Funny story. I got drunk and totally posted the wrong version of this. So here is the correct version. Kick back. Have a glass of wine or three, and hopefully enjoy.

Five times Deadpool surprises the Winter Soldier, and one time the Winter Soldier surprises Deadpool.

Yellow's thoughts

White's thoughts.

(Wade's thoughts)

Meeting

Wade wandered into the Avengers Tower followed closely by the good Captain and Rusty McIronFucker. That certainly didn't stop him from skipping through the lobby as Tony rolled his eyes. What could he say? He was a sucker for pissing off the billionaire. He considered it his payment for not assassinating the overpaid asshole.

"Deadpool, please stop." Rogers said with exasperation.

"Ahhh dad," he pretended to pout.

"You are a grown ass man Wilson. Fucking walk like one."

"Tony-"

"OHHHHHH looks like you're in trouble," Wade mocked gasp.

"Elevator now." Rogers said in his 'no nonsense' dad voice. "Logan is waiting for us upstairs."

Regardless of what most people thought, Wade did have a sense of self preservation. For the most part. On his good days. He stopped skipping but if he stood uncomfortably close to Stark in the elevator, no one could prove it. He was about to pinch Iron Man's ass just to be a dick when the elevators door dinged open.

"Wilson." A rough voice growled. "you showed up."

"POOKIE!" Wade beamed. "It has been too long my rodent based friend. Wolverine is a rodent right? I think it is. Small, ferocious, slightly hairy. The name really suits you. Although I always thought Steel Terror had a nice ring to it-"

"Wade." Logan cut him off. "Shut up."

"Can we get this over with? I can feel my blood pressure spiking the longer he's in here," Tony grumbled.

Wade chose to ignore that comment.

"Where is the cyclops by the way? The one eyed scary one. Not the wimpy one." He made a rude gesture.

"Seriously. We can do this job without him. He's just going to get someone killed." Stark voiced his displeasure again.

Logan began shoving Deadpool into a nearby conference room. He knew resisting would only end in amputation. He could grow back limbs, but he tried to avoid it when possible. Besides, the Holier than Thou Avengers had promised one sweet check in exchange for helping out AKA: laying waste to a Hydra facility. They were quick to judge, but he was the first person they called when they didn't want their hands dirty.

Decent paycheck too.

(Ahh and here I was hoping for a story without out two idiots.)

Travel benefits. Could be worse and we hate New York in the summer. White ignored him.

As Wadee entered the room, he tripped over himself and nearly landed in the lap if tall, dark and deadly. Hel was so distracted by muscled legs in ridiculously tight pants that he failed to notice the gun pointing at his chest.

In your defense, they are some really nice thighs.

(Ohh, nice arms too. Very nice arms- Wait that is a metal arm?")

Not everyone can hold a gun to our head and we are still distracted by their banglicious body.

Wilson. The gun?

(Gun? Right. The loaded gun pointed at my left nipple. )

"Is that a 1911 colt? I have one of those. I prefer the extended mag though. Never know how many bullets you're going to need."

"I have plenty of bullets," the cyborg growled. And if that didn't get Wade's panties in a twist. The boxes unleashed a torrent of increasingly unrealistic and filthy suggestions.

"Wow you are distracting. Even the boxes won't shut up."

"Who the hell are you?" Cyborg snapped.

Wade vaguely registered Captian shouting a name. The rest of the Avengers had frozen in place. No worries if the mercenary dies.

We would come back.

It's still a bitch coming back. Like that one time I turned out left handed for a week.

Wait! Cutie asked you a question.

"Oh right. The name is Pool, Dead pool. And you are?"

The man decided to cock his gun instead of responding.

"Question. What type of metal is your arm? Pookie- Logan has the whole adamantium upgrade thing. I've been considering upgrading myself, but I want to shop around first."

"My arm? I have a gun to your head and you are worried about about what material my arm is made of?

"My safe word is rutabaga if you are worried."

Ahh he's even cuter when he's confused.

Can we braid his hair?

Not right now. The poor man look crazier than us.

(That's pretty fucking crazy.)

"So you going to tell me your name sweetcheeks? Wade asked before Yellow could start reciting love sonnets.

"They were right. You do just barge right over people's sore spots don't you?"

"Deadpool at your service. I kinda stopped caring about people sore spots when I got turned into a walking herpes blister."

Instead of flinching like everyone else. He just sneered. "My name is James. And you want to talk about scars? I've had my whole arm and part of my ribcage replaced."

"Limb loss? Ha! I have lost and grown back my all my limbs three times. Each."

James took the bait, just like Wade hoped he would.

"I was a Hydra assassin."

"I'm a gun for hire. I shoot anyone if they price is right."

"I was brainwashed for 70 years. I still get flashbacks. I could kill you and blame it on that. "

"Brainwashing? I was part of illegal mutant farm that specialized in torture. I got out with a wicked healing factor and a couple voices in my head," Wade tapped his head for emphasis.

Hey! we didnt say you could introduce us.

Rude.

"My entire chest and back is scarred from Hydra's experiments in attaching this monstrosity," James jerked his arm.

"You show me yours, I'll show you mine."

He hesitated, but his dark brown eyes sparked with determination. He yanked on the collar of his shirt down to show off the rows of bright red surgical scars. They radiated out from his shoulder and down his chest. He pulled up the corner of his shirt, revealing a smooth, tan stomach. Jeez, the dude was ripped, but he wasn't lying. The scars reached down across his ribs and over to his back. He pulled his shirt back down. Wade held back a whimper of remorse. He wanted to run over his fingers over those scars.

You idiot.

(What? We got to see some grade A super soldier beef.)

Yea, but now you have to show him yours.

(Crap.)

"Your turn," James prompted.

"Believe me. You don't want to see mine."

James just glowered at him.

Don't show him. Just let him win.

We already know our scars are worse. He shouldn't have to look at them.

But James didn't let up. Wade tugged at the edge of his mask. He rolled it up to his nose. James's eyes widened but he didn't flinch. Guess an ex- hydra assassin didn't get squeamish easily. Wade rolled his mask back down. James expression had changed into something Wade couldn't pinpoint. It wasn't pity. Maybe it was understanding?

"Told you putting them in the same room was a bad idea. No one wants to see that crap Wilson," Tony sneered.

"Told you mine were worse. Have Logan send me the details. I've had enough of Rogers and his merry band of men."

Wade pulled himself away from James. He knew he was imagining it, but he felt heavy metal fingers drag across his leg.

"Tell Fury I won't be leaving town anytime soon. You want my help, you can come pick me up."

I vote we shoot Stark.

Won't change our ugly mug. Let's go shoot something we get paid for.

Wade flipped everyone off as he exited.