A/N: Part of the series based on Fall Out Boy's Infinity on High shared with SunlitDays. This is "Golden."
I had always dreamed of this moment. Most girls dreamed of their weddings and their perfect man when they were little. Something must have been wrong with me. I always dreamed of my first mission as an auror. I'd be working with a great team and this big battle would happen. I'd cast the final spell and be a hero. Only, here I was on my first mission and nothing was going like that at all. In my dreams, no one died.
Moody had been preparing me for months. My first mission was supposed to be a routine investigation of a spot Death Eaters were commonly seen at. Accompanying me was Benjy Fenwick and Kingsley Shacklebolt, two of my old friends from Hogwarts. Both had already been on several missions. I'd missed a week of training due to my honeymoon, though my husband and fellow auror Frank had already been on two missions.
The problem with the routine procedure was that there was a group of Death Eaters already there. It was like they'd been waiting for us. I'd had no time to think. I just pulled out my wand and cursed the closest of the six Death Eaters. The spell sent him flying backwards and his wand toward me.
"Stupefy!" Kingsley shouted at one, managing to counter a spell in the process. He was so calm in battle. He didn't seem terrified at all. Not like poor, nervous Benjy and adrenaline-fueled me.
"Crucio!" A Death Eater yelled. I followed the line of fire, watching Benjy sink to his knees. I flung curses, none of them unforgivables, at them. Kingsley had managed to knock two of them out and had snapped the wand of a third. I had only gotten to that first Death Eater, now concentrating on getting the masked figure that was still attacking Benjy. I managed to hit him with a bind, but it was undone almost instantly by one of the others. It at least gave Benjy a moment to recover. That wasn't enough though.
I still don't know what spell hit Benjy. Whatever it was, it cast a terrifying golden light and acted like a muggle bomb. One moment he was whole, human Benjy and the next there were pieces of him flying everywhere. Blood followed the pieces. It was single-handedly the worst thing I'd ever seen. I wanted to be sick. How could humans do this to one another? And how did they ever develop a spell like that?
I felt my anger boiling up. Benjy had a family that loved him, a family that would now have to be told that there would be no body to bury. I could remember watching him take care of his sister back at Hogwarts. She would be absolutely devastated. I don't even remember saying my next spell. I just saw the green light shoot out of my wand at the Death Eater. I watched him fall backwards, dead.
Another thing I could never forget was the sound the last conscious Death Eater made before I killed him too. He whimpered a bit upon noticing he was the last standing. I wanted to laugh. Voldemort's men were such cowards. He then began to moan like he'd been hit by something horrible, though he hadn't even been touched. I cast the spell mercilessly, forgetting who I was for a moment.
"Alice" Kingsley stated, placing a hand on my shoulder. "They're all down."
It was then that I started crying. I'd been warned I'd probably end up killing people in my job, but I never thought I'd actually go through with it. I'd always thought I was better than that. I'd been so stupid.
Coming to terms with what I'd done, I began to regain composure. I was an auror. I would be fine in time. I managed to apparate two of the unconscious Death Eaters with me to Azkaban, having Kingsley take the other two. Following protocol, we then alerted the Ministry that four Death Eaters had been captured and two were killed. It went into the records as a success, but it wasn't to me. I didn't feel like a hero.
Getting home was the worst though. Frank greeted me wide awake at the door in nothing more than his pajama pants. It was well past midnight and he needed sleep, but he still wanted to see me. That kind of dedication was admirable. He was such a good guy. He didn't deserve a monster like me. At that thought, I fell into his arms, sobbing.
"Merlin," he swore. "What happened, love?" He scooped me into his arms effortlessly, carrying me over to our couch. Frank set me down like I was nothing more than a rag doll. It was reassuring when he stroked my hair though.
"They... they got Benjy. It was horrible. He's... he's just pieces now. And I... Frank... I'm a monster. I killed just as cruelly as they did." I sobbed. Frank leaned over and kissed my forehead.
"You are not a monster, Alice. You did what you had to." Frank's tone wasn't one I recognized. It was too formal and cold.
"I killed two men, Frank. One of them cried, for fuck's sake. And Benjy – his family – god, Frank, I do not want to get a visit in the middle of the night saying that you've been killed like that. I couldn't deal with that. I could never lose you."
It was those words that brought my husband back to me. He leaned over and kissed both of my cheeks, right over the tear's paths. Somehow, that gesture cut through my self-loathing and my fear.
"I'll talk to Moody first thing in the morning. I'll make sure all of our missions will be together from now on. I promise you that I'll be there to defend you and you can do the same for me. That way you'll never have to be alone like that again." Frank promised. I didn't voice my other fears though. This new situation would give me the opportunity to either defend him or watch him die in front of me. Neither was very good. "Now how can I make you smile again?"
"Distract me," I whispered. That made him smile. He kissed my lips once more before moving to lie on top of me. His arms wrapped around my waist, holding me tightly. I could feel all my fear leaving my body. He moved his lips down from my mouth to kiss my neck, every move he made slow and deliberate. Frank knew me well – he waited until I pulled off his pants and boxers a few minutes later before undressing me out of my bloodstained clothes. The way we moved was just as slow and deliberate as his kisses were. Somehow, the experience was just as pleasant as any other time. I could think of nothing except the amazing man I was one with.
We both collapsed into sleep as soon as we were finished, though Frank managed enough energy to pull the blanket from the top of the couch down onto us. He knew me well – I would have been cold soon. My dreams that night were filled with images of my not-so-perfect mission. I would forever be haunted by those I'd killed and that man's awful cry. At least Frank was still there to dispel my fears in the morning. He was the one person to convince me I wasn't the monster I was in my dreams.
A/N 2: Reviews are love.