Healthy Competition
A/N:Alright everybody here it is: my first attempt at a CSI:NY humour fic *cue gasps of horror*… I honestly have no idea what anybody will think of this, so if you could please review, that would be wonderful!
Thanks to the reviewers from my last story, Why I Love You: webdlfan, Jeralyn, afrozenheart412 and laurzz. Plus, thanks to csiwendy07 who has, as always, been a great online friend and who helps keep me going with her funny anecdotes etc. You guys are great, you give me the confidence to keep writing!!!
Love,
Ciara
x x x
"A lapdancer? Why does it always have to be a lapdancer? Why can't it ever be ballet dancers?"
"What's wrong with lapdancers? A murder's a murder, right?" Adam asked.
"Oh yeah," Stella agreed. "Don't' get me wrong, I'm sorry the girl's dead. But the thing is, every time we go to investigate at a lapdancing club wwe have to put up with Flack's already over inflated ego getting another boost when he gets a couple of dozen phone numbers from exotic dancers. He gets sooooo smug."
"Really? I find that hard to believe, he's always so professional…"
"Did someone say professional?"
"Oh here we go," Stella groaned. "Brace yourself Adam."
"Alright people, make way for the master," Flack smirked, striding past them with a contented expression on his face.
Stella rolled her eyes at Adam, who couldn't help but snort with badly suppressed laughter, although he hastily turned it into a cough when he realised Flack was staring at him looking worried. Adam carefully avoided catching Stella's eye again.
"You're in a good mood," he managed to choke out.
"What can I say? The girls love me," Flack shrugged.
Stella glanced sceptically around the seedy club, where young girls sat in various stages of undress. Her eyebrows rose into her hairline.
"In a place like this, I think it's more likely that they love your wallet Don."
"Hey Bonasera, don't be nasty. You know you're just jealous cos you'd never stand a chance with me."
"Oh yeah, you got me, that's it," Stella sighed sarcastically in a bored monotone. "Adam and I are going to start interviewing over there, alright? Don't be too disappointed if you get less than fifty numbers."
"Ha ha. Look Stella, I can't help the fact that I'm absurdly attractive," Flack grinned with a teasing little shrug of his shoulders, dodging Stella's playful swipe.
"Oh God, I'd love to see that smug smile wiped off your face."
"How, by getting more numbers than me?" Flack laughed. "I don't think many of the girls here swing that way Stel."
"Not up for a little healthy competition Don," she teased.
"Always Stella. Always."
"As a matter of interest, what would you do if someone else got more numbers than you?" Adam enquired curiously.
"I'd buy the entire team dinner," Flack smirked. "That's how shocked I'd be. No offence to the rest of you, but I'm the king. And if you'll excuse me, I'm going to meet my people. Be good now."
And with that he strode off, dropping them a wink as he went. He was still laughing quietly to himself. Adam couldn't help but smile too. At least, until he glanced at Stella. The smile slid quickly off his face.
"Whoa, whoa, whoa, what're you looking at me like that for?" he asked suspiciously.
"I might just have an idea," she grinned. She threw an arm around Adam's shoulders. "How would you like to get one over on a certain Detective Don Flack?"
"Stella, what's going through that devious little brain of yours?" Adam asked warily, eying her anxiously.
"I'm not sure yet…" she trailed off, biting her lip as she often did when she was concentrating hard on something. Then her expression cleared and what could only be described as an evil grin spread across her face. "Hey Danny, Lindsay! I need your help with something!"
Adam was busily interviewing three dancers who were wearing little more than sequined lingerie and attempting to avoid looking at… anything. One of them had a police hat tilted at a jaunty angle on her head of dyed blonde curls. Adam felt flustered and awkward; beautiful girls had never been his strong point.
"So, um, Coco?"
"She's not Coco, I am!"
"Well then, who are y-you?"
"I'm Trixie, silly."
"OK, got it, my bad. So then you're…" he trailed off, attempting to avoid catching sight of the third dancer's scantily-clad chest.
"Roxy," she drawled in a bored tone. "Can we go now? I have someone waiting for me," she enunciated pointedly, tossing her magnificent mane of raven-black hair.
"Oh, um, yeah. Yeah I guess th-that'd be-"
"No way! No frickin' way!"
Adam looked up, startled. Danny was striding towards the unlikely group, looking pumped and almost bouncing on the balls of his feet. He looked as though he was excited, and possibly a little high. Adam stared openly at him, not failing to notice the glance which passed between the dancers as they were approached by this newer, sexier cop.
"Adam Ross? Adam Ross! It is you, isn't it?"
"Um yeah, D-"
"This guy," Danny interrupted, talking to Roxy, Trixie and Coco now, "is an NYPD legend!"
"Really?" the girls gushed in synchronisation, eying Adam with renewed interest. "He is?"
"I am?" Adam muttered. Danny elbowed him hard, jabbing him painfully in the ribs. "If you say so…"
"Yeah, he's like James Bond or something. Last week, got in a confrontation with an armed kidnapper. Crazy guy, really dangerous. But he's got this little girl, so Adam takes him on. So he takes a hit, right? I mean, there's blood pumping out of his shoulder, it's going everywhere! And you think that's it but then-"
"Let me guess, 'Boom!'?" Adam smirked.
"Exactly, man. He grabs his gun with his bad arm and boom! He shoots the guy and saves the girl! Incredible! He's a hero! Let me shake your hand, man."
He pumped it energetically, still with that overly jazzed expression that was beginning to freak Adam out. He was starting to wonder if Danny was on drugs or something, until he saw Stella giggling across the room. He rolled his eyes; he knew what was going on here.
"Is this true Adam?" asked Coco, sliding closer to him.
"Uh, n-not exactly…"
"Oh, don't be so modest," Danny grinned. He almost ran off to bag some evidence, desperately attempting to muffle his laughter as the three girls closed in on Adam. The look on his face was priceless and Danny knew that within a couple of minutes Adam would have half the club hanging on his every word.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the large room, Flack was feeling pretty good about himself. He had already found a key strand of hair at the murder site and had two numbers tucked into his shirt pocket inside five minutes. Things were going good.
Then, to his amazement, he looked over to see Adam surrounded by hot girls clambering to get close to him. Flack thought he smelled a Stella-shaped rat.
"Alright Bonasera, 'fess up," he growled, grabbing her as she passed.
"What are you talking about?" she asked, a little too innocently to be believed.
"What are you up to? And how come Adam's got the second-string Pussycat Dolls all over him like a bad rash?"
Stella shrugged, infuriatingly reluctant to supply information. "Scared he might beat you Don?" she teased playfully.
"Please, don't make me laugh."
"Well then, you've got nothing to worry about, have you?"
"Fine, fine, get out of here," he snapped.
"You got it. Take care of that masterpiece of a face now pretty-boy," she grinned with a mysterious glint in her eyes. And then she was gone.
Flack was left feeling utterly bemused, at least until a couple of tittering dancers draped in feather boas interrupted his musings.
"Hell ladies, are you two ready to help me out?"
They looked more than ready to give him anything he wanted. Flack grinned to himself as he sat down. The idea of Adam beating him was laughable; he was too good.
"Don! You son of a bitch!"
He looked up in surprise to see a furious-looking Lindsay storming towards him, hair flying and taking the saying 'if looks could kill' to a whole new level.
"Hey Mon-"
"Don't 'hey' me, you arrogant bastard!" she shrieked, smacking him hard across the face.
"Hey, hey, what did I do?" he yelped, dodging a second blow. His cheek stung painfully, and he figured that all their work with murder must have finally gotten to Lindsay; she had snapped.
"You know what you did! And I suppose you're hitting on these innocent young girls now too? Don't believe a word he says," she added, turning to the dancers, who looked about as confused as Flack felt. "He's a two-timing asshole!"
"And how would you know?" asked the younger of the two.
"Because I'm his wife!" Lindsay yelled, thrusting her hand in Flack's face. Danny's ring glinted on her finger. "And he's been cheating on me- with my sister!"
"That's awful," the second dancer gasped. "You ought to be ashamed of yourself!" She snatched her hand off the table, away from his.
"What?! No, I-"
"Don't waste your breath Don," Lindsay snapped. "I don't know what's wrong with you! I'd stay away from him if I were you," she added as an afterthought, and the two dancers leapt to their feet, strutting away with their noses in the air. Lindsay followed quickly.
"I'm gonna kill you Monroe!" Flack yelled after her; now things were getting messy.
When they finally got back to the lab, Flack and Adam began counting the numbers they had accumulated during the day.
"Twenty-five!" Flack crowed jubilantly in relief. "It's a draw! Even with all your sneaky tricks, you still couldn't get him to beat me Stella."
"Oh well, at least we tried," sighed Stella dramatically. "Thanks for trying guys."
"Oh yeah, I'm gonna get you two," Flack added, rounding on Danny and Lindsay. "Pulling a stunt like that! You're supposed to be my wing-man, and you are one crazy lady. That really hurt. Honestly, between this and the mannequin thing, I'm seriously starting to question your taste in girls Messer."
"I don't care, it's worth it just to see the look on your face," Lindsay laughed.
"Oh my God!" Adam yelped. They all stared at him and he immediately reddened and became flustered. "I-I just found another number in my pocket! That- that's twenty-six. I- I win!"
For a moment there was only silence as Flack stared in outraged disbelief at the little scrap of paper. Adam, Lindsay and Danny made valiant efforts to keep straight faces. Then Stella broke the silence.
"Ah," she sighed. "I think I feel like lobster tonight. How about you Adam?"
"Thanks for the meal Don."
"Yeah, thanks, you shouldn't have- oh wait, you didn't have a choice in the matter!"
"Seriously Messer, shut up."
They all got up from their table at Adam's favourite Italian restaurant. The team had decided to let him choose, since without him this victory wouldn't even have been a possibility. Mac, Hawkes and Sid, who had not been at the crime scene, were delighted to hear of the fall of Flack. Jess had been hysterical with laughter.
Stella tapped Adam on the arm as Flack went to pay the cheque.
"You still got that last number?"
"Yeah, right here. I'm kinda keeping it as a souvenir. The day I got more girls than Don Flack, you know."
"Call the number," she smirked with a mischievous wink. Adam did so. Immediately, Stella's cell began to light up and vibrate. Adam stared incredulously at her.
"Oh my God, you are evil."