"How are you feeling today?"
"…"
"How are you feeling today, Jimmy?"
"That is not my name."
"Yes, it is."
"…I thought you said you couldn't identify me? That no files matched my prints?"
"That was true. At first."
"At first? It hasbeen a year."
"It was difficult to locate. It was…buried."
"What do you mean by buried?"
"Someone hid it. Your file couldn't be completely deleted, so he hid it. Quite masterfully, too."
"He?"
"Or she."
Why did he…or she… hide my file?"
"We don't know."
"…You said Jimmy. What's my full name?"
"Jimmy Novak."
"That is not my name."
"How do you know?"
"I just do."
"What's your name, then?"
"I do not know."
"Why is your file under Jimmy Novak's name if you are not him?
".."
"Have you tried remembering your former life?"
"…"
"Are you afraid of remembering?"
"…maybe."
"Why?"
"I don't know."
He sat hunched over, his gaze cast to the floor. His hair stuck up in almost every direction. His face was thinly covered in stubble. He'd forgotten to shave again.
Jimmy Novak, formerly John Doe. Found June 6, 2013, unconscious, pumped full of bullets. Woke three days later while still in the ICU.
Refused, or couldn't, speak for three weeks. Started with simple words. Even now, many things escaped him. His use of language was remarkable, considering his inability to remember anything of the world. Forget mentioning the latest movie or song, even the mention of New York was met with a blank stare.
Sean Delphy had made John – Jimmy – his project. His case wasn't unusual. Delphy had encountered many who claimed amnesia, but often times his patients were minor – or at times major – criminals trying to use the illness to postpone trial. A few cases were genuine, but none was as vast as Jimmy's, casting his whole past in shadow.
"Jimmy," Delphy began again. There was something about that name. He normally didn't like to push his patients on a hunch, but…
"Do not call me that." Jimmy's voice came out a growl, quite frightening considering his already deep voice. Unusually forceful, too. Compliance was Jimmy's norm. His eyes had also met Delphy's in an unblinking stare. Staring was not odd for Jimmy, either, but he almost never initiated direct eye contact.
Jimmy paused. "You're evaluating my reaction," he noted flatly.
"No such thing, Jimmy" Delphy said. Patients were always being evaluated, of course, but they never took kindly to the fact.
"Do not call me Jimmy," Jimmy insisted again. Delphy frowned.
"We'll need to discuss your…that name eventually."
"Not now. Please, not now."
"Then it is gone from my mind. For now."
The man broke gaze with Delphy.
"Do you mind if I call you John, again?" Delphy asked. John shrugged.
"What name do you wish to be called?"
"I don't know," John whispered.
"What is the first name that comes to mind?"
John was silent for a moment.
"You know."
"I do. I want to hear it again," Delphy said calmly.
"…Dean."
"But it is not your name?"
"No. Definitely not."
"Yet you can't connect it to a memory."
John closed his eyes. "It is like a chalkboard. Everything big and important and memorable is gone. Only, there was something so insignificant, so light, that it was missed."
"I don't believe that."
John opened his eyes and cocked his head. His eyes focused on a place just over Delphy's shoulder.
"It's not autism, Catherine. He's too interactive. Besides, there's none of the other typical signs. He just seems to avoid eye contact. The closest thing I can think of that it might be is some sort of muscle memory, but that doesn't make sense."
"Doesn't make sense, or you don't want it to make sense?" Catherine shifted and wrapped her arm around Sean's chest. Sean's brow furrowed. A queasy feeling filled his stomach.
"Perhaps it's the opposite," Delphy suggested. "Perhaps the name was so heavily inscribed that it couldn't be erased." John said nothing.
" Has anything else seemed familiar?"
John stared at a placed just over Delphy's shoulder.
"Nothing," he said.
Lucy was curled up on a cushioned seat in the gathering room. She drew whirling shapes on her hand with a sharpie.
"You're not supposed to do that," John remarked as he sat in the chair to her left.
"There's someone new." She ignored his comment. John sighed.
"There's always someone new."
"He's long term, though. And in the dual rehab program."
John tilted his head. Some in the rehab clinic met with the doctors in the mental facility, but to be in rehab and listed as a psychological patient was odd.
"He has his own room," Lucy said flatly.
"He's dangerous?"
"No. You know the dangerous people don't stay here. Probably still shaky. He is doing rehab."
"Oh."
"He's very tall."
"Mhm."
"…I'm leaving tomorrow."
John's eyes snapped up, not quite meeting hers.
"Why?"
"Been here a month already. Jerry said I don't need to stay now that the pills are doing their job. And I know to call if things get really bad again."
"By bad, do you mean "jumping off a bridge" bad?"
Lucy laughed. "He said to come in before it gets that bad." She drew a smiley face on her wrist before peaking up at John.
"Are you mad?" she asked softly.
"Mad? That you're better? Of course not," John scoffed. He was hurt, though. He liked Lucy. They'd connected. The month she'd been in the facility was one of the happiest months of his life.
His year long life, that is.
"Promise you'll call? We'll talk about just random stuff. Like, try talking to the new guy. He might be nice. And, you know, you could fill me in on what happens." Lucy drew an arrow from the smile.
"Your parents won't mind you talking to a man almost twice your age?"
Lucy shook her head. "Maybe if this was my first time in a hospital, they would. But they know that age stops mattering in places like this. They know I'm smart enough to know who to trust."
"They trust a kid that tried to kill herself that much?" John cocked his head again. Lucy giggled.
"They also check with the hospital to make sure my…friends aren't dangerous. So, no, they don't really trust me all that much. But they try. They really do try." Lucy's voice had turned sad. She rose from her chair and gave John a hug.
"You'll make him feel welcome right?" She asked. "The new guy, make him feel welcome for me. Promise."
John knew that she was trying to find someone to be his friend now that she was leaving. His heart twisted at her request.
"I promise," he said.
So, I'm sure some of y'all are wondering what this will be entailing. It's an AU, obviously, but there are some elements that are going to be transferring over from the show, though in a more real world setting.
There will be hints of Destiel, mostly because I believe that Castiel does have feelings for Dean in the show, but it won't be anything major, so I hope people who like other pairings will read this as well.
I'll try to be good with updates, which some of you know I'm REALLY bad about. Reviews will certainly help me feel motivated. Knowing people are reading always helps a writer
Be sure to visit my tumblr as well! I'll be posting about updates there:
goldenthyme. tumblr .com
So, thanks for reading! Peace out!