the small notebook into his back trouser pocket before placing a feather-light kiss on Spock's forehead.
"I love you Spock. Wanting to say that to you every day is nothing compared to actually having the opportunity to and I will never get tired of telling you just how much you mean to me." Jim said firmly, his voice laced with affection and kindness.
Spock moved forward until he was pressed against Jim, their noses less than an inch apart. Their breath was mingling together and the closeness was intoxicating.
"Jim..." was all Spock managed before the other man was sealing their lips together and thrusting his hands up into Spock's hair, running it through the black locks hungrily.
Spock's hands fell to Jim's hips, grasping them tightly as if he was afraid to ever let go.
Jim broke the kiss and managed to tear Spock's hands off his hips, instead placing both of them on his chest, letting Spock feel how fast his heart was beating.
"Spock, I'll never leave you. Ever. So wherever you go, I'll be right behind you, understand?" Jim said.
Spock felt his ears tinge that same dark green again and simply nodded.
"You're stuck with me now." Jim added, chuckling quietly.
Spock allowed himself a fleeting half-smile, making sure that Jim caught it.
"I think the human expression 'ditto' would convey my thoughts appropriately Jim." He stated, much to the amusement of his Captain.
Soooo I hope you enjoyed that, took me AGES to write! Not sure why but I just kept making changes to it. Oh well ^_^ Review please xx