It was magical, the first time Tara and Willow kissed. Perfect. The lights were dim, tinkling music in the background, the passions of their last spell still burning through their veins. Their love was silent, secret, sublime.
Willow sighed as Tara gently pulled away. She could still feel the heat of Tara's lips on hers. Tara smiled that adorable little half smile half shrug and murmured, "that was your first, wasn't it? W..with a girl I mean."
Her eyes were alert, expectant, blissful. Willow smiled and paused.
Because it was an amazing kiss. The best kiss. But it wasn't her first.
It happened years ago. A tiny, forgettable episode of Willow's past. Two girls, a broom closet, a school in peril again. The everyday terror that was high school.
They were hiding from the Big Bad, the bleached-blond monster that had trashed the school. Willow had got out of worse scrapes, but hiding was a good plan all the same. That was, if Cordelia would just keep her mouth shut.
"Ohgodohgodohgodohgod..."
Willow clamps her hand over Cordelia's mouth. And she's so close and the fear is making Willow's blood pump so fast and it's so hot...
A noise outside. Heavy footsteps walking away.
Willow breaths out slowly. Relief. Maybe they were safe.
Then tiny pain erupts in her hand and she jerks it to her chest.
"Ow!"
Cordelia glares at her. Oh. She had left her hand over Cordelia's mouth all that time. Whoops.
With a contemptuous glance Willow's way, Cordelia reaches for the doorknob.
"I think he's gone."
Willow raises an eyebrow. "He could come back." Duh.
Cordelia drops her hand. Fast. "What are we going to do?" There's fear in her voice, terror burning in her eyes.
"Pray."
Cordelia breathes out heavily. Willow turns her head to the door, wondering about escape routes and attack plans. Wonders whether Buffy's fighting him. Wonders if the others made it out. Wonders...
Cordelia's hand falls onto Willow's thigh. It feels like sparks. With a jolt, Willow looks at Cordelia. Her face is fraught and pale.
"Cordelia..."
And she notices her hand is on Willow's leg. She snatches it away.
"Sorry," she breathes. Her hand is trembling.
And it's then Willow realises. This girl who tortured her mercilessly, who always took an opportunity to mock her, taunt her... is still a girl. A scared girl. A girl who, underneath her bravado and snark and vain exterior, is just like everyone else. Is just like Willow.
She reaches out to her, touches Cordelia's shoulder.
"Hey. It'll be ok, you'll see." Willow whispers as brightly as she can. "You know, cos, you're Cordelia Chase. And nothing bad ever happens to you, right?"
Cordelia, staring resolutely at the floor, scoffs. "Pff. Yeah right. You should try living in my shoes just one day." Her eyes ablaze, she looks up to glare at Willow. "You think it's easy, being who I am? Needing to be so perfect just for people to like me? Which, of course, they don't really." Cordelia drops her head. "You wouldn't survive one day in my life." But her voice quivers, betraying her barbed comments. She pinches her lips together, obviously still terribly frightened.
Willow brings Cordelia's face back up to look at her, her cold fingers gliding across silken skin.
"But you do. And you'll go on surviving. We'll get through this, I promise."
"Really promise?"
Willow smiles softly. Cordelia's breath tickles her cheek and fire shoots through her right from her toes. They're not close enough, need to be nearer. Willow leans into Cordelia. "Really..."
Cordelia's eyes drift shut, and suddenly they're together, touching, kissing. It lasts just a moment, an accident of course, but for that moment it's wonderful and heated and beautiful. And for that moment Cordelia kisses her back.
Another sharp rap on the wall and they jerk apart.
"What was that?" Cordelia's voice is harsh, terrified.
Willow stays silent. The noise doesn't sound again. Cordelia's scared again, looking about her frantically.
"I just can't die. Not here. I'm supposed to be surrounded by riches and cushions and hot men to give me my every need..."
"...I..."
Cordelia falls to her knees, clasping her hands together.
"Oh Lord, if you get me out of this I swear I'll never be mean to anyone ever again, unless of course they really deserve it..."
And the moment's gone. Willow sighs, crossing her legs and leaning her head on her hand. Cordelia's back to her same old self, annoying, vain, shallow. Their affinity is lost. Cordelia's voice is again like a knife in Willow's head. Death by Spike is beginning to seem like a wondrous alternative. And Cordelia's prattling on and on and Willow's bored now and just wants to get OUT of this goddam closet and as far away from Cordelia as possible.
"Ask him for some aspirin."
"...and send us some aspir...hey!"
Tara's eyes were losing their light. Willow realised she had paused to long before answering. Smiling, she touches Tara's face. "Yes, it was my first. I'm so glad it was you." Because there are no more words, Willow can't help but kiss those wonderful lips again. And it's perfect.
It wasn't her first.
But it should have been.
And Tara will never know otherwise.