Chapter 1: Boyle's 99 Lovers

Holt CAME in the precinct for the first time. He was built like a THICC DADDY with a big ol dumpster. He stood about 6 foot tall and was the biggest of all. Even TERRY's GIRTH was not enough to rival the immense size of the new captain. His skin reminded the Boyle Boy of Sudanese Curry and he wished to slurmp upon it. Boyle was troubled by this new revelation.

WHAT

AM I GAY? Boyle thought in panic? Is that why he wanted to BONE DOWN with HERCULES the lover of his ex-wife that Boyle was still friends with and lived with in their basement after Boyle and his wife got divorced after she realized that she would rather be with Hercules instead of Boyle even though she had married Boyle first and even made him get a vasectomy (balls) and now he could not have children in the third season with his girlfriend geneive because of her taking of his sperm ability.

The captain's herculean pants could barely contain his powerful hindquarters as he sauntered over to the middle of the Precinct 99.

"Hello. I am your new captain, Raymond Holt." He said emotionlessly.

It was on this very day at this very minute that Boyle decided to make squirm with emotion the captain in a sexual manner.

Jake Peralta was also there in the precinct, as was Terry, Gina, Rosa, Hitchcock, and Scully. Boyle thought Jake was ay-ay-ay hot, I mean not as hot as HOLT but Boyle still wanted to be inside him. He had always enjoyed Jake's company as friends but now that his sexuality was awakened by the THICCNEESSS MONSTER that just walked in he realized that he had always loved him with the passion of 10000 suns. Jake had a very wide mouth and a body like a svelte lioness that Boyle appreciated. Gina was also THICC as was SANTIAGO and SCULLY was thick as well.

Boyle's own body was the THICKEST of all because of his short body and dietary habits in which he would eat MANY Hungarian's sausages. Now that he realized that he was a bisexual boyle boy, he would now eat (not actually) many dingusses and vaginas consensually.

Gina looked over at the bestial bottom that Holt had and said "does anyone else get a gay vibe from him? Because if not I would like to be a queen with his butt as my country."

God I HOPE SO Boyle thought to himself with intensity that could be described as really really homosexual by onlookers if those onlookers could read minds. Everyone suspected Gina could because she was Gina, a synonym for weird and sex like.

I will be the only weird and sex like queen of Holt's BADONKADONK Boyle affirmed to himself, thucchus (thick tuchus) flexing confidently. But all thucchi (plural form of thucchus (thicc tuchus)) literally paled in comparison the the tight mounds of Sudanese curry chunk residing within the form-fitting Italian trousers that Boyle oh so desired to nibble from around the captain's loins thus exposing the delicacies that awaited his tastebuds.

Gina noted the tension in Boyle's thucchus (thicc tuchus) and the tent he attempted to hide with an empty yogurt container that Terry had thrown away. A new banana had entered that container and Gina likened it to a poor simulacrum of Captain Holt's onyx blammos, which she would have to compete for. Gina herself was a dance machine and her body showed it. Her nose was a high tech piece of equipment for scoping out other dance machines but that dance was limited to the horizontal mambo (sexuals).

Scully had a swimmer's body, but that swimmer was a manatee. A sex manatee. He nodded subtly to his partner (not gay (yet (hehe))) Hitchcock, who also had the body of a swimmer; a swimmer banned from every pool in the universe because all his swimsuits were European-style for he was a SEX PERVERT with a terrible body. Boyle thought that fucking them would be comparable to eating three month old leftovers in the fridge. Yes, it would sustain you but you would probably die. And Hitchcock's skin looked like pudding that was bad. You know that film that covers pudding sometimes that is a very gross texture? That is what cover's Hitchcoks's skin basically. Scully was all wart. ALL. WART.

Rosa's eyes widened when they saw Holt's boisterous bottom until they looked like the MOON AND AS BIG AS HOLT's MIGHT BUTT! BOYLE WA that they would FALL out of her head because she opened her eyes SO WIDE! LIKE A BUSHBABY SHE LOOKED! In the beginning Boyle also wanted to fuck Rosa because she was muscular like an uncle who was hot. She was also mean but in a hot way, like a cat who looks you dead in the eye before swiping all the things from your desk and meowing at you to fuck. But you should not fuck a cat. Rosa is not one thankfully so she remains on the fuck list of everyone with taste. Boyle wondered about the mouth-feel of black leather because he was partially convinced that ROSA was actually made of leather like a beef jerky scarecrow but in a hot way.

Santiago was also there in the precinct. She was hot like the girl you liked in high school math class who was a nerd but was pretty and had a nice butt. She was a big nerd. Boyle thought that she needed a binder to have sex properly. Boyle chuckled because of that thought. Boyle was sort of afraid that Santiago would take Jake from him because they flirted like two elderly people sitting across the aisle at church who could not pay attention to the priest because they were too busy thinking about eating each other's asses like communion. Santiago was also renowned as a world-class ass-kisser (not in a sex way) and she was looking at Holt's ample apple bottom jeans (italian trousers) with the desire to do both versions of ass-kissing if you know what I mean ;).

Terry was a muscle-bound YOGURT freak. Boyle thought he was too massive but not in a hot way like Holt. He looked like a tube sock puppet filled with medium-sized rocks and slabs of raw meat. At the same time, Boyle thought that Terry's strong arms would hold him oh so nice if they ever fucked because he was a nice man with strong arms, even though his body was grotty. His butt was also nice when he wore pants. Boyle knew that Gina wanted to see Terry's body and even eat yogurt out of his navel like a shotglass with yogurt in it. Boyle did not understand why she wanted to do so but he actually found himself wanting to do the same. He also got sexually aroused when Terry would yell at them for doing a bad job at being police officers because he was a sergeant. Maybe he and Terry could get down with the THICKNESS together and get yogurty.

Boyle stood near a counter eating a muffin while looking around at all these beautiful people in the precinct that he found himself sexually attracted to. Suddenly Holt bent over to pick something off the floor showing off his massive MUFFIN BUTT, making the Buttaholic Boyle drop both his jaws and his muffin. Boyle bent down to pick up his grotty floor muffin while trying to tear his eyes away from the colossal Callipygian in front of him. He bashed his head against the counter hurting his head immensely and also at the same time he stepped on his muffin simultaneously.

"I look forward to working with you all as your captain" said the supple Raymond.

"And I look forward to working that thucchus (thick tuchus) like pizza dough," Boyle whispered to himself.

And on this pizza the toppings would be most unconventional, like an extra serving of jellied eels and debauchery. And ;) the sauce would be… you know. ;) And the cheese would be that too. ;)

;)