Author's note: Please read and review. I will be adding more stories eventually. Also check out my other "Tales of" fics. By the way, what do the stats mean when they say my story has hits?

The Elite Who Visited Earth

There was once an Elite named Bob who was serving on a Covenant ship. One day his captain announced that they were going to Earth to attack people and break things. As the ship approached Earth, one of the human stations fired stuff at the ship. Part of the ship broke off, so Bob decided to follow the ship in a banshee. Unfortunately, as the banshee entered Earth's atmosphere it caught fire or something and was sent crashing down to Earth. Somehow Bob miraculously survived and managed to get out of the broken banshee. He was completely separated from the ship he had been following and had no means of transportation. He walked around a bit and then got bored. Eventually he entered place where the windows were blacked out and the sign out front said "The Candy Shop, must be 18 or older to enter". Bob, being 4 years old, figured he was old enough. Once he entered the dimly lit and smoky room, he saw humans that looked like they were inhabited by the Flood dancing around poles on the counters. He became enraged at the fact that the Flood had come to Earth before the Covenant, and began to attack the girls on the counters. Then there was a bang and Bob fell down dead. The manager put down his gun and told everyone to get back to work.

Nacho: The Dumbest Elite Ever

There was once an Elite named Nacho. He was the lowest rank possible in the Covenant army, most of the time he would provide entertainment for the higher ranking Elites (all of them) by telling really lame and random jokes (ex: Why did the little Grunt sneak past the U.S. army base? Because he didn't want to wake up the commanding officers!). However, one day the Covenant army needed everyone to fight against the humans, so they stooped as low as to give Nacho a plasma rifle and some cardboard armor. All of the Elites got into a Covenant ship except for Nacho, who forgot. Eventually a Jackal pointed Nacho to the ship and sent him on his way. On the ship, row after row of Elites sat silently, awaiting the fight. "Hey guys!" yelled Nacho, "Want to hear some jokes?".

A few million corny jokes later (and some casualties), the Covenant ship landed on Halo's surface. All of the Elites piled out of the ship, except for Nacho, who proceeded to stare at the ceiling and run around in circles. A few hours later, Nacho finally emerged out of the ship. Aliens and humans were fighting all around him. Nacho wandered around for awhile, avoiding bullets, when suddenly he came across an energy sword in the cold hands of a dead Ultra. After lots of prying, he managed to get the sword loose. He happily swung it around a bit to get a feel for it, decapitating some nearby Grunts in the process, then he raised the sword to the sky and bellowed "All shall fear me! For I am Nacho, the slayer of humans!". All of the marines suddenly stopped fighting and began to keel over and cry with laughter, because on Earth, a nacho is a type of corn chip that is often dipped in cheese and other sauces. All of the humans on the battlefield were rendered helpless with laughter, to the great delight of the Covenant. All of the aliens began to happily slaughter the humans, and in a few hours, they were all dead. "ALL HAIL NACHO! HE IS OUR HERO!" bellowed the Covenant army in unison. Nacho was so happy, that he began to frolic among the hills and trees. Unfortunately, he didn't look where he was going and frolicked himself off a cliff. "Ah well," said the Covenant "never mind about him, lets go have lunch!" and they all walked away to have sandwiches and lemonade.