A/N: i just wanted to make a parody on red-x after reading some stuff about him here. enjoy =D
Disclaimer: i do not own teen titans.
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How in the hell did this happen to me? A young man (or is he really young) dressed in a black suit and a masked skull w/a red cross mark on it asked himself.
This man (or has yet to be proven not a man.)
Is Red-X.
And this poor fellow is living in Hell.
Why, you ask?
Observe.
Knock! Knock!
Red-X opens the door to his apartment/house/pad/studio/secret hideout. Plainly. It did not matter. Because no matter where Red-X goes, he is faced with the same plight.
"Good morning young sir! I'm a butler from some rich family who lost their son. It is believed that you, sir, are their son! Now if you just—"Red-X slammed the door shut.
That's the 6th one today… and it's just 6 am!! Just how many rich people lost their child anyway!!!
Knock! Knock!
"I swear, if it's another one of those sorry-a** butlers with their 'master's child ran away missing' story!!"
The thief opened the door anyways.
"Hello, sir. Mail here!!" it was just the mailman.
Thank goodness! Red-X thought.
"Now, if you'd just sign…"
"Oh, sure." The thief signed while the mailman was staring at him.
"What?"
"Are you sure you're not the little kid that ran away from the orphanage years ago?"
"Yes. I'm sure."
"Really?"
"Really."
"So you're not an orphaned child that had to grow up in the streets trying to fend for himself in a city that somehow has tons of evil super villains as citizens?"
"No."
"Soo… you're not an orphan?"
"Goodbye."
"Wa--!"
SLAM!
Red-X, after rudely slamming the door, checked his mail.
"Junk, junk, junk, junk, invitation from some strange persons party I don't know, junk, bills that I don't ever pay, junk, junk, some kid's letter to Santa Clause, junk, junk, another kid's letter, junk… oh! Free coupons!" after looking through his mail full of junk or things from people he doesn't know, he throws them away in the trash can.
"I'm hungry..." the thief was about to go to the kitchen when—
Ring! Ring!
"Hello."
"Hello. This is Chang, again! I just called to—"
"I told you. I AM NOT A ROBOT!!"
"But—"
Bam!
"Geez!! If I was some kind of super robot do ya' think I'd need a super suit!?" the poor fellow went back to his previous objective: get some food in the fridge. But then--
Ring! Ring!
"Aw, c'mon!!!!" the thief raised his hands in exasperation.
But he still picks up the phone anyways…
"Hello."
"HeyXthisisRobinpleasedon'thangup!"
"Ooookayy…."
"Yes!! Oh, anyway I'm here with Batman and—hey! I'm not—"
"Robin..?? Hello?"
….
"Todd? It's me." A deeper, manlier voice answered. The thief slapped himself.
"How many times do I have to tell you that you're not even sure if I'm Jason Todd!!!!"
"Yeah.. whatever Jason. Just finish up whatever you're doing there and come back already." With that, the dark knight gave the phone back to Robin.
"Hello? X? You there?" the thief exhaled deeply before answering.
"Yes.. I'm still here."
"Oh, that's good! I'm really sorry for letting the old bat talk to you. He stole the phone from me. Hehehe."
"Uh-huh." Red-X replied rubbing his temples.
"I told Batman loads of time already that you're not Jason."
"Uh-huh.. that's great."
"I still think that it would be way cooler if you were my evil twin!! Don't you!? I mean that would be—X? X? You there?" the thief hung up on him.
Red-X waited.
Seeing that there doesn't seem to be any more knocking and ringing, he happily went into the kitchen.
"I like it better when that traffic light ha--- OHMYGODWHATISTHATWHATTHEHELLAREYOUDOINGHEREWHYAREYOUWEARINGMYSHIRT!?!" the thief was shocked. Baffled. Flabbergasted. And downright traumatized when he saw Raven, sitting on one of the dining chairs, wearing his soccer jersey. And ONLY his soccer jersey.
The young girl was about to speak when yet again—
Knock! Knock!
"Hold that thought." The thief cautiously backed away from the kitchen and made his way to the door.
"Yes?"
"Edward! I thought I lost you! I love you! Bite me! I want to—"
Slam!
Red-X went back to the kitchen.
"Now where were we again..? Oh, yeah… OHMYGODWHATISTHATWHATTHEHELLAREYOUDOINGHEREWHYAREYOUWEARINGMYSHIRT!?!"
"I'm your hostage." The goth girl simply replied.
"Oh…" the thief was too tired to argue and think straight. He got a bowl, spoon, cereal, and milk from the fridge.
He sat opposite the half-demon and began eating his cereals.
"Who was that on the door?" Raven asked after sipping a cup of Joe.
"Wha— oh... No one… Just some crazy chick named Bella who thinks I'm a vampire called Edward." The thief flatly replied. He was now playing around with his food.
"Oh... Okay." the goth girl got up. "I guess, now's a good time."
"Now's a good time for wh—"
Slam!
The half-demoness pinned the poor thief to the ground.
"What the hell are you doing!?!"
"What do you think I'm doing??" the girl's voice was flirty.
The thief's eyes widened inside the mask as he discovered what the goth girl was planning.
"OH GOD NO! Lemme go!!! Lemme go!" the thief struggled to break free, but couldn't. He had to think of something quick so that he can get out of this predicament. "I HAVE ED!!!! Wait. Did I just--?"
Before the thief could redeem his honor the goth girl ran in horror and said.
"This wasn't what I wrote on the net!!!"
"What?" the thief sat up and went back to what the crying half-demon said and a thought occurred to him. The goth girl didn't have the chakra on her head. Meaning, it wasn't really her. So who was it?
The thief pondered until her remembered the pseudo-Raven's word.
So he went to his computer and started searching.
He came across a site that has some fanfics about the Titans and him. He read for hours the different stories these unknown authors wrote about him.
It all makes sense now! Red-X finally realized why his life was always in total pandemonium every day.
These people keep on making their own hypothesis on who I am!! How dare they!! Why is there a theory that I'm a girl!?! And why am I constantly paired with Raven!?! I bet the poor girl will hate this more than I do!!! This is all their fault!!
No… the thief narrowed his eyes. He was very mad. This is not their fault… it's—
Suddenly, someone was banging on the door. The phone was ringing. And the thief's whole place was surrounded by random people he didn't know of. Amidst the noises, the thief slowly clenched his fists and teeth.
"WHY DID YOU PEOPLE HAVE TO CANCEL TEEN TITANS ANIMATION!!!?"
Yes. That is the source of all the problem the thief was facing. They had to cancel the show and the creators didn't have any time to give him an identity.
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the Raven there really isn't the real Raven. it's some random fan person impersonating her. trying to get on Red-X's good side.i have no idea why i put her there...anyway, R&R please. =)