A Warm Glass of Joe

I do not own GI Joe, blah blah blah. Decided to make a parody of an Ed Edd n Eddy episode called Warm Glass of Ed. So, in case there's confusion: Edd- Lady Jaye Ed- Baroness Eddy- Scarlett Jimmy- Shipwreck Sarah- Beach Head Nazz- Cover Girl warning: exposure to the story may result in hysterical fits of laughter, bladder problems, chest spasms, and uncontrollable amounts of insane gibberish. May want to consult Surgeon General before reading. So, without further ado, on with the show!

The Pit

0900 hours (or if you'd prefer 12:00 midnight)

A soft, dismal wind flowed through the Pit as Lady Jaye was sound asleep in her bed, sucking her thumb whilst dreaming happily. Just then, a loud clattering echoed through the base, startling Jaye, who immediately snapped out of her slumber. Scanning her room for any intruders, she clutched her prized cactus plant Petunia and silently tiptoed down the steps leading to the elevator.

It only took five and a half minutes before Jaye made it to the kitchen. Peeking over the wall, she gasped quietly when she heard the sounds of chewing and munching, like some*thing* or some*one* was invading the Pit and stealing all their food. "Oh gads, an intruder. Eating out of our refrigerator with bare feet! Waugh! Disgusting!" Jaye whimpered, before pulling herself together. Taking a large over-exaggerated breath, Jaye slithered toward the fridge and opened the door to see half the entire shelves of food empty, traces of chicken bones, apple and peach cores, fish skeletons, cow meat and half-gnawed shrimp strewn all over. Jaye was almost about to vomit when a rustling sound rumbled from one of the fridge cabinets. Covering her eyes with her left hand, she opened it to reveal…

"AAAAUUGH!" Jaye shrieked in fright, only to lower her frightened look to see a half-asleep Baroness in her nightgown, with a large fried chicken wing in her mouth. "Ana! You scared me out of my wits! Do you have any idea what TIME IT IS?!" Jaye hollered, trying to talk sense into her fellow GI Joe member. Ana simply snored and, her eye fluttering sleepily, yawned and opened her mouth wide and in a split second, chomped off part of Petunia!

"Gah! You-you ate PETUNIA!" Jaye yelped, mortified by Ana's strange sense of appetite. Before she could say anything else, Ana strode out of the kitchen, a large handful of food in her arms. "What the? ANA! Get back here! And close my refrigerator door!" Jaye hollered as Ana grasped a clothesline with her teeth, then leaped over the fence and possibly headed to the next area of the Pit.

Still shocked over the 'Petunia' incident but horrified of what would happen if all the Joes' food disappeared overnight no thanks to Ana's habits, Jaye pondered over the decisions to resolve the situation, when as to every story, a lightbulb lit up in her head. "I got to wake Scarlett! She'll know what to do!" Jaye exclaimed, placing on her regular uniform then raced out the door, en route to Scarlett's cabin.

And sure enough, Scarlett Abigail O'Hara, beautiful, feisty, attractive, honorable and motherly member of the GI Joe clan was snoozing away in her prized queen-size bed. Softly snoring, with her favorite plush teddy bear from her childhood memories and with a dreamlike smile on her face, Scarlett was about to turn over when a tapping sound echoed on her window. Scarlett didn't notice since she was serene in dreamland, until…

"Scarlett! SCARLETT! Get up!" Jaye hollered, Scarlett groaning in boredom, having been rudely awakened from what she believed to be the best erotic, er, exotic dream she has ever had to see her favourite companion at her doorstep unannounced, to probably persuade her to partake in some ridiculous adventure of sorts. Seeing that she had no decisions to talk her way out of it, she got out of bed, and yawning loudly, opened her door to see a frazzled, wide-eyed and near deranged Lady Jaye, in her pink unicorn pajamas, carrying a half-eaten cactus. Judging her appearance, Scarlett couldn't help but chuckle at the silliness of her partner's behaviour.

"Yeah?" Scarlett mumbled sleepily, too apathetic and bored to even know what Jaye even wants at such an ungodly hour at night. "Scarlett! Ana was in my room, in my refrigerator, though she usually isn't in there but she was, with bare feet! He emptied my fridge and he ate my cactus plant! Ana is sleepwalking!" Jaye babbled excitedly, panting rapidly as she finished the last sentence. Scarlett stared at her for a few seconds like she was delirious or that the one too many cappuccinos she had has finally gone to her head. "What the?" Scarlett muttered as a crash echoed. Both girls peeked over the kitchen wall to see Ana yet again in her refrigerator raiding habits. With great feats of nigh-superior strength, she swallowed all the food contents of the fridge, and also plopped several grapes in her mouth before taking the whole refrigerator in her hands and exited out the back hallway

"Where's Ana going with all my food?" Scarlett asked, curious as to what Ana was planning when both girls cringed at the sight of Ana walking through the wall, no literally through it, and continued heading to the next cabin.

Cackling maniacally, Scarlett pointed excitedly at the makeshift exit Ana designed "That was classic! Did you see that?!" Scarlett whooped, Jaye quickly putting her hand over Scarlett's mouth.

"This is serious, Scarlett! Ana is like a plague of locusts, robbing the Pit of its food!" Jaye ranted, delving into her madness mantra state. (it makes sense if you've been on TV Tropes website) Scarlett just face palmed and replied "you know, you creep me out when you talk like that. Let's go see what Big Ana's up to" going through the fence with Jaye in tow.

Meanwhile, Courtney A. Krieger aka Cover Girl was snoozing in her waterbed as Ana silently moved through her room and entered the fridge to feast on its contents. Scarlett and Jaye entered through the window and tiptoed inside, not wanting to awaken Cover Girl. Both girls gasped in astonishment as Ana once more satisfied her seemingly limitless vault-sized stomach by emptying the refrigerator before climbing out the window

"Ahahahahaahhaha! Look at that! Tell me I wasn't dreaming!" Scarlett giggled as Ana clung onto a clothesline before lifting off into the air, gliding like a blimp o'er to the next housing residence. Moaning in worry, Jaye followed a now crazed Scarlett into the place in question which happened to be the home of a certain sailor… Shipwreck, whom was about to be Ana's next victim. Jaye's eyes simply shrank, her stress welled to the mere thought of wandering around the Pit late at night, with only an attractive and very, very ditzy redhead for her companion and the point of it all: pursuing a certain blonde-haired heiress whom happened to be robbing everyone in the Pit of their food. In her sleep. Fate seemed to have a very cruel sense of humor.

Nevertheless, the two Joes seemed to be faring well as they rapidly headed to Shipwreck's house. It seemed that fate was simply saying "Screw you and your idiotic plans for the night" and by a bizarre twist of events, landed the two companions in a most unusual and very random situation. To say that Ana was sometimes eccentric and a little childish; Scarlett somehow suspected Ana's strange hobbies would be used as a means to drive everyone in the Pit to the brink of madness. Sure enough, that's what was going on now. Just when Scarlett imagined herself being on a cruise to the Bahamas, she found herself thrust into a strange event with Lady Jaye begging her to halt Ana's food-purging rampage before a major food drought encased the base. And just like a stroke of luck, the two weary but wide-awake companions saw Ana slither up the steps to Shipwreck's main room. Scarlett and Jaye quietly followed.

"… Momsy?" Shipwreck babbled, hearing something approach him. "so, she's eaten all of Shipwreck's food? Now just why would Ana be in there?" Jaye asked before a scream echoed, having just answered her question. Now terrified, both girls hesitated on opening the door to see what sort of unpleasant and ghastly sight lay waiting for them. "I'm too nervous, cant look…" Jaye murmured, opening it to reveal a shivering, gibbering Shipwreck standing on his feet, covered in stomach acid and slobber. "Phew! And just when I thought the worse was over!" Jaye exhaled, overly loudly as Ana yet again made for the next house. "You just had to say that, didn't you?" Scarlett snapped, Jaye giggling sheepishly. Rolling her eyes, the redhead grasped Jaye by the left arm and dragged her out the house and on the path after the sleepwalking Baroness.

Scarlett and Jaye seemed to catch another sign of luck when the girls caught notice of a string of weenies slithering toward the window to Ana's cabin. Grasping the weenies with their hands, both girls instantly zoomed through the window and safely landed onto a sofa. Scarlett groaned and unruffled her hair before giggling on what she saw: there, on top of a large Mickey Mouse mattress, was Ana, sound asleep. A large string of eaten and half-eaten food laid strewn by her bed, her pretty blonde hair dangling over the pillow, and Ana sucking her thumb happily, dreaming sweetly like the sweet, dainty little angel she was and forevermore will be. "ahahahahahahahaha! That's priceless!" Scarlett giggled, rolling on the floor in mirth. "She seems quite content on that food." Jaye noted as Scarlett quietly made her way over to where Ana was sleeping. She mumbled something in her sleep before sucking her thumb again. "She's so natural." Scarlett mused weirdly, grasping Ana by the collar of her pajamas. "Ana? Ana? Wake up Goldilocks!" Scarlett squawked, shaking her silly. Sure enough, the movement somehow caused Ana to finally open her tired eyes. Yawning loudly after slumbering for quite a long amount of time, she gazed around the room before beaming happily at the sight of her two companions. "Hi guys!" Ana spoke cheerfully, showing her trademark optimistic personality.

"Ana, do you know that you've eaten nearly every food in the Pit?" Jaye asked, showing Ana the half-eaten cactus plant from earlier. Now recalling that moment from her subconscious memory banks, she examined the plant. "nice haircut Petunia!" Ana spoke, not knowing that the plant did not possess a human mind.

"Yeah, and you also ate Shipwreck." Scarlett piped up, Ana's eyes widening in shock. "Aah! Shipwreck! Don't tell Beach Head!" Ana pleaded, fearful of incurring Beach Head's savage wrath. "its ok, Ana. We'll spend the night here." Scarlett offered, before the three ladies suddenly realized they need their ounces of slumber and both yawned as they headed for their resting spots.

A few minutes later after the GI ladies were snuggled in bed, they were enjoying themselves in the land of Nod. Scarlett was snoring quietly, a pint of drool forming on her pillow. Lady Jaye was sleeping next to Scarlett, hugging her. And Ana was comfortably tucked into bed, with ropes attached to her mattress by Scarlett and Jaye to prevent any more of her food-pillaging activities. As both Scarlett and Jaye snored in unison, they were both awakened by a crashing noise. Both gasped in horror as they saw Ana off on the loose. "Here we go again!" Jaye moaned, her and Scarlett continuing their crazed pursuit.

"ANA! SHUT UP DOWN THERE!" Beach Head shrieked, banging on the wall with a sledgehammer, not knowing Ana was at the café base and eating away all its cargo. "Pull up a front row seat to the greatest show on Earth!" Scarlett giggled, placing two lawn chairs out as she and Jaye sat down, Scarlett pulling out a bag of popcorn out of nowhere, chewing contently.

"… Are you gonna share those?" Jaye finally asked, after an awkward pause. Then as if on cue, Ana emptied yet another fridge before gliding off in search of the next feeding ground on her clothesline/hang glider.

"I think I got a way to lure her back. And I know just how to do it…" Scarlett mused, giggling wildly, rubbing her hands together in delight.

With some planning- and the amounts of 'borrowing' food from the safety cargo nets, Scarlett and Jaye formed a makeshift trail of food from the start of the Pit's main street right to Ana's front window. Poised for their movement, Scarlett and Jaye crouched behind the bushes, patiently waiting for their target to take the bait. And sure enough, Ana caught notice of the large trail of weenies and chomped one link in one bite before moving onto the next, the girls giggling in amusement of their grand ounce of genius. And a short second later, Ana was nicely positioned in the window, Jaye and Scarlett high-fiving each other

"So… how are we gonna get food for everyone else?" Jaye asked, Scarlett's eyes lighting up as she sensed another opportunity…

The next morning, a long, tired and nearly catatonic line of Joes was formed at the front window of Ana's base where to their sudden enjoyment, a makeshift grocery store was available… the only thing is, the groceries were in Ana's stomach. And having lost memory of the events that happened last night, Ana nevertheless proudly agreed to help out Scarlett and Jaye in refilling the food supply for the Pit.

"what'll it be, Snake Eyes?" Scarlett asked joviantly, as the mute ninja handed her a slip of paper with the words 'cinnamon crusts' written on it. "Excellent choice, one order of cinnamon crusts coming right up!" Scarlett proclaimed, Jaye wretching in disgust as she dug her hand through Ana's stomach and pulled out a box of Cinnamon Crusts cereal. "EEEUUUUGGGGHHHH!" Jaye retched in nausea, feeling green.