Phoenix

By: ACE329

Summary: Life after the Sennen Items has been complicated. Ryou has decided to see a therapist, as he struggles to come to terms with his own inexplicable misery. Despite the "new and different" life Ryou has arranged for himself, he can't quite forget about the twisted and destructive spirit that used to be the very center of his existence.

Disclaimer: I do not own Yu-gi-oh!

A/N: This is a sort of sequel to "Chains," although it's not necessary to read that story beforehand. And now for a couple warnings:
-There is shounen-ai in this story. And Ryou has to come to terms with his sexuality in this story. You have been warned.
-There is some profanity (f-bombs included)
-There is an original character (for which I apologize, but I reasoned she was necessary in order for Ryou to have an "epiphany" moment)

Lastly, I hope you feel that this story gives Ryou as much closure as I felt it did.

Phoenix

"A phoenix is a mythological bird that obtains new life by rising from the ashes of its predecessor."

Part One—Burn

Ryou Bakura never had the best father, but for the most part, he was okay with that. Ryou was just the typical "latchkey child," always coming home to empty halls and shadows. He essentially raised himself, soothed by the sounds of the TV and radio, which were always turned on the second he arrived home. Silence unnerved him—somehow it seemed louder than actual noise. But Ryou never complained, and certainly never asked for anything from his father. For that, his father was grateful.

So the day of Ryou's high school graduation, when he asked his father for therapy as his graduation gift, his father just couldn't say no.

Ryou's father remembered every detail of that conversation.

"I've never asked anything of you," Ryou said in his smooth, placid voice, "but I'm asking you now. Please. And after this, I'll never ask anything of you again."

The aging man looked into his son's hollow, exhausted eyes. Although their relationship had been lukewarm at best, somehow it worsened the day Ryou had returned from his trip to Egypt. Something had changed. Ryou could hardly be considered the same person anymore. A light had gone out of Ryou's eyes, and he just seemed empty.

Therapy was expensive, but perhaps it was the guilt of his continuous and extended absences that made the father nod as he clapped his son's shoulder.

"Of course."

Ironically, therapy wasn't exactly at the top of the list of things Ryou wanted. It was never something he planned on looking forward to. But over time, as the demons from his past continued to haunt him, Ryou had to concede defeat. Sometimes, "mind over matter" wasn't good enough. Sometimes, one couldn't fight a battle alone.

"Well, where to begin?" Ryou said speculatively. He raked his fingers through his tangled, unwashed hair. (He didn't quite care to think about how many days it had been).

The teen was sitting in a pseudo-comfy chair residing in the therapist's office. The chair was a fraud, Ryou thought, because it evidently had some padding, yet the material comprised of a stiff, unrelenting fabric. It pissed him off. He shifted in his seat irritably.

"Begin by telling me what bothers you the most, if you can," the therapist, Dr. Hikoru, suggested. "Or maybe begin…by telling me what you're feeling."

"I feel nothing," Ryou said. He shifted in his seat again. "But maybe I want to. I don't know." He paused. "I haven't been able to sleep for three days now. Not by choice."

"Okay. And why do you think that is?"

"Nightmares." Ryou looked down at his hands. "When I sleep, I always go back to the same place. And I don't want to. I would like my brain to give me a break, let me forget about it, and just move on. So I can be normal." Normalcy had always been a foreign concept to Ryou. He always felt there was an invisible wall, always separating himself from the outside world.

The therapist looked up from her notepad. "Can you specify what you mean when you say you want to forget about 'it'? It seems like your dreams are replaying a memory, perhaps?"

Slowly, Ryou nodded. Irresistibly, his mind was reeling back to his dreams, back to a moment in his past, and before he realized it, his mind was no longer in the therapist's office, but in a dark, dilapidated burial ground.

It was embarrassing, really, that Ryou proved to be such an inconvenience for his friends. It was the day they put the Sennen Items to rest, the much-anticipated "Emancipation Day" when Ryou was supposed to be free from the malicious spirit that burdened his life. He should have been out in the desert, with his friends, whooping and cheering and joking around, all to prove he was relieved that the spirit of the Sennen Ring was gone.

Except that wasn't what happened. In a fit of deliria, Ryou broke away from his friends and ran back to the cave where the Sennen Items were buried. He tore through rocks and dirt with his bare hands, disregarding the sweat (and yes, tears) that clouded his vision. Ryou was unsure how much time had passed before he finally—finally—found what he was looking for. Ryou delicately picked up the muddied Sennen Ring, and, with shaking hands, put the Ring on.

But nothing happened. Ryou waited for a familiar glow to spread throughout the Ring, he waited for the usual sensation of warmth to fill his body, but the only thing he felt was the dull coldness of metal against his skin.

"Spirit," Ryou said aloud. "Bakura." The deafening silence rang in his ears. He shut his eyes, finally sinking down. He stayed that way until the pounding in his head stopped and his mouth stopped tasting like vomit and his hands stopped shaking.

At that point, Ryou was unsure how much time had passed before his friends came to retrieve him. He must have drifted off into an exhausted sleep, because he didn't have enough time to hide the Ring from his friends' sight before they shook him awake.

"Bakura—hey! What the hell, man?" It was Jounouchi. He looked pissed, but mostly confused, just like everyone else. He shook Ryou again.

Ryou said nothing in response. He wondered what his friends were thinking as he stared into their faces.

"Why is this in your hand?" Honda gestured towards the Ring. "What have you been doing this whole time? We've been looking for you for a while, but we figured this was the last place you'd be."

"Why would you run off like that?" Otogi demanded. "Do you realize we have a flight to catch?"

"Gimme that," Jounouchi said, grabbing for the Ring. "This belongs in the ground, preferably in hell."

That was when Ryou lost his senses. Within seconds he became this irrational, shrieking monster, screaming NONONONONONO repeatedly while sobbing and flailing and smacking away anyone who tried to reach for him, reach for his Ring, and he didn't care how ridiculous he looked, he just wanted them all away, far enough away so they could never reach out and grab what had suddenly become so precious to him.

But he calmed down finally when he felt a gentle hand at his back. It was Anzu. "Okay, Bakura," she said soothingly. "You can hold onto it." She silenced Jounouchi and Honda when they began to protest. "It won't do any harm now." Ryou kept his head lowered, his face burning with shame.

Yuugi was staring at Ryou with an unreadable expression. "This wouldn't be healthy, what you're doing," he finally said. "It wouldn't be right. They are never coming back, and you, Bakura, of all people, why would you even wish it? The spirit who was inside the Ring didn't care about you, he didn't care—" Yuugi cut himself off and looked away. He exhaled deeply and turned away. "I think we should go now." There was a faint tremor in his voice. Solemnly, everyone nodded and for the final time, left the cave.

"He must have been extremely dehydrated," Ryou heard Honda whisper to Jounouchi a little while later. They both darted a glance in Ryou's direction. "I still think he's lost his mind."

In the end, Ryou figured that it would just be easier to let them think he was dehydrated, or crazy, or both.

It was just easier than to explain that somehow, somewhere along the way, Ryou had formed an inexplicable, irrevocable connection with the very spirit that had destroyed his life.

In the therapist's office, Ryou finally glanced up to meet Dr. Hikoru's eyes. "Sorry." He was aware he had zoned out for a moment. "Are we still talking about my dream?"

There was the sound of pen scratching against paper. "Yes."

Ryou had wondered how he would communicate to any normal person about his experience with the Sennen Items. In most cases, Ryou figured he would be diagnosed with insanity, and it would at least earn him a couple months' time in some nuthouse. Probably.

It was just too much work, Ryou decided, to be entirely truthful. "I dream about the last day I ever saw my…" His what, exactly? "…My best friend." Ryou cringed at his own words. What a joke. "He just decided he was sick of me and disappeared for no reason."

"For no reason? And you have no clue why?" Dr. Hikoru stopped writing to observe Ryou carefully.

"Because I'm antisocial, boring, and depressed?" A ghost of a smile curved Ryou's lips. And because Bakura's spirit is buried with the dead after losing a magical battle involving ancient Egyptian artifacts. That makes total sense.

"So you seem to take blame for losing this friendship," Dr. Hikoru noted.

"Not sure…" Ryou paused. "But my friend…really wasn't my friend."

"I don't follow you."

"I mean…he wasn't the nicest person. He was egocentric, and rude, and he really didn't give a crap about me." Ryou shrugged. "He was a jerk."

"But you just said he was your best friend."

"I miss him. I guess." Ryou looked down. He felt accomplished for being able to admit this. But this was also because the woman did not know whom he was referring to. Otherwise, it would have been impossible. "I don't usually miss people. Things just…come and go in my life, so I usually don't get the chance to have a connection with anybody."

This soon led to a discussion about Ryou's family life, which Ryou actually felt more comfortable discussing, particularly because it kept his mind off the spirit who continued to haunt him in his dreams. He talked about his mother, who died when he was a child, and his sister, who died early in Ryou's life as well, and lastly, his father, who was rarely around because of work. And, since Ryou was trying to be honest, he told Dr. Hikoru that his father's absence was probably by choice as well.

"I think I'm his reminder of a broken family," Ryou said, picking at a hangnail distractedly. "He once said I looked like my mom."

"I see," Dr. Hikoru said. "So it seems that you don't have much experience with healthy relationships that extend over a period of time. Do you have a girlfriend, Ryou?"

"How could I?" Ryou scoffed, trying to conceal his flushed face. "I wouldn't know where to start."

"Well usually romantic relationships are pretty instinctive. You find someone you like and you spend time with them."

But this became impossible when the spirit of the Sennen Ring became a part of my life. This, of course, would be impossible explain to a therapist. Ryou practically grew up with the Ring around his neck, and so with such a dominating, controlling spirit pulling the strings of his life, relationships (maybe even friendships) became unfeasible.

"I guess I've never felt a need for that kind of relationship in my life," Ryou finally said, uneasiness edging in his voice.

More scribbling on the notepad ensued. "Ryou, I want you to start seeking out meaningful relationships. You're 18. Have you considered going to college?"

"I have," Ryou said. "Not entirely sure if I can afford it. I don't want to ask my father for any help."

"Well, consider it," Dr. Hikoru said. "Not only will it give you something constructive to focus your energies on, it is a great way to meet new people. And if you can manage to make at least one true friend, I would consider that a success."

Ryou nodded dully. He knew she was right, what other plans did he have for his life? Nothing, so far. Besides, living at home would be a constant reminder of his old life, and he wanted to have a fresh start.

"You need something new, and you need something different in your life," Dr. Hikoru continued. "And I think we might see some improvements if you busy yourself with something like college." She ripped off a piece of paper. "In the meantime, here's a prescription for your insomnia. See you next month?"

And so Ryou did, religiously, until one day he could no longer schedule appointments because he had moved to attend a university many miles away.

It wasn't long until Ryou realized that a person can move away from home, but parts of the past still find ways to cling on anyway. Coincidence or fate, Ryou was quite surprised when he discovered that Yuugi attended the same university.

As it happened, Ryou and Yuugi were in the same "Introduction to University Life" course that every freshman was required to take. Which was unfortunate, because it was a completely pointless class.

And it was for that reason that Ryou did not realize Yuugi was in the same class. About a week into the semester, Ryou felt someone gently prod his shoulder and as he turned to look, he saw Yuugi place his bag next to Ryou's.

"Is this seat taken?" he casually asked, as if he had talked to Ryou every day since that trip from Egypt. In reality, though, it had been about two years since they even exchanged a word.

Ryou blinked back his surprise. "It is now." He moved over to make room. Ryou always wondered if any of his high school friends would remain in contact with him, especially after the trip from Egypt. He had always suspected that the only reason Yuugi, Jounouchi, Honda, and Anzu stayed around was to monitor his actions, to make sure the spirit of the Ring wasn't acting out. And his suspicions, for the most part, had been correct—everyone he had considered a "friend" slowly withdrew from him, like people leaving a concert once they realized the show was over.

Nevertheless, here Yuugi was, seeking him out and offering to sit with him. It had to count for something. But still. Two years without communication was a long time.

Ryou extended a hand. "Hi, my name is Ryou Bakura. And you are?"

Confusion twisted Yuugi's features for a moment before he faintly smiled and grasped Ryou's hand. "Yuugi Mutou."

"So, Yuugi Mutou, how is it that just now you are in this class? You're a week off schedule."

"Oh, no, it was intentional." Yuugi took out a pen and paper as he settled in his chair. "We both know this class is a waste of time. And it doesn't help this is the earliest possible time slot for a class to start. I'm not exactly a morning person."

"Who is, really?" Ryou sighed. "We get up because we have to. If people had a choice, they would not get up before the sun does. Granted, if you never went to sleep to begin with, well, I guess that's another story."

"My problem is, I can't go to sleep at a decent time. My body refuses. Well, I guess my mind refuses." Yuugi was talking to Ryou as if they hadn't missed a beat in their friendship. If he was nervous talking to Ryou by any extent, he didn't show it. "By the time I even begin to drift off, it's already 6 in the morning. Yet here I am today, with a whole hour of sleep. I feel accomplished." The whole time Yuugi was speaking, his tone was flippant. Although Ryou knew better. He knew how horrible it was to be plagued with insomnia—he had it too, after all. He only took his prescription for insomnia when he was absolutely desperate, because otherwise, he would be groggy for the rest of the day.

"And—I'm just taking a shot in the dark here—I'm guessing this problem started about 2 years ago?" Ryou kept his tone casual, but both teens understood the true meaning behind his question.

Yuugi met Ryou's eyes. "Of course it did."

Ryou never anticipated holding onto any of his past friendships, but in that moment, he realized he had a true connection with Yuugi, who seemed to be quite different from who he was two years ago. Like tragedy changed his fundamental being, as if it matured him yet also took out his childish optimism. Nevertheless, Ryou realized he had something vital in common with Yuugi. They both experienced the pain and hollowness that came with losing a Sennen Item and their respective spirits. Yuugi could understand him.

The lecture was just starting, but Ryou couldn't resist whispering to Yuugi, "I have work after classes today, but could you meet me tomorrow after five? We should talk." And in that instant, Ryou could see that old spark of happiness dance in Yuugi's eyes before he nodded.

Ryou knew it made sense to hold a job while attending school because it was the only way he could afford to even be enrolled. He refused to ask his father for a dime, although he did need him to cosign his loans. In the end, despite the hassle of working out payment plans and juggling work and school, Ryou felt it was worth it. He was one step closer to being independent, and he desperately needed a new change of scenery.

When Ryou decided to find a job, one thing was certain—he did not want a job that required too much interaction with people. He was too introverted and, as he was aware, did not have the best people skills. If customers became angry or rude, Ryou knew he would just shut down or run away, neither of which were the right way for employees to handle the disgruntled masses.

So Ryou was quite pleased with his current job at a local bookstore, mostly because he was busy with restocking shelves or organizing. And the times he had to work at the cash register, usually the people were pretty pleasant. If they wanted to argue about the price of something, oftentimes Ryou would put in a minor discount to shut them up. As long as the managers didn't know, then it made no difference to Ryou. An avoided confrontation was an avoided confrontation.

This strategy went on for a while until one day, someone approached him.

"Hey new kid, I know what you're doing."

Ryou froze with his hand poised above a book he just shelved. He turned to face the voice, bracing himself. A girl was looking expectantly at him, waiting for a response. Ryou had seen her working at the bookstore before, although usually she seemed to work opposite shifts. She seemed a little older than him, although maybe it was her short black bob and heavily made-up face that deceived him.

Her thickly lined eyes blinked at him impatiently. "You awake in there?"

"Yes." Ryou glanced at her nametag. "Myra. I don't think we've met."

She didn't take the bait, although she did smirk. "You give customers discounts when they complain about the price. You'd rather violate company policy than face conflict." In that moment, her wry smile reminded Ryou of someone he wanted to forget. He looked away.

"I guess you're right," Ryou said. He waited for a rebuke, although it didn't come.

"Good. Screw those corporate assholes. They can spare a few cents." Amusement danced in Myra's eyes. "I'm going on a smoke break. Follow me." She rattled her Marlboros theatrically at the manager across the room. "Smoke break! I'm taking five!" she shouted. The manager nodded. Grabbing Ryou's wrist, she escorted him outside.

"I don't smoke—" Ryou started, but was cut off.

"Oh, me neither. But how else can you get away with taking an extra 5-minute break?" Myra pocketed her box of cigarettes. "I've had the same box for over a year now."

Despite the nervousness that sloshed at Ryou's insides, his shoulders relaxed. "I guess neither of us will be getting 'Employee of the Month' anytime soon."

Myra cracked open an energy drink. "Oh, well. Guess I'll have to find meaning in my life elsewhere." She eyed his nametag briefly. "So tell me, Bakura, where you from? You don't look like your average guy."

Ryou felt his face getting warm. "Domino City. But I'm thinking I'd look abnormal no matter where I'm from."

Myra tsked as she took a large swig of her drink. "Harsh. I was trying to suggest you're a cutie. It's also not every day you see someone with white hair. Unless you're like, 80."

Ryou didn't know how to respond, but shrugged instead.

"You know," Myra said, eyeing Ryou, "if you really wanted to draw attention away from yourself, you probably ought to cut that hair of yours. It's longer than mine! Just saying."

Self-consciously, Ryou ran his fingers through his hair. She was right. "I've never thought about it. I guess I've been kind of negligent."

Myra sighed. "No, this is where you should say, 'This is intentional. I don't give a shit what people think.' You shouldn't take what a stranger says so seriously anyway. Now say it."

"Um, okay. 'You shouldn't take—"

"No! The other part."

Ryou hesitated, then said, "'This is intentional. I don't give a…shit what people think.'" Ryou paused awkwardly.

Then Myra burst out laughing until Ryou realized, despite his despondent mood, he had irrepressibly cracked a smile.

Ryou was glad that he had a dorm room all to himself. As it turned out, his roommate never showed up, and Ryou did not make a point of letting anyone know. Granted, he was certain that the authorities did know, yet he held onto the hope that he would indefinitely have that precious extra space to himself. The dorm rooms were small, and every square foot mattered.

He had just arrived at his room after work and he wasn't even remotely tired. Ryou worried about this fact especially because he had that wretched "Introduction to University Life" class the next day. He would have to be up fairly early. He checked the time. 11:05.

Absently, he ran a hand through his hair. It was getting pretty long. If he wanted people to start taking him more seriously, he should at least try to look less like a girl. Of course, his facial features had sharpened up quite a bit and he definitely had the broad shoulders of a man, but the hair could deceive people, especially when they viewed him from behind.

"So, I guess I do care what people think of me," Ryou said aloud, as if speaking to Myra. The whole point of going to college was to start over, and he did not want to preserve the same reputation that he could easily pass as "one of the girls."

Sliding open his desk drawer, Ryou fumbled around until he found a pair of scissors. They definitely weren't meant for cutting hair, but they would at least get the job done.

Ryou stepped in front of the long mirror attached to the door. He fastened his hair back with a rubber band. He grasped his thick rope of hair, gliding his hand up to the nape of his neck. Fresh start, he reminded himself.

Carefully, concisely, Ryou worked the scissors around the rubber band until long locks of hair fluttered lifelessly to the ground. He kept snipping until finally, the rubber band fell to the ground as well. Shaking off the stray hairs, Ryou finally managed to examine himself in the mirror.

But he did not see himself. He saw the spirit of the Ring. The image smirked at him.

"Landlord…"

Ryou let out a cry and stumbled backwards. Those devious, lively eyes…

But no. Shaking his head, Ryou realized he was only hallucinating. His heart was hammering in his chest and he realized he was trembling. Forcing himself to look in the mirror again, Ryou saw a definite resemblance now between himself and the spirit of the Ring, whose frayed short hair had looked as if it were carelessly sliced off with a dagger (and it probably was).

Ryou's thoughts were cut off by a loud knocking. "Hey, did you see a spider in your room or something?" There were a few muffled laughs behind the door.

Ryou tried to steady his voice. "Sorry, I—hit my foot on my bed frame." Ryou could imagine what Myra, in her irritated, feisty voice, would say: "Why would you apologize? What are you sorry for?" Ryou finally stood up as he brushed himself off.

"'Kay, just checking. Glad to hear you're still alive."

Ryou ignored this as he cleaned up the piles of hair. He tried to keep his movements controlled and fluid, but felt stiff with shock at his hallucination of Bakura.

Ryou felt his face heat up with shame. It had been two years, yet every day, in some way or another, the spirit of the Ring crept up into his thoughts. And then there were his dreams.

Carefully, and somewhat guiltily, Ryou pulled out his suitcase from under his bunk bed. He opened it and gingerly took out the Sennen Ring. He remembered how as soon as he returned from his trip to Egypt he had polished the Ring for hours, almost robotically, until it returned to a nearly perfect state. Much to Ryou's chagrin, however, he couldn't quite get out some of the scratches and dents.

When packing for college, Ryou had debated for a long time whether or not to bring the Ring. It served no purpose. It might get stolen. It would serve as a painful reminder of the past. For days, with his suitcase propped open, Ryou would take out the Ring, then place it back in, carefully enveloping it between his clothes. This process was repeated dozens of times until the day Ryou was leaving. The Ring was lying on his bedroom desk, and Ryou was just about to walk out the door until he made the mistake of glancing back just once. The soft glint of reflected light was all Ryou needed to see before he, once again, tentatively wrapped the Ring amongst his clothes and zipped up his suitcase. Despite all the reasons not to take the Ring with him, Ryou could not find it in his heart to leave it behind.

Ryou now examined the familiar pattern on the Sennen Ring, running his fingers for the millionth time across the smooth metallic surface. Somehow, irrationally, Ryou was comforted by the Sennen Ring, despite the fact it had been the source of his misery for years. But it reminded him of something familiar, or rather, someone familiar, that for one reason or another, Ryou felt attached to.

Ryou let out a breath of air, his thoughts drifting, relaxed with the Sennen Ring in hand, until soon, miraculously, he sunk into the welcoming darkness of sleep.