A Little TLC

by tlr555

Kate goes to confront Castle regarding his abberant behavior only to find him home alone, very sick with the flu. Could a little TLC be the thing that brings this couple back together.

"A Little TLC"

PG

By: TLR

I love to listen to Nathan Fillion recount his days on the soaps and the fun times he had shooting Firefly. With some endulgence I have added a few tibbits of this to this story to give Castle a more normal side. I hope you like the little nudges and nods to both OLTL and Firefly in this story.

This is a Castle based story that picks up 2 weeks after "47 secs". Castle has been cold and distant to Beckett. Though around daily, he has been bringing in bimbo after bimbo demonstrating the 12 year old behavior that Kate thought he'd finally grown out of. To make matters worse, now he hasn't shown up at all or responded to her calls for the last 2 days. She had had enough. She was going to get to the bottom of this behavior right now. Enjoy.

Saturday evening: Detective Beckett rounded the corner of the hallway on Castle's floor. She was angry, and determined that whatever had come between them was going to stop and stop right now. She resolved herself not to take "no" for an answer. This was her life, her happy life and she was not about to let it get away this time. Going into this meeting like she was readying herself for a really tough interrogation, Beckett stopped just outside his door and took a deep cleansing breath. Who was she fooling, she thought to herself working up the courage to ring the buzzer. Castle only behaved like this when he had a good reason. Deep down basically he was a very forgiving and patient man. Whatever happened to make him change like this had to be big. It seemed like slow motion, as Beckett watched her finger come up to press the button. The buzzer sounded just beyond the door, and Kate waited the agonizing seconds she felt it would take him to answer. After a minute of nothing, she realized that he may try to win this conflict by simply opting out of the discussion. Beckett knew he was home, because the doorman as much as told her so when he let her into the building. Growing a bit annoyed, Kate leaned on the buzzer again, this time hitting it a few times to demonstrate her mood. Still no answer. Between the angered thoughts, a bit a fear crept in. What if he is with one of his bimbos? What if she caught him in the act, could she really forgive him this behavior.

Anger levels increased as she began ringing the buzzer like she was about to announce 'NYPD open up' then break down the door if he did not comply. A very annoyed and tired Richard Castle whipped open the door. "What the hell?" he asked before he could fully see it was Beckett standing there. Once seeing it was her, he toned down his manners and leaned heavily into the door.

"Beckett, what is this all about" Castle asked in a low and raspy voice that did not at all belie the mood he swung open the door with. He stood there, his face pale and gaunt, his stance more a blocking than a casual laid back one.

"Castle, I need to talk with you." Kate was taken aback by his appearance wondering just how much scotch he had consumed over the last two days to look like this.

"Now is not a good time Beckett, call me tomorrow." Richard returned and started to close the door.

Fearing he did have someone in there with him, Kate was determined to compete for this man's affections even against some silicone enhanced hussy. "No now", she returned pushing the door open and past Castle's muscular frame. Beckett entered the room looking around it for her competition. She found it to empty, not even Martha or Alexis were there. 'What was he trying to hide?', the thought came to her mind as she laid her bag on the couch and turned to face him.

Richard, still clinging to the door for support stood there amazed at her gall, but more over at her demeanor. 'She was always used to getting her way' Rick thought as his frustration grew for this very unwelcomed intruder. He drew in a deep breath and repeated, "I said now is not a good time, please." Rick motioned his hand to demonstrate the way out of his home.

"I'm sorry about the bad timing, but this conversation is way overdue, and I am not leaving until we have it." Kate crossed her arms and lowered her head to look directly into his eyes. She saw the dark circles that had formed over the last year since the Captain's death, indicating how heavily that circumstance weighed on the man. Today though, they were deeper and darker than ever, bringing out much more how sallow and pale his skin was. Normally, as much as Kate never wanted to admit, Castle really was ruggedly handsome, with his unblemished porcelain doll features and those enticing dimples that always attracted all the ladies. Even Ryan and Javi stopped taking him places to reduce the competition for the women. A bit of worry crept up in her mind while she took a mental inventory of the man she had so totally fallen in love with.

It was strange to Beckett how this once overgrown teenager had turned into such an endearing male figure in her life. She had been a huge fan, that was secretly true enough, but from the moment he came into her precinct, he'd worked a magic on her that even her hard trained cop tactics couldn't deflect, although she gave it one hell of a try. This man had slowly and methodically broken down all her barriers and gotten into a place Kate had walled off long ago. All this without even sleeping with her, that was something Beckett found increasingly fascinating. Beckett's introspection was halted by Castle's closing of the door. He swung it hard and stood there with a slightly uneasy gait. Feeling woozy, Richard took a couple steps to the nearest art deco pillar and leaned against it for stability.

"Alright", he started with a heavy sigh. "What is so important it couldn't wait until tomorrow?" Castle's head was reeling, his throat was sore, his sinus' were pounding and his body trying had to hide the chills.

His stance leaned heavily into the pillar almost giving the illusion of standing straight, but Kate felt the gait to be one of intoxication.

"Are you alright?" she asked totally forgetting her other purpose for being here. "How much have you had to drink?" Kate asked him staring harder into his face for clues as to his intoxication level.

Castle was pissed, he hadn't had a drink in over a week but of course that is what she would think, didn't she know him better than that by now. "I haven't had anything to drink, I think I am getting a cold and really would like to be in bed right now, so if you don't mind…." He reached toward the door and almost lost his footing, grasping back to the pillar to stabilize his gait.

"Cold, like hell, you have the flu don't you," the detective came right up and placed a hand upon his cheek then forehead. Castle tried to deflect it but found his hand smacked away by the very determined young woman. She felt his skin hot and dry beneath her touch. Kate kept testing spots on his face to be sure and was growing more and more concerned. "We gotta get you to the hospital" she stated taking hold of his arm.

"No….No… I have my private physician coming over. There is no need to start a media frenzy like that." His words seemed a bit odd to her. Where she knew he was famous for his books, she didn't feel that all that much attention would be paid to him for checking into an ER.

"You're sick. You probably need IVs and antibiotics…. " Kate had lost all sense of what she had come over to say. She helped him to the nearest chair to sit down.

"You shouldn't be here." Although very angry with her, Castle still cared deeply for this woman and didn't want her to come to any harm. "You'll get this. You need to leave now before you are …!" Rick's words were cut off by her insistence.

"Like hell I'm leaving." Kate was equally forceful but had the strength to outweigh Castle's weakened effort right now. "Where is Martha and Alexis, I will get them home." Beckett pulled out her phone and began looking up each of their individual cell numbers. Castle's hand stopped her search.

"They are out of town looking at colleges this weekend. I don't want them to come home. I don't want them exposed either." The look in his eyes told Kate that he was equally protective of his family's health. She put her phone away and decided the time alone would be a good thing to help them reunite.

"Well, we gotta get you to bed." Kate stated awaiting the infamous return she would always get from this very witty, sexy man. It didn't come and this told Kate that he was truly hurting. She helped him to his feet and led him in the direction of his room. On the way there, Beckett kept trying to convince Rick to at least let his mother know he was ill, fearing Martha's wrath worse than his.

"You know if I don't let your mother know you're sick, she will kill me", Kate stated steadying his arm as they inched their way across the living room floor.

"You tell her and I will kill you." The statement had the Castle spark to it and that gave Kate a little hope for his welfare. "Mom is of the age that if she gets this, it could kill her." Richard's protectiveness of family was always something that the detective marveled in. She remembered the protective arm he put around Alexis when he escorted her from the morgue a few weeks ago. She remembered the many times he came to her for counsel regarding his worry over his mother's losing Chet. ' Still the protective family man," she thought and inched closer to him as they both breached the doorway to his bedroom together.

Kate had never been in here before, not even when she was their house guest for a few days after her apartment blew up. She would watch him emerge from this room every morning looking slightly tussled but cleanly shaven and somewhat sleepy sexy in his cashmere robe, tee shirt and sweat pants. A few times she let herself fantasize about joining him in this room but never went so far as to even come close to the door. The room, like the remainder of the apartment was elegantly done in art deco and eclectic styles. It seemed Castle's taste was very similar to hers except he had the money to decorate in any fashion he chose, while she had to live within a budget and buy second hand pieces. The dark blue satin sheets and plush comforter had been turned down on only one side of the bed indicating Castle had truly been alone the night before. 'That was good', Kate thought as she continued their slow and steady pace toward the very comfortable and plush looking piece of furniture.

She set him down along the edge and bent to remove his shoes. Castle was in his sweats, something Kate figured he often slept in anyway. The dark colors against his skin only accentuated his pale appearance. She placed her hands on either side of his chest and started to lead him back and downward toward the pillows. Kate's hand lingered there a moment feeling freely the muscular build of his chest beneath the soft fabric. Always being in a sports coat, Kate forgot just what the feel of his build was like. Only times of great peril allowed her the chance to snuggle up to this hunk of man. Most looking at him would think his years of writing had taken its toll on his frame, leaving him fat and saggy, however the opposite was true. Castle was one of those beefcake guys, not truly ripped but solid and very pleasurable to snuggle up too. She marveled at how large his biceps were as she put her hands on them to steady his decent onto the sheets. Finally she bent down and lifted his legs to right him in bed before pulling up the covers and wrapping him in softness.

Castle finally gave up trying to hide his chills as he actively shivered beneath her touch. Kate stroked some rogue pieces of mane back from his face, giving him a knowing but worried smile. "I'll make you some tea." She stated and dutifully tucked the thick soft navy blue blanket up closer around his neck. Secretly she would gladly jump in there with him to offer up her own body heat, if she thought he wouldn't take it as too forward an act for the situation.

Kate started out of the room toward the kitchen when she heard Castle calling out to her. "I meant what I said about telling Mom and Alexis." Beckett looked at him struggling to keep sight of her. She took her cell phone from her pocket and laid it on the burrow by the door. To that she saw him ease back down into the covers. "Thanks" was the shaky response to her reassurance she would follow his wishes.

She moved to the kitchen and put the kettle on the burner then went to get a mug from the cabinet on her right. Catherine was amazed at how at home she felt cooking in his kitchen although to date she had only made eggs, bacon, toast and juice. Castle was the one that liked to cook, and had a blast playing chef on many occasions for his friends. Kate remembered watching him and Alexis play co pilots in the kitchen, him calling her his number one and Alexis referring to him as the captain. Within their efforts, Catherine could feel the bond of love these two shared and thought back to times she shared with her mom as a child. Secretly it made her long to be part of this group, not just an outsider looking in. Even Martha played an integral part of this family structure. A mother to Alexis, a comforter to her son, while at the same time, her granddaughter often played mother to Castle while he played mother to Martha. Kate noted this wonderful family dynamic and considered what role she would play in it, assuming she ever got the chance to. The sound of the kettle broke her introspection. Beckett prepared the tea with two sugars and some cream then headed back across the living room only to be stopped by the buzzing of the door chime. She went over, tea in hand and opened it to reveal a well dressed gray haired man in his early sixties carrying a medical bag.

"I am Dr. Rosen. I am here to see Richard Castle." The man looked somewhat puzzled by the woman he was not familiar with. He played it safe, not to let out too much of Mr. Castle's information to someone he did not know, HIPAA and all.

"Yes doctor, I'm Detective Kate Beckett." She offered her hand up to shake in greeting. "Richard is my partner. Please come in, we've been expecting you." Kate stood aside and allowed this very gentle soul entrance secretly relieved he was here.

"Detective Beckett, from the Nikki Heat novels?" the doctor was impressed to see his patient was telling the truth about this woman's beauty. Kate just sheepishly grinned and nodded.

"Richard says you are one hell of a detective." The doctor felt her discomfort and wanted to let the young woman know he was not lusting after her but was impressed by her credentials.

"Thanks. Richard is really quite good himself at solving crime. I dare say had he not gotten into writing about it, he would have made a very good detective himself." Kate made small talk while showing the man to Castle's bedroom doorway. "He's in here." She walked in before him to reveal the covered quivering mass beneath the bedding.

"Richard, how are you feeling?" the man's words seemed caring and kind. Kate lost herself in her worry, not thinking to leave the two of them some privacy for the doctor to examine his patient. Rick looked up from the covers and saw her standing just behind the man who was now seated on the side of his bed.

"Been better doc. Think it's the flu." Dr. Rosen put a hand on his forehead and confirmed without benefit of a thermometer, that his patient did in fact have a very high fever.

"Let me get you looked over." The doctor opened his bag and pulled out a stethoscope, thermometer, reflex hammer and some gloves. He squirted some clear gel on his hands and rubbed them together profusely before gloving up. As the doctor started to pull back the covers, he stopped, realizing the young woman was just standing there behind him. The room fell silent for an awkward moment, all present holding in their poses. Finally, the doctor turned his head to Kate and addressed her in a trained professional type voice. "May I have some time in private to examine my patient?"

Feeling like the person with egg all over her face, Kate set the tea down on the nightstand and backed her way out of the room. "Sure… sorry…. I'll be out in the living room if you need me for anything." Her words reflected her feelings. She felt foolish and taken off guard, knowing full well she was hoping secretly for a glance at the muscled form she had been mentally reviewing earlier.

Minutes passed as Kate paced the length of the living room area. Twenty minutes later found her making herself a latte from Castle's very expensive espresso maker. The young detective grew worried at the fact that a simple exam was taking so long. She wanted to go right in there and demand that the doctor make him go to the hospital, but knew her opinions were not as forceful in his home as they were in the precinct. After sipping her steaming cup a third time, Dr. Rosen appeared from Castle's bedroom without his medical gear.

"Is he going to be alright?" Kate rushed up to him not wanting to appear overly anxious.

"Yes. He has definitely got the flu and appears to be a bit dehydrated from the last two days of fever." That was a fact that Beckett didn't take into consideration. The reason Castle had not been in the precinct these last two days was not because he was mad at her, but he was really home alone sick. A very sinking feeling grew in the pit of her stomach realizing he had been here without anyone to care for him that long.

"Are you going to admit him?" Kate secretly hoped this decision would be taken out of Castle's hands but was bummed when she heard the MD's response. "No, I think with some fluids and the anti viral shots I gave him, he should be up and around in two days. There is no need to create a media circus for the flu. I am running in a liter of IV fluids now."

Kate looked puzzled at the older male for saying this and asked. "What, do you really think putting him in the hospital would create such a ruckus?"

"Sure" The physician looked back at her equally perplexed. "He has over 1 million twitter followers and more than 750,000 friends on his 'my space' page, not to mention the media and paparazzi. All that attention and speculation as to why he is being admitted to the hospital is bound to cause him negative publicity." The doctor accepted the coffee Kate had made for him while they spoke. "Thanks".

"He's not that public a guy for all that." The doctor continued. He took a sip and appreciated the delicate flavor of the quality coffee beans.

"Come on now, Castle craves attention….. He signs women's chest in public for pete sake." Kate was beginning to wonder just how well this man knew his patient. The doctor just chuckled.

"Yes, the bad boy image." He smiled thinking of the many events that ended up getting his services called upon over the years. "Well, most of that is done for publicity. It sells more books, as Rick would say." Kate put down her coffee and listened intently.

"The real Richard Castle is a gentle man who loves helping others. His mom calls him the gentle giant when she is not calling him an overgrown kid with raging hormones." Rosen chuckled at the memory of a rather sticky incident involving a strained back from some rather rambunctious sex with his ex Meredith.

"How long have you known Castle?" Catherine was intrigued at the chance to get to know the man she loved a bit more from his friends, this man obviously one of them.

"I met him when Alexis was 4. They had come to St Vincent's ER because Richard was sick with fever and chills. I remember the look on that little cherub's face when I walked into the room in my white coat." He smiled warmly at the memory. "Those huge blue eyes and deep set dimples just melted my soul when she came up and pulled on my coat tails asking me to help her daddy, because he wasn't feeling good."

The doctor took a sip of his coffee and continued. "I heard all the media talk too and had some preconceived notions before walking in there, but at that moment I realized this man was a damn good father and quite possibly nothing like his image. I was very happy to find out later that I was right." He took another sip. "We've been good friends ever since."

"Wow, that was 14 years ago. It's impressive that someone so public can have friends for that long." Kate returned to her thoughts and her coffee.

"Not really, Richard is a good friend to people. He introduced me to the mayor long before he was mayor, just a delegate running for a second term. He was there for me when my marriage of 25 years broke up unexpectedly with a stiff drink and words of reassurance. I dare say, had I not been friends with Richard all those years ago, I would not have met my current wife who I have been happily married to for 10 years now." The doctor pulled out his cell phone and called up a picture. Kate expected to see some blond bimbet that Castle probably introduced his friend too, but was pleased to see a woman no more than 5 years the doctor's junior with a warm smile and loving eyes. The two made a nice normal couple and Kate started to see much of what he was saying about the bad boy image being just that.

The doctor started to laugh at a thought he had when he looked again at the picture. Catherine noticed and asked him, "what"

"Nothing, I was just thinking of the capers the mayor and I have seen Richard pull. Castle is notorious for doing anything for charity and some of those things have been hilarious." He chuckled then saw Kate wanting to know more. He pondered if he would be telling too much to this woman about his friend, but based on the author's writings, it would appear that she meant as much to Richard as he did to her.

"Richard wasn't always rich, he struggled before he got his first #1 published and took odd jobs to survive. His mother was in the soaps and Richard actually took a few acting gigs to pay the bills. One night about ten years ago we were out on the town having dinner and drinks with the mayor, his girlfriend, my wife, and Richard's girlfriend Gina. Castle told the story of how he'd had to do some crazy things during his acting time, like perform nude once and ride a horse at full gallop another time." The MD watched Kate's smile light up as she was obviously trying to imagine her friend nude atop a large steed. He continued.

"The mayor wasn't buying it and swore to Richard he was making this stuff up. Even with Gina's backing, Bob wasn't having it, so he challenged Rick to prove that he could do these things for a $25,000 donation to his favorite charity." The doctor hesitated and saw the recognition in Kate's eyes.

"The nude horse napping arrest." She commented blindly pointing a finger in the doctor's direction. He smiled and nodded.

"The mounted officer was across the way taking a leak while his horse stood there grazing on some grass tied to a tree. Richard looked at the odds, stated 'you're on'…then quickly disrobed in front of us. Before we knew it he was sneaking up behind the horse, unbeknownst to officer who was still in mid stream." The doctor continued seeing Kate's eyes fixed on every movement he was making trying to illustrate his story.

"Richard grabbed the reins, put his bare foot in the stirrup and was atop the chestnut colored animal within seconds. He kicked the horse, pulled on the reins to go away from the cop who was now realizing his horse was being purloined and sped off just past us yelling at the top of his lungs - Told ya….St Vincent's pediatric center."

Kate began to laugh at the thought of the crazy maniac doing this stunt for a charitable donation. The MD joined her in that laugh for a few seconds then continued. "Yep that was a good one and he would have gotten away with it too, if that officer's partner hadn't ridden in and grabbed the reins from him. The sight of Richard being hauled away naked in handcuffs was just too much. Even the mayor couldn't get the cops to let him go without posting bail."

Kate thought back to how spoiled she figured Castle must have been to do a stunt like that then realized her own preconceptions had been hard at work too. She wondered just how much of the time she must have misjudged him and how often Richard must have thought about giving up on her for it. Kate realized just how lucky she was that this gentle giant had decided to count her as one of his many friends and not give up on her.

The doctor got up to go check on the fluid bolus. Kate followed him back into Rick's room. She found him asleep, but still shivering. She watched as the doctor completed the fluids, capped off the IV access and dressed it to keep it safe from harm and infection. Rosen turned to her and began giving her instructions.

"At no time should he be up on his own, at least not until his fever goes away." The gray haired man handed her a bottle of samples. "Have him take two of these every 6 hours until the fever is gone for 24 hrs. Don't give him any other over the counter pills and stay away from all aspirin products, as they can cause some serious side effects for a person with the flu." Kate was taking all his instructions in like she was cramming for her detective's exam.

"Keep him well hydrated, but stay away from solid food today. Give him broths, juices, and flavored ices. You may want to stay away from anything creamy as well, as those items often bring on nausea." The doctor was packing up his equipment. "I will be back tomorrow morning just after rounds to give him more fluid. If you feel at all like he is getting worse, here is my number, call me immediately and I will come." Catherine accepted the card he offered and nodded. The doctor thought a moment and reached into his satchel.

"Are you allergic to anything, medications?" he asked his hand searching the contents of his medical bag

"No, not that I am aware of" Kate returned.

"Here" the doctor handed her some anti viral samples. "If you end up starting with the flu, then take these as directed on the box. Complete the full amount and it will lessen the severity of your symptoms." He looked at her knowing she would most likely come down with the flu remaining here to take care of his friend like this.

"Thanks" Kate smiled acknowledging his implied comment. She took the pill box and tucked it into her jeans pocket. Kate showed the man to the exit and closed the door after him. She thought a moment about the possible ways she had misjudged Castle and vowed now to see him as his friends did. With that, she returned to his room and got comfortable in an oversized chair beside his bed. The throw that was over its back made a nice wrap for her, but what she really longed to do was to get into bed with him and snuggle up couple's style.

An hour went by and Kate was lightly dozing when she heard a box of tissues hit the floor. She looked over and saw Castle sitting upright on the side of the bed trying weakly to get up. "Oh no you don't, where do you think you are going?" she asked rushing around the foot of the California King sized bed and to his side.

"If you must know, I need to pee… the fluids the doctor gave me have reached their final destination if you know what I mean, now let me go." Richard was shaking, weak but determined that he was a full grown man and able to handle this task.

"Alright, I will help you." Kate returned and started to get a grip on his arm. Castle just looked at her with a sarcastic smirk that told her she would have a fight on her hands.

"I don't think so." He stated pulling his arm weakly against her hold

"Well I do, come on Castle, you are too weak to walk there by yourself. You'll fall and hit your head." The detective was forceful but caring. Richard wasn't buying it, still angry about all the time he had spent longing over a woman who had no real feelings for him. Now this, a pity party, an act of sympathy for her partner, this he would not have.

"I said, I can do this on my own." He stated again now actually getting his large bicep out of her grip.

"Come on Castle, I won't peek…" Kate hesitated a second then added. "much". She thought her humor would help to defuse the obviously awkward circumstance that was about to take place here. Richard simply looked at her with a sarcastic glance again. When his glance turned back to trying to get up solo, Kate continued.

"How hard can it be Rick, you stripped down and rode a horse in front of your friends this is not nearly as complex as that one." Catherine wondered if her letting the cat out of the bag that she knew that story would work for or against her in this circumstance. Castle looked at her in shock. There was her answer, now Kate had to do some quick thinking to get out of this one. "At least let me help you get to the bathroom!" She pleaded more forcibly.

Richard, tired and knowing she was right finally relented and allowed her to help him get to the bathroom, but once there he politely stated "thank you , now leave." Worried he would still fall but knowing the man had to keep some of his dignity, she relented and waited for him to finish just from outside the door. She heard him wince aloud as he tried to get back up from an obvious sitting position on the commode by the sound of the water stream. She knocked on the door and he acknowledged her with an "all done". Kate went to his side seeing him slumping a bit from his weakness. She put his arm over her shoulder and allowed him to lean heavily on her while they made their way back to his bed. Tucked back beneath the covers Beckett asked if he was hungry at all. She encouraged him to drink the tea and went to the pantry to see what other clear liquid items were there.

Castle always kept his home stocked, unlike Kate who had what Richard referred to as a Styrofoam temple going on in her refrigerator. He was right, the detective's life didn't lend itself to cooking, not that she didn't know how to cook. At least she did when she was a teen. This time Castle's stock of canned soups and broths were depleted. She looked around for ways to make some and found his chicken, and vegetables fully stocked and ready. Here is was, a test to see if Beckett could remember how to make her mother's sure fire cold remedy, chicken soup. Kate began preparing the elements for the pot. She stopped intermittently and went back to check on Castle who had finished his tea and fell fast to sleep after taking the first of the pills the doctor left for him.

Kate looked over the items in Castle's pantry. There were healthy, natural and even some junk food, making it seem as though the doctor's assessment of this man was true. She found no caviar, no truffles but did find an astonishing assortment of ripe fruits and vegetables, the kind Kate hadn't seen in a grocery store ever. "He must get his stuff from a farm" she thought picking out the ingredients she would need.

She rummaged through the cabinet below the stove and pulled out an old Dutch oven, worn, beaten and slightly dented. She was amazed that in his stainless steel collection of top of the line cookware, Castle actually had cast iron pans and an old style Dutch oven like this. Perhaps the doctor's stories of life before fame were true. She cleaned the chicken and vegetables and threw them rather roughly into the pot before adding enough water to cover. She put the heavy pot onto the stove and turned the heat on medium. It would take several hours, but by the end of this evening, Castle would have some nutritious broth to sip on.

Chapter 2:

Several hours went by and Richard lay there sleeping soundly. The shaking and shivering of his body slowed but didn't give way totally. The quivering however, didn't seem to keep him from snoozing soundly, a fact that Beckett worried about. How was she to know whether or not he was getting worse if he was always sleeping like this? Catherine would frequently run a hand over his forehead, or watch his chest to see it moving slowly but rhythmically beneath the covers. More than a few times Castle's eyes sprung open awakened by her manipulations of him. Kate would sheepishly ask if he was okay and if he needed anything before letting him go back to sleep.

Richard knew she was nervous and figured she was more nervous about him dying than about why he had been so distant lately. Secretly since he found out she lied about remembering his confession to her, he figured the further away he stayed from her the more she would feel at ease working with him. However, this did nothing to decrease his feelings for her. Although he told his mother he could work with her without feeling anything, that wise lady was correct to point out that love was not a switch that could be turned on and off. The more they worked together, the more his heart ached knowing that she could not feel for him what he felt for her.

All the lunches with actresses and models did nothing to break his mood. He had no problem taking strange ladies into his bed before he met and fell in love with Beckett. Now the thought had little appeal to him. How was he supposed to get over his feelings for her if he couldn't seem to let himself truly move on? That was the current dilemma. He saw how other officers at the precinct stared at her, how young men would look at her. It secretly still made him crazy with jealousy. He worried with the fear he would lose her to them. But now he knew she was never his to begin with, so why couldn't he just let go. This was the problem Richard had struggled with for over two weeks now.

His mother, noting his aberrant behavior warned him that he was really dating those young girls as a way to get back at Beckett, but he assured her that he wasn't. Castle knew he was lying to himself and his mother by saying that because his heart still resided with Kate. How he would break free of this, Richard didn't have a clue, but he knew if he was to survive this, he would sure as hell have to try to keep their relationship strictly professional. Every time she came to check on him, his heart would grow hopeful for just a moment then memories of her lie would creep back in and destroy all hope again.

Several hours passed and after about the 18th time Beckett accidently woke Castle with her worry, he noted a smell wafting through the apartment. "You cooking something?" he asked surprised to even have an appetite feeling this shitty.

"I noticed you had no soups, so I am making my mother's cold killer chicken soup recipe, you hungry? It should be done enough by now to at least get you some broth." This fact warmed his heart again, but like before the warmth came with a bit of apprehension.

"Yeah, I could try some." Castle answered and saw her scurry off to retrieve him a cup. The broth from the soup tasted pretty good, a fact that surprised Richard. Judging by her refrigerator, Kate did little of her own cooking. He accepted her help in holding the cup as he sipped from it.

"Is it okay?" she asked when he didn't offer up any comments like usual.

"Yeah, it's pretty good…." He remarked trying to keep it jovial between them. "Kinda like my mom's only she uses egg noodles." Castle saw her eyes grow wide at that.

"So did my mom." She exclaimed astonished by the similarities they shared. She saw his perplexed look and explained. "The doctor told me only to give you clear liquids so I didn't put any noodles in this." Richard noted her meaning and nodded, continuing to sip on the golden liquid.

Catherine continued. "Your mom is a great cook judging by the feast she made after the bank disaster. Did she always cook for you growing up? Did she teach you how to cook?" Kate found that creating small talk seemed to help the quiet moments but most of all, after what the doctor told her about this man, she wanted to know more. She saw him nod, not looking at her so much as the cup he held. Another long moment of silence went on, and Castle started to feel uncomfortable too.

"She had to cook, money was very tight when I was growing up and we didn't have the money to go out much." He added, hoping this benign conversation would save him from talking about what she came here to talk about. Kate was glad for the opportunity to communicate and continued.

"Acting jobs were scarce?" She let her hands come down away from his as the cup was less heavy being only 1/3 full now.

"Sometimes, but usually the jobs were there, they just didn't pay well." He took another sip keeping his eyes on the golden broth. You could tell from the lilt of his voice he was recalling some of his childhood memories.

"Grandma Meema was the one who taught mom to cook." Richard added absently never having spoken of his relations to her before.

"So you had a grandmother growing up?" Beckett asked then stopped realizing how stupid that question was. Of course he had grandparents, but he had never mentioned them. Come to think about it, he spoke very rarely about his life because he was always asking questions about hers. Had Beckett been so blind not to wonder about this man? Had she come to take him at face value only, the bad boy image the public saw? She wondered.

"Yes, I had a grandmother, grandfather and even a great grandmother and grandfather growing up. I even had an aunt and uncle with cousins." His voice belied a bit of the sarcasm he felt in her thinking of him as some alien species that was hatched instead of born.

"Well, you never spoke of them before, how was I to know?" Beckett returned a bit sharper than she had intended too.

"Well I don't put my real personal information on the Castle website either. If you don't ask me, then I won't normally tell you." His return held a bit of bitterness but mostly just sounded exhausted.

"Well I am asking then…. Did you live with your grandparents, great grandparents any growing up?" Kate sat back a bit from the forward leaning she had been doing to help him with his mug.

"Yes, when I was younger but when Mom went on the road she took me with her. I could have lived with my grandmother up in Canada all my life, but my mom wanted to tuck me in at night and see me every morning before I went to school." Castle finished that statement matter-of-factly as he took in the last drops of broth.

"You're Canadian?" Beckett was astonished. The man she knew seemed the consummate New Yorker.

"Technically, I am American because I was born here in New York City, but my mom was and the remaining members of family still live up there." He played with the lettering on the Richard Castle mug. Rick remembered all the times he would have loved for her to ask him about his life. To have her do it now seemed cruel and untimely.

"Your mom was in a play pregnant with you?" Kate asked a bit confused by the story.

"No, she was working as a seamstress during her pregnancy. Back then if you were part of a troop, you had many jobs, from stage door manager to leading lady. Those in a family way often played their parts behind the curtain." He ventured a glance up to see her surprised face. Beckett really had thought less of them without realizing. She saw Castle and his mom to be pampered and spoiled, when really they were normal folk just like she and her dad.

"You ever miss growing up normally in Canada with your grandparents?" she asked remembering some comments she heard him say to his mom regarding the year he spent in the New York public library because Martha couldn't find a sitter for him when she was at work.

"A few times. Lord knows it wasn't easy moving around from play to play, city to city. I almost had to redo the 9th grade we moved around so much that year. I did my last year of high school through a correspondence class." Castles voice held a lot of pent up feelings, but more over it held a fondness for his mother and how hard she worked to provide for them.

"I thought you went to boarding school?" Beckett asked remembering the case involving his boyhood friend and mentor.

"Yes we tried a couple years of that after the 9th grade disaster, but I felt so alone there and mom couldn't handle not having me around, that that ended after 11th grade." He knew Kate knew of his feelings regarding being in boarding school, so telling her again didn't belie any trusts on his part.

"At least I got to do things other kids didn't." His voiced lightened as he recalled some of his adventures. Beckett listened intently.

"I got to run naked in a desert in Turkey while having my Meema and another actress in the company chased after me." A grin came across his face and Beckett wondered why all his shenanigans seemed to involve him being naked. She gave him a perplexed stare and he explained.

"When I was about 18 months old, my mother was in the stage production of Jesus Christ Super star in Canada with the original cast. When they decided to film the movie, my mom was hired as a backup performer. She, Meema, and I went to Turkey to shoot it. Apparently it was very hot there and I didn't like my diaper too much so I kept taking it off. The film guys thought it was cute, as I was one of only three babies on the shoot. He filmed Meema, and some of the backup dancers chasing after me in the sand with a clean diaper in hand. I think it is still on the outtakes reel on U tube." The grin on his face grew knowing that Beckett would take out her cell phone and try to look it up. Richard was right. Shortly after finishing that phrase, Kate pulled up the film short and watched it. As he stated there was footage of the dancers who brought their children to the set and one was a rambunctious little brown blonde haired, one and one half year old who like running around oh natural. The child's privates were blurred out on the video, but still the sight of this little minx running around being chased by a middle aged woman and two younger hippy attired females was a hoot. Becket laughed until her eyes were filled with tears. She ran the video over and over again in amazement.

"Oh my god Castle, you were an absolutely adorable little baby." She gasped watching the little boy run round in circles to get away from his captors. "This is so cute…." She was totally engrossed in the film that she didn't see Castle eyeing her longingly. When she did finish the fourth viewing he quickly dropped his eyes back to the level of his mug.

"I grew up around stage hands and back doors, it was very interesting for someone with my imagination." He continued frustrated at the way her words could pull him in like that.

"I'll bet." Kate was feeling better that he would share something so personal with her. Maybe their relationship could stand whatever it was that was making him act this way. She ventured on knowing that if she asked, he would most likely answer.

"Did you always want to be a writer?" she asked a question she knew was both personal and yet safe.

"Oh yeah, from the time I learned how to make my letters. Mom had copies of my first grade stories that she would pack up and take with us to put on the outside of whatever refrigerator we had in each new town. By the time I was in third grade you could hardly see the refrigerator for the papers. I think she still has them too, she keeps everything." Kate was realizing just how close this family was. For Martha to see a gift like that in her son and foster it as she did was truly extraordinary given that very few writers become world famous.

"I carried notebooks with me all the time and kept a collection of fountain pens as a child. Wasn't until I was in 10th grade and started paying more attention to cars, girls and sports, did I take time away from my writing. Still though, I penned my first best seller at age 16." Castle absently continued on seeing that Kate was pretending to listen. He figured if she was gonna give him up for another guy, he should at least make her aware of what she was giving up. 'Serves her right to know what she would be missing', he thought.

"I thought your first best seller was when you were 24?" Kate questioned him.

"Yeah it got published when I was 24, but I wrote when I was 16 along with my second and third best sellers at age 17 and 18." He watched as her mouth began to gape. "You see the rejection notices I got back then had more to do with the fact that I was young and inexperienced, per the publisher's views. It wasn't until I met Stephen Cannel and he read my work, did anyone take me seriously." Richard saw the light of recognition in her eyes. She knew he thought of the late Stephen Cannel as a best friend but had no idea what role this man played in getting him noticed by the writing community.

"So that is why you were so close with him. He was your mentor of sorts." Kate remarked totally astonished by this man's story of rags to riches.

"He was the first person to look past the kid and see the talent." Richard returned of his friend of many years. "I owe more to him than I do to most anyone else. In many ways, I use to think of him as the dad I never had." Castle's eyes returned to the now empty mug.

"Wow Castle, I had no idea what you went through. I just assumed it came easily to you." Kate replied placing a soft hand upon his on the mug. The touch was subtle, yet sparked all manner of hope within his heart. 'She's getting in again' he thought trying not to fall victim to his previous fantasies of a life with this woman.

"Yeah, well now you know." He returned drying handing her the mug and pulling the covers up around him more.

"What other jobs did you do to survive until you were published?" Kate didn't let him know she knew about some of them. Castle thought a moment, not wanting to make things awkward between them.

"I was a very bad waiter.. Got fired a few times from the same place…."He thought some more. "I was a singing telegram guy up in Canada." That admission got him a big smile and a stifled laugh.

"Really, you went around in costume doing singing telegrams?" Beckett was truly impressed he would admit to it.

"Yeah, you'd be amazed at what you can get away with dressed as Tarzan" was all Castle had to say to bring that stifle laugh into a hardy full one. She mentally pictured him in a loin cloth doing the Tarzan yell at some woman's birthday party.

"Oh my god Castle, that is just too cute." Beckett continued noticing he hadn't admitted to doing the soaps yet. "If you were okay with doing the singing telegrams, did you ever look into acting? I mean your mom had always acted and you were around it a lot, did you ever consider making it a career choice.

"I did some stage in college, and was supposed to get a job writing for a soap, but when they saw me, they ended up offering me a job as a soap hunk instead of an apprentice writer." Castle smiled when he recalled all the fun and good friends he made during those three years.

"So you were a soap hunk." Kate's voice grew a bit husky. "Any video of you being hunky on your soap on U tube by any chance?" She cracked a big smile and Castle just rolled his eyes.

"Yes….. look up OLTL 1995 and type in Joey and Kelly" came the admission lowly knowing it would spark another round of U tube viewing and comments. He gave her only one of the actresses he worked with not wanting her to see the older cougar he started romancing during his first year there. As expected, Becket whipped open the browser and typed in what he told her. There on screen was a variety of TV shorts with him and the young blond actress, many involving very explicit sex scenes. 'So this is where he had to be nude' Kate noted at a nearly nude pool scene that came into view.

As jealous as she was that this actress got to experience her man's younger body, Kate couldn't help but notice his technique in romancing her. It was like she was in a trance watching him kiss, caress, and generally make out with this woman for all to see. She noted he seemed so at home in front of the camera and wondered how much of it played into that bad boy image he was always keeping up. Perhaps the doctor had been right about just how much of this persona was false.

Then Kate's eyes fell on a film short entitled Joe and Dorian OLTL 1994 Christmas commercial. She opened that one. Richard could hear the familiar voice of his actress friend of many years and his eyes fell the floor. Kate's mouth grew wide and her jaw dropped. 'Oh my god' she thought, he was making out on screen with a very beautiful sexy woman who was at the time, his mother's age or older. Beckett's eyes went to Castle's which were now staring at the ceiling tiles for escape. He heard the long silence and knew he would not be let off the hook until he admitted it.

"Yes they hired me to do a 'the graduate' type of story line first." Castle could hear her continued silence but didn't want to see the face she made. "The actress I was playing opposite was truly a professional and taught me a lot about those types of scenes." Richard realized the irony of his words before he could stop them from coming out.

"I'll bet she did." Kate quipped now laughing with more volume unlike the silent chuckle she had before.

"Look it wasn't like that, she was a real professional and nothing funny every happened between us," Richard grew irritated with this woman's insinuations. What the hell was he explaining this to her for. She didn't care for him so why the hell did it matter what he'd done in the past whether it was for work or personal.

"Look, it paid the bills and I made some great friendships there. It was a really together cast and they were all so willing to help me learn" He decided to deflect her sarcasm with the truth.

"I'll bet they were, especially the ladies. You were a real hottie back then. Wow." Becket went back to watching more of the graduate scenes and found they were much racier than the ones he did with the young blond thing.

'Again with those "back then" comments', Richard's mind smirked. 'Why can't you care about me now? Is it because you like younger men?' His thoughts grew more defense the more she commented on how hot he used to be.

Beckett noticed his silence and put away the cell phone. " I am really impressed to know how hard you worked to get where you are today. I didn't consider it wasn't just something that came easily to you. I am sorry I didn't ask before." Her words brought hope back into his heart again. Perhaps her knowing more about him would give him a fighting chance he thought.

'there is was again, false hope trying to get in' Castle mentally chided himself. Within a moment of that thought, Kate brushed her hand along his forehead to check the state of his fever. It was still quite warm and she brought the covers up and around him. "You rest, I will bring you more of your medicine when it is time. Do you want anything else to drink?" Her change in subject helped him steady his reserve as he replied "No thank you." Castle settled back into the pillows but sleep didn't come for many minutes. His mind roamed across the years and experiences he had until now. 'Why now was he so confused about his destiny, before it had been so clear.' That was the thought that lingered in his mind as he drifted off to sleep.

Chapter three:

01:00AM

Castle woke to find Kate curled rather roughly in the chair next to his bed. From her position and the state of her covering, she had not been too comfortable. His movement brought her from what light sleep she could maintain.

"You need something…..You okay." Beckett asked worried she may have slept through being of service to him.

"No I am fine, why don't you go upstairs to Alexis' room and get some sleep?" Richard's worry for the woman showed through the exterior coolness he was trying to maintain.

"I'm fine right here. I need to be able to help you if you need something." Kate pulled the throw around her shoulders, uncovering the lower half of her body. She worked at rearranging it to cover more but was not successful

"You're not fine and you'll have a very sore back if you continue to sleep in that chair. Go upstairs and get some proper rest." He stated more assertive hoping to get a break from his need to protect her.

"I am not going to leave you." The young detective said as she sat up and started eyeing the other half of the California king. "But if you are so worried about me lying down, then I will simply do so here." She got up, taking a big chance and slipped under the covers on the far side of the bed. Castle's mouth was agape. It seemed to him that this woman took great pride in keeping him on the line in whatever way she could, even if it resorted to jumping into bed with him. He had never heard of someone so cruel and sadistic. Beckett looked back over her shoulder and asked him again."You sure you'd don't need anything." All Richard could say was "no". With that Beckett turned over and went back to sleep, this time a deeper more restful one.

A few hours later, an awake Castle was trying to go to the bathroom again, this time more to get away from the smell of her perfume than to relieve himself. Kate felt his movements and woke immediately. Again she found him sitting on the edge of the bed trying to pull himself up using the nightstand.

"What are you doing?" she came from under the covers on his side of the bed now and sounded more like Martha did when she was scolding her wayward son. " I told you, you could not be out of this bed unless I helped you. Are you going to the bathroom again?" Her tone sounded surprised almost as if she was wondering if he had a bladder problem.

"No, I was just trying to walk a bit." Richard was not about to admit to her that her closeness was getting to him. "My muscles are sore and need to be stretched. I can't lie in bed too long at a time. I thought I would make myself some tea." Castle hoped she wouldn't remember his insistence that they stay in bed a while longer when they woke up handcuffed as captives a few months back. She didn't seem too.

"Well if you want tea, I will make some for you" she came up to stand in front of him. "if you want to stretch your legs, I will help you walk around first, then go make your tea." Kate lifted at his arm as Richard came to a standing position. He wasn't lying too much as his leg muscles felt atrophied by all the inactivity. They were stiff and groaned at the idea of moving even the slightest bit. They walked together, him leaning on her, Becket huddled up under his arm pit lending her whole body for support.

She was close this time, flush up against him. The coolness of her skin against his fever lent a sexually charged feeling to their contact. He had dreamed her like this. His arm holding her in a soft embrace and she huddled against him in an intimate moment. His mind grew hazy and for a brief second he hope it was real. He looked down into her face that was turned up to meet his. There he saw her beautiful features looking longingly back at him and he almost lost his focus.

Just as he started downward to take her lips to his, his knees grew weak and his weigh almost sent the two of them tumbling down into a heap. This scared both of them, as Kate returned him to the safety of his bed. She too was lost in that magical moment hoping his forward movement was something more than simply losing his balance. They both breathed heavily from the encounter and Kate felt it best to go make his tea. She made sure he was tucked safely back beneath the covers before she went. After Beckett left the room, Castle chastised himself for being so stupid as to believe in his mind's lie.

Kate stood staring at the darkened room that was adjacent to the kitchen area. The kettle was on and it seemed to take the longest moments to boil than she had ever known. 'Was he really going to kiss me?' she pondered while looking toward the bedroom door. 'Was he really hoping that we'd be together even in his weakened state?' Catherine couldn't contain her thoughts as the whistle on the kettle started to blow. She quickly made up two cups and brought them back to the comfort of his room. Castle accepted the tea mug from her and watched as she joined him in a cup of her own. Kate's eyes stayed on the object of her desire, not really calling to him but getting some of her message out in their determined stare. She smiled gently several times knowing that smile would always cheer him up in the past. This time it wasn't doing the job, as Richard would often look down to hide the fact that he longed to see it.

"You know…" Kate started making small talk but instead decided a little confession was good for the soul. "The time I spent at my dad's cabin was very hard. There wasn't a day I didn't think of you." That confession brought his eyes back to her in a sarcastic questioning stare.

"It's true, I missed having you there to help me with what I was going through." Kate knew this would bring on some heated conversation.

"Then why didn't you call if you missed me that much." Castle knew he didn't want to do this conversation but his need to understand that time was greater than his dread.

"Because I was scared. You always scared me, you still do." Kate was unsure if the way she was phrasing it was the best choice but knew she was speaking from the heart.

"I scare you." The sound of Castle's voice was almost mock amazed. It held hints of anger and frustration that he couldn't hide no matter how hard he tried.

"Yes, you scared me. You were the one person who saw right through me to my soul, no matter how hard I tried to hide it and that was scary to me." Kate reached out a hand and rested it on his arm as she continued. "You know the love you share with your family is the same feelings I shared with my mom. When she was killed, the pain of that day was so horrific, that I never wanted to get closed to anyone again. I didn't want the chance to hurt like that again." She watched as his eyes went from anger to understanding

"I made a point of pushing everyone away, even to some extent my own dad, but you wouldn't be pushed away. The harder I tried, the harder you resolved to stay put. Little by little you inched your way into my life until I got so dependent on your being there, I could hardly think of my life without you." Her words were making Castle's heart jump and yet a bit of him still feared that she was just trying to pull him back into being a friend and partner.

"You were the one person that knew me better than I knew myself and could read me like a book." She laughed a bit at that given this man's profession. "The shooting, our fights about quitting the investigation, the thought that you might have been killed in the attack brought on all manner of fear in me. I was so confused and couldn't think straight on my own. I feared that having you there would only make it harder to think clearly, so I stayed away from everyone, not just you. I didn't see or speak to Javi, Ryan, Josh, not even Lani who I tend to go to when I need a girlfriend to talk with." She saw Castle's face frozen, his eyes reading her features as she spoke.

"Richard, I pushed everyone out again because I was scared and yet the only thing I knew when I had to come back was that I needed you to help me and that you did." Suddenly Castle's mind felt she was now politely finding a way to let him know that he'd been a good friend but that was all it was.

"You were there, like always, lending me support and being very patient with me, and I can't tell you how much that means to me. You have always been my biggest supporter." She saw his eyes lower and felt her words were not getting across what she meant to say. Suddenly, she put down her mug and placed her hands on both sides of his face. This action shocked and surprised him as Castle's eyes came up to meet hers. Without hesitation, Kate leaned in and placed a very passionate kiss on his lips. They stayed like this suspending time to linger in this moment a while longer. Within seconds his arms came up to encompass her small frame and pull her closer. The heat she was feeling from their contact was overwhelming and the idea of taking this man on the spot was looking more and more like a reality, until she remembered his weakened condition and pulled away. The kiss ended, both staying very close to each other a moment longer. The moment turned awkward and Castle let go his embrace of her.

Sheepishly, Catherine's eyes went to her lap. This indicated to Castle that one or both of them had gotten the wrong message. As good as the kiss was, he was now reading her original message, that she was glad he was her friend. This made his heart sink. He thought it couldn't be possible that she could reel him in again, but somehow she did. Catherine, not realizing Rick was getting the wrong message deemed for his recovery she should table her desires until he was more able to answer the call. She quietly suggested they both just sleep on it for now. They lay down again on opposite sides of the bed, but sleep would not come easily for either of them.

Chapter 4

In the morning, Catherine was feeling much better about the status of her and Castle's relationship. Surely after their kiss, he would not be acting so standoffish. When she got up to fix him some tea, she was surprised to see he'd gotten out of bed and went into the bathroom alone, something she told him not to do. Though looking a bit more steady, Richard really was still hazy and his strength was that of a frail kitten. After the kiss and quick change of heart, he decided he didn't want to face her. He sat on the john trying to find a way to keep her at arm's length through another day of her brand of TLC. He heard a rather hard knock on the door, followed by some strong words.

"Richard Alexander Rogers, what did I tell you about getting up on your own." Catherine's voice sounded slightly like his mother's when she found that he broke her favorite figurine while playing Frisbee in the apartment. He halted a moment then realized he wasn't an 8 year old boy and she wasn't his mother, so therefore he had nothing to answer to her for. He got up, having used the time to shave seated and made his way the best he could back toward the door. Castle opened it and saw Kate standing there hands on hips.

"Your turn" was all he said as he pushed past her unassisted toward the bed. He fell into it with a heavier motion than he wanted to, but was glad it was there cause by now his head was spinning and his knees were about to buckle. Kate looked at him in total surprised frustration finding the dismissing behavior had returned and now included disobedience. "Are you trying to fall?" she asked coming up to him and covering him up with the blankets. He grabbed them from her and finished the job himself.

"No, but I am not a weak child and don't like it when people try to treat me like one." There, it was said, Castle was finally standing up to a woman that had for almost four years been bossing him around like a servant. Why he'd even decided to take this type of treatment was beyond him right now. This woman who so totally didn't care about playing with his feelings was actually angry when he didn't do exactly what she wanted him to do.

'Please' he thought and decided that from now on he would show her exactly the kind of strong willed man he really was. Castle doubted that Beckett would know how to handle just how determined and strong willed he could be when he wanted to be.

"I didn't mean to treat you like a child, I just didn't want you to fall and get hurt. I am sorry." There is was, the lilt of hurt in her tone that always turned him into a marsh mellow. Richard's eyes rolled upward feeling the hurt his sharp tone had caused.

"I didn't mean to yell at you either" he admitted sheepishly knowing that he wanted to be that strong but couldn't go against his mother's teaching on how to treat a lady.

"That's okay, we are both just tired. I brought you some more tea and broth." She set the items on a bedside tray stand she found in the living room. He looked down at them realizing he had no appetite just now. He saw her eager look for his approval and made an attempt at taking in a little of the nourishment anyway. Once downing half of what she brought in, Castle indicated he really wanted to rest. Becket made that her cue to go out into the other room and do the dishes. She truly wanted some time alone to work through this confusion as to why his demeanor changed back after last night's kiss. She looked at the hour, O6:15AM, and thought that the circumstance warranted an emergency call to her BFF.

Lani was sleeping peacefully in Espo's arms, the two having been out late last night. While they had officially broken up, the two reconciled after Ryan's wedding and were now spending stolen time alone without the pressure of anyone else knowing. She heard the familiar ringtone of her cell and quickly answered it so as not to wake Javi. "Perish here" she didn't look at the caller ID, thinking at this time only work would be calling her.

"Lani, it's Beckett" Catherine started low so as not to let Castle know she was consulting with a friend.

"Beckett?... You'd better have a good reason for rousting me at" she looked over Javi's bare chest and saw the time. "Girl do you know it is only 06:15AM."

"Yeah, I am sorry but I am confused and didn't know who else to turn to." Kate's voice reflected the truth in what she was saying.

"Where are you?" Lani stopped being angry and started to worry.

"I'm at Castle's apartment." That statement was met with a low voiced "Go on girl" by the medical examiner.

"You don't understand. I came over here to get things straight with Castle and found him sick with flu. He is still very weak and I thought we made some progress last night but this morning he seems worse than ever." The worry in her voice made Lani think she was talking about the man's condition.

"Well get him to the hospital if he is doing so poorly, don't waste time calling me for advice." Beckett realized the Lani just didn't get it.

"He is not getting sicker, he is just getting more and more distant. The more I try to take care of him, the more he resents me for it." Beckett's voice was hinged with tears.

"Alright, calm down girl, no use you getting all weepy about things. I am sure there is a way you can fix this." Lani tried her best to slip out from beneath Javi's arm but only succeed in waking her beloved up. She smiled slyly and motioned for Espo to remain silent not to give their clandestine meeting away.

"You don't understand, Lani. We kissed last night and I thought things were getting better, but this morning he is even more distant to me. He won't listen, he is taking risks with his health and won't let me help." Kate was becoming more and more frantic.

"Calm down,…. Calm down." Lani heard the desperation in her voice. "What do you mean you and Castle kissed last night, do you mean a light one on the cheek or a passionate one on the lips?" This statement got Javi interested and he leaned up on one elbow to try and hear her response.

"It was a very passionate one. If he hadn't been so weak from being sick, I know it would have ended up with us making love, but I didn't want him to try that in his condition, so I pulled away from it." Javi's face told the tale that any man would have felt. Lani decided to translate for him to her friend.

"Beckett, did you say anything to him as to why you pulled away last night?" A sick feeling hit Kate in the pit of her stomach as she answered "no".

"Well, my guess is that he probably thinks you're hesitating again and is getting tired of all these false starts and stops." Lani saw Javi's face and knew that she spoke his thoughts exactly.

"You think so…. It's not that I didn't want to make love to him, I just didn't want him to exert himself like that. You think if I explain it to him and spend some time with him he will be different?" Beckett was almost like a young teenager asking advice from her mother about boys.

"My guess is that that might do the trick." Espo just smiled at the very sexy match maker he was in the company of.

"Thanks, I gotta go" Kate whispered in the phone as she closed down the line and put the device back in her pocket. Without a moment's hesitation she marched back into Castle's bedroom to find him fast asleep beneath the covers. The young detective considered rousting him to straighten up this misunderstanding but then thought better of it now seeing him sleeping without any chills or shivering. She simply pulled the blankets up tight about his ears and returned to the other room to wait it out. It would be hours before Dr. Rosen would be by to check on him and Kate had nothing to do but wait.

Walking into his office, Beckett spied a copy of his latest Nikki Heat novel, the chapter pages hanging from a long string across the room. It seemed odd to her that with all his gadgets, Castle still like to organize his chapters in this way. In this fourth Nikki Heat book, "Cold Heat", the dynamic duo were heading into some rocky relationship issues, which seemed ironic to Beckett now. The chapter that was hanging up there were pages he must have written over the last few weeks. Catherine pulled them down in sequence and poured through them in amazement. There on those pages, Castle told the story of a betrayal on Nikki Heat's part toward the roguishly handsome Jameson Rook, the two having been on again, off again lovers from the first novel. After break ups and make ups, these pages read like the final straw had been pulled. For the life of her Catherine didn't know how Rick was going to write a happy ending from this chapter, but she knew he could when he wanted to. The question was did he want too.

There kept being a reference to a lie that Nikki had told Jameson that seemed to be the linchpin to their break up. Not having the previous chapters to read, Kate could not decipher what the lie was, but from the sound of these sheets, it was a big, unforgiveable one. She read as Jameson anguished over his loss of her affections and how his heart broke when he realized he'd been played for a fool.

Kate wondered, knowing how much Richard put of himself into these novels, was this what was bothering him as of late. She searched around for the previous chapters but not having found them she assumed his ex wife Gina had them. Kate was so engrossed in trying to find the chapters, she didn't hear Richard as he made his way unsteadily from the bedroom to the living room, to his office door.

"Looking for something?" he asked more than a little miffed she was rifling through his stuff. The young woman was taken off guard and quickly closed the drawers she had opened up.

"No… No… I was just looking for a… "she thought of a good excuse to have his desk drawers open. "a pencil or pen to write down a note to myself. Castle looked at the full pen holder in front of her and asked if none those pens and pencils would do.

Having been caught Kate decided to take Lani's advice and come clean. She helped him to a nearby couch and began. "I was looking for more of your book. I read the pages you had hanging and I was intrigued by the dilemma you had Nikki and Jameson in…. What was the lie about?" Catherine thought this bold move would take him off guard, weakening his defenses but in fact it made him all the more resolved.

"Nothing… it's no longer important." He said taking the final page from her hand and placing it on the edge of his desk.

"Nothing, it seems pretty dire from what I read. How are you going to write them out of that one?" she asked waiting to be dazzled by his literary genius.

"Don't know I can.. Sometimes you can't fix a problem so big." Again Castle was removed and dismissing. "Lies can create those kinds of unfixable circumstances, don't you think?"

Becket thought a moment and for some reason she felt his words were somehow relating to what was happening with them. "yeah but what if she apologized, wouldn't that fix things?"

"Nope I don't think so in this case. I think the dynamic duo is finally coming to an end." Castle looked at her matter-of-factly. "I mean how much do expect one guy to take." That part he threw in to make a point. Before Beckett could say anything, the door buzzer sounded and Richard replied. "Looks like Dr. Rosen has come as planned, would you mind letting him in?"

Dr. Rosen's visit was a short one. Long enough to do a brief exam and give another fluid bolus. The doctor confirmed what Kate already guessed that Castle was slowly but surely getting better. His fever all but gone, remaining a low 100.6 degree F. Rosen had updated Richard's diet to include soft food items to which Kate made him up some scrambled eggs shortly after the doctor's leaving. She now sat in the living room pondering the talk they had just prior to the physician's arrival.

'What does he mean the dynamic duo may be coming to an end?' her mind was racing over this with great anxiety. 'What did I do to him that made him so mad at me that he would even consider writing that?' She noted that before the doctor's exit, he had gone into Castle's office and retrieved for him Richard's laptop. Since he ate the eggs, Rick had been alone in his room typing away at the next chapter, a fact that left Kate oddly in the way, which is why she was now out here. Frustrated, the young detective decided this issue had gone on far too long and it was time to put her cards out on the table. She stood up from the couch and straightened her clothing before going toward his bedroom door.

As she walked in Kate saw Castle sitting upright in bed typing madly away on the lap top. She reasoned, this is often how he looked when he was typing out his previous novels. For someone who doesn't like paperwork, Catherine was quite surprised at the rate and accuracy the novelist could type. His hands danced over the key board, the key strokes coming as a consistent and frequent tapping sound. His eyes stared at the screen watching his mind's creation become reality on the page. The lines of type appeared quickly as they worked their way lower and lower onto the page's length.

Castle didn't look up, just kept typing undisturbed by her entrance. Kate walked right up to the nightstand where she could easily read the words as they magically appeared on the screen. She pretended to be collecting his eating utensils as she read some more of what he was writing of their fictitious counterparts. It read:

Jameson's heart sunk as he realized her playing with him was just a game to maintain control. Nikki was a woman who always needed to be in control in interrogation, as well as in the bedroom and for a while he was okay with that. But to find out that the control meant more to this hardened cop than he did was too hard to comprehend. While Rook had always seemed not to care about Heat's need to control, this was going too far. Either she cared for him or she didn't, and apparently now he knew she didn't. This was the realization the journalist wrestled with.

Kate looked at what was coming to light on the page and figured it was about her pulling away last night. She realized what Lani feared was true and she needed to make him understand why she pulled away. Ideas how to do this were running through her brain when Castle finally stopped typing and looked up to her.

"Need something?" His voice seemed cool, even and held no trace what he was feeling which made Kate very uneasy.

"Yes, we need to talk." She took a breath and watched as Richard pulled the laptop to his side leaving the cover open and page marked. Kate sat on the edge of the bed and steadied herself for what they were about to get into. Castle, trying to make the situation more uncomfortable steepled his hands in his lap and look at her intensely.

"I get the impression you are mad at me." Kate opened, knowing he was playing it cool and probably would not give up too much information to her without some digging.

"Why would you think that?" Richard's words were as expected, distant and untelling.

"What you were writing…. About Jameson and Nikki, you somehow think I am using you?" the young detective was feeling very afraid. "Do you really feel that I am controlling and manipulative?" She waited to hear more from him.

"Sometimes…" Castle started leaving a long pause before continuing. "but as you pointed out I am writing about Jameson and Nikki, not you and I."

"But Jameson Rook and Nikki Heat are you and I. You've as much as said so before. I always thought you fantasized about us in your writing of the characters." Kate was a little uncomfortable saying this because she knew of the sex scene this man had penned out between these two characters.

"I write fiction….. there are only a few similarities." Castle could sense he had her squirming.

"That is not true…. You put a lot of us in your writing, so why now are you pulling them apart?" Kate was almost to tears.

"Perhaps it's time. You can't think these characters can go on like this forever." Richard looked back at his lap top which had now timed out with the recurrent screen saver 'You should be writing' coming on and off the screen. This, a little reminder from his ex Gina.

"The hell it is." Kate was upset. She didn't know what it was that bothered this man but she was sure not going to give up without a fight. "These two characters share a lot more than just attraction for each other. They are partners and deep down they are truly committed to one another. Why the hell would you break that up." She watched as Castles face went from blank and emotionless, to slightly annoyed and frustrated.

"I didn't break them up." He quipped back knowing full well in Nikki and Jameson's case he was the one writing them into a separation.

"Well I certainly didn't break them up." Kate came back to him just as annoyed.

"Oh really." The novelist totally forgot they were speaking in metaphor regarding two fictitious characters. To him it was time he had a chance to tell her off.

"Yes… I wasn't the one who stopped being my partner and friend. I wasn't the one who stopped taking my phone messages, and I certainly wasn't the one who started giving the cold shoulder." Kate was as caught up in this hypothetical discussion as he was.

"Oh really, well I wasn't the one that lied! Castle returned and it was like a knife through her heart. It was about her and something she did to him.

"Lie, what lie?" she asked half sick to find out what he was so angered about.

"It doesn't matter anymore." Richard returned pulling his laptop back to his lap and continuing. But Beckett was not done with this conversation and she pushed the lid closed over his fingers on the keys.

"Yes it does Rick…. Something has got you so mad at me that you want to walk away from what we have and I want to know what that is." Her voice held a lilt of sadness but didn't lose any of the conviction.

"What we have…What we have, I can't believe you…." Richard's mind was reeling. She couldn't possibly be talking about their partnership and friendship after she lied to him as she did. He understood she lied because she was ashamed that she did not feel the same for him as he did for her, but since then, the games, the kiss, the pretending to care about him all to keep him hooked, that was past partnership and halfway to sick. Just because she was stuck in that black hole, it didn't mean she had to keep him in there with her. Misery loves company, but he wasn't willing to be that company anymore knowing there was no hope of ever coming out of it.

"What?"Kate asked in shock. "What did I do…." She was truly scared at this level of anger on his part. "Is it because I pulled away from you last night? You have to know I was only thinking of you when I did that."

"Thinking of me…. I don't seriously think you've ever thought of me, that is not in your nature." Richard's words cut to the quick. "Were you also thinking of me when you lied to me about remembering everything about the shooting? I had to hear about it watching you interrogate a bombing suspect to find out." Richard moved his laptop off his lap and sat up more in this woman's face. He had seen her do this countless times to a suspect as she was going in for the kill and knew for once she needed to experience exactly what it felt like.

"How were you thinking of me then by not telling me you remembered? How were you helping me by keeping silent and just letting me think you didn't remember what I said to you that day?" He didn't blink as he continued, watching the look of horror come across Beckett's face.

"All this time and not a word. I figured we had a chance only to find out we don't. How the hell could I have been so damn foolish to even consider the possibility." He words came out almost in a hiss, his anger was now palpable. He stopped and the room was filled with several moments of silence while Kate tried to frame a response to her obvious betrayal of him.

"Rick, I don't know what to say other than I am sorry for not telling you. It was a stupid thing on my part but it was truly because I feared even considering it. I was so afraid of everything then, but I am trying to push past it now." She looked and saw his eyes turn away in disgust.

"Believe me." Kate started and put a hand on his to get his gaze back to her. "Even before the shooting I was trying to find the courage to push past my fears and get together with you." She searched the quilt to give him some examples. "Remember the summer in the Hamptons?"

"What when I asked to you to come away with me for the weekend and you told me you had to work, then made plans with Demming?" Richard was shocked she'd use that as an example of her moving towards him.

"Yes, but what you don't know is that I realized that I did want to go with you and I broke it off with Demming that day. I pulled you out of the goodbye party to tell you I reconsidered your offer and wanted to go, but then Gina showed up." Castle sat back shocked at this. This was something he didn't realize. She went on. "I cried so hard that night realizing I waited too long, and that you were back with your ex wife. When you didn't come back at the end of the summer, I thought we were even over as partners and was very hurt."

Richard wondered if she was just telling him this as a way of worming herself back into his heart and remained a little skeptical. Kate feeling he was finally at least listening gave more evidence to back up her case.

"When we were in California solving the murder and were in the living room talking, I got scared at how much I wanted you." She looked to his face for recognition and found it there.

"You got up and went to your room, that doesn't quite speak of wanting someone." Castle was very suspicious.

"I know I did and just inside the door I tried to find the courage to come back out and join you. I found it and opened the door a few moments later but you had already gone into your room and I figured I missed my opportunity." Again this was something Castle didn't know. He remembered the times he tried to tell Beckett his feelings when Josh or Demming would walk in. Richard backed off himself figuring it to be another case of bad timing. Castle started to wonder if that was what truly ailed their relationship all along.

"It took me so much courage even before the shooting to consider we could be something more than friends and partners. Between me keeping my heart walled off and your bad boy image, I figured if I gave into my feelings for you, I would just be hurt again. And because you managed to get through all my barriers and into my heart, the hurt that would come if a relationship between us didn't work was going to be the same if not worse than when I lost my mom, so I froze and kept chickening out." Kate couldn't believe how bare she was leaving herself before him, especially since he was obviously so hurt and mad at her.

'Why would she believe I would hurt her?' Castle pondered, as he knew his feelings for the young woman to be nothing if not pure love. "Was the thought of a life with me so terrible that you had to agonize over it?" He asked sheepishly not looking at her but now to his lap.

"It wasn't a life with you that worried me…. It was a life without you.." Catherine thought a moment and tried to phrase her words not to hurt but to educate him. "Rick, your lifestyle, the women…. When I first met you it was all I could see. The big shot novelist, the bad boy with the ladies, the Casanova. You signed women's chests at book signings. Women in your circle talked about you like you were a prize they had to win, not a human being with feelings. Hell you yourself called one of your ex wives a deep fried Twinkie. What was I supposed to think?" She saw him wince feeling she was still seeing the persona and not the man.

"The one thing this past year has taught me about you is that you are not the bad boy image you try to portray. You are a kind caring man, incredibly smart and funny. You are warm and generous with your heart and your time. You are an incredible dad to Alexis and son to your mother. Talking with you yesterday, I found out that you were a responsible man, trying his best to earn a living while never giving up on your dreams. Do you even know how wonderful you truly are? I am ashamed to say that I didn't for the longest while. I believed the media hype and the brash exterior you always presented. I am really sorry I didn't look past it like you did my barriers." Tears were starting to roll down Catherine's face and Richard moved a finger across her cheek to dry them.

"The day the bank vault blew, I think I finally knew what you were talking about the day we were on the playground. You told me you were mad because I didn't call you. You said you watched me die in that ambulance and I couldn't find it in my heart to even pick up the phone. When I saw the bank explode my heart just dropped. The thought of loosing you was too much. When I saw your face in the rubble and you were okay, I knew then I had to try harder to get past my fears because I didn't want to lose you again." Beckett was finally seeing his eyes soften and went on to make him realize the journey it has been for her to get to this point.

"When we were kidnapped by the CIA and I met Sofia, I was taken aback that you'd shadowed someone else and fallen in love with them. I knew it was in your past, but still it hurt to have her right there making overtures at you and you responding the way you did. She told me in private that the reason you two broke up was that it became physical and the desire died. That was my fear also. You would grow bored with me and leave." Kate looked down at her hands, now lightly on his. "But when we were in the water together trying to escape the car and I no longer heard you moving, I started to give up because I couldn't imagine a life without you. My last thoughts, as I was losing consciousness were that I hoped you would wait for me to join you." Catherine was crying more steadily as she relived her fears in front of the man she loved. He removed his hands from hers and pulled her body too him. Kate eased into this embrace letting out the breath she had been holding since this conversation began. She could hear him whisper. "It's okay…. It's okay" into her ear and felt his hand gently patting at her back for comfort. Beckett sighed again, this time a smile graced her lips as she finally felt their disagreement being settled.

Castle pulled her from him and looked into her eyes. "Let me clarify one thing. Sofia and I didn't break up because we got bored of each other. I broke up with her when she took Alexis into an informant meet that ended up in gun play. Luckily she got Alexis out of there before the guns started going off, but she purposely used Alexis as a cover and for that I could never forgive her." He saw her smile increase seeing the dutiful dad again.

"And as far as the day to day goes, I kinda like that part. If I didn't I wouldn't have been such a hands on dad. So your fears of me growing bored are just that, fears not truths." Richard looked at her wondering what she was thinking. Beckett was just glad they had started talking and found a lot of what she feared the most to be after all, just the PR, not reality.

Kate remembered her conversation with Lani this morning and continued. "I thought that some of this anger was because I pulled away last night. You have to know I was only thinking about how sick you were. In my heart I wanted us to be together then, but I feared you wouldn't have survived it if I pushed the situation. That is why I cooled things down, not because I didn't want you.. I really did." Her words came out a bit too eager showing that Kate Beckett had a horny side and it was almost as big as Richard Castle's.

Castle just laughed. "You are probably right. I wouldn't have survived getting together then. But I see it as a definite activity coming up in our future… how about you?" He asked and was pleased to see her very exaggerated nod of approval.

He hugged her close again, feeling the tenseness in her body ease beneath his finger tips. They lingered there for several minutes before Kate leaned back to look into his eyes. "You do forgive me for lying to you, don't you?" This question seemed to haunt her still.

"Yes, this time but in the future, just talk to me. If you have learned anything from this weekend, you know now that I am very easy to talk too, and that when we truly open up to each other problems get solved." Rick saw her nodding short and rapidly. "Good"…. He looked at the laptop lying on the coverlet. "Now how am I gonna write Nikki and Jameson out of that situation?" Castle pondered with a sly smile on his face.

"Perhaps you should give him the flu….. then Nikki can give him a little TLC and make things right again." Kate giggled as she knew their battle would most probably be the end to another of Castle's masterful thrillers.

"Perhaps I should." He returned and they both laughed some more. The rest of the day was spent just lying in each other's arms, some of the time in his room, other times on the couch in the living room. By that evening, they retired to his bed but this time instead of facing away from each other they lay cuddled up in a warm embrace.

"You know you are gonna get this flu now don't you." Castle began some small talk hoping to get her started.

"Well you're just going to have to take care of me then." She returned not telling about the doses of anti-virals the doctor gave her.

"I guess that would only be fair." Richard replied dryly and she jabbed him in the side to illustrate her understanding his brand of humor.

"Come to think of it…" Kate started and rose up in the bed above him. "Since I am already contaminated, how about a little…." She stopped short of saying it and took his mouth to hers in a warm passionate kiss. Rick relaxed into this one, no fears or doubts were left. He went with it knowing that for now in his condition this would have to do.

"You know I love you." He said once their lips parted. His eyes looked deep into that part of her he had penetrated years ago.

"And I love you." Kate was relaxed and totally unafraid to say it now. It felt so good. She suddenly saw her life from outside the hole and knew her mom would be proud of her for taking this final step toward happiness. The rest of the night was spent kissing and talking until both fell asleep.

Early the next morning, a very tired Alexis and Martha got in from their trip. Alexis went upstairs to get a shower and change for her morning shift with Lani, while Martha set her bags at the foot of the stairs and looked about the room. It was early and she assumed her son was sound asleep in his bed. As was her habit, she opened the door to check on him. To her surprise Martha found her son's arms around a beautiful brunette detective, both looking incredibly comfortable in each other's embrace. As she watched her darling son sleeping so happily, Martha's heart filled with joy for him knowing what he had been going through these last few years regarding his love for this woman. She lingered a moment longer then whispered "Way to go, Kiddo" before closing the door and giving the two some privacy. Martha would also deflect Alexis' attempt to see her dad prior to leaving for her internship, citing that her father looked to have been up late last night and shouldn't be disturbed.

Disclaimer: I do not own any part of Castle or ABC. This fan fiction in no way an attempt at copy right infringement and is solely for entertainment purposes for fans who enjoy the show as I do.