I Feel Bad

A short Song-fic about how Edward and Bella's relationship isn't working. Edward does the whole 'running away to protect you' thing a lot. And Bella has stopped feeling when he does. So much so, that she doesn't really want him back. Song by Rascal Flatts of 'Me and My Gang' Album

I should be out in that driveway stoppin' you

Tears should be rollin' down my cheek

And I don't know why

I'm not falling apart like I usually do

And how the though of losin' you's

Not killin' me

I was awake this time – just like last time, and the time before.

He was trying to 'let me live' – in other words, he was leaving me.

Yeah, we were married, but I was still a virgin and a human.

But, somehow, I didn't feel like begging him to stay.

Again.

I don't feel any tears running down my face. I'm not falling apart.

Why isn't the thought of him leaving me terrifying me? Killing me?

Was I this used to it?

This used his disappearing act?

I feel bad

That I can stand here strong

Cold as stone

Seems so wrong, I can't explain

Maybe it's just I've cried so much

I'm tired and I'm numb, baby I hate it

I feel bad

That I don't feel bad

I stand at the window, watch him pack up his Volvo, and blow a kiss to me, a sad look in his amber eyes.

I felt as cold as stone – as cold as my vampire husband.

And it seems wrong, that I can just stand here, like stone, not feel anything to him disappearing.

Should I feel bad?

I could let myself be angry over wasted time

And sad about just throwin' love away

Yeah, I almost wish my heart was breaking

But I can't lie

All I want to do is turn the page

I suppose ager, over everything I've given up – my youth, my friends, my family. The sun.

Jacob.

Anger would be a more prt emotion.

Maybe I should be sad, because he's constantly throwing my love bad in my face.

I almost wish my heart was breaking, if it hadn't all those years ago, when Jacob fixed me.

I expected him to run away now.

But now, all I wanna do is go home.

I feel bad

That I can stand here strong

Cold as stone

Seems so wrong, I can't explain

Maybe it's just I've cried so much

I'm tired and I'm numb, baby I hate it

I feel bad

That I don't feel bad

Maybe it's because I've cried so much, all those times before.

Back when we weren't married. When he didn't need any more of an excuse then 'I'm trying to let you live a normal, human life'.

Back when I bought that.

Am I bad person, for wanting out, now?

Bitter, alone

I just feel it's time – it's time to move on

I just gotta move on and on and on and on – yeah

Well, he's certainly made me bitter.

Bitter and alienated.

I think, it's time for me to move on.

I'm 22 for heavens sake. And he's still seventeen.

I'm too old to be with him.

Maybe it's just I've cried so much

I'm tired and I'm numb, baby I hate it

I feel bad

That I don't feel bad

No, I don't feel bad

But, more than anything, even as I pack my bags, leave a note for him telling him not to come and find me.

More than anything, I feel bad.

That I don't feel bad about doing this, about leaving him for good.

I feel bad that I don't feel bad.