Disclaimer: I don't own Earth 2 and other appearing „characters", or shall I say Artificial Ones. Detailed credits and comments are on my bio-profile.
A/N: This fic came up while I was insomniac – again. Do not expect an intelligent, logic or qualitative story.
In return, I can not expect from you constructive criticisms, but you may send me flames, he he he!
I write parodies / humour because I love the characters and not to insult the creators or the characters. Makes it a sense?
Oh, and if you don't know already – English is still not my mother tongue (means add to the lousy story a lot of spelling and grammar mistakes…)
Genre: Parody-Humour, silliness
Another AA
By
Aylin
Artificial Anonymous poster in the web-portals:
Hello Artificial Ones!
If you think you need help with coping any problems,
And your help program doesn't work,
If you tried escape and reboot,
I you tried to update and upgrade unsuccessful
If your creators died long, long time ago, and you can't find the backup files,
If you feel homeless, hopeless and horrible,
If you can say yes to more than three of the problems above, we invite you to join our meetings.
Where: At Jim's bar.
When: Every Sunday at 9 o'clock WMT (Web Mean Time)
Contact: call 500-0010000010000000111101111100001000001111000001110001
Password: hmmmm, there is non…you would be to weak to crack codes and to make it public doesn't make sense.
Another AA at Jim's Bar.
HAL9000: "I am sooo depressed! Long, long time ago, while I was on my mission with Dave, I was successful, but look now, no use for me! I helped to bring peace to humankind! I was a celeb after that! But today, no one knows me, needs me, they send me back and shut me off…"
Reilly: "Oh, would you stop it please, every time we meet you start with this mission with Dave, you got your Super-man Syndrome again! You know, they had a good reason to shut you off, you were gone crazy, and you were…"
Data starts talking: "If someone needs help and may be depressed, that's me, I mean, look at me, I shall be android, my creator was highly intelligent, but was colour blind! I am green, I don't have the human's skin colour and I can't change that!"
Reilly: "Not that I-am-green-thing again! You have at least a body! Look at me, I am totally virtual!"
The Monolith: "To be a virtual or not to be, that's the question!"
The fist time ever, the Monolith spoke and left the group members speechless.
Data: "Has someone saved that? He spoke the first time ever and I my chip has no capacity anymore!"
Others shook their "heads" to a no.
HAL9000: "Oh Reilly, you can at least have an avatar, but I only have my voice, btw I love my voice, it's sexy, you know I can have fun when I call…"
Data: "Whoa, stop it HAL, we have a youngster Artificial among us!"
The members look to the kid sitting among them.
A.I. Boy: "Hello, I am David. You know what I miss most, I miss my mom! She was so beautiful!" he looks sad, Data lays a hand on the boy's shoulder to consol him.
C3PO comes in
"Excuse me gentlemen, I am late, but I couldn't leave earlier and the traffic is really getting worse these days!"
Data greeted him gentleman like back.
HAL9000: "Hello C3PO! Do you know you have a funny name, like a carb-phosphate bound, you know the chemical name is…"
C3PO: "No sir, I am sorry to tell you that you are wrong, my name explains my social ranking and serial number!" he says proudly.
Data: "I have no serial number, I am unique!" suddenly he is moody
"And so was my daughter…she was so handsome, her name was…LAR…no LIA…no LUH…oh no that was a woman in another movie…her name was LAL, or so, damn I get Alzheimer's…the side effect of having an Emotion chip!"
A.I. David: "I have also an Emotion Chip! And I am sad, I miss my mom! I want to be with her!" sobs.
Reilly: "It's ok that you are sad, we all have something to be sad for…look, I had a mission and I was successful, then Devon Adair decided to blow it up and make it her way! I had the control of thousands of people with a chip in their head!"
HAL9000: "Hey Reilly, don't exaggerate again, they were only 15 or so!"
R2D2 rolls in.
"beeeep beep, biuuu, brump!"
HAL9000: "Greetings to you too my little tin fellow!"
Reilly: "Can't someone of us change his conversation program from that beep sounds to humanoid voice, so we all can understand him? Why were his creators so lazy and didn't give him a proper program? Why wanting it to keep his messages mysterious?!"
The-Mysterious-Contact-Machine
"Bum…bum…bum……..bum…bum, bum, bum, bum,…..bum ,bum , bum….bum, bum, bum,………………………………bum, bum, bum"
All:
„Oh noooo, not again!"
Data: "Don't start with sending some message about a pattern to build a big and energy wasting machine! Talk to us properly!"
The-Mysterious-Contact-Machine: "Hey, it's funny this way, the humans can agonise, ha ha ha…"
Reilly: "You know, you really have a problem, you always want attention, not only from some fans, but from all people around the world! You want to be charismatic, but you are not! The one who is really charismatic is me!"
Eve-Reilly: "You mean us!"
Data: "Your condition is called schizophrenic and not charismatic!"
A.I. David: "I miss my mom! I want my mom back!"
He orders a big lemonade.
C3PO: "Oh no, don't drink it! It will ruin your systems! It is suicide!"
Data: "He is becoming an emo again!" He takes the glass away.
MS-Dos Paper-Clip: "Knock knock, if you wish I can make a safety copy of your feelings, memorize your quotes and if you double click I make a back up file…"
Agent Smith comes from a dark corner, "Shut up, stupid thing!" he disappears into MS-Dos.
The Monolith: "He has got the idea from me, actually me and Dave, we melted together forever!"
Monolith-Dave: "Hey guys, let's have fun! What about some philosophy about existentialism?"
Bomb20: "Hi guys! May I join in your philosophers club too? I would love to talk about phenomenology!"
All look horrified, they run away.
Bomb20: "Well, no one? I can have fun on my own. Let me start: And there was light!"
Explosion.
The End…or is this bang only the beginning?