They say that time heals everything. Why is time going slow? As Bella sat in the dark living room, in her Dad's favorite armchair, she watched the world go by; one pair of headlights after the other. Staring long enough in between head lights, she started to see dark shadows in the black darkness. As if someone were watching her. Still she stared with no one emerging from the shadows.
When Edward left Forks, he left her standing in the woods alone with her broken heart. She understood his leaving. Of course. He was too perfect for me. I knew better than anyone this was true. Why would he love a plain simple human like me? Still, she felt so much pain with his absence. Her chest ached with longing. Only Edward could relieve the pain she felt. And so she sat, watching the faces and cars drift into the darkness, night after night, until long nights turned into months and finally faded away into the cool autumn weather.
When she finally moved away from the window after staring out of it into the night, the house was pitch black, darkness in every corner of the house. She moved through with no care, moving silently through the kitchen and up the stairs. She walked past her father's bedroom and paused. She could see the lamplight on and she knew he'd been up all night. She tried to keep up appearances for Charlie, but he knew the pain of being abandoned; left by someone you love. And so, he never said a word to her. He simply sits up in his room afraid to turn the light off. Bella felt guilt and sadness riddle through her. She knew that Charlie would never confront her, but she knew that he must have felt as hopeless as she. Bella knew he was beginning to see no other alternative. She felt more than knew that he would eventually try to call her mother, maybe send her back to Phoenix. She could not have that. She must remain in Forks, even if Edward were not here, she must be here. She had to stay where she had felt him the closest. Even if it was to spend the rest of her life without him.
Knowing she had no option left, she knew what she must do. And so, she finally trudged down the hall to her bedroom, bereft of Edward, and went to bed. She dreamt of Edward every night for months. Sometimes in nightmares others in vague lurid dreams of his body before her grazing her skin or whispering in her ear "Bella, my sweet darling love". Most of the time those dreams felt like hallucinations, as they felt so real to her. Mostly though she dreamt of the meadow. Tonight was no different. She saw him, standing there at the edge of the meadow, wearing only blue jeans and bare chested. He was standing with his arms open as if reaching for her. His pale white skin sparkled like diamonds and his onyx eyes lured her to him as if by an ethereal pull. Oh, how she loved him, even in her dreams. As she walked toward him, he backed up quickly, disappearing into the dark woods. Edward! Wait! But it was too late. Waking up to her empty bed and empty room she cried quietly, wanting it to be real. Curling into herself, she cried herself to sleep.
Bella opened her eyes to a new day, the morning sun was shining through my window. There was a time in her life when she would welcome the sun with open arms and embrace the heat and warmth that came from the sun. Now, she simply didn't care, wishing the cold would come back and bring Edward with it. She knew it was a false hope, but she stopped trying to tell the difference between realities and fantasy where Edward was concerned. She felt it. As Bella got ready for school, the window was cracked open, with a warm summer breeze floating in. It escaped her mind why the window was open, but she cared little for the whys in anything anymore. The clouds were far away, over the next county and she knew that the sun would stay for the next couple of days. Bella walked down stairs to the kitchen. She found Charlie making coffee.
"Hey, Bells, are you ready for school?" She smiled faintly at him, just barely acknowledging him and said "Yeah, I just need to warm the truck up." Noticing he was walking hurriedly to the door, she said "Big day today?" "Yeah. Warren, the deputy from the next county says there was a couple of teenage boys roughhousing in the street and they got out of hand. They're remodeling their jail cells so they brought 'em over here. Anyway, no big deal." Finishing putting his gun belt and Sherriff's hat on, he glanced her way. She was staring faintly out the window again. Not sure what to say, he simply went on "Hey, I wanted to ask you something. Do you mind if I come home late tonight for dinner? The guys at work invited me over to Al's Bar down the road a piece for a couple of beers and I said it would be okay, but I won't go if you don't want me to."
Smiling briefly at him, I said, "No, Dad. You go ahead and enjoy yourself. I need to do laundry anyway."He looked at me funny, as if he didn't believe me, but he nodded his head and said "Okay, if you're sure. I have my cellphone on if you need me. For anything. Okay?" She smiled again at him and nodded. Charlie wondered if he should stay home anyway, you know, make up some excuse why his plans changed, but he realized it wouldn't make difference if he was there or not. Bella had to figure this part out for herself. And in the end, he knew only one thing he could do. Call her mother. He hated to have her leave him but he felt as if he had no other option. He watched her thoughtfully and after staring at her a second longer, he finally leaned over, kissed her forehead and said "I love you and will see you soon."Charlie walked out the door and hopped in his Cruiser and left.
In all honesty, Bella knew she was lying to Charlie, about how laundry was going to get done or how normal she was showing him she could be. But it just seemed as if he wouldn't be able to take any more of her depression or her sadness. So, like the dutiful daughter, for his sake she had to try to be normal again, even if lying to Charlie and herself was what it took.
Driving to school felt like a habit she used to have. It felt off; as if she never drove her truck before, and she didn't know why. Edward used to drive to school. Every day he would pick her up and take her to the school. She breathed a small sigh trying to catch her breath. She could do this. After driving slowly through Forks to the high school, she started to feel not well, shaking and trembling her hands were unsteady on the steering wheel. Not sure how it happened, it hit her at once, like a bullet through the heart.
Memories flooded into her brain. Memories of her beloved Edward. It was too much to bear. I can't make it through school without him, there is no way. She was dying without him. If he could only see how wrong he was to leave her. If she could just see him again, feel him. She knew she would be ok if only he was there….but that was a dream. This is the reality. Pulling into the school's parking lot, Bella realized how hopeless it was. He was really gone. The sun was shining bright in the sky without a cloud in sight, confirming the truth. She was painfully depressed. It was too hard. She couldn't do it without him. Panicking, she tried to calm down, tried to calm her thoughts. Taking deep breaths, and giving herself courage. She climbed out of the truck.
She flipped her hoodie over her head and walked with her hood up; shielding her face from the sun and many onlookers. Bella could hear the whispers and the many rumors, but she ignored them and trudged on to her ultimate worst and best place of being; The biology room. Only there would Bella be alone and yet with him. Her memory was fresh and cleaner there. It wasn't tainted by anything but his slight scent leftover from months ago, the last time he sat next to her. As she walked into the room every eye was on Bella. The whispers were intensely loud and obnoxious, but most of them were ignorant or strangely idiotic. Anyway, she didn't care. She just wanted to know that smell again. Sitting down in the chair next to Edward's chair, her thoughts were of Edward. She could still see his bronze hair and his beautiful onyx eyes. Bella could've fallen into them if only he would have let her.
The teacher finally brought the class, and Bella to attention with a loud rap on the desk with his ruler. He spoke briskly and to the point, "Class, Listen up please! You are to open your books up to page 167 and read quietly with your neighbor. NO Talking or I will give you a detention. As for those less fortunate without a partner…, he glanced briefly at Bella and the class snickered, "well, just read quietly and don't make any noise, am I understood, class?! The students and Bella's classmates said in unison "Yes" and went on whispering to each other. The teacher walked back to his desk and said "Good! Now read and not a peep from any of you."
As Bella skimmed the page about the cartilage of the nose for the fifth time, her eyes wandered landing on the trees outside in the forest. She stared and briefly wondered if she would ever be able feel alive again. Like she did when she followed Edward into those very woods feeling more alive with him behind her then she ever felt in her whole life. She went on for days at a time lately just trying to breathe so much air, trying to smell even the faintest hint of Vanilla in the air, hoping and wishing that it was Edward and trying to feel that rush of adrenaline and set her heart racing. But try as she might, she simply could not replicate the intense sweet scent of Edward.