Harry Potter (and friends) meet Edward Cullen!
"Get off me Ron!" Hermione had exclaimed, for Ron had tried to feel one of her…"BLASTENDED SKRUTES HERMIONE! Please, just one squeeze?" Ron pleaded. "No, how many times have I told you Ron? I am allowing us to date, just as long as you will not get physical with me." Hermione explained for the 19th time. Ron slumped in his seat, defeated. Because Harry, Ginny, Neville, and Luna were used the quarrels of the couple, they took no notice of there shouting, and merely polished off the remainder of the candy they had bought from the Sweet Trolley on the Hogwarts Express.
"Ginny, would you like a bite of my sausage?" Harry asked innocently. " Oh Harry! you know I'm allergic, those darn candy sausages give me a fuzzy green rash all along my lips." said Ginny. "That's why I wanted you to have it! So I could lick the rash off." Harry Winked. Ginny giggled and winked back. Soon the two were having an all-out snog fest. Meanwhile, Hermione was once again tempting Ron's sexual resistance by sticking her butt and the air, and then grinding it against a stripper pole, which she had drawn from thin air with her wand. Luna and Neville were the only ones who were not being intimate with a person of the opposite sex, however they were both happily wanking on separate sides of the room.
Suddenly, the doors of the compartment opened, and all 6 friends looked up from what they were doing to see who it was. Gliding into the room came none other than the most beautiful man any of them had ever seen (yes including Harry, Ron and Neville). It was almost inhuman how the boy's amber eyes glistened, his brownish-red hair shined, and his pale, white skin remained blemish free, even in the late stage of puberty. "Hello" said the mysterious newcomer in a velvety soft voice. "My name is Edward Cullen. I am new to Hogwarts. It is alright if I sit here?" Everyone stared. Neville's mouth was hanging open, drool dripping out. Finally, they all came out of their daze just in time to mumble, "Mhmm". Edward Cullen gracefully placed his things on the top shelf, and sat down next to Neville, who was still drooling. It was Hermione who was the first to speak. " S-So Edward, where are you from?". "Oh, here and there, you know?" He replied smoothly. "I see." Hermione said, and stayed silent, lost for words. Harry coughed. Ron began eyeing Edward, as if he was a competition for the prize that was Hermione. "I like guys." Neville announced, making the feeling in the room even more awkward then it already was. "That's…a good thing to know." Edward said slowly inching away from Neville. Poor Edward began to feel that his presence was not quite welcome and mumbled something about going to the bathroom, and left the compartment. As soon as the door shut, the room was filled with noise again.
"Who the Hell was that?" Ginny shouted
" I don't know, but he was gorgeous!" Replied Hermione
" He wasn't that good-looking" Grumbled Ron
"Man, did you see the size of his-"
"Please, we must settle down!" Harry abruptly interrupted Neville. "Let's try to figure out more about this sexy guy." Everyone started at Harry. Suddenly realizing his mistake he said, "Oh…did I say sexy? I..I meant…er...surprise! Ya…it was a surprise that he came...surprise….guy." Awkward silence filled the room. "Yea…" Luna said, breaking the silence. " Well do you want to know what my theory is?" "No." They said. However Luna continued as if she had not heard them. " I think he is vampire." Harry, Ron, Hermione, Ginny, and Neville sighed in unison. They were so used to Luna's idiotic theories. "That is almost as impossible as me and Ron having kinky sex right in the middle of this compartment." Hermione assured Luna. "Awwww." Ron said sadly. "Let's go through his things to see if there is any evidence." Neville said. "Alright". They said.
Ginny grabbed Edward's black leather bag and began pulling things out of it. The contents of the bag were a porno magazine (Me: 0o Edward you naughty boy!), a whip (to Neville's delight), a bottle filled with some sort of red liquid (GASP), a thong (Me: WTf??), a picture of a girl, and bottle of perfume. or was it cologne? Ginny opened the bottle and sniffed it. White powder flew into her nose- lol jk, it smelled like blood. "That settles it! he's a Vampire!" Ron said, and began to wank happily because he knew Hermione was not attracted to vampires.
The six of them began to smell the perfume, because it looked so alluring. Upon sniffing the crystal bottle, they all began to feel horny, I mean…lightheaded. After about 2 minutes, one by one they collapsed onto the floor. Soon, the only awake person in the compartment was Neville, who didn't sniff the perfume because he was afraid it would give him a rash.
All of a sudden, the doors swung open again, revealing Edward who had come back from the bathroom. "What happened here?!" He asked Neville " Uh…uhhh" Neville stuttered. "We er...um...WANNA HAVE SEX?" Stunned, Edward replied, "I'm sorry, but as tempting as the offer is, I'm going to have to say no." "Oh" A disappointed Neville said. Stepping over a drooling Ron, Edward took a seat next to the window. Neville slowly inches toward Edward, and also sat next to him too (maybe a little closer than preferred) Edward took an Ipod out from his pocket and began to listen to it. Neville moved even closer to Edward, and began to stroke his kneecap. "Um, excuse me but I would appreciate it you would not do that."Edward said sternly. "Sorry, I didn't notice I was doing that" said Neville.
Without warning, the lights on the train began to flicker, and went off for about 15 seconds, when they abruptly came back on, Edward found Neville sitting in his lap and stroking his hair. "PLEASE! You really have to stop this instant!" Edward yelled, and stood up throwing Neville hard across the room. Maybe a little to hard, because Neville was now lying in a ball, his limbs bent at odd angles, and raspberry jam oozing from his ears. "Ooops." Edward said quietly. I should probably leave now. He thought. He smoothly moved to the nearest window and opened it up. Hesitating, he backed away. Edward speedily ran over to where Neville laid, and licked his entire face; forehead to chin. Satisfied, he strolled back over to the window and jumped out.
20 MINUTES LATER
" Blimey! That was odd" Ron said as he began to wake up. "Sure was" Hermione agreed. All nodded their head in conformity (ya, I don't think that's a word but TO BAD!!). Noticing that Edward had left, they all went back to their previous activities, wanking and snogging. Except for Neville, who was trying to figure out why his face was wet, and smelled delicious.