Over The Hedge: Richard's Tale

I dreamed up Richard, but Over The Hedge characters and settings are copyright and trademark Dreamworks Animation LLC and M.Fry and T.Lewis. Also, all product placement trademark their respective owners. I feel compelled to mention also that "Aquapod" is a trademarked term to Nestle' Waters North America.

1--

RJ returned to the truck stop for nostalgia's sake, as well as food's sake, and found Vincent's old cave. Of course, it was empty, except for a few rocks, some twigs, and a "3 Musketeers" wrapper. He drew a small garden claw from his pack and absently scraped the brown dirt floor, remembering his brush with death, and how he found his new family.

Upon exiting, RJ hears a voice say, "Yeah, nothin'. Stinks, don't it?"

RJ nearly jumped out of his fur. He whirled quickly to see a medium-sized bull moose.

"Yeow! Whoa! Wear a bell or something, fella!"

"Oh, sorry. Didn't mean to scare ya."

"Man! You're a tall can o' soda!"

"What?"

"Soda. Like you get from vending machines, like down there." RJ pointed down to the truck stop he was so fond of raiding. The usual machines, glass & doors replaced, stood waiting for another raid.

"Sorry, not familiar with that...whadja call it?"

"My friend, you haven't lived. I have a whole world to introduce you to! Name's RJ, by the way..." RJ held out a paw.

The moose leaned his head down far enough so that RJ could reach his antlers. They shook. "Richard. Hi."

RJ examined the antlers for a second. "Zow! You'll do well! I bet you could smash 20 machines a night with those!"

"I'm curious; what exactly are these machines you're talkin' about?"

"Ha. Follow me."

The two new acquaintances headed down the dismal hill to the glow of the welcoming security lights and bug zappers surrounding the stop. As they arrived, Richard's eyes widened, glaring at all the shiny wrappers and packages of candy and chips, flashy pictures of fruit splashed by water on the front of the soda and juice machines, and the sight of actual food behind little plastic doors that flashed numbers underneath...some 0.99, some 1.25, some 1.50.

"It's so...beautiful..."

RJ grinned his mischievous grin. "I knew you'd enjoy this!"

"Um, so what do we do?"

"Oh, just relax & watch--this one's on me..."

RJ scampered up to the machine with the small plastic doors. Nimbly, RJ flicked out a knife pilfered from a distracted cub scout last year, and skillfully whipped out a flat piece, that looked like a little file. He placed an ear to the flashing panel as he worked the tool into the side of a door, twisting his face with concentration, like a thief cracking a safe. Richard glared, fascinated, as RJ worked. The raccoon seemed to enjoy himself.

After a few seconds, there was a pop, and the small door slid open. "Yessss!"

RJ grabbed half of a foot-long and tossed it to Richard, who started as it landed neatly in the center of his antlers.

"Like candy from strangers, right? Or...something like that..." RJ chuckled sheepishly.

"Um...what's candy?"

"Oh, I have SO much to show you. Here, look at these..."

RJ went down the row of machines one by one, describing each kind of treat represented. Cheese puffs, peanut butter cups, ready-made gyros, root beer; Richard took it all in, occasionally asking a question or two. Before the night was done, Richard was well-versed on vending machines, the two new friends having split the equivalent of two foot-longs, 7 bags of chips, two candy bars, a root beer and an aquapod. (Richard could get water from the streams at anytime, but he was fascinated by the idea of water in bottles.)

"RJ, this is one of the coolest nights I've ever had..." Richard grinned, as he swished and swallowed the last of his Aquapod.

"Well, as I always say," piped RJ around a peanut butter cup, "Fun like this should be shared. You've gotta meet the rest of my family!"

"You have a family? That's nice..."

"Yeah! Only one thing--you're kind of big, and we have to get you past some...um, houses..."

Richard froze.

"Houses? With humans?"

"Hey, no sweat! Leave it to me! Give me a ride back, and I'll show you the area. We'll figure something out when we get there..."

About a half hour later, RJ and Richard found their way to the crest of a hill that overlooked the division.

"That's a lotta houses..." said Richard, with a slight shiver in his voice.

"No worries, big guy. I'll get you in. That square patch of green way over there? That's our target. Let me get some help and get back to you. I won't take long."

"Oh, take your time..." toned Richard, still sounding unsure.

Some slight misdirection and outright dirty tricks later, RJ was back on the other side of the hedge. A slightly grumpy Verne was there to greet him.

"Nice to see you back," the turtle groaned. "It's like...mid-morning! Trouble with the Coke machine last night?"

"Oh, come on, Verne, I got good news!"

"Let me guess, you found a conscience."

"No, no," RJ said, far too quickly, "I found a friend! A useful friend!"

"Nice. Another mouth to feed."

Just then, Hammie came scrambling up to them.

"Hey! Hey!"

"Hammie, not now..." Verne sighed.

"It's important! Look, I was doing my morning tree run, okay? And, and guess what I saw!"

RJ put an arm around Hammie. "Come on, Hammie, we talked about this. That's not another squirrel at the scale outside the grocery, that's your reflection."

"No, no, no! I saw, I saw a MOOSE!"

Verne glared for a moment. "Please, Hammie. There isn't a moose for miles. No moose would come near here."

RJ cleared his throat nervously.

Verne turned slowly in the raccoon's direction. "What...did...you...do...now?"

"Um...he saw the friend I'm talkin' about."

Verne fainted into darkness.

Note--Please PM to see a picture of Richard with the guys.