Summary: A request-fic, in which Dante and Vergil have to educate their kids, Michael and Aeva, about - gasp! - sex.
Disclaimer: How many times have I said this by now? I don't own DMC. I wish I did, but I don't. Happy now?
Queen's Quornor: Ok, it has been entirely too long since I last wrote something on here. I have to update "Tainted Love," after all! Anyway, a friend of mine on here requested that I write this for her when she sent in the 500th review for another fic of mine, "Evidence of Sephiroth's Humanity." So mysticjc1... Here we go! Our guys tackle the thing most dreaded by all parents!!! Also, I may point out that this fic will probably make better sense if you have read my other fics involving Heather and the kids.
The Talk
"You need to have a talk with your son."
Dante looked up from the television to see Heather standing in the doorway with her hands on her hips, looking stern. "And what, may I ask, has he done this time?"
In answer, Heather tossed a magazine on the coffee table in front of him, where both Dante and Vergil, sitting in the chair perpendicular to the couch, could see it. The devil hunter glanced at it, and then returned his attention to the tv. "So it's a Playboy. Big deal."
"It is a big deal, Dante. He's only seven years old!"
"And...?"
Heather growled softly and crossed to the television, snapping it off and standing in front of the sensor so the remote wouldn't work. Dante clicked the Power button a few times, then finally flopped back against the couch and flung it down atop the magazine, lifting his boots atop the table with a loud thump!. "All right, babe. What do you want me to do?"
"I want you to give him The Talk. I think he got this magazine out of your collection, Dante; if he's already looking at porn, he needs to know how sex works so he can make the right choices later on. I don't know about you, but I don't want to have our son come home when he's only fifteen or sixteen and tell us that he's going to be a father."
The younger twin huffed and lowered his head, giving her a certain look from beneath his snowy bangs.
Heather folded her arms, unmoved. "Don't give me the puppy eyes, Dante. He's your son, after all. You get to tell him about sex."
"Babe, c'mon! He's going to learn about it sooner or later! Just let him learn it from his friends!"
"No, because I remember exactly what all the 'sex rumors' on the playground and in the hallways and bathrooms consisted of. None of those kids knew what they were talking about. I just don't want him to think that he'll be free to have unprotected sex as long as he doesn't let go into a girl's mouth so she swallows his semen and grows a baby in her stomach." She stalked over to the coffee table and leaned over, balancing on her younger mate's ankles and looking directly into his sullen blue eyes. "Tell you what. If you give him The Talk now, and tell him absolutely everything he needs to know, then I'll let you use the chains tonight."
Interest sparked, and his gaze traveled downward to her cleavage, straining against the front of her shirt. "Chains, eh? All right, babe. You got yourself a deal. Where is Mike?"
"In his bedroom, sulking because I took all of his Playboys and Penthouses." Heather stood up and crossed her arms, then turned her attention to her other mate, who had watched this exchange with silent amusement. "While we're at it, you might as well educate Aeva, Vergil. She is your daughter, after all, and Michael's twin."
"My daughter?" Vergil sat up, laying his book aside. "I thought we agreed that you would be the one to enlighten her concerning sex, since you are her mother and she is a female."
Heather sashayed out of the room, a saucy little roll of her hips accompanying her every step. "Consider this punishment for leaving me high and dry in the middle of the night yesterday. On purpose." She stopped at the doorway and turned her head to look at her slack-jawed mates, flashing them an evil little grin. "You really shouldn't forget that a woman is just as capable of driving a man crazy as he is her, Vergil." With a flip of her long dark hair, she was gone.
TTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT
Michael and Aeva sat on the bed beside each other, watching their fathers/uncles fidget uneasily. Why they had been called in here, they weren't sure. But they had a suspicion. Michael had already told her older twin about their mother's discovery.
"Um..." Dante faltered, unsure of how he wanted to start this.
"Well..." Vergil was likewise unable to begin this long-feared conversation with his nestling and nephew.
Michael cast a sidelong look at his sister, and she rolled her eyes, flashing him the universal symbol for 'crazy' and poking her tongue out when the two older twins weren't looking.
Shall we put them out of their misery? she inquired through their special link.
More like out of ours, Michael replied.
"Mom's making you tell us about sex, isn't she?"
The adults' heads snapped up, and they stared at the little girl, stunned. "How did you..."
"Because I told her that Mom stole my magazines." Michael was unrepentant. "Dad, Uncle Vergil, I already know about sex and how babies are made and all that crap."
"We've been listening to you guys and Mom for years," Aeva finished.
Vergil leaned forward, staring at his daughter. "What?"
"You and Mom have sex almost every night. We already know how sex works. You don't have to tell us anything."
The two devil hunters looked at each other, suddenly mortified. Their nestlings had been listening to them, watching them, have sex with their mate? "How long?" Dante asked quietly.
"Ever since Uncle Reese brought us back here with Mom."
"Umm... Okay..." Where do we go from here? Dante practically screamed in his brother's head.
Eager to tie Heather up, are we? Maybe we should ask about protection.
Good plan. "Well, if you already know the mechanics, what about protection?"
"You mean condoms and that shit? We already know about those, Dad."
"Condoms, diaphrams, pills, patches, spermicidal jelly, spermicidal foam, IUDs, cervical rings, female condoms, injections, Rhythm Method, pull-out method, vasectomy, tubal ligation..." Aeva counted out the various methods of preventing pregnancy on her fingers, oblivious to the dazed looks her father and uncle were giving her and each other.
"How did you learn about those?" Vergil asked, staring at his daughter. "You're only seven years old!"
"And Mom used to work on the street. She doesn't know it, but we read through her papers and the things she printed off library computers when she was out. Some of the were about preventing pregnancy on a tight budget." Michael looked very proud of himself.
"Well, you forgot one thing." Dante looked positively superior now. "The best prevention is abstinence."
His son and niece looked him straight in the eye. "If you had abstained, Mom wouldn't have had us."