Sorry it's been so long! Spoilers for 5X13... DONT LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT I WILL DO ANOTHER CHAPTER OF GWEN SOON!
What do you do when the one you've sworn and fought to protect dies? Do you go home and face the people who expected so much from you only to tell them you've failed? To see the heartbreak on their faces as you tell them the truth? No it hurts too much to even consider that option, to see your friends hearts break and see their world crumble. Do you let death sweep you away on a wave of death? No because you know what you are, you know you cannot die however hard you try and want to die it just won't come to pass. Do you wander aimlessly for the rest of your immortal life trying to be rid of the dark memories that stalk you like a thief in the night? Do you lay awake in far off lands trying to stop your heart from tearing apart over and over again or do you learn new things and think of them, in the place you once considered home and how they would love to be doing what you are now? Or do you wonder if they are even alive after all this time and constantly torture yourself until you just give up?
That's what I do. I think back to the people I loved and imagine them happy and laughing even though I know that is not the case. I imagine the queen, my dearest friend sitting on a throne looking to side dreaming about what once was. I imagine the knights fighting on the training ground and telling stories at taverns of the great king and his servant the sorcerer fighting an army of thousands at Camlann. I even think about the old physician waiting for me to return, putting dinner out and sitting there until the candle has died down, I think he understands but his heart is breaking and as he lays on his deathbed he thinks about the young boy who waltzed into his chambers all those years ago. I think of the drunken knight's body being burnt in the middle of Camelot's courtyard, he was Strength, now Magic is left alone in this world. I think of the witches body buried in the ground by my hand, the darkness to my light the hatred to my love, she was right she did win even in death and yet I could not hate her, it was my fault she became the monster she was and she is my biggest regret even after all this time.
The King... My brother... My friend... Dead on the lake of Avalon. I was not fast enough, "just... Hold me," he whispered dying in my arms, what will I do without him? Camelot needs him now, Gwen needs him and I need him. Courage has left Magic too. Anger burns in the pit of my stomach yet I know hope is not yet lost. For now I must leave him safe and sound and I will wait for him just as I always have until Albion's need is great and he returns to me, Arthur and Emrys fighting side by side again. My mouth twitches into a grim smile and I settle down knowing one day my king will come.