A/N - When you commute to work by yourself, you have lots of time to think about things. When Taylor Swift's new song White Horse came on the radio today, I listened and immediately thought of Sookie. (Seems like I've been doing that a lot lately!) I got to thinking while I was driving, and this is the result...
These characters are the property of Charlaine Harris, I'm just taking them out to play. I promise to clean them up and put them back the way I found them when I'm done.
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"Amelia, can you please bring me another box? A big one this time."
"We don't have any more big ones, Sook. Can you make do with a couple of smaller ones instead?"
"Yeah, I guess." I was in my bedroom, finishing packing the stuff that had been stored in the top of the closet. Gads, it didn't seem like it had been any time at all since I had been moving Gran's things out of this same room. Now I had been packing my own stuff for a week, preparing to leave this room and my childhood home. Only a couple more boxes and I would be ready to go.
It had been a long haul for Eric and me. After Eric had regained his memory of "our time together" on the night of de Castro's takeover of Louisiana, we had danced around having our little "talk" for months. We each did our best to strain against the unbreakable ties of our blood bond, the intense feelings we had for each other, and the unbelievable sexual energy that flowed between us. We finally came to a mutual understanding that we were both being extremely pigheaded, that we both loved each other madly, and we shouldn't waste one more precious second apart. Pam had said it was about time. We had both become so unbearable to be around that she had threatened to stake us both.
It was this mutual understanding that prompted me to give my two weeks' notice to Sam and move to Shreveport with Eric. It was a scary proposition, for sure. It was one thing for me to finally give myself up to Eric, but it had taken a monstrous leap of faith for me to give up my home and my job to move in with him.
I was sorting through some odds and ends that had been stuffed in old shoe boxes when Amelia called to me from the front of the house. "Hey, Sookie. You've got company."
Well hell, I thought to myself. I was really on a roll and more than a little irked that I had to stop and entertain guests. I brushed a stray lock of hair out of my face, smoothed my shirttail, and headed down the hall to my living room.
My more-than-a-little-irked turned to pure irritation when I saw Bill Compton standing just inside the front door. I arched an eyebrow in his direction. "Bill." I wasn't in the mood for niceties.
"Hello, Sookie," he said softly. "I'm sorry to barge in on you like this. Would you mind talking to me for a moment?" He turned toward the door and I followed him to the front porch. He sat down on the porch swing. I sat down beside him.
"So, are you all ready to go?" he asked. He avoided looking at me, and looked out into the darkness of the yard instead.
"Almost. I just have a couple more boxes, and then throw the rest of my clothes in the car." I knew he hadn't come to make small talk, and I was anxious to finish up in the house and hit the road to Shreveport.
Bill sat silently for a moment; I noticed his chest was moving in and out with the motions of breathing. I remembered how he used to do that for me when we made love, to calm me and reassure me. I wondered why he was doing it now. "Sookie, there are some things I have been wanting to tell you for a long time. I have tried to talk to you before, but you didn't want to listen. I would appreciate your indulging to me for just a few minutes before you go." He turned and looked at me with haunted, hollowed eyes. "I would meet the sun a thousand times if it would take back all the hurt I caused you. Breaking your heart was the last thing I ever wanted to do in this world."
Say you're sorry, that face of an angel comes out just when you need it to.
As I pace back and forth all this time 'cause I honestly believed in you.
Holding on, the days drag on. Stupid girl. I shoulda known, I should a known
I had watched Bill mope around for months after we all got back from Rhodes. I would find him skulking in the woods around my house at night, not actually spying on me, more like watching me to see what I'd do next. "Bill, don't you think it's a little late for all this? You shoulda thought about all this before you went running off to your vamp ho maker in Jackson."
That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell.
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town.
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around.
Bill winced at the mention of his now-dead maker, Lorena. She had called him to her, only to torture and almost (finally) kill him. She tried to kill me, too, but I beat her to the punch. And as a thank-you for trying to save his stupid ass, I had gotten myself raped and nearly drained dry. Or was I the stupid ass for saving him? The jury was still out on that one. Bottom line was he had lied to me about going to see her. "If you woulda just explained to me the power a maker has over their child, just tried to make me understand you had to go meet with her when she called you, I might have forgiven you for it. But you were so underhanded about it, so sleazy. Seattle? Really, Bill, couldn't you have come up with something more original than that?" Bill and Lorena had lived there together for a number of years prior to splitting up before they drove each other crazy.
"I'm not a deceitful person by nature, Sookie. I was confused – I hadn't heard from Lorena in years. I didn't know what she wanted, calling me to her after all that time. All I knew was I needed to get to her and I just couldn't bring myself to tell you. I didn't think you would understand." He was trying his best to make me believe he was really a good guy, but I just wasn't buying it. Not any more.
"Well then, how did you think I would feel when I found out you came to Bon Temps just to trick me into your bed so you could hand me over to Sophie-Ann?" That one had hurt even more than the Lorena thing. Bill had been my first, in every sense, and I would never get over the pain of that betrayal. "And you wouldn't have told me about that, either, if Eric hadn't forced it out of you." My words were full of the venom that had been allowed to fester inside me for many months.
Maybe I was naive, got lost in your eyes and never really had a chance.
My mistake. I didn't know to be in love you had to fight to have the upper hand.
I had so many dreams about you and me, happy endings.
Now I know
Bill hung his head, his chin nearly resting on his chest. His hands were in his lap and he was absently clicking his thumbnails together. "I didn't want to come back to Bon Temps, Sookie. When I left here over a hundred years ago I never figured on returning. But when Sophie-Ann ordered me to come back I had no choice." These vamps and all their bullshit politics could really wear me slick at times.
"And when she told me to get close to you any way I could, so I could bring you to her, I nearly said no, and damn the consequences. I was incensed at the thought of having to let myself get mixed up with a human." Well, if that didn't give you the warm-and-fuzzies all over, I didn't know what would.
"But that night I walked into Merlotte's to check you out, I was mesmerized by you. You seemed so shy and innocent, so genuine, not like the fangbanging humans I was used to. And when you saved me from the Rattrays in the parking lot...you risked your life for me, a total stranger. I knew there was more to you than what Sophie-Ann was looking for."
"Yeah, well, there's been many days when I wished I had just let them drain you dry right there. I woulda saved myself a major ass-whipping, too." I'd already chewed enough mental fat over Bill to last a dozen lifetimes and, hard as it may sound, I just wasn't going to be drawn in by his schtick.
That I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale
I'm not the one you'll sweep off her feet, lead her up the stairwell.
This ain't Hollywood, this is a small town.
I was a dreamer before you went and let me down.
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to come around.
Bill's dark eyes met mine, and I saw the look of a man who was on the verge of total defeat. "Sometimes I wish you had just left me there." His voice was no more than a whisper now. "I wouldn't have broken your heart, and I wouldn't feel like mine had come to life again just to be crushed."
With a burst of emotion, Bill turned and grabbed my hands and held them to his chest. "I love you Sookie. So much that it actually pains me to be away from you. God knows, I would give anything, anything at all, to make things right with you. I want to spend the rest of my days trying to make it up to you, trying to make you happy. All I want is one more chance. Please..."
And there you are on your knees, begging for forgiveness
Begging for me, just like I always wanted. But I'm so sorry.
I met Bill's eyes, and a hundred emotions poured over me. "I loved you, Bill. I gave you everything I had, willingly and with love, and you just used me and threw me away like so much garbage. I didn't think I would ever be able to put myself back together. But you know what? I am. I really am. I couldn't have done it without Eric. He showed me real love is selfless and honorable. He is my future now. I belong to him."
Bill dropped my hands and stood up. "Is there nothing I can do to convince you to stay?"
"Go home, Bill. Get on with your un-dead life, and let me get on with mine."
He turned and walked down the front steps and across the yard, and disappeared into the cemetery that separates my house from his.
"Amelia," I called as I walked back in the front door. "Can you please help me carry this last load of clothes to my car?"
Within an hour, I had packed the rest of my things and was on the road to Shreveport. I was heading home...to my new home, my new life, and my real love.
'Cause I'm not your princess, this ain't a fairy tale.
I'm gonna find someone someday who might actually treat me well.
This is a big world, that was a small town
There in my rearview mirror, disappearing now.
And it's too late for you and your white horse
Now it's too late for you and your white horse to catch me now.
Try and catch me now.
FIN