So I'd written the ending of McDean, but I haven't written the begining! *gasp* Here's the first time Craig and John Paul slept together. Of course it's in Craig's POV. I just think that you need to get a look inside his head more often than you do with John Paul, don't you agree?
John Paul loves Spike
That's is what I've been thinking of for the past hour of which I should have been thinking about my exam, which quite frankly I couldn't care less about at this moment.
John Paul loves Spike
I still don't get what he sees in that...that arrogant, egotistcal freak! John Paul could do so much better than Spike. John Paul deserves the greatest man in the world, just to match up to his standards. Jesus...I'm starting to sound gay myself!
John Paul loves Spike
Just to get those sick, horrible words out of my head I take my pencil and start to write on the desk with much force, "JP luvs Spike," right when I'm done with the 'e' I cross everything out like it would take away all of John Paul's love for this man. I slam the pencil down and bite my thumb nail. What am I going to do? Just sit here? Spike could be over at John Paul's for all I know. Kissing him, touching him, holding him...ugh I couldn't bare to think of it! I get up quickly and walk out the class room slamming the door loudly behind me. I have no idea where I'm walking, but then soon find that my feet had carried me towards the McQueen's house. I take a deep breathe before I knock on the door to hear a faint voice, "Alright, alright. I'm coming." the door opens to reveal a handsome blue-eyed blonde DJ looking shocked, but still happy.
"Craig," he says my name, but it comes out more of like a question.
"What are you doing here?" John Paul finishes.
"Can I come in?" I ask quietly, my voice thick. He opens the door wider and says blithely, "Yeah sure, come on in." While I'm walking in I hear him wonder, "I though you were in an exam," I walk past him and turn away from him, my back to John Paul, and ask carefully, "You on your own?" I hope he says yes. I don't think I could stay as calm as I was now if he said that Spike was here.
"Yeah, why?" came his reply and I just shake my head, not feeling the need to explain. My silence must have been uncommon for John Paul asked curiosly, "What?"
"Yo- you, uh, you got a drink or something?" I stutter, my voice still thick.
"A drink-drink?" John Paul asks making sure and I nod.
"Uh, no, I think we drank that last night." he continues, "Although we got some Sherry if you wan-"
"That'll do." I say cutting him off and head for the kitchen.
"Alright then," John Paul mutters before joining me at the counter. He goes towards the his fridge and pulls out a bottle of Sherry and takes two small glasses from his cabinets. John Paul sits at one of the stools while I'm on the other side of the island pacing back and forth with my drink in my hand.
"So, uh," I start nervously, "You seeing Spike tonight?"
"Probably," he tells me, "I dunno." I gulp my drink down and run my hand through my hair.
"So you're just keeping it casual." I state wanting it to be true,
"I am seeing him, yeah." John Paul says carefully, "I make it sound vague because..." he stops for a moment before looking away to continue, "I know you'll say something mean about him." I spin around at him and ask angrily, "Why would I do that?"
"You tell me," John Paul mutters and takes a sip of his drink.
"Well maybe," my voice cracks, "cause-cause he's arrogent and he's got an ego-" John Paul cuts me off before I start to really say what he is to me by saying simply, "That's not the reason I had in mind." What? Does he know I'm jealous of Spike? WHAT?! Where did that come from? I'm not jealous of that freak.
"Well what reason did you have in mind?" I ask, my voice cracking again.
"It's not fair Craig," he says gently, "I'm getting on with my life." Yeah with a stupid big ego DJ, I think bitterly.
"And who's stopping you?!" I ask exasperated and quickly start towards the front door, but stop when I hear John Paul's voice, "Spike reckon's that you and I can't be friends anymore because," I turn around to see that he had walked up to me before he continues, "because of how much I liked you." John Paul...not...me and him...not friends? I don't think so! I feel even more anger raging through me than before, and stutter, "What? No...he's j-just...don't...he's just saying that."
"That's what I thought," John Paul said shrugging, "but you...you've been pretty off with me." I go defensive and say, "No!"
"Yes you have!" he tells me frustrated. I decide to reason and tell him, "Okay maybe I've been off with-with your b-boyfriend," I could barely get the word out! "but I haven't been off with you."
"Okay then, let's start with that. Why have you been off with Spike?" he asks.
"I don't like him." is my answer. I couldn't quite think of anything else. "Everyone think's he's a nut."
"Yeah me included." John Paul states.
"Well maybe my taste is a bit more sophisticated!" I yell. Ones that are blonde, blue eyed, and pale. AGH! God! I can't think of him like that!
"Alright then, what is your taste?" he asks crossing his arms.
"What?" I ask him.
"You've made it pretty clear haven't you, huh? Your taste," he pauses looking at me, "when you beat me up." I got a sick feeling in my stomach when I remembered John Paul's soft skin meeting my fist and the sickening sound when they met.
"That was ages ago," I tell him putting the thoughts aside, "We're-we're mates now." John Paul throws his arms aside in frustration.
"Craig! Mates don't get-get jealous of boyfriends." he states exasperated. I look at him like he was crazy and he nods saying, "Yeah that's right, jealous." instead of going all defensive and denying everything like he probably thought I would do I just stayed silent and tried to look anywhere but his face.
"Tell me your not," he begs quietly. Still looking away I sayed, "You us-used to fancy me. When-when'd you stop?" John Paul looked at me like I was crazy and asked, "What?" I gave up and looked into his eyes with all of my pain in my voice, "When did you get over me?" It was quiet for a few moments before John Paul turned away and ran his finger through his hands walking back to the kitchen and I followed. He just wouldn't talk! So I decided to break this painful/akward silence.
"How do you make yourself stop loving someone? You said you loved me!" Okay maybe that wasn't the best thing to say, but it kind of just came out.
"I did," he tells me. I looked down. Did? He did love me? The pain most have showed because I heard John Paul say quietly, "I mean I do." I look up at him and started but he interupted me and shouts, "Why you doing this Craig? Huh? What You teasing me? Making fun of me?" He stops short when I cringed. I take a deep breath and ask him a question that's been on my mind ever since John Paul and Craig kissed infront of me, "Have you and Spike...you know."
"What?"
"You know." I say with more emphasis. He just nods and I feel a stabing in my heart. That was his first time with a guy.
"Didn't it feel wrong?" That's what Mom and Jake said how it should feel atleast.
"No," he says smirking, "it felt wonderful." I step closer to him so that I'm not about a foot away from him.
"Do you love him?" I ask dreading that answer. He pauses looking down, before saying slowly, "Not as much as I love you." I couldn't stop myself, but I steped closer to him. Slowly I reached up and touched his cheast. I could still feel his muscles under his light blue shirt and it felt so...good. I moved up to his shoulders, and one behind his neck.
"Craig, don't." John Paul pleaded...but that was the thing. I couldn't.
"I ca-can't stop thinking about you." I said tears flooding my eyes, and my voice cracking.
"Craig-Craig-" I let all of my pain, agony, sorrow seep into six words.
"I can't stop thinkg about you," and that's all it took for my lips to finally touch his. I could taste our tears mixing and the taste of his lips which reminded me of speriment. His arms shakily wrapped around my wrist while mine were preoccupied with his hair which was as soft as it looked. I heared John Paul whimper when I unwillingly ran my tounge along his bottom lip gaining access and exploring his mouth. We battled our tounges, me winning and then I started to pull him towards the stairs and he resisted a little but when I bit his bottom lip gently he finally gave in and fell into me. We stumbled and whimpered a little more befor we finally got to his room where he pulled back with tears running down his face, "Are you sure?" More tears ran down my face. Forget about Sarah. Forget about everything Mom and Jake had told me about men-on-men action, this was amazing. I nodded and pulled him back and pushed him down onto his bed where I lay atop of him kissing his tears away, taking his shirt off, ripping mine off. I kissed down his cheast stopping just above the waist and then working my way back up. John Paul grabbed my shoulders once I finally got back to his mouth and rolled over so that he was now on top. He kissed me slowly taking my bottom lip in his mouth. I couldn't take it anymore. I started undoing his buckle quickly with shaky hands, like in any second John Paul would disapear or I would wake up in bed with Sarah. Once I finally got the damned belt off next was mine and then a couple things after that...
I wake up my head on a hard pillow and wrapped in tight blanket of some sort. I open my eyes to see that it wasn't a pillow I was sleeping on, nor was it a blanket wrapped around me. It was John Paul, and I was in his room. I didn't stay the night did I!? I look over at his clock on the side table and see that I had only been asleep for about an hour or more. I start to freak out, looking around trying to make sure if this was true or not. Me..sleeping with a guy? And the guy being John Paul no less! I sit up quickly disturbing John Paul and making him wake up. He looks at me, me having wide eyes, and smiles.
"How'd that happen, eh?" he asked, holding his hand out like he was about to stroke my hair. I flinch away.
"I've been dreaming of that for a while now." That's it. I quickly get up pulling on all of my clothes.
"Hey where you going?" John Paul asks grabbing my hand. I pull away quickly and just keep pulling my pants up.
"Craig-" he tries again taking my hands.
"Don't touch me you...you...faggot!" I shout in his face and run out of his room ripping my hands out of his grip. I run out cursing myself for not taking the time to tie my shoes. I finally trip myself out of the door and stumble for my house but stop in an alley and run my hands through my hair. What have I done? I thought. I'm so disgusted with myself! I kissed a man! And yet...I put my hand to my mouth, my lips are still tingling from the kiss.
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